this is a comment left to me by a girl whom I FUCKING COACHED VOLLEYBALL to at a camp. she was in my group. she was on my team. she was so amazingly talented. in situations like those (camps and whatnot) there's always one kid that has that spark and will stand out to you and thus become your favorite. this is her. and then when she got into high school she developed an eating disorder.

i just wanted to tell you before i ended this for good, that i am going to. i was happy. but no one else saw it that way, no one is considerate in any way shape or form. so life has been shit fuck hell and more. and i have no way of controlling anything. so thats what has been me the past while. a bag of fucked upness, bye. this is best in the end so don't be mad, be happy.

your so beautiful


FUCK ALL OF THIS. NO MORE.
i'm sorry girls, but i can't support this anymore.
this community will stand as an example, but i'm taking away all posting priveledges to everyone so you'll have to go find another community if you want to talk about this stuff. i'm sorry...
i'm dropping this community, and i won't work anymore with it.

i hope this is a lesson to all of you. goodbye.

Current Mood: angry

I am so weak...after doing excellent on my fast yesterday during the day, I completly binged again last night. Even worst than Thursday. So, here I am, trying to start my fast over. I have no self-control whatsoever sometimes. Potato chips, mashed potatos and corn, and I don't even remember what else, but I know there was more. When I weighed myself, I only gained not even a full pound, but that's besides the point. I usually have so much self-control.

This morning I woke up, worked out for about an hour and now I'm going to get a shower and do some school, anything to keep my mind off food. And then, I work 5-10, which won't give me a chance to eat either. <3 Good luck today girls!!

Current Mood: aggravated

haven't posted in a while...
...I've been lurking around..because I can't weigh myself. My scale has mysteriously gone missing...wtf?!?! I still have my tape measure thank g-d and I am getting smaller.
anyway this was just a quick update, I hope you all are doing really well...
...by the way I broke my fast 2 days ago and have been consuming about 600-900 cals a day.

more later...luv ya ladies!
[*Anjel]

Current Mood: busy

Hey Girls...just thought I'd start with an intro post:

Height: 5'3
HW: 206 (all I do is look at those numbers and cry)
LW: 130
And I just can't bring myself to tell you all my current weight...maybe one day, but just not now. :-/

I started my new diet Monday and Monday-Wednesday, I did excellent. I was allowing myself 1,000 calories, but I didn't even eat that many in those three days. Then came yesterday...I promised my mom I'd eat something for breakfast so I ate a multi-grain breakfast bar and I drank water. Then I ate my lunch (2 slices of turkey, and a can of mixed fruit). I didn't really want to eat that much, but I was OK since they weren't many calories nor fat. Then after school I had a yearbook meeting and that's when I started my binge. It was horrible, 4 bags of candy, 4 handfuls of pretzels with french onion dip, a glass of Iced Tea, a Krimpit (it's a Philly thing...), and a bowl of Chili with nachos and cheese. I felt so horrible, so I went running. But I could only bring myself to run maybe 15-20 minutes. Luckily when I checked my scale this morning I was at the same weight I was yesterday morning. But I've decided to fast this weekend anyway. So wish me luck girls!! And I hope you all are doing well too.

Current Mood: determined

question?
what are some really good pro ana and mia sites?? someone told me once and now i can't find em. thanks.
emma x0x0

24 hours...

today i went to school..then the gym for an hour and a half..then to therapy (he says i am ana and mia and he's looking into programs around here)..i'm pissed...then i went back to the gym for 2 more hours...came here...and did my pushups and crunches...took a hot hot shower..and now i'm drinking my 24-oz. glass of water and i'm going to bed...night!

Current Mood: happy

please if you would..
does anybody have a code? i just gave mine away and i have an ed friend who really needs one because i told her about how supportive this community is...email me the code if you have one please? sara_linz85@hotmail.com thanx!

well i'm 108-107 right now thank god...i don't think i could handle anymore reminder of how much i ate yesterday...bleh...hope everybody else is feeling good today!

Current Mood: happy

hi everyone.
i havent been doing too good lately.. at all. yesterday was so bad!!!
i ate:
- an orange
- a bran muffin (i threw up a little bit of that)
- a big piece of chicken and two bowls of rice (I THREW UP ALL OF THAT.) binge. ugh.
- another orange
- 3 carrots.
I FEEL SO GROSS FROM EATING ALL THAT. oh well.. i've been getting a lot of exercise.. and im staying home from school this morning so that i can work out. (argh, i know i shouldnt)
my stomach is looking a little better. my hip bones stick out more.. i can kind of see my ribs.. BUT IM STILL FAT. i tried on my size 6 pants (from the GAP) this morning while i was getting dressed.. AND THEY FIT! that makes me kind of happy.. but im still giant.. so it doesnt really matter. i will be a size 2 or 4.. soon enough.. then i can really be happy.
my arms are in so much pain. i worked out so much last night.
my legs just seem to be getting bigger and bigger. its really gross.. any suggestions? i cant seem to make my thighs smaller at all!!!

im not going to really eat too much today... i am not going to eat until supper time when my mom gets home.. i will probably tell her that i already ate.. and then eat something really small a little later (she will make sure i eat!). i really dont want to purge today. i feel so sick from yesterday.. im in pain. ouch.
i WILL stay under 300 calories today.
i WILL get lots of exercise today.

Current Mood: LARGE.

Yesterday I read some of the textbooks that a friend of mine is studying to do exams to become a fitness instructor... and apparently you burn fat when you are exercising at between 60-70% of capacity, rather than full-out. If you work out at more than 70% capacity, your body burns glucose reserves stored in the liver for emergencies, which always have to be replenished by your body. But at 60-70%, it burns fat most efficiently.

oh no!
let's just say i broke a 48 hour fast....and i mean shattered it..pancakes, a smoothie, an orange, two pop tarts, two oreos, and a few bites of chicken and pasta...god i'm such a fucking cow...i just weighed myself and i gained two pounds eating all the food, ugh...109...i had a fever today so i got to the gym but i couldn't stay...so i took 20 laxatives and now i'm off to bed...new fast starting right now..well let's just start it off officially at ten pm..that way it's easier to keep track...no food at LEAST until saturday..i need some encouragement guys...ana is mad at me every time i eat and makes my stomach burn and remind me of how evil food is :(

Current Mood: disappointed

new layout please?
can someone help me make a really good looking layout for my lj?
i don't know code or anything and its so boring and i go to others and they have models all over the place and icons to match......so wanna help me out? lol
comment if you can PLEASE!

i've been really sick, so i apologize for not posting in a while. just letting you guys know... i'll have things going quick again in a little bit.

love to all you guys!

Hmm.
I started a fast last night at 10 PM, and i'm trying to last until at least Saturday night. Anyone want to join me? I could really use the support. The longest i've ever gone was 43 hours - pathetic, i know.

IM - rustedxdreams

hummm
some days it just doesn't all quite work out. or maybe I'm just pms-ing. grrr. the thin is so good, and the highs are so high, but then an extra TWO pounds on the scale make everything come crashing down.

Saddness from my insides out, want to hide away today.
Searching for the darkest hole,
perchance a cave where I could stay?
I'm tired of all the other beings,
forced to wake my mind for you,
tired of speaking, waking, pretending,
Hell's not a place, but what you do.
And every tear
another story,
Gives away your darkest dreams.
Every pain, so wrought with glory,
Bleeding from your seemless seams.

Current Mood: irritated

ok girls (and guys)..
this is my first entry here.
my mom recentry found out i was bulimic. i have gained 10 pounds in just over a week. i feel so gross and so bad about myself. ugh. i am giant. i am starting a fast. i am only going to eat oranges or apples (if i eat) for the rest of the week. i am planning on exercising a lot.. i have to lose weight as fast as possible now. ugh. ugh. ugh.
i mainly just joined this community for support.. so..
SUPPORT ME. please. thank you. argh! im gross.

in the march of the winter
so yeah
i was doing great
fast going very well 2 1/2 days into it
then my mom tells me im getting another drug test
even after i fucking passed the previous one with flying colors
and got practically straight A's on my fucking report card
FUCK YOU MOM++DAD
and then i come home and am practically force fed a large quantinty of pasta and salad
FUCK YOU MOM++DAD
and now im feeling as shitty as can be
my eyes are fucking welling up
because im a big bitch
and these 5 pounds ive lost in the past 2 1/2 days just went all to hell
FUCK YOU MOM++DAD

Current Mood: sick

LOOK WHAT MY BF WROTE TO ME! IN MY OWN LJ!! LOL
Dear Emma, [10 Mar 2003|11:34pm]
I can't tell you enough how beautiful you are... I can't tell one thing about you that isn't perfect... I can't find a way to prove it to you. I try ... finding other ways to help with your body image that won't hurt you, anything I can think of to help you see how truly wonderful and stunning you really are. I have loved you for 7 months now ... the first day I meant you, and I can't see this happen to you... I won't ever stop loving you because of it but I can never help but to hurt because of it. I worry so much about you ... when you go home late at night, praying you don't get hurt going from your car to the house... When you're sad about absolutely anything ... or when you're sick and feeling horrible. But do you understand that when I worry about the trip to your house from your car I can follow you home and make sure you get in safety, when you're sad I can always cheer you up, when you're sick I can always take you to the doctor ... but what about now? Do you understand how defenseless I feel? I'm going to be here for you on this no matter what and I know that in time we can work things out for the best ... just right now I'm worrying and stuck with no answers. I will always love you no matter what you do... I will always be there even if I can't always fix what's wrong... I will understand and I will always be there for you during the best of news and the worse. I guess I'm just saying I'll never give up on you. I love you Emma Sweetie.
Sincerely,
Your Loving Boyfriend,
Paul

mind your own business!
well today was strange...
first hour-a girl i used to be friends with til we got to high school lectured me about eating
second hour-my teacher yells at me in front of the whole class for making her worry and that i better eat
third hour-a substitute picks up my thinspiration binder but luckily only looked at the exercises and vitamin stuff
fourth hour-it was ok
lunch-my friend gets wendys and makes me carry her god-damned frosty
fifth hour-my one friend asks me what i had for lunch then gives me a mean look when i tell her i wasn't hungry
sixth hour-a fat bitch starts telling me i don't need to lose weight

after school i went to the gym of course...for about 4 and a half hours..then came here and did crunches and pushups for 45 minutes...i'm proud of myself...i can't wait to take a shower and then weigh myself...hope everyone is doing good reaching their goals! sorry for the long x-post

p.s. hour 32 of a new fast and i feel much more energetic...and the good news is..tomorrow is a half day..so i can come here and get some rest before i go to the gym (build up a little more energy)

Current Mood: awake

woo hoo!
after worrying about my binge at lunch...and then working out...along with 14 laxatives..i weighed myself this morning and i lost a pound!!! yay! 108....100 is not far at all! wish me luck!

Current Mood: accomplished