I guess this year's birthday hasn't bring me to my highest happiness. This past half a year had been a tough rough patch for my life. All that has happened taught me great lessons. I wouldn't know what could be worse but somehow I can see a bright light ahead. I told people that this seems to be my worse year throughout my 11 years in church. Can't believe what my family has to go through and even for myself, lost something unknowingly. Somehow a mistake made really kills the plan. But I would say, above and beyond all these, God is still a good God. He has never fail to prove his grace and mercy in my life. I know that as long as I still have Jesus, I have hope. As for now, I just have to enjoy what I have, and believe for a better future. Financial has always been a burden, even until now, it seems never ending. I wouldn't know how much more I can hold on to... I shall let Jehovah Jireh do a miracle for me.

26 years old... I wonder what I've achieve in life so far. Many dreams and vision yet to come true... but life seems so far ahead... sometimes I need to take a break to think and ask God, what is for me ahead? Options are everywhere, but is that what I want, or what God wants for me?

Happy birthday to me... I hope in another year's time, I will give a better and blessed report about my life. I will look back and see how God has changed and blessed my life far more than what I could imagine.



I just want to say a big thank you to all my friends who stood by me in times of need. Special thanks to William, Jeremy, Annie, June, Euzanne, Peishan and many more... I love all of you and thank you for always being there for me.

Every book has an end to their story. This past month's stories that I've been involved in, has come to a closure. Finally I felt a big relieve and can breathe peacefully. Taking up the courage, I've come to and agreement with my brother on helping him to manage part of his finances to pay up the debts and necessary bills. In the same time, I will have to pay part of the bills too so that he can pay more of the debts. My mum also agreed not to sell the house, and we will stay as it is as for now. Very grateful to God for all he has done. If not for his strength, I probably won't bring in the peace to the family, and quarrels may be everywhere and everyday. Closure to this issue, we had a good time celebrating Mother's day, eating steamboat at home. So praise the Lord!

Moving on, Asia Conference is in 2 weeks' time, very excited and preparing myself, getting ready for a spiritual empowerment. This year is probably going to be really exciting. 2 years ago, I've miss the biggest thing ever, all because I was in the very wrong focus. I regretted. So this year, I'm going to fully emerged into the whole conference and get spiritually pump up! Every purpose has to be fulfilled.

Last sunday, Pastor preached about depression. How would people fall into it. Even though I am not really going through it. But while during the altar call, when pastor asked, who is going though things that probably will leads you to depression. many more details, if you have went to svc, you probably know what I meant. I raised up my hand... then tears starts to flow. Again, I knew that everytime when I wept in the presence of God, means I need a solution, means it's very painful to go through what I'm going through, means I need a miracle to change the situation.

I've been always asking myself, why me, why me. Why is it me that needs to go through such problems. Probably my life is too peaceful that I need some trials to test my faith. I've never been so stressful before. Not even exams, not even work. The only thing in life that can stress the worse out of me, is family issue. I used to think, family issue isn't any big deal. I mean, at most it is about money again. But I believe all of you will agree, money is not everything, but we can't live without money. It is just something that can be so evil at times, if u don't know how to manage it.

Oh well, all I can believe is that, after talking to my brother, he is willing to follow the plan i helped him, if not, selling the hse will not solve the root of the problem. And we will have no place to stay. Haiz... what a problem. I'm having exams in 1 month's time and I don't even know how to concentrate. It's easy to say, but when the problem is on you, you can't help but keep thinking of it. As much as I don't want to think, but as long as it is not solved, I need to find for a solution.

Current, stuck in a situation, my brother is unable to get the housing loan from HongLeong finance, so conclusion, we can't buy a flat now. Of cos not going to use my name, many factor to consider and there's just too many reasons to say no. My mum is really considering to sell it without buying another one, so that we will have better cash flow, I can just rent a room to stay. Probably this is the best solution to help clear all the debts, instead of buying another flat and be in greater debts. My brother seriously has no ability to pay anything at all. Not even the current bills at home. Haiz.. totally disappointed, really not sure what is he doing.

Anyway, this few days I've built up new habits, wake up at 7am to go for jog before work. I feel really good. getting used to it and want to do it daily instead of 3 times a week.

Yesterday, was at the prayer mtg after service. First time I spend 1 hour 15 mins standing in front with all the powerful people.. praying together. haha... Felt very good, and i know that doing front is really not easy. But u can really feel the presence of God so strongly.

The weather recently is really driving people crazy... rain and shine, shine and rain... must really take good care of health...

Longest time since I last log in. Many to updates.. but don't know where to start. haha.

Hmm... 2 months in Zenith, doing pretty great. Good colleagues and nice bosses. Hopefully will be able to last long enough before my next dream job upon graduation.

Started the process of selling my flat, of cos most of the things are done not by me. But I really pray for good buyer and most importantly, a fast one. Getting back what we've earned, clearning all the debts, hopefully life will be a better one for my family.

School is on and still doing good. Exam coming soon, 19 April. Just ended presentation on Tuesday and follow up with a 3000 words group report. I've done my part. Need to study hard for exam, make sure I will pass with good grades and NOT JUST A PASS. haha. Still pretty excited about going to school, in fact it is one of the most fun thing around. But I heard my next module is on communication law.. faints.. another wordy lesson, boring.

Decided to start my korean class later, probably after BF. unless I can manage to get the funds. haha. still very interested in the K wave... surely want to get myself something new in life, learning korean will be something I'm looking forward to.

June said that my life seems exciting, always full of interesting programs. Hmm.. yes and no. Because I do feel lonely sometimes. I've told her my whole story and till now, I think I'm still trying to get out of it. But no worries because I am optimistic enough to move on with life real fast. Sometimes I just need new vibes to take me to another higher level.

Going to May day Concert this 17 April. Pray hard that it will not rain cos it's going to be at National stadium. still waiting for any free tix for show luo... amazing 3D concert, I really want to go!!! But the tix is so expensive... not going to buy. haha.

Finacially still coping well. First giving will be my april's pay. Not too small an amount, But very excited about it. Because I know God will not shortchange me. Able to give is a miracle for me. God has made the way.

Got back with my group of girls, out for dinner and planning for more in the future. Each has their own life, but the moment we come tgt, we are just like one. I love this group of friends, because we can pray, eat, sleep, play together. This is what I call, in-depth friendships. It's not just about play and eat. But Praying together, helping each one spiritually is the most important thing.

A conversation with June one day and mentioning that, God brings people to you, but sometimes, He also will take people away from you. Friends in life do change... according to the stages you are in. Yes it's true.

Hope this is enough updates for those who are reading. :)

Finally got the time to blog. After being so overwhelmed by what has happened during CNY period. Realizing that I have been having nightmares one after another, this is really terrible, but thank God I prayed and it is gone now. haha.

People always wonder what worse can happened to their families, but every home has its own problem and somethings just cannot use to compare. But after my incident, most of my friends come to me and say that, afterall, their family problems seems nothing compared to me. Only then i realized how serious it was to go through such things.

Anyway, hopefully things will get better and we will be moving house soon!!!

Recently, I realized that my relationship with some people seems to drift and coming to sense, I also know that somethings cannot be forced. Afterall, not all friends stick to all in your whole life. I miss some of the old days we had as a group, those fun can never be forgotten.

haiz.. but things have changed, even to some of the other friends I had. Maybe I should just lower such expectation cos I am just not the one. 1-2 closest friend that will stick with me through thin and thick will be enough. When will I ever find my best friend? Will he be a korean? lolx.

What I can say is, it is different. Until now, I still think PHD is the best. Not only becos of people, but also environment, the sitting arrangement, the systems etc... no more comparing. I have to move forward to live with it. haha.. But still, I miss all the PHDians.

Today is my 3rd day at work. First day, no work, first half of the day, don't even have computer. haha... but then, I got a brand new computer... very good. Currently helping my director with new business pitching... interestingly, not as stress as I thought. But feeling tired because of intense mode lessons again. This time, there's test and it's 40% of the total, have to study lor.. if not how to pass... haha.

I have learnt something recently, and that is to be quick to forgive and forget. Sometimes it is very difficult, and I do not know how a person can do it without the strength of God. I understand that people has weaknesses and sometimes it is just too hard to accept that. Again, I need to know that God is able to help us on this. Today, I really do not know if I have forgive totally, definitely I haven't forget totally. It is very hard, trust me, but I am really trying, trying very hard. I seldom pray about it because it doesn't really come to me so often. Oh well... that's life. haha..

It's a long waiting, since the last christmas... I counted my days in PHD and it's a just another month to go. Finally coming to and end, I don't know what feeling to describe. But somehow, happiness more than sadness. Probably because things have moved on and I shouldn't be looking back to 2009. It has been a great year then, but I believe 2010 will be even a better one.

Just ended my 3 module on 18 Jan. starting a new module in just 1 weeks' time. 28 Jan. Heading to Bali for a short trip this sat and I am looking forward for a great relax trip. Be recharge for a brand new race starting from 1 Feb.

When it comes to family issue, it's a headache. Brother is currently not working, Mum is extremely worried about the expenses at home, monthly bills never stop coming in, but lesser 1 person's income creates a never ending worry for her. Under such circumstances, with my dad with loads of debts to clear, I have no choice but to take up study loan from the bank. This year school fees is extremely huge amount, I am not able to save up $3400 within 2 months. I decided to loan $10k from the bank, pay back within 3 years. But yet, in the same time have to save up another 10k for next year's school fees. Seriously I wish that I could be free from this kind of financial struggle, But well, no matter how much I earn, it is never enough to give to everyone I wish to give. I hope that I can in the same time help to pay more bills, I don't want to bath half way and water being cut off, reading half way and the lights went off. It happened too many times that I am very sick of it. Haiz.. God I really need a miracle.

Oh well, after all these, life still goes on. Looking forward to my new company, and hopefully graet breakthrough, favor with men and favor with God. Decided to try out Hot Yoga, giving up my gym since contract ending in March, change of direction to keeping fit. of cos, will want to continue running, probably going back to roller blading over the weekends again.

Continue praying for my Dad to be able to clear his debts, pray that he will be happier. Pray that my mum will be less worried about money issues. Pray that my brother will be able to find a job asap so that he will not waste his life away.

Thank you Jesus.

Wanna say a goodbye to 2009, welcoming 2010. 2009 has been a great year, I would say, many changes happened, good and bad. Looking back, I still want to thank God for a great year. It is a year where I took a step of faith to study part time degree, without even having the school fees on hand. Yet, God is faithful, no matter how difficult it is, I will still have the money to pay. It's a hard struggle, but since I started it, I can't give up half way.

The change in my current company is a big blow to many I believe. No one expect such things to happen. But again, cry and weep over it, life still have to move on and all will be leaving a seperate way. I wish all of them a great 2010 ahead.

2009 has been a year that draws my family closer, after the china trip to my grandfather's wake, relationships seems to be built and drawn closer. Good thing, which needs to be keep up.

In 2010, there's a few desire that I am wishing for. one of them is really doing well for my studies. For the past 2 modules, I only got a passed. Seriously, it is really not easy, especially when it comes in intense module, I don't even have time to absorb what is being taught, and the next thing you know is a test and end of the 2 weeks. Tough manz... 2 more years to go, really have to stay strong.

Next, going into a new company, I really pray for favour and well doing in my career path. I pray for understanding colleagues and bosses, I pray that no politics will come upon me. I pray for breakthrough in all that I do and I will grow and not stay at the same level.

Also, health is definitely one of my priority in 2010. Losing weight is one point, but also to eat healthy and exercise more. Getting older one year, I feel that my body is not as strong, pains are appearing and I seriously donno how it happen.

And yes, relationships is always important. Friends are people who cannot be neglected.

Last sat, was indeed a memoriable time for Pat, and even myself. Can't believe myself for hugging Ray so tightly, it just felt that the moment I let go, it is about letting go what has happened in 2009. For the first time, we hug each other so tightly, I guess we really miss each other a lot. When I was about to leave that night, we hug again, he whispper to my ear, tell me to be good, even if I am going to another agency, I started tearing, I couldn't stop, tears just flow down my cheek. He wipe off my tears. This is never a farewell, we will still keep in touch, still meet up whenever we can. But no matter what, it is still different from working together, seeing each other everyday. I really really miss him so much. Even while I am typing this, I can't control but to cry again. Super drama I believe, but everyone there feels the same I supposed, No one bears to see the leaving of Pat and Ray. Too much to take in.

Here are some precious memories... I believe will lives forever.