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[Dec. 4th, 2006|05:12 pm]
CAPSLOCK LOTR
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IN KEEPING WITH EARLIER CONVERSATION, I HAVE WRITTEN A SPECIAL AND JOYOUS FIC FOR LOGIX. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
ALTHOUGH THEIR QUEST WAS OVER AND ALL THE HOBBITS HAD RETURNED TO HOME BASE IN THE SHIRE, SAMWISE GAMGEE WAS STILL DEPRESSED. HE LOVED FRODO WITH ALL THE SHORT PLUMP PASSION HIS HEART CONTAINED, BUT LIKE ALL HOBBITS HE WOULD NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL HE HAD AT LEAST THREE EXCEEDINGLY SHORT CHILDREN. THEREFORE HE DECIDED TO HIT ON ROSIE COTTON IN ORDER TO PLANT HIS HOBBIT SEED, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS SCARED OF HER VAGINA.
HE HAD ALMOST GONE THROUGH WITH HIS PLAN OF SEDUCTION, WHEN AN IDEA CAME TO HIM! WHOOPING IN JOY, HE RUSHED TO THE BOX OF EARTH GALADRIEL HAD GIVEN TO HIM AND OPENED IT. HE THEN TOOK A PINCH OF ITS MAGICAL CONTENTS AND PROCEEDED TO MIX IT INTO THE JAR OF LEFTOVER BACON GREASE FROM SECOND BREAKFAST. WHISTLING A TUNE TAUGHT TO HIM BY HIS OLD GAFFER, HE SKIPPED OVER TO BAG END.
HE EXPLAINED THE PLAN TO FRODO WITH JOY. "THIS DIRT WILL BE SURE TO MAKE YOUR MANGINA FERTILE AND BLESS US WITH MANY ASSBABIES!" HE CRIED.
FRODO HOWEVER DID NOT APPROVE. "I'M MUCH TOO WOUNDED IN THE SOUL TO MOTHER A CHILD," HE REPLIED. "ALSO, I'M GOING TO GO SAILING WITH SOME ELVES; THEY'RE NOT SO FUCKING HUNG UP ON KIDS. SO LONG SUCKA!"
SAM SAT IN THE ROUND DOORWAY OF BAG END AND CRIED LIKE A LITTLE PUSSY.
THE END
YEAH IT SUCKS. |
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