Lots has happened since my last update.

I'm ready to start life now.

This has been the best year ever, even though some drama has gone down. I'm 23 and did some world traveling. Looking for a real job. Moving maybe.

I'm happy for the most part.

Jamaica, South Africa, Spain here I come!

Fuck yeah.

I'm finally ready to move on. A leopard cannot change its spots. Took a while to see. But better late than never.

Anyways, I've been having a good time off from school. Still have a couple project going on.

Planning a vacation. A huge one. Kind of keeping it a secret... But its going to be soon and it's going to be extravagant. After this. I think I'll be ready to start life. I can't wait.

being taken advantage of

I'm excited to see what next month will bring.

Today's horoscope gives me hope still

"Although you might feel persistent resistance from a powerful friend or ally, it's crucial that you continue to push toward your goals. However, reaching your destination today is not as important as heading in the right direction. Don't be disappointed if something takes longer than you expected. As long as your intentions are in line with your values, the results should ultimately bring real satisfaction."

did it?

Hope it's worth it. I hope for change.

Next decision: iphone or google mytouch?

Why is it so easy for me to be committed to one person? I've always lived a shielded life, trying to be distant from other really getting to know me. And no matter how I've changed, I still end up getting hurt. Why are people so afraid of letting their guards down? It's hard for me too, who hasn't been damaged by someone else in one way or another? I'm going to try and make things work, but you can only forgive someone so many times before it's just too much. I hope and wish for things to be better. Being happy is so much better than being miserable. Kind of obvious. But how can someone react without thinking? Be so selfish? I would give anything I could to help a friend. I'm always there for people. I am just waiting for someone to be there for me too...

I would love for someone to listen to me for once. like really listen to what i have to say. i've always been the friend who listens to everyones problems, to listen to everyones stories good or bad. i pay attention to everything you have to say. when you lost your train of thought, i'm right there reminding you where you left off because i was listening. a lot of the time i find it easier not to have to share. i never liked participating in class. sitting there quietly listening was much easier. i wish i has someone like me for me. as cocky or dumb as that sounds. i really need someone to be there for me. to not judge me. to love me no matter what. i dont have that. will i ever? i hope so.

its times like christmas that always reminds me of this fact. as greedy or stupid as it may sound, no one ever knows what to get me. which is why a lot of the time i get nothing or money or a gift card. only if i straight up tell someone specifically what i want, i get what i want. it seems sad to me. that no one pays enough attention to me to get me something they think i would like. one time i specifically said i did not want something and thats exactly what i got. i mean how hard was that? unbelievable. this fact makes me extremely sad in life.