英语幽默小故事（10个英文幽默小故事）

英语幽默小故事（10个英文(wen)幽默小故事）

英语幽默小故事（10个英文(wen)幽默小故事）

1

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, “Prices Slashed!” and “Fantastic Discounts!”

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, “ENTRANCE”.

中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者(zhe)等(deng)着瞧好戏。小故小故

右边(bian)的事个事(shi)零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的英语幽默英文幽默商店挂出了(le)更大(da)的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中(zhong)间的小故小故商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上(shang)面只简单地写着：“入口处”。事个事

2

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II,英语幽默英文幽默 a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, “I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, “I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.”

“Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,” the matron said.

“Oh, that‘s all right,” answered Joan. “I‘m his sister.”

很高兴认识(shi)你

在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的小(xiao)故小故妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利(li)浦斯是事个事其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作(zuo)，英语幽默英文(wen)幽默当然遇到了许多男士，小故小故包括军官和士兵。事个(ge)事

一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军(jun)官汉弗雷斯。英语幽默英文幽默他对她说，小故小(xiao)故“我明天就要出国(guo)，事个事但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他(ta)们几个月里(li)一直通着信。

后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他(ta)受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队(dui)医院里。

琼到了医院，她对护士长说(shuo)，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

“这里只有亲属可以探望病人(ren)。”护士长说。

“噢，是(shi)的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高兴认(ren)识你，”护士长(chang)说，“我是他的母亲。”

3

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, “have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?”

Bill said, “Yes, I have,” and he gave them to him.

Then George said, “Now I haven‘t got a pen.” Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, “have you got a stamp, Bill?” Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, “Are you going out?”

Bill Said, “Yes, I am,” and he open="open"ed the door.

George said, “Please put my letter in the box in the office, and…” He stopped.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, “What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?”

两名士兵

军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

乔治又说：“我还没有(you)笔呢。”比(bi)尔又把(ba)自己的笔给了他。乔治开(kai)始写信。写完后把信放进(jin)信封里，又问：“比尔，你有(you)邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张(zhang)。

这时比尔站起来，向(xiang)门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去(qu)吗?”

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有(you)…”他停住了。

“你还要什(shen)么?”比尔问。

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

4

Five Months Older

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

“How old are you?” he said.

“Eighteen, sir,” said John.

“But your brother was eighteen, too,” said the doctor. “Are you twins?”

“Oh, no, sir,” said John, and his face went red. “My brother is five months older than I am.”

大五个月

第二次(ci)世界大战(zhan)开(kai)始了，约翰想参军，可他只有(you)十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入(ru)伍。所以军医给他进行(xing)体检时，他说他已(yi)经十(shi)八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还(hai)记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看(kan)到约翰的表(biao)格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”军医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可(ke)你的(de)哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我(wo)大五个月(yue)。”

5

West Point

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, “We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.”

西点

父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转(zhuan)了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新(xin)兵是否愿意(yi)摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会(hui)得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女(nv)学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他(ta)们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”

6

Present for Girlfriend

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, “No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.”

送给女友的礼物

在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的(de)礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面(mian)吗?”珠宝商问道。

那(na)名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不–在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以(yi)再用到它。”

7

Be Careful What You Wish For

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.”

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的(de)生日(ri)。他们恰好在同一天出生。

庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他(ta)们是已经结(jie)婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中(zhong)出现了(le)一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说(shuo)，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

8

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. “Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.”

“Does that mean,” asked the other, “that they make ashes of themselves?”

森林之火

一名妇女(nv)向她最好的朋友大谈雄性(xing)动物的特(te)性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会(hui)燃烧起来。”

“那是不是意味着，”另一个(ge)问道，“他(ta)们将自己烧成灰烬?”

9

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

“The best way, sir,” said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in.”

最好的(de)奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上(shang)掉入海中。他(ta)被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长(chang)官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事(shi)。如果其他人知道我(wo)救了您，他(ta)们会把我扔下(xia)去的。”

Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, “Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running.”