Missing Miss Maggie

 Even though she sits at my feet, my Sweet Maggie girl is pulling at my heart strings.  Even though her tail wags and her face smiles, my girl is sick.  Even though she gets up every day, her sweet body is failing her.  Even though she’s been literally by my side for almost 12 years, our time is coming to the end.  

Maggie hasn’t been feeling herself for a few months now. Back in like April, she started panting and pacing, especially at night.  We thought she was just getting hot here in Vegas and she just needed some time to acclimate.  After a little while, we took her to the vet, after convincing them that it was more than the weather.  At first her vet wasn’t convinced there was anything wrong with her, but we insisted that she was off, that there was definitely something wrong.  

It was thought that she may have Cushing Syndrome.  Blood tests were ran.  After a few days, these came back fairly normal, for a senior baby. The vet then said that she wanted to monitor Maggie at her office for a day.  After this day, the vet said she did not really think anything was wrong with Maggie. She didn’t observe her breathing hard and perhaps we were just being overly protective of her.  Aside note here, whilst sleeping, Maggie is good, no breathing problems; obviously, they had left Maggie in a kennel all day during her observation.  

At this point, we insisted there was something going on.  The vet prescribed some medication and said she’d get back with us in a few weeks to see how she was doing.  

During this phase of time, my mother-in-law passed away and we had to make a trip to New Mexico.  This set the progress back a bit.  

After returning, we let the vet know that the meds she had given Maggie had done nothing.  Now, x-rays were ordered to see if there was anything going on in her lungs.  These came back fairly normal, for a senior baby.  We insisted there was something wrong with Maggie and we felt she was getting worse and other aspects of her health were declining.  She was starting to slip a lot and her back legs were becoming weak. She would fall and have a hard time getting back up.  She was developing sores on her face and on her elbows.  The vet gave us another round of different meds and we would try those out for a few weeks. 

After another visit with the vet (have I mentioned that vets are not inexpensive and neither is doggie medication), it was felt that Maggie has laryngeal paralysis. Finally a diagnoses. But also, very bad news for Maggie.  The vet said there was a procedure that could help her, but with her advanced age it was risky.  They gave her different medications to see if these would help  

I was at a crossroads.  Risky surgery or losing my girl. I asked my aunt, whose brother is a vet, to get his opinion and tell us the truth.  At this point, I was opting for the procedure, Trent was not wanting to put Maggie through such risk with an unknown outcome. It was then told to us that Maggie shouldn’t be put through this procedure.  The risks far outweigh any benefit. At her advanced age, it really wasn’t an option.  IF she made it through the procedure, complications were very high and the prognosis was grim.

Maggie is currently on a CBD regimen.  This doesn't cure her problem, but it makes her a bit more comfortable.  She is not able to go on her morning walks, when we take her, she has a really bad day.  She wants to go with Moosie, but, I think she knows she just can't.  As much as it breaks my heart to tell her no, she cannot go, her heart breaks knowing she is missing out on this routine she has had for her entire life.  Her quality of life is decreasing.  

So, I sit here with my sweet baby and tell her, ask her, to just hold on. I’m not ready to let her go.  I keep telling myself that if we can make it to cooler months, we might have a little more time.  Though, in my heart, I know our time is coming to an end soon. I cry, sob, and wonder how I will face my life without her. I worry about Moosie losing his partner. I’m fairly certain that both my babies will be gone soon as I think Moosie will die from a broken heart without his soulmate  

So, I sit here and I miss her, even though she lies at my feet.  I pray to know the right time, not too early and not too late, to make that terrible, heartbreaking decision.  I am losing a big piece of my heart. My Maggie girl, who I adopted from her birth mother at 6 weeks of age, who knows no other mother, no other home, no other family, who is really one of the happiest doggies I have ever known.  She smiles with her whole body.  She loves unconditionally with her whole heart. She has brought so much happiness to my life. 

Even though she is lying right next to me, I’m already missing Maggie.  

Where the heck have I been?!?

Where have I been? Where have you been?? LOL. My daughter often asks for me to update by blog, she likes reading my stories. She says I am a good writer...well, I do my best. 

Speaking of my daughter, I thought I would tell you all a little about her. First of all, she is the most beautiful, strongest, caring, amazing woman I know. I hope to one day, when I finally grow up, be just like her. 

So lately, this has been her life: She works 12-hour days, 3 days one week and 4 days the next week. But not only loooong days, but graveyard days (nights?). She is at work promptly at 1730 and gets to see the sun rise at 0530 every work morning. On the days she is not working, she is also not sleeping (which I would totally be doing). She is busy raising the most precious, cutest, sweetest young man, my most favorite grandson! This has not been an easy task as my grandson, Jordan, has been diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy. Natalie has not really wanted to spread this news, not because she was ashamed but because she never wants her son to think he has a disability. The cerebral palsy was caused by a stroke most likely before or just very shortly after birth. Natalie had noticed some signs early on but was told by her (stupid) pediatrician that her 6-month-old son was just being "lazy" with his right side and that she needed to make him use it more. Seriously? A baby being lazy? But, she took this advice and tried to work with him a little more. He was hitting all his milestones on time. However, things were different with him. Like crawling, he didn't crawl like other babies, he scooted across the floor on his baby butt using his left leg to propel him forward. This was not a huge concern for any of us because, well because babies are all different. It was when he started walking that she realized it was more than just a lazy baby. He would not put any weight on the right leg at all and while taking steps, he would walk on his tippy, tippy toes with the right foot. This caused a slight limp in his gait. 

Jo took baby Jo to a different pediatrician (yay) and tests were ran, MRI scans were proformed, x-rays were taken, blood was drawn. Then --- COVID!!! Baby Jo had to start physical therapy via a video chat (this was very effective...not). He was seen by specialists, again, via video chat. Anyway, it's been a long road and Covid did not help matters. 

The doctors made braces for his feet; the right foot is a full brace going up the calf and the left one is just to have the same size shoes on. This was back in October. They did really nothing. Natalie had a really hard time making baby wear them, he didn't want to, they hurt. She did her best and finally he was wearing them all day when she was home. Just recently, Natalie took baby to Shriner's Hospital and they immediately casted his right leg. She was not expecting it happen that day! She thought she was just in for a consultation! She was kinda a mess, she called in tears. I had to calm her down and let her know that this would upset baby and to just take deep breaths and know that she was only doing what needed to be done for her child. She was being an excellent mother and doing what was necessary. She calmed down and decided this was a really good thing. He wore one cast for a weekish and then a new one was put on with more lift to the foot. This one comes off Friday!! He will have a new set of braces when the cast comes off. Natalie asked the doctor what was the next step if this didn't work, she was told this always works! 

Baby Jordan has been tested in his speech and in his mental capacity and these things are right on track! And let me just tell you, none of this, the limp, the braces, the casting, has kept that baby down! He literally RUNS everywhere. He will grab your hand and tell you, "Let's go" and then he says "Run, run, run!!" I think this is because of his mommy. She encourages him to be just him and she pushes him to be the best he can be and she will never let him think he has a disability. Of course, his daddy and his Mimi and his Pops and his other grandparents and his cousins and his aunts and uncles are always there to catch him if he falls, but mommy does not let that happen. 

This is the most amazing shoe ever! It is called a Billy shoe and zips open all around the toe she you can insert his foot and make sure the heel is all the way down and not have to push and pull and make it harder to put on. Twas a lifesaver for my baby.

 

Here are a couple of pictures of when he was getting his MRI scan. 

So that's all folks, for now!!  Next time, I shall tell you about my wonderful son and his dream job and his wonderful husband.  But until then...

XOXO

V

A Year

As I sit and write this post, I can hardly believe that it has been a year since our kidney surgeries.

The first few months, I wasn't sure if i would ever start to feel better.  I was weak and I was tired and I had little energy and I was just sore.  Then gradually things started getting better.  One day, I would stay awake just a little longer.  One day, I would not nap.  One day, I might have the energy to fix dinner and even do the dishes.  Then the next day.... down I would be.  The pain was not tremendous, but my body certainly knew I had abused it!   The ones that love me the most, called and asked how I was everyday.  I received cards and cute little gifts from friends who just wanted me to know they were thinking of me.

Then in early February, I received the call that the job I had applied for 14 months earlier was available and that the academy I was to be in was to start on February 27.  I had doubts if I was going to be able to make it.  I talked with Trent and prayed a lot about if I would just push it back until the June academy.  But, I am not sure if it was just my will or just the fact that time had passed,  I started to have more energy.  I started to walk around the block, twice!!  I could walk to the mailbox and not be winded.  It was like, it was all coming together.  We decided that I would give it a go and if I just could not, I would ask for an extension and see if I could start later.

I guess at this point, I can say the rest is history....  I got the job, went through 10 weeks of academy, graduated, and have been on the job now for like 23 weeks.  I  have had blood work and though not exactly where I was preoperatively, I am well within normal ranges on everything.  I am back to my normal, snarky self! 

I don't feel as though I have lost a kidney, I feel as though I have expressed my love for my family.   In this year, I have gained a son and am welcoming my first grandson in the next month or so!  Live has been pretty good for Trenty and me. 

As for Russell, he had his one-year evaluation and has been cleared.  His numbers are good and he and his beautiful wife have just welcomed grandchild #20 into their lives!  They have traveled a few times this year and have big travel plans in the future! Though Trenty and I wont be with them...I kinda will, wont I?!?!

Again, thank you all so much for your extended love to all of my family. 

Happy Kidneyversary!!!

XOXO

The Big 5-0...

If you have hung around with me the last few months, you know I have been saying that I am 50.  I was taking it out for a little spin.  It felt okay....until today.

Today was the big 50 day.  I cried a little, I can't lie.  I have had a great weekend with the hubby this weekend, but today, I was a little sad. 

After my first bout of sadness, Trent said this, "You have so much to look forward to.  You have started a new career.  You have two wonderful children who are happy and healthy and doing so great.  And...you donated a kidney to my brother and saved his life.   I don't know anyone in the world who can say all of that."  That helped. 

Then my friend Dyanne took me to breakfast and she made me feel wonderful and young!  She may be a big, fat liar, but she told me I don't look my age!  That made me feel better. 

My mom and my children called and sang to me.   As badly as they all sing, it was so great to know they love me and are willing to embarrass themselves by singing!! 

The last thing that happened today was, in my bout of total selfishness, I had forgotten the date.  I mean, yes, it was my birthday, but it is also the 6th-month anniversary of Russ' and my surgeries!  He sent me a picture of him with a cupcake with 5-0 candles lit on top!   He was celebrating his kidney's 50th birthday.  That was amazing.  I am still just amazed and in awe of how well he is doing.  It makes my heart swell. 

This year is really going to be a great year.  I expect new adventures and new life changing moments.  I think starting my 5th decade of life is going to bring such wonderful joy and such amazing adventures.  I can't wait to spend this time with my family and with my friends who I love like family.  I can't wait to see what this thing called life has in store for me!

If you are reading this, I am so thankful you are in my life and I count you as a blessing every, single day. 

XOXO

The Rest of the Story

Okay...my gosh!  Here is the rest of the story!

Let me see....where did I stop.  Oh yeah!  The surgery!

This blog post has the same as previously; it was written in increments and it may or it may not flow.  I will do my best.

So, Trenty and I came home from SLC and we had to get things together.  I cleaned the house as I knew I wouldn't be able to do it for a while.  Yes, I know, I had Trent around to take up some of the slack, but I knew he would be going back to work and his schedule wouldn't permit him to take care of me, work, and take care of the house.  I had to pick and chose!  I got a wonderful dog person to come to the house to feed the M&Ms and Soup.  She was great!  I did all the laundry and made sure all the beds had clean linens and clean towels.  All of this did really nothing to take my mind off the upcoming surgery.  I was scared.  I was nervous.

The doctor had told me that it would feel as if I had been hit by a mack truck for a few days (man, oh man, was he not lying).  This is how it was explained to me: Russ would be going into the hospital sick, having surgery to help him, and leaving the hospital feeling so much better.  On the other hand, I would be going to the hospital feeling 100%, having surgery I did not need, taking an organ that was perfect, and leaving the hospital feeling worse.  YAY!  I was so looking forward to that!!!

We left the day before the procedure, Monday, November 20, to SLC.  We had a room reserved for us for our (mostly Trent's) stay whilst in SLC.  We arrived late in the afternoon.  My daughter and her boyfriend flew in from California and arrived almost at the same time.  We decided to have a last dinner and then I had some prep do to at the hotel (I wont bore you with those details, just know it was not pleasant!).  Nattie and Jose met Trent and I at Olive Garden and Ilene joined us.  Russ had to do one last dialysis and would not be able to join us for dinner.

We had to be at the hospital at 6:00am.  I know!!!  Trent and I arrived a bit early.  I was nervous and I needed to get to the hospital and get settled.  Russ arrived shortly after me and we sat in the surgical admit area together for a while.  There were tears.

I got called in first.  My surgery would be performed first.  They took me back and gave me a wonderful gown to dress in!  YAY!!  And I got my IV started and got the low down!  Russ was called back shortly after.  He and Ilene came to my room and we chatted for a minute.  Ilene wanted a picture:

This was it!  Look closely!  No make up for me!  Russ, I think, cheated and had a bit of powder and eye shadow on.  I shall never take another photo without a little something something on!

Ilene had asked if it was okay to post this photo to social media.  Up to this point, I had kept quiet about this whole thing.  I just didn't want people to know what was going on.   For many reasons, but mostly because really up until that very day we had no idea it was going to go forth.  There were so many factors and tests and things that could stop the progress of this.  My health, Russ's health, scheduling problems, the list was really endless.  In fact, right after this picture was taken, my doctor came into my room and told us we might be put off for another week.  There was an emergent case that came in and that pushed us back. The surgery may or may not happen this day.  Really...I would say that was probably the worst part of this whole ordeal.  That very minute when we were told it might not be happening today.  I had psyched myself up and was ready right then.  I don't know if I could go through another week of waiting.  I was scared and I know Russ was too.

In the meantime, back to posting the picture.  I told Ilene to blow it up!  I was ready to share!  Her daughter made the first post and it just went from there.

The plan was to wheel me up to the OR and wait.  IF the surgery was to be done, they could start right away with me, being already to go, and then Russ's part would follow shortly after.  I don't know really where Russ was during this time.  I was in the hallway in the OR watching people go in and out of rooms and I just waited.  I prayed...a lot during that time.  I don't even really know how long I was there; it felt like hours.  Finally, my doctor came and said it was a go!  And a go it was!

My surgery would start first and then about 20 minutes before the actual removal of my kidney, they would start Russ's procedure.  It was at this point that I was given some kind of anesthesia through my spine.  Not an epidural, but something that would supposedly help with my recovery (it didn't, but more on that later).  I felt every bit of my spine being tapped!  I was cracking jokes and making fun and being my usual jovial self.  In fact, one of the nurses asked my doctor if they could let me stay awake during the procedure because I was so much fun!  He said no. I was kinda glad about that.  The last thing I remember is being told to tell my kidney good-bye and start counting backwards.

Here is a picture of my kidney while it was still mine!!

I can't remember the magnification on it, but you can see my surgeon 's thumb at the top which is really big!  Those are the two arteries that were attached to me and to my kidney.  They left them attached to my kidney (this will be the last time I say "my" kidney, because as soon as it left my body, it was no longer mine!) so they could attach it to Russ.

What an amazing process.  Really.  When I think about it, I am just amazed.

The next thing I remember was coming out of the anesthesia in the recovery room.  I had asked for my husband and my daughter and was told they were waiting for me.  I have no idea how long the surgery took.  The only thing I remember about being put out was I went fishing with my dad.  What a wonderful time we had.

I was in and out and I remember seeing my family come in and out.  Trent, Natalie, Jose, Ilene, Thelissa, Tamilisa, Jeremy, Michelle...probably others, but I have no memory of any of this, really.  I do remember later on that evening having Russ WALK into my room.  He was already walking!!!  I was dying, but he was walking.  It was such a site for my eyes to see.  I thought that if I died right at that moment, it would be okay, because Russell had walked to my room just a few hours after his surgery with a working kidney!!

The next two days were terrible.  Terrible.  Ter Ri Ble!  There was a lot of throwing up, a lot of dizziness, a fever, a neck ache, a headache.  They tried to get me to stand and just sitting up would cause dizziness which would trigger the vomiting.  I could not move without throwing up.  I was injecting myself through the PCA pump with pain meds, but those did little to help with anything else.  They were giving me meds for the dizziness, nothing was helping.  They were giving me meds for the neck and head pain, nothing was helping.  Finally, we got the dizziness under control, I think this was the third day.  But there was still vomiting and a fever.

It was then decided that the epidural thingie (I can't remember what they called it) had probably made a leak in my spinal canal causing the headache and neck ache.  They had to do a blood patch; taking blood and putting it into my back in hopes that it would seal up the hole made from the injection.  I had to lie flat for a few hours and not move.   This helped with the nausea and with the neck ache, but not the headache.  They finally had to give me a major dose of a couple of medications to get rid of the headache.  Finally, I was able to sit up and even stand.  This was the fourth day.  Trenty had even helped me shower!

Russ had continued to make trips to my room and these short little trips did everything to help me get up.   He was so inspiring to watch.  Walking into my room.  I decided that I was going to walk to his room!  This was not like the next room, or even the next, next room.  I had to go clear down the hall on the other side of the wing!  I stopped a few times to rest and drank some water...you would have thought I was climbing Mt. Everest!  But I made it!!!  I made it to Russell's room!!!

There were many visitors in those days.  All Russ's family as well as his ward family.  They brought flowers and cards and drawings from the little kids and a get well sign for my wall.  They took care of my husband and fed him Thanksgiving dinner and made sure he was okay.  They popped in and said hi and always made sure I was doing okay.   My kids called to see how I was.  My brother and mother and aunt called to make sure I was okay.  Several family members texted Trent and kept in contact that way.  I was gifted a few items from the hospital.

Finally, on Saturday they said I could go!!  Although, we had to stay in SLC for a few more days as I had an appointment on Monday for my final check up.  Trent took me back to the hotel and I pretty much slept.  I remember him making me mac n cheese which was delicious!  And I remember Ilene had sent over a case of Diet Coke.  I was pretty much set!  I mean, really...what more could a girl ask for?!

I really don't remember Sunday at all.  I am assuming there was football and of course sleep, but other than that, I have no idea.  I don't even remember what was for dinner that night!  I did take a shower.  My pain meds were only lasting me 2 hours, instead of the prescribed 4.  Trenty, the angel he is, did not once tell me it was too early.  He just would bring me water and my pills.

Finally, Monday was here.  I did a little hair and make up...though it was really, really hard!  I did some labs before my doctor's appointment.  They released me and told me I was good to go!  There would be no future follow ups on my side.  I will have to do some blood work over the course of the next 2 years, but nothing like preoperatively.  After a tearful and heartfelt goodbye with Russ and Ilene, we were headed home.  I just wanted to be home, sleep in my bed, hug my fur babies, shower in my own shower...you get the picture.

A quick little side note here - we had to stop every 30 minutes or so on the drive home, per doctor's orders.  During one stop somewhere in Utah, I don't remember what town it was, we had stopped at a Subway.  Trent was in line getting us our sammies whilst I went to the little ladies room.  The lady in front of Trent struck up a conversation with him.  He told her what we had done in SLC and that we were going home.  She paid for our sandwiches.  I know, right?  That was super duper sweet.

After an extended period on the road, we were home.  Nothing feels better than crawling into your own bed after a week in a hospital bed.

As I look back and read and edit this blog, I will try to breeze by the rest of the story for you.  This has just drug on and on... I am so sorry!

The recovery has not been easy, but it wasn't expected to be.  I have recovered pretty much as expected.  There have been some highs and some lows, but every day seems to be just a bit better than the day before.  I am feeling almost back to normal.  I still tire very easily and sitting up for too long is still a problem, but I just continue to take steps forward.  As I had mentioned previously, Russ's story is not mine to tell, but I will tell you that is doing really, really good.  His kidney is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing.  He is still on a number of medications for antirejection and other things, but he is just doing amazing.  He may have to have one future procedure, but it will be nothing like the transplant surgery.  He just amazes me!! So far - so good.

A couple of things I needed to mention but didn't know how to incorporate it all in:

• Russell had to name his kidney!  It is like a right of passage thing, I assume.  It is his kidney now and he needs to claim it and naming it does exactly that.  He named the newest addition to his family, Elvis.  Yes, Elvis.  Russ is often heard around Utah saying, "Thank you, thank you very much." 
• My husband, my rock, the love of my life; I just don't know how I would have been able to do any of this without him by my side.  He has lifted me up and carried me.  When I was asked why I did this, my answer is because I love my husband.  
• My family -- amazing!  I have the best family, both immediate and extended.  They have loved me and prayed for me and worried about me.  I know, I could not have recovered as well or as quickly without them by my side.  
• My friends!!!  Thank you!  I know you have kept me close in your hearts and it means so much to me.  
• Ilene.  She is one classy, classy lady.  She was always put together, every single day.  She looked like a million bucks!  She smiled and she kept everything together.  She gave me help when I asked and even when I didn't.  She checked in on me every single day, even though she really didn't have to.  She is so strong and such a wonderful person.  I didn't know her very well before all of this, but now I know I will never forget her.  She is my sister.  
• The bond between Russ and I is something I am not eloquent enough to express with words.  Outside of my marriage and birthing my sweet babies, this has been the best experience of my life.  I am so grateful to Russell for giving me the opportunity to be a better person.  He tells me what I have done for him, but I really don't think he understands what he has done for me. 
• My name will be engraved in the Celebration of Life Monument at Salt Lake City's Library Square in August 2018.  I will keep you up to date on that!!  
• A few pictures of gifts from the hospital, my family, and my friends:              
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

As of today, it has just been over 6 weeks since the procedure.  I am doing well.  I am still healing but getting better every day.  I still tire easily and have to take it easy.  The scars are healing and not near as angry, soon they will blend in with the rest of them!  As I am on the path returning back to my old self, I realize I will never be my old self again.  I am a better person for having this amazing experience. I have grown without knowing I needed to.  I have experienced something that really has opened my eyes and my heart.  I have learned to love life even more. 

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."

Winston Churchill

XOXO