Who I Am

I've deleted the last post. As I reread it I realized how negative it was. I don't want to be a negative person...even if in the moment I was feeling that way. So, I'm going to try this again.

In sophomore choir we sang a song from the musical Jekyll and Hyde. It's stuck with me all these years partly because it had a very pretty melody and partly because it fit with me. The song is "No One Knows Who I Am". The title said it all. I felt like a sham. I didn't know who I was, where I fit in, and I lacked the confidence that so many others seemed to possess. I wanted to be who others thought I was, who I believed I could be, but who I felt far from at times.

It was during my high school years that I started on the track of knowing who I was, a track that I believe may actually last a lifetime. I felt like I was my real self in seminary, the me that I really wanted to be, the place where I felt confident and I could be myself. It's where I developed my testimony.

Life throws all sorts of twists and turns along our paths, and many of my trials have shaken my confidence...I feel my weaknesses float to the top and my strengths sink to the bottom and I doubt nearly everything about myself. I have the awful habit of feeling like I own the corner lot on trials. Sometimes I just don't want to be strong. Sometimes I just want the trials to go away. Let me be weak. Let me cry. And a lot of the time I am just that...a weak cry baby.

Through a series of events I was led to some online workshops by Matt Townsend. I have currently lost focus on everything I learned in these workshops, but last night the Spirit brought them back to the forefront of my mind. The workshops were called Ego vs Essence. Though not taught in a religious setting, the spirit confirmed the truth of what was taught. Ego = Natural Man; Essence = Spirit/Divine Self. The battle between being our true selves and being natural is ongoing.

Who am I?

My  true identity is not defined by my children, spouse, home, job, outward appearance, abilities or inabilities. It is not based on education, titles, money, or talents. It is not defined by the choices, successes or failures of my children, myself, or my spouse.

Remember Job? I think of him when I think of this. If I lost everything...absolutely everyone and everything in my life, who would I be? Am I basing my happiness on others and their choices? Am I basing my hope and peace in life on reaching earthly milestones?

My identity should only be driven from my essence...my true self, my divinity.

Who I am:

I am a daughter of the most high God, who loves me (and knows who I really am)

And I love Him.

When I know who I am I am able to see more clearly who others really are. Not by their positions or possessions. And not by their choices or behaviors. When I remember this and then live it, my attitudes and actions are driven out of my essence.

I am a daughter of God, serving sons and daughters of God.

Our Baptized Cub Scout who's also a 2nd Grader

On August 9th Jaxon turned 8! Seriously hard to believe it's been that long, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

 This picture shows exactly how Ryker feels about his big brother. It is one of my favorites! They are such good friends and Ryker looks up to Jaxon so much. He is a great example for Ryker to follow :)

 We all went to the Sparetime Fun Center for Jaxon's birthday. We played arcade games, mini golf, bowling, and the inflatables. We had the whole center pretty much to ourselves and we had a great time.

 Turning 8 means Jaxon is now a Cub Scout! The Raingutter Regata was the August Pack Meeting. Jaxon designed his boat and Brian helped him put it together.

 Here he is being sworn in (is that what it's called?) saying the Cub Scout oath with the Cub Master.

 He had a such a great time racing his boat. He has awesome scout leaders and he loves going each week. This Thursday at pack meeting he will be getting his Bobcat :)

On September 1st, Jaxon was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

It was a wonderful day and the spirit was so strong. We had family and good friends come to support Jaxon and we felt so blessed to have them there.

 Being baptized was definitely Jaxon's decision and one that he thought and prayed about for months. On the first Sunday of August Brian had to work so he wasn't in church with us. Taylee was, well, being Taylee :) so I took her out into the foyer and told Jaxon to stay with Ryker. While I was out there I heard someone that sounded a lot like Jaxon bearing his testimony. After I went back inside the chapel he asked me if I had heard him. I was so proud of him! He said that he just felt like he should bear his testimony so he took Ryker by the hand, walked to the pulpit, bore his testimony of the scriptures, and then he and Ryker walked back to their seats. Neither Brian nor I were there to see him, but we were both so touched by the spirit of this young man. It is quite the honor to raise such a valiant son of God.

It rained pretty hard after the baptism and during the dinner with our families. After it stopped raining Jaxon spotted a double rainbow outside. He thought it was especially cool because the baptism song says "I like to look for rainbows". It was the icing on the cake to an already incredible day.

Jaxon started 2nd grade this year!

There is a special place in my heart for 2nd grade and I'm so excited to share this year with him :)

Outside his classroom, excited and nervous...

At his desk with the "Mom! Please just leave!" plea :)

His teacher is fantastic and he is doing really well. It's been exciting to see his love of reading grow. Now that he can choose the books he reads, he has really found the joy in reading. It's so fun to listen to him laughing out loud as he reads, or to share interesting information with me. We found a book at the store this past weekend and he immediately started reading. Brian got after him for reading as he walked through the parking lot...I believe reading and walking is about as dangerous as texting and walking ;)

Paying Tribute

Early on the morning of July 6th we drove to Salt Lake City to buy a truck (one step closer to sleeping in a trailer!). We had a family reunion early in the afternoon and a work party that day as well and time was going to be tight. As we drove down 300 North on our way home from getting the truck we saw that it was lined with our country's flag from main street to the cemetery turn off... 4 miles of flags. Utah Highway Patrolman, Aaron Beesley was being laid to rest in the West Point cemetery.

 

Even though we knew our time was crunched that day, Brian and I both felt that this was a good experience for our kids. It was a very humbling sight to see so many people lining the road, many in scout uniforms and others in their Sunday best, all wanting to pay tribute to a real hero.

 We watched the ladder trucks from Tremonton and Brigham City hang the flag over the road. I love our country and the freedoms that we enjoy. I am so grateful for all those that serve to protect us.

Unfortunately, we really did have to get going or we wouldn't make our other commitments. So we took off and got the rest of the things ready for the day and then headed back out to our reunion. We were able to see the funeral procession turning into the cemetery as we were leaving.

Minnetonka Cave and Monte Cristo

On the 4th of July we went with my family to Minnetonka Cave near Bear Lake.

 Brian and the kids at the cave entrance.

 Tay-Baby in the backpack. She certainly didn't love being in the pack but did pretty good throughout the cave and ended up falling asleep before we were out.

 The thing that made the cave so cool was having the cousins there.

The cousins make everything fun!

Our family at the heart of the cave (I think that's what they called it). It was pretty chilly in there so I am really glad we didn't forget to pack our jackets!

 We saw a lot of really cool formations (stalactites and stalagmites). I'm pretty sure this one (which are stalactites) was the Bride, or the Wedding party of something along those lines. Ryker prayed for days before we went that we wouldn't see any bears in the cave. After all we were going to the cave near Bear lake. Luckily we didn't encounter any wild animals :)



After the cave we ate a picnic lunch and then headed to Monte Cristo campground to camp for a couple of days. The only picture I took the first day was of these two crazy girls. Jovi had on the best getup ;) and when I asked her and Piper if I could take their picture Piper leaned in and posed with her favorite cousin. Taylee will learn all sorts of shenanigans from these two!!

Ryker and Jaxon got out of the car the first day and were off with the cousins. I'm pretty sure we didn't see them again until dinner. They had the best time!!

 The next morning my dad gave each family a book for classifying wildflowers in Utah. We spent the morning identifying the many flowers near our campsight. It was suprisingly really fun!

 

My mom taking Taylee and Jovi for a walk.

Brian and Josh trying to identify the flowers.

Right before lunch it started to rain and it continued to rain for the rest of the afternoon. It had rained during the night and the forecast predicted that it would continue to rain into the next day. We all decided that tent camping in the rain with 13 little kids wasn't our idea of fun, so tents were taken down (in the rain) and we packed up (in the rain) and drove home (in the rain).

Even with all the rain the boys had a fantastic time exploring and playing with the cousins. After our very sleepless night in the tent, I decided that if I never sleep in a tent with little kids again I would be completely happy. Trailers have never looked so enticing!!

Our Birthday Girl

Thank you (????) Pinterest for the cake idea. It turned out good for my cake making abilities. It was so much better tasting than a cake made from a box. It took for-ev-er to make. The cake was baking until almost midnight (granted I started it pretty late) the total baking time (not measuring, mixing, etc...just baking!) was 85 minutes! The next morning I woke up early to make the butter-cream frosting (not my favorite) and that took another hour. Placing the sixlets around the cake probably should have taken the longest amount of time, but by then Brian and Jaxon were awake and they helped with the process.

 I didn't take a picture until after church and by then some of the sixlets had started to fall off. Oh boy!

 Taylee has figured out how to get from crawling to standing without holding on to something.

She's a smart little thing :)

 Opening presents

                                                                A new soft blanket.

                                              Sitting with daddy opening up a new book.

 I now realize I didn't get many pictures. I was trying to take video as well. Here she is pushing a little shopping cart with some play food for the cabin out back. She also got a little baby doll that she likes. It's amazing how she is such a girl! As soon as she saw the baby doll she held it up by her shoulder and gave it loves.

                                                          Oh, I love this baby girl!!

 That night we had all the local family over for dinner and cake and ice cream. It is so much fun when we can all get together! Again, no pictures :( We put a sparkler in her cake for the candle. We figured it would be more fun since she couldn't blow out the candle anyway. She didn't know what to think of the sparkler!

We had given Tay a super tiny piece of cake (approx the size of 2 quarters) to let her try it while we dished the cake and ice cream. Cousin Miles (he turns 2 this month) was sitting by Taylee. She decided she wanted some of his cake and started reaching for it. Miles would have none of this and starting crying. Taylee was upset that A) we wouldn't let her take his cake and B) that Miles was upset. That brought on much weeping.

 Taylee was beside herself. She cried and cried and rubbed her frosting/cake hands all over her face and in her hair. I got her out of her chair and she eventually calmed down. She can be a little (LOT) dramatic at times! I took her inside to wash her off and that's when I realized the redness wasn't from the rubbing. She had hives all over her face, her eyes were red, and her eyelids were puffy! She was having an allergic reaction to something in the cake!

Here she is after we'd given her some benadryl.

I swear, our family parties are going to start being BYOEP... Bring your own Epi-Pen. We have so many allergies on my side of the family. So far, 6 of the grandkids have food allergies (peanuts, eggs, and milk). My grandma has a lot of allergies, my dad, brother and I have bad seasonal allergies which also includes allergies to eating melons.

She didn't get any more cake (obviously) and will be going with Ryker to the allergist next week. My guess is she either reacted to the almond extract or the egg whites.

Look Who's Walking!

Doesn't she look so proud?!? She gets so happy and starts squealing

when she's walking to us and it is so cute!

Red Sox

Another season of baseball is behind us. Jaxon had a great time playing on the Red Sox team with many of his friends. Here are some pictures from the last game of the season.

Swing batter!

 Safe at 1st.

In the outfield (#7) with Brian and friend Mason (#4)

 Going in for the catch!

 Talking with the 1st base coach, Chris.

The 2012 Red Sox team.

                         Taylee was a good sport during the games. It sure made it more fun when
                                             Grandma and Grandpa Vincent came to watch.

Ryker really liked it when grandma and grandpa came because he usually got a sno-cone! He was always sweet to share with Tay (and mom!). He also liked being able to play with his friends Cade and Griffin whose brothers were also on the team.

Now the boys are taking swimming lessons. Pictures will come...after I actually take some pictures!