No, I'm sure it will just dry up and fall off...

I answered the phone today because our receptionist can't be bothered to come to work called off and our doctor was out of the office anyways. This is the exchange I had with an irate patient (whom has not actually been to the office in about 5 yrs)

 (Patients garbled cell phone + radio on + window open)

Me: "Thank you for calling golden pond uro, how can I help you?"

Pt: "Yeah.... uh... hi, i was... uh...., in *big city* at a conference and I was in the hospital for a week there for kidney stones and... (pt trails off and i hear the radio and wind)"

*seconds tick by*

Me:" Hello?  So you need to make an appointment?"

Pt: "Uh..... yeah well...., no,.....  oh i just noticed they forgot to take out my IV. It's still in my arm, its poking me.... "

Me: "The hospital left your IV in? "

Pt: "Well yeah, I mean it's right here in my arm poking me!  Should I go to your office and make an appointment or go to the hospital or what?!"

Me:" To have your IV removed, well .. (pt cuts me off)"

PT: "OH FORGET IT!! I'LL JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!" *(hangs up)

Office manager:" What was that about? "

Me: "I honestly have no idea but at least she isn't coming in?..."

Never heard another word from her....

I am an MA not a magician!!....

It's been a long time since I have posted. That being said, it's been a very long year...

Losing TWO docs and having 3 staff leave makes our tiny office run off of pure will power. Being a Surgical Coordinator AND doing Prostate Biopsies, answering phones, doing any other procedure that is needed, coordinating cardiac clearance, keeping people sane, and all the millions of other things it feels like I do on a daily basis,.... is definitely taking its toll on me. It's getting hard to want to go in and be one my "A" game when it feels like no one else is.

Without trying to sound like a martyr, it's not easy dealing with all this shit everyday and putting a smile on your face while you do it!

Someone has to though, right?

Sometimes I just want to curl up under my desk (ewww) and take a nap. Just for a few minutes... Do you think anyone would notice??

OK, enough whining!!

Its a wonderful day in the neighborhood.... unlikely!

I got 40 phone calls from 38 different patients on monday...

and that was before 1 pm.

Then i get the phone call from hell and i wanted to pull my hair out! Why do people wait until they know the office is going to close and then call to talk about the pain that they have had for 6 months???!!???

Amazing!

UGH!!

It's obviously never about the money...

It's been a while...

I've been on OVERLOAD at the clinic...

I am not only an MA I am now the Surgery Scheduler/Coordinator...

My *life* as i knew it, ceases to exist...





Here is how this all started:



Our former Surg Coordinator retired, leaving the position wide open in our tiny little office. Not wanting to hire from the outside sources, we were left to wonder who was filling this position...



Wonder no longer, it is I, Uro*ma who shall save the day, oh, but not my sanity!



I litterally had a tutorial of the wonderfull world of Scheduling, for about 3 wks on and off. For most things in our office this would be plenty of time to be entirely proficient (or close to it) in anything.



Herein lies the roadblocks, at the time, we had 3 very busy drs and 7 offices...

(yes i said had)



This means that AT LEAST 3 days a week the drs had nothing but surgeries scheduled and it could be in a multitude of hospitals.... Awesome right? Nope, not even close sweetheart!



Could i do this job, well of course i can, i can do anything... *I couldnt even type that with a straight face* ;0) I COULD do it, I AM doing it and i am doing very well at it, i must say! the problem lies in the fact that we recently lost one of our doctors, he left the practice to persue other intrests... well whatever he was kinda an asshat anyways... EXCELLENT SURGEON, awesome dr, horrible, cocky little --well nevermind he is out of the picture...

Everything was actually going pretty awesome for around a week....

DUN DUN DUN...

Young Uro doc is now leaving us as well!! Not only leaving but moving across the country!!

I feel bad for him because we really do love him here, he obviously has no choice in leaving however, because things have begining to be a little less desirable for all of us as of late.

This whole situation begs the question of this: "What will happen to Uro*Ma?" Or all the other little happy employees in our office? Well there is one dr left and no one knows if when what or how anything in the future will happen. Our whole lives and forseeable futures hang in a quandry of not knowing. Frankly, it sucks.

Now, this post is less about my ability to do my job well and more about weather i will have a job to critique myself of at the end of the year...

We shall see...

~ Uro*ma

Best Allergy Ever!!

Uro PT Intake:

ME: "Do you have any allergies to any medications that you are aware of?"

Mr. SmartAss: "Uh... well, Penicillian..."

ME:"Ok, anything else?"

Mr. SmartAss: "hmmm.....No. Well .....just Stupid People!"

*sigh*

ME: "Me too sir, me too..."

I love my job sometimes!

you know you work in Urology when...

1. …a patient calls for a wart removal and you don’t even have to ask where the wart is because you already know it’s not on their finger…

2. …Monday morning calls include patients thinking they have a bladder infection… and Friday afternoon calls are from the drug seekers…

3. …You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of Uro-Dynamics testing…

4. …You have a tendency to laugh at your patients "big" problem.(while they are on hold …of course! :-)

5. …You believe that saying "It can't get worse" causes it to get worse… just to show you it can…

6. …You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom. AFTER you use the bathroom, and when you LEAVE the bathroom! (you never know what is where!!)

7. …You believe in the aerial spraying of XANAX.

8. …You don't dare mention the name of the “special patients” so as not to invoke his/her spirit to bring him/her in.

9. …Your patients swear up and down that the lab said the UA would be ready in 1 hr…

10. …You know what a DRE is and it does not involve technology in any way…

11. …Cottage cheese doesn't look so appetizing anymore…

12. …when a patient says they have a "personal" problem that they can only talk to the dr about/ you make sure to “check the chart” you wouldn’t want it to be the wrong patient…

13. …Doing an Ultrasound in the office has nothing to do with babies…

14. …You buy a lint roller for loose hair removal after shaving the area.. And we don’t mean the face…

15. … about half of your patient base thinks it is an EMERGENCY when they can’t get it up… 16. … you say, ”Unfortunately, that’s normal…” about 40 times a day….

17. … saying the words “penis” or “vagina” in a normal conversation about your day doesn’t even phase you…

18. when you have to discuss proper wiping technique on a daily basis to people over the age of 2...

19. …when we talk about slings, they don’t go on your arm…

20. …when you know what the male patients refer to as a “Roto-Rooter” and that it has nothing to do with home plumbing…

A note for my drug seeking patients....

Dear Uro*Doc Drug seekers,





Here at Uro Clinic, I, Uro*MA , am the one who gets the phone calls when you try to fraud the pharmacy with your bogus (and might i add awesome lol)RX written in pencil, for 150 vicodin with 4 refills... I am the one who tells the pharmacy that they have permission to destroy the RX and call the cops on your drug seeking ass if need be... *( don'tempt me!! ) *I am the one who will narc on your ass to Uro*dr, dont think i won't....





And while it is rather amusing to recieve these phone calls randomly, it's still pretty lame of you to try to fraud the good dr and the pharmacists...


You see, mr/mrs. drug seeker, I am the only one theses requests go through, I know what has been written and what is bull****, and you my friend are full of it. One, My Uro*DR does not write in pencil and two, he has never dispensed 150 vicodin to any patient...ever!! Nor does he give refills...greedy!!








Please do not call me with any of the following complaints or excuses when you want more meds.... I am going to say no...

However, sometimes its the highlight of my day to hear these...!!






1) If you lost your RX, If you seriously did, i can help.... if its a non narcotic... These are not as big of a deal... but if you didn't lose it, and filled it (narc) at the phamact down the street and then call to say you lost the RX it's ok I will check the pharmacies before i even ask him to write another...



2) Please don't have your mommy call for you if you are over the age of 18 and have resonable mental capacity. Its not going to get you any sort of pain med any faster, unless you are post op or dying... it's really not cute. And yes i can hear you in the background asking for the specific drug and QTY. I have better hearing than you think.... appearantly ;=)



3) My spidey sense tells me that if you have a faint non obstructing stone less than 1 millimeter in size that the Groin pain you now have, (that magically appeared after i tell you about the "stone"), is crap. Its' funny how pain jumps around like that.... and no you can't have any Vicodin!!!



4) A URINARY TRACT INFECTION DOES NOT GET YOU PAIN MEDS UNLESS YOU ARE IN UROSEPSIS!! In which case you would be admitted anyways. Take some pyridium for the burning, i'll even give you some Urelle samples from the office... cranberry juice people....


And finally,


5) If you have a stone, a legitimate stone, and refuse to get surgical treatment only because you know that after you will not be given another rx for pain meds... im calling bullshit!!! The doctor will write you an rx for meds if it will be a few days before your surg or if u really cant afford the surg, and you need a few days to get a payment plan in place but Seriously you need to get that removed, for real, if you dont bad things can and will happen including a loss of kidney if it is that severe, put your drug seeking habits aside and just have the damn surgery... then go to a pain managaement physician or rehab for your addiction...




Sincerly,
Uro*MA