Eight Year Anniversay

**So this blog has been largely ignored over the last couple of months.  And what you are about to read is "out-of-date". But that doesn't make it untrue. Or unimportant. And I like it. And it's my blog and I can do what I want. So I'm still going to post it. I can't remember all the reasons it didn't get posted when I first wrote it. Something about wanting to scan a picture to put with it. Then it just got forgotten in the details of getting a project done and perparing to leave for vacation. So here it is now, sans picture but with all the emotion with which it was first written on our annniversay, June 14.**

Today my William and I celebrate our eighth anniversary.
Eight years isn't newly weds anymore.
Eight years really isn't easy.
William recently came across a statistic that says that 86% of couples who end up divorced do so before their eighth anniversary.
But here we stand.
Celebrating.
Joyful.
Thankful.
Loving.
Liking.
Still.

Crazier than the fact that we've been married eight years;
our lives have been significantly connected for thirteen.
We were kids.
Literally.
16 and 17 when we started dating.
We've grown up together in so many ways.
And here we stand.
Celebrating.
Joyful.
Thankful.
Loving.
Liking.
Still.

I don't just say those words.
I AM celebrating. I AM joyful. I am so utterly thankful.
In ways we are still the same people we were way back then as teenagers.
But in so many ways we aren't.
And as we've
grown,
struggled,
matured,
changed,
often at different paces,
into more complete individuals;
we've
loved,
given,
forgiven,
embraced,
accomodated,
shared,
believed
and become one.
A godly mystery.
A sacred transformation.
An unbelievable blessing.

I like this man so much. (Which might sound like a lesser statement than love, but sometimes after eight, or 13 years, you realize that the liking can be harder than the loving.) He loves me well. He leads me well.
God gave me a good, good gift.
And as I've said,
I am thankful.

A New Decade is Dawning

**Editorial note: The bulk of this was written the day before my birthday. I've added some thoughts and the pictures since.  I'll warn you here that it is long.

It's the eve of my 30th birthday.

May 29th and my last day of being 29.

That illustrious golden birthday literally waits just over the horizon.

So how do I feel? Well...not bad.

Pretty great really.

The physical side of that pretty great feeling is due at least in part to the bit of "sprucing up" I've done recently.

--A fresh hair cut, some summery highlights, giving the skin a bit of a golden glow.

--I was gifted a massage and a pedicure - nice to enter your thirties with callous-less feet and painted toenails.

--A few new articles of clothing in which I feel confident and un-frumpified.

--I'm running again - whether or not I'm actually in shape yet, it definitely gives one a sense of health and vitality.

--And of course I have long known that it's ultimately not my physical characteristics that really matter.
So, yeah, on that side I feel pretty great.

On the emotional side...I won't lie.
Since about January there has definitely been a sense of trepidation about what stood looming at the end of May.
But the drama and the trauma has passed.
The accepting and embracing has begun.

And why shouldn't it?

I mean...my twenties were good.

They gave me...

--A college degree.

(I couldn't find one of me actually receiving my diploma - this one with the college pres. will have to suffice.)

--A husband who loves me unreservedly and unconditionally, who knows my heart and doubles as my best friend.

--An adventerous, memory-laden year serving, living, exploring overseas.

--Friends -- fabulous, make-you-want-to-live-near-them-forever friends -- made in Oklahoma, New Zealand, Kentucky, South Dakota and a few places in between.

(I wish I could picture them all here)

--The ongoing enjoyment and thankfulness for familial relationships and friendships that existed way before I turned 20.
--The priviledge of being called "Aunt" -- seven times over. (Soon to be nine, but hey, that'll be in my thirties.)

(My first niece, Karli, at two. She's now seven.)

--A knack, and an abhorrence, for packing -- with eight moves during 10 years (not counting to and from college), it stands to reason.
--A plethora of jobs -- some I liked, some I hated, but I always appreciated the provision and have come to appreciate the areas of growth they opened up in my life.

--A beyond-beautiful daughter who transformed me from woman to Mother and wrote a new definition for  love in the dictionary of my heart.

--A pastor who also happens to be my husband -- a sacred experience; the mysteries of which I'm still grapling to understand.
--A son (that mere word -a simple noun, but a noun that denotes a relationship that now exists for me- makes me smile) who is a daily delight and further evidence that my heart can indeed go on living outside my body.

--The ongoing blessing of being pursued and loved by the God of the universe.

I know myself so much better here at the end of my twenties than I did at the beginning.
I know that...
--My favorite drink is water. I know. It's plain. It's boring. But there is seriously not a drink I enjoy more. It's also free. And readily available.

--I don't like coffee. I wish I did. I think the coffee-culture is cool.
--I don't cook because I love it, but much more out of the necessity of feeding my family.
--I love Fall and it always arrives with an intense desire to attend a football game, but Spring probably tops the list as my favorite season because it seems to rescue my soul each year.

--My home is important to me, and no matter where it is, big or small, old or new, nice or hidious, I need it to be a reflection of me.
--I enjoy creating (and DIY projects). I need to create. I'm trying to make sure I heed that need more often.
--My creativity begets more creativity. I like that cycle.
--I frequently get too attached to my creations. Or, in the alternative, I harshly critique it every time I see it.

(I always liked Lilyanna's room in our house in KY. I "created" a lot of the things in there myself. I found beauty in it. I thought it was a reflection of me and of my love for her. I'm still working to get my house here to that point!)

--I am a slow decision maker.
--For that matter, I'm just slow. I run behind. I blame it on genetics. Don't know if that's really possible or not. But I'm slow getting ready in the morning, slow getting every one out the door when trying to leave, slow getting chores done, slow getting meals fixed, slow getting things in the mail, slow following through on good intentions. Blog updates get posted way later than when they are mentally created. This whole realm continually disappoints me. I, however, did not run behind when it came to giving birth to my children. They were both early. This probably says more about them than me. Maybe they avoided the gene. I hope so.
--I like working with others. Not in the traditional school-sense of the term, but I maintain momentum and motivation at a much greater rate if someone else is doing the same or similar thing within my proximity. (Ex., when my husband pitches in with cleaning up the house, when a friend is slapping paint on walls with me, when my mom visits and works in the kitchen with me, or pretty much any other tedious, chore-related task. Perhaps I'd really prefer doing laundry at a laundromat!)
--I am so much more comfortable in and appreciative of smallish, intimate-type get-togethers verses large crowd gatherings. I often leave the latter feeling lonely and unknown.

(See, a place for me - and it's sparkling juice, not wine, just in case anyone was feeling all uptight about it.)

--I love feeling known. That someone gets me. Understands my heart. Knows what makes me tick. Wants to know me.
--I know that the above actually occuring is fairly rare. I know to be ok with that. I know to accept that even among those with whom this occurs, there are sometimes lengthy periods of time between those true heart-connections. I know, or at least I'm trying to know, this doesn't symbolize a lack of love.
--I am a pretty good initiator of plans or contact amongst friends. I sometimes get tired of initiating.
--This is because I know I'm a quality-time kind of gal. I love it when someone wants to spend time with me or be around me and it's their own idea. (see above)
--I crave adventure. Even small adventures are satisfactory. When I haven't adventured recently enough it comes out in severe irritation at not having "done anything" lately.

--I enjoy having a plan. I'm not very good at making a plan.
--I resist (or all-out rebel against) subtle (or not-so-subtle) hints about "things I should do" when that suggestion come from sources outside my immediate family.
--I am a detail person. The extent to which I give them and expect them can become annoying to non-detail oriented people. Even to myself at times.
--I'm pretty good at starting projects. Not always so good at finishing them.
--I have a growing desire to experience some form of communal living. (Stop thinking Amish or Waco or colony, that's not what I mean.)
--I don't adjust quickly to change or transition.
--I don't like the sheets tucked in tight at the bottom of the bed.
--I can't stay mad at a cute, dimpled face.

--I am more of a night person. I'd like to convert myself to be a morning person.
--I find great joy in seeing people, particularly my kids, learn and discover and grow.
--I don't handle stress so well. The people closest to me suffer when I am stressed.
--My life is meant to be about ministry. Expending the bulk of my energies elsewhere is unfulfilling to me. Largely, at this phase, this means ministry to my family. Yet, I have a strong and growing desire to be more involved in pastoral care and discipleship-type ministry. Figuring out what this looks like in the context of having very young children is a struggle for me.
--I like to run. I like to run with someone. I used to think I liked to run alone. Sometimes I do like to, but it always seems to hurt more and take longer when I'm alone.
--I can't stand having my toes squeezed together. Or having that crease where my bottom lip and chin meet touched.

So armed with all this knowledge about myself, things I either didn't know, or didn't admit as I entered my twenties, why wouldn't I be excited, even thrilled, to enter my thirties.

So I'm embracing them, and moving confidently into the hopes I have for the next decade.
I hope...
to solidify my prefered taste in music styles and musicians. (If you have suggestions, send them my way!)
my family grows.
my creativity finds more frequent outlets.
that my photography skills improve.

to increase my ability to see beauty in every day.
to learn how to ride a horse. I mean really ride, not just do a trail ride at a camp.

to become a fairly good gardener, at least gain a sense of comfort in a garden.
to lovingly and effectively tend to the souls of my children. To know them at the core of who they are.
to embrace my current phase of life, with all it's messes, monotany, tediousness, exhaustion and laundry piles as the fertile ground for deeper cultivation of holiness in my heart.

to see that newly cultivated holiness change my life and the life of those around me.
to order my life so that more of my good intentions become reality.
to run another half-marathon or two or ten, well probably not ten, but...
to see my family participate in an overseas mission experience.
to love my husband well.
to do something every day that evokes the laughter of my children.
to remain content and awe-stuck with the way my life unfolds and all the rich blessings I witness.

Thanks for sticking with me. This is my heart. This is me.
At 30.

And just for fun, a look at the past. These are my 20th, 24th (the only bithday I've had in winter, as we were in New Zealand), 25th and 28th birthdays.

Let me tell you about my girl...

She is tender and sweet. The other day I said something to her, and I'm sad to report...I said it rather harshly.  Pretty soon she's saying, in a very sad voice, "I don't know why you had to do that."

Me - "Do what?"
Her - "Why you had to break my heart."
Me - "I broke your heart?"
Her - "Yeah, you broke my heart. Not my play-dough heart, but the heart in my life."
Me, feeling quite sad myself by this point - "How did I break your heart?"
Her - "Because you talked something, like, mean to me."
Of course I apologized and asked her forgiveness. I just can't stand breaking her heart.  Especially since it's the heart in her life! (Not just the play-dough one she had cut out earlier with cookie cutters.)

She is a fashion statement (you'll have to decide of what sort) and a dancing queen.

She's into layering, she especially likes to put last summer's almost-too-small-shirts over whatever I already had her wearing. She loves to wear dresses and will choose one every time that the choosing is up to her. A skirt is not as preferable as a dress, and nothing is as preferable as pink, although she has a growing fondness for green. I think because her daddy likes green. She actually recently told me she didn't want a pink room anymore b/c she likes green, so she wanted to repaint the walls green. I'm waiting her out on that one.

She's becoming quite proficient at drawing and at writing her favorite letters. She's actually improved dramatically just from when I took the picture below until now. I think the drawing on the MagnaDoodle a bunny, now there is a bunny drawing stuck to the refrigerator door of her play kitchen (which in and of itself is funny to me) and there is a marked difference, particularly in the ears and the newer bunny has a body instead of just a head with arms and legs.

Yes, she loves Ls and Hs best, L for Lily, H for her cousin Halle, and other letters from her name make occasional appearances. (This is with sidewalk chalk on our back patio.)

She is a play-dough master and can honestly play with it for hours.

This particular day she was making snowman cutouts of every one she knows. She was making little pillows and blankets for all of us.

It was a bad day to be snowman Mommy. I head her say at one point, "Oh, poor Mommy, she got squished." And play dough snowman Halle "wasn't feeling so good."

She's quite the helper. Wants to be involved and "helping" with everything. So one day I put her to work unloading the silverware from the dishwasher.

This is how she ended up amusing herself. That's another thing about her. She has a great imagination and is quite creative.

All in all, she's a delight! She makes us laugh so often, she amazes us lately with how much she can do for herself. She's hit a new level in her ability to self-entertain, but she's also so much fun to play with. There's so much I could say about her. She's our fairy princess and our darling daughter.  When she's alseep in her bed at night it's all I can do not to scoop her up and cuddle her close. She's so little and so big all at the same time. It's so much fun to see her move through each stage but sometimes we just want to freeze time and keep her as she is. She's our Lilyanna...precious and loved.

Only in a small town...

...can you put a cake in the oven, put shoes on the kids, load them in the car, go deliver something to a friend's house, drive "across" town to the post office, unload two kids, mail three packages, reload two kids and yourself and arrive home before the timer goes off to indicate the baking of the cake is finished!

Gotta love it - puts a fun, new spin on multi-tasking. :)

Way to go, Sarah and Angela!

Two of my good friends, Angela (far left) and Sarah (second from right), ran the Kentucky Derby Festival Mini-Marathon this morning.  There's nothing mini about it - 13.1 miles.  Way to go, girls!  I think you should wear your medals all next week just to celebrate this fantastic accomplishment. :)

This was Angela's first such race. In fact, she's never even considered herself a runner before. You'd think she could have started with a shorter/easier goal, huh?  But no, despite the fact that she has three young children and gives her family her all everyday, she still took on the committment, the sacrifice, the fewer hours of sleep, the pain and the time investment. Now, at a time in her life when so much of what she does revolves around the others who depend on her, she's accomplished this great thing for herself and set a wonderful expample for her family as well. Way to go, Anglea! I am so proud of you.

Sarah and I trained together and ran this same race back in 2008.

But her life has changed dramatically since then.  She is now the mommy to a not-yet-one-year-old (I'm not sure I ever went for more than a brisk walk during the first year of my daughter's life), and works full-time at the seminary. Since much of her work is of the pastoral care nature, it has the tendency to spill over into her off-work hours too. Even so, when it would have been easier not to, she also sacrificed and for a second time has accomplished this not-so-easy feat. Sarah, I think you should hold this finish even more proudly than the first, as you gave up more to get it. Way to go, I'm really, really proud of you!

By the way - Andrea, the second from the left in that top picture, probably would have run this with them this time around if she still lived in Kentucky. Maybe we'll all run one together someday, huh girls?  Or maybe we'll just all go for a spa day together sometime! :)

An Easter Lily and her Darling Brother

Look at these expressions.  Crack me up.

One with Mimi, since they both had pink dresses. (I just love that little face.)

The boy with Papa since they both have matching hair-dos. :)

And the hunt it on...

We made bird nest cookies - I had two excited helpers!

We also made Easter bread/Resurrection rolls, or another version of them anyway.  We used cresent rolls.  You wrap a marshmallow in the dough, like putting Jesus in the tomb. After they are baked, the rolls are empty, just like the tomb was Sunday morning.  It seemed to be a memorable and significant demonstration to Lily, and they were fun to make and fun to eat!  It was fun to hear her explain them to her grandparents, there is so much joy in seeing your child "get it".  Especially when "it" is so important!

Special Delivery

I got flowers today...

delivered right to my front...window.

She has amazing penmanship and drawing skills, doesn't she? (wink)

Sideshow...in the First Row

On Palm Sunday, my little family and I somehow ended up seated in the first row.  You'll remember, as often as possible, we try to keep this from happening.  But...when we don't get into the sanctuary too early or when we're particularly full, sometimes it happens.

We were all standing, singing, waving our palm branches around.  Pretty soon I notice Lilyanna has stepped a bit away from us, lays her palm branch on the floor, then proceeds to remove her little cardigan sweater and lays it on the floor next to the palm branch.  She was acting out what she had learned about the triumphal entry in Sunday school!

Being a sideshow isn't always a bad thing.  I was quite touched, quite moved.  I love to see her process, love to see her learn.

Metamorphosis...of sorts

This was about a month ago, but what began as the kids wanting to play in the sink while I did the dishes soon tuned into this...

And this,

you can see it coming, soon became this...

There was no stopping it from there...

so I didn't even try...

I just accomodated various requests...

They had a great time (Lily even said, "We're having such a fun day, aren't we, Mommy?"), it kept them entertained for over an hour, and my floor got partially mopped in the process!  What's not to love?

(And it's just one more reason no one should put carpet in the kitchen, right, Tanna?)

Crafting - with a Friend {Soul Therapy}

My friend Tanna and I have found a really satisfying way to spend a couple of afternoons in recent weeks. It begins with a playdate with the kiddos (she has a just-turned-one-year-old), which turns into naptime for them and craft time for us.

The first time we turned a clipboard into a decorated dry-erase board by covering it first with scrapbook paper then with clear contact paper.  They are a great idea for a message board, to-do list, or I made mine for Lily so she can practice her letters or drawing.

If you look closely at the pictures, especially that one of Tanna, you can totally tell that we're moms attempting to do this around the needs and schedules of our children.  Can you spot the container of formula on the table or the highchair tray in the background?  I know, I gave you a small, cropped picture, so it's hard to tell.  But we noticed that once our kids awoke from naps, our pace of completion slowed dramatically.  We had lots more times of trying to do things one handed as we held a child and more pauses to feed them snacks or start them on their own project (Lily) in an attempt to pacify and occupy.  But the project results weren't bad and the friend time was even better.

The following week we made hooded toddler towels, which are the easiest things ever.  In fact, we were almost a little disappointed with how quickly they came together.  As you can see by the picture below, the one I made is big enough for me, so shortning the hood part might be beneficial.

Again, an afternoon well spent! It just feels so productive - quality time with a friend and a little project completed, too.

Our most recent project was the decorating of Tanna's son's first birthday cake. You can see a picture of it here.  I helped out a bit with tools and tips, but she could have totally done it on her own. Turned out pretty cute.

I feel that many more projects are in our future.  Hope she doesn't mind!

Sideshow #5

After containing Liam on my lap for as long as I could on Sunday morning, he eventually had to get down and explore the narrow space between our pew and the one in front of us.

His curiousity was quickly satisfied and he ventured to the end of the pew that opens into the aisle.  And to my shock and suprise he then crawled across the aisle to Donnie, an older and actually, to Liam, a fairly unknown parishioner. Liam pulled himself to a stand at Donnie's knees, was immediately picked up and promptly laid his head on Donnie's shoulder, snuggling contentedly with him through the next song.

Is this the same kid who has been living with us for the past four and half months?  The kid who hasn't wanted anyone but his mom to hold him unless she's not around and he has no choice.  And if you've been the lucky one to have him when mom isn't around there's only been about a 50/50 chance that he's been happy.  Seriously, is it the same kid?  I couldn't believe it.

But I'll admit.  I won't be too sad if this separation anxiety thing is coming to an end.

Liam Turned One

Well, the big day has come and gone (Feb. 14) and it's about time I posted some pictures.  We just kept it low-key as Liam still wasn't too crazy about having lots of people in his space at this point.

I made a couple of fish cakes, which were WAY easier than the princess cake I made for Lily in November.

He wasn't sure what to think

but eventually decided it was pretty good.

He liked the balloon too

and his cup looked worse than he did.

Presents were fun too, with a lot of assistance from Big Sister.

Our family has a one-year-old again. We love it. We love him!