Forgiveness Heals

Though we may find ourselves in adulthood; though we may like to think that because we've been given all of the tools to help us know exactly how to always handle situations in the right way, I've learned different. We're God's "children" and with each new endeavor, we may find ourselves struggling to know what the right thing to do is; just like a child needing answers and direction. For greater reasons than we may ever know, I've learned that sometimes you have to find yourself at ground zero over and over again and pray for the guidance that was really always there, but may not be crystal clear until you need to use it. 

 

A couple months ago I found myself in a situation that I've typically handled the same way for the majority of my life, and I've been content with that in the past. I'm referring to any time someone lets you down, disappoints you...even hurts you. We've all had it happen and we've all done it. It's part of the plan, unfortunately. Sometimes you may deserve it and other times you may not. And that's usually in the eyes of the beholder. But that part doesn't change the way you're left feeling. And in the past, as most of us so commonly do, I've been ok to just be a miriad of things: disappointed, hurt, bothered, even angry at times and just moving on with my life with things left at that.

 

But this time was different. I've grown a lot in the last 3 years in ways I wish I would've embraced long before that. It didn't sit well with me. I wasn't ok with just being upset and moving on and forgetting about it. I needed peace. I didn't want my heart to ache everytime it crossed my mind. I knew there was another answer and that I'd been taught more. I knew I could do better than this. So I prayed for an answer. And even though the following quote isn't what I was led to, it's almost identical to the answer that I received.

 

"Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals."

~Pres. Thomas S. Monson

I learned that I was only able to find the kind of peace that I was seeking by forgiving first. And it was true. I only found peace once I made that decision to forgive and all that comes along with that. To remember my favorite things about this person; my favorite memories; happiest times...to completely and deeply cherish everything I loved about this person and remember everything that our Father in Heaven loves about this person. I got more than just peace. I gained a deeper love for this person.

The other day I ran across this paragraph in a blog post and it really expressed the way that I feel.

 

"We were reminded that we don’t know everything and that judging others is dangerous. We never have all the information simply because we could never truly know the heart of another. That is between the heart and God. When our hearts are filled with love, we are less likely to want to judge and more likely to attribute pure and good motives."

Hilary Weeks

 

I think that is such an incredible power to possess. I can't tell you the peace it's brought my life over the years by first choosing to remember that I don't know what someone's motives in their heart may be. That I don't know what someone has been through. And that by assuming negative intentions of another person doesn't help us have Christlike love in our hearts. It only leads to bad things.

 

I can tell you that it's easy to just let go of things that bother you. There are motivational quotes all over the place that tell you to "move on", "forget", "let go". In fact, one in particular says, "Love the people that treat you right, and forget the ones that don't." I don't believe that's what the Savior would want me to do. I don't want to "forget" people. I want to forgive and find peace so that I can focus on loving them. Which is what I want most. Holding on to unresolved disappointments can lead to feelings of anger and that's not a road I ever want to go down. I would rather let love and acceptance prevail.

 

 

21 Days Closer To Christ

This is the title of a book that is very dear to our hearts in my home. After picking this book up by Emily Freeman, I immediately fell in love.

 

The content is inspiring.

The messages are uplifting.

The illustrations are breathtaking. 

And the transformation experienced is priceless.

Basically, this book takes you through a 21 day journey to becoming closer to Christ. You can choose to read every day, every few days, or once a week. Whatever works for you. But the "days" are designed to be short and sweet with a specific focus for each day.

 

After going through a couple weeks of reading this book, I decided that it was a journey that I wanted to take with my husband. I knew that starting our mornings off with 10 minutes of learning more and discussing the Savior would bring us closer together.

 

And it did.

 

I have learned so much from this book and in studying our Savior each morning and mapping out my day with detailed intentions to follow the Savior, my heart has grown closer to living His ways and seeing things through His eyes. So many days I have looked forward to my time with this book. The messages, stories, scriptures and quotes have given me just what I need to start my day off in the right direction. And my husband and I have felt molded together in our journey.

 

I chose to keep a journal as a companion to my book and it has been so wonderful to be able to look back at the things I've written. Sometimes it's all the daily reminder I need.

 

If you're looking for a new read, I HIGHLY recommend this book. Especially since you can just go at your own pace and read just 10 minutes at a time. I'm already on my 3rd time reading it.

Here's one passage I love. Although it's impossible to pick a favorite.

 

"Each of us has been given the opportunity to run the race of life. We are given two guidelines as we run the race - to run with patience and to look to Christ. Running with patience suggests rhythm, pacing yourself, and being able to endure. Looking to Jesus helps us understand we weren't sent to run the race alone. He is given two names as our race partner. The Author and the Finisher. The Author suggests one with authority, who helps us align our course, someone who knows every step of the race and who can encourage us through the journey. The Finisher suggests one who completes and perfects. If we choose to let Him, He will assure that we run the race correctly and that we will be able to reach the finish line. This name is one of comfort. He promises victory. He will sustain us, even carry us if need be. He is the Finisher."

 

A scripture that truly sums up the the goals our family has in mind by reading this book can be found in 2 Nephi 25:26,

 

"We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ...that our children may know to what source they may look."

 

 

 

Planting a Seed...

I had an unexpected learning moment recently. I guess as I pray daily to see things through more "open eyes", I'm more open to the Spirit teaching me in every day moments. It helps to ask :)

 

This year was my first year planting a flower garden. I've never been in a place where I had flower beds that I was permitted to manage on my own. As excited as I was, I was equally inexperienced. After planting some rookie flowers, I waited with much anticipation. As the summer grew on...my flowers did not. My perennials got too much sun, my daffodils not enough water...and with a demanding life inside the house, I failed to find enough time to weed and nurture my garden. I knew that I had little reason to be upset because it was a lack of effort and dedication on my part. But it was a disappointment I didn't want experience again.

 

I started reading articles on gardening and decided next year would be different. I had a plan. With help from my wonderful and willing husband, we added a small terrace to our flower bed and I bought a LOT of bulbs for fall planting. I've put a lot of effort into planning out our flower bed and I have much higher hopes for beauty and success next spring.

 

But after all the planting was done, my level of excitement took a heavy drop when I realized how long I had to wait to see the fruits of my labors. It would be 7-8 months before the beauty I'm so thrilled about would actually grow before my eyes. I might as well have purchased 200 presents and buried them in the ground before unwrapping them.

 

Then it hit me. Planting fall bulbs is a lot like planting a seed of faith. We may all have faith inside...but when we are hindered by moments of failure, tragedy, transgressions, pain or disappointments, we have the opportunity to start over. To build again. To replant those seeds, nurture them, pray and watch them grow. I've learned that it doesn't matter where we've been, what matters is where we're willing to go & what we're willing to do to get there. When I think back to a time in my life a few years ago and I look at where I am now because of the faith I chose to replant, I am so grateful for the beauty that surrounds my life today. I have reeped the blessings of my willing faith, diligent work and earnest desires. My testimony has grown incredibly. My faith has been strengthened. And most importantly, it was worth the wait. Just like my spring flowers...it is ALWAYS worth the wait.

 

“Although faith is a gift, it must be cultured and sought after until it grows from a tiny seed to a great tree.” There is much we can do to influence and expand the endowment of faith we receive through the Holy Spirit."
-Elder D. Todd Christofferson

 

I am so grateful for the opportunity we have to continue to grow. The opportunity to start over and know that we WILL be rewarded both temporally and spiritually. And those kind of rewards only make us want to continue to plant over and over again. I want to be good down to my core. I want to walk tall in the face of adversity because I have faith that the Lord is on my side and will carry me through. I want to be an example of faith to my children so that they too, are guided in this life by their own seeds of faith. An unshakeable faith is what I desire to grow.
Happy planting!

 

 

Being Willing

I just realized I'm going to blog about a blog. And it's not the first time I've done it but for some reason it's the first time I've found the humor in that! Kind of like my obsessive need to make a list that includes making lists. I can't stop myself so I just learn to be proud of it.

On to the blog...

 

Hilary Weeks has been a long-time inspiration of mine. I've shared some of her songs on my blog before that have truly inspired me in a way that I felt needed to be spread to others. But I also enjoy following her personal blog because she is one "blogger" that finds a  way to make every post be uplifting, inspiring and eye opening. Her most recent post really did just that so instead of copying it, I'll just post the link here.

 

It's a quick post worth reading. She's much more blessed in the eloquence department than I am! But her post was about being "reachable" & "willing". I find myself in need of this improvement. I feel as though I'm constantly praying...daily...to be guided to those in need. I frequently ask for help in knowing who is in need of my service. Sometimes I assume that it's something grand I'm awaiting. Like news of something horrible someone has gone through. A loss, a tragedy, an illness, a financial difficulty, etc.

 

But I am guilty of brushing off promptings to just visit someone. To just call someone. To ask someone if they want to go out somewhere. Promptings to even make treats or take someone dinner. It's not that I don't want to. I think it's just that sometimes I think I'm just thinking TOO much. And maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe it's not me just trying too hard...maybe they are promptings from our Heavenly Father.

 

In the aftermath of some things I've been going through the last few years. The one thing I have made a commitment to do is serve others. Christ not only asked us to serve...but He set that example by doing so Himself. I know that serving others has the ability to heal our broken hearts. To strengthen our testimonies of service. It helps take the focus away from the troubles in our own lives and put our hearts in the right place. I know that our Father in Heaven put us on this earth with each other not to live side by side but to SERVE one another and to allow us to lean on one another. I always feel this blessing so strongly when I'm in our Relief Society class. I truly believe that it was established so that no one will become a "lost sheep". If everyone is looking out for someone else and makes that a priority, then no one would be left out.

I really hope that I can mirror Hilary's example to be more willing to listen to the promptings and to serve others at EVERY chance I get...not just the obvious ones. I also know that if we keep service in our hearts that we will be guided to those in need.

 

 

Still Hiking...

I haven't posted on this blog in a while. Not because I haven't been growing, experiencing and learning...but because the things I've wanted to journal have ended up in my personal journal at home instead. There are just some things too personal and sacred to share. But that shouldn't mean refraining from sharing my testimony and experiences that may lift and encourage another. I've had such wonderful and supportive followers that have lifted me up by finding inspiration and hope from my journey. And that keeps me going! So I'll do my best to get caught up.

I'm still hiking up that mountain. At times, I've decided that even though we can reach the top of our personal mountains and embrace the happiness, relief and blessings of our trials by seeing what's waiting for us on the other side, in life sometimes there is no top until the end. I've learned that ultimately we will never be finished climbing that mountain. It's the plan. Instead of thinking it's one mountain after another, we can also view it as one giant hike to bettering ourselves, strengthening our faith and continuing to grow closer to the Lord. Becoming the people our Father wants us to become. Allowing every obstacle, hitch, setback or brutal stone to mold us into the best version of ourselves. A person we couldn't become without those steps. Our journey should never end even if certain trials do.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Heavenly Father has blessed our family in ways I never expected through the gift and peace of the Atonement. We can overcome our trials, even those that are self inflicted, EVEN transgressions and grow in ways that we end up GRATEFUL for. I never thought I'd be grateful for what I've been through until now. Making mistakes along our path is never something I would condone or wish on anyone. But I have experienced the beauty of it. Broken hearts lead you to the Savior. And living this last year and then some in the heart of that reality has made me happier than I've ever been. Stronger than I've ever been. My foundation is unshakeable and the reality of the Atonement and Heavenly Father's love for us is undeniable in my life. My path has never been more clear. My purpose has never been more clear. And the reason I had to go through what I went through has never been more clear.

Every rock that has come our way in the last year has only strengthened us. Because we've allowed it to. There comes a point in your life where you have to decide if you're going to stay where you're at, or if you're going to make a change. I was lost and afraid for a long time when I made my change. Making that change is hard if you lack faith that everything will work out. When I did, I learned quickly that everything would be ok because Heavenly Father is on our side. And He will let go of our past as long as we're doing the right thing and committed to going wherever He wants us to go. The amount of faith it requires ends up sticking with you forever. And arming you with faith to get through things that will come in the future. 

Has it been easy? No way. Have we lost things or people we loved? Yes. Have I been discouraged and at times felt alone and that things were unfair? Of course. But I've learned that sometimes when you're doing the right thing, things in your life that you don't need or that aren't good for you will disappear naturally. It takes a long time to realize it's for your own good. Friends for example. I've learned that I have friends that are so like the Savior. Friends that know who I am and where I want to be and support what I'm working toward. Friends that are forgiving and understanding. Friends that continue to see me as I am and not as the mistakes that all of us make. Friends that look up to me and praise me for the steps I've taken and the examples I've set. Friends that have found hope from my journey and applied it in their own lives. Friends that lift me up, especially when I feel I least deserve it.

Isn't that the example the Savior has left us with? I think so. And because of those friends I've learned an amazing thing. I've learned that they are the people that belong in my life. They are the people worth holding on to. They are the people I want to be for others. They are the examples I want to follow. Sadly, some people disappear and you learn the hard way that they aren't right for you. It's not easy for me to let go of people but I can only have faith that when you're living the way God has asked, that everything else will fall into place and that He has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. When we're doing everything right, giving our all and doing so with complete sincerity... only good things come of that. And we need to learn to recognize them, even if sometimes it hurts. I have come to find peace through this recently and it wasn't easy.

Right now I'm incredibly grateful for the people in my life that have mirrored the Savior's example. It can be a scary and lonely journey even with the Savior on your side. But to have people here to love and support you when you need it the most to keep going strong on days when you want to give up, on days when you have lost sight of your own worth, on days when you feel unworthy and too weak to stand...it makes all the difference in the world.

I recently sent this picture to one of my best friends because she immediately entered my mind when I saw it.

And this is a quote that truly touched me and lifted me up a year and a half ago and it will for the rest of my life. When I heard it, I imagined myself in the shoes of Alma...someone I look up to so much.

"If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort.
If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope.
If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened.
If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended."

~Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Every event in our lives is a lesson to be learned. And I have taken that opportunity and have learned what kind of friend I want to be. I want to be the friend that I have found in others recently. I've been that friend in the past, but until you've been in the right shoes, you can't comprehend it's power and importance. I know our Savior wants us to be the friend that is there not just when the sun is shining but also when it's storming. That is the lesson I have learned and the person I want to be. I'm so thankful for those examples in my life.

Week 21-On Friends

I've always tried to be the kind of friend that goes out of their way to express my friendship. A thoughtful card, gift, remembering key events, dinners...an invitation out or offering to babysit kids to allow a friend some alone time. Friendship has meant a lot of me over the years. Mostly because I treasure the friendships I have and hold on to them so dearly. And because of that, the loss or growing apart of a friend tends to hurt me pretty deep. I dwell on it. I stew about things I should've done differently and ways to repair it. Sometimes even when we have the best intentions at heart, things can still go wrong and people can grow apart.

My Savior has really helped me through this. And even though I'm still healing and have my hard days, I am so grateful that He has shown up in new ways for me. He has been the friend that I needed. His example and His love for me has strengthened me. Trying to be the kind of friend that He was and is to others has helped my broken heart to grow in new places. I'm far from where I want and need to be...but there's so much comfort in knowing that we're never left alone. We are so lucky that when we feel alone, we can always turn to Him and he'll catch us and comfort us.

I think what has helped me the most is knowing that friendships are something that happen when the more important parts of your life are in harmony. Family comes first. If you have and treasure your family, it doesn't matter if you have any friends at all! Strengthening your relationship with your family will make you grateful for the people Heavenly Father has given us. They are suppose to be the most important people He has picked and chosen for us. To stick with us for life. Everyone that comes after that is merely a blessing and a bonus. I've learned that if we focus on and strengthen our families along with strengthening our relationship with God, and live our lives as diligently as possible...the right people will come to us.

Right now for me personally, these quotes are what I'm striving to live. Because I know that letting go of things I can't change, will make room for the uplifting and inspiring people all around me.

Week 20

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?
What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?"

-Mercy River

These are lyrics from a group I really love. In fact, my friend Brooke whom I've known since high school, is one of the singers in the trio. Her example and beautiful voice has always inspired me over the years.

I chose to post these lyrics today because lately, even though I've said it before, I feel that our obstacles and pains in this life are often misunderstood. If we are in the right place and choose to see it, these times are opportunities to strengthen our relationship with our Savior. As well as strengthen ourselves and continue to progress and grow rather than just hanging out in our current self.

I know that sometimes it seems near impossible to be grateful for a trial and disappointments. But how are we to truly have a close relationship with God and our Savior if we don't have times when we are completely dependant on them? I think it can be related to a romantic relationship. We don't continue dating someone or marry someone if we aren't completely dependant on them and needing them in our lives.

I've had many opportunities to draw closer to Him and when I'm willing to see it, I'm grateful for that. In the most recent General Conference, in a talk that I loved called Mountains To Climb, Pres Eyring said this,

"I felt a desire to be more like him, a valiant servant of God. So one night I prayed for a test to prove my courage. I can remember it vividly. In the evening I knelt in my bedroom with a faith that seemed almost to fill my heart to bursting.

Within a day or two my prayer was answered. The hardest trial of my life surprised and humbled me. It provided me a twofold lesson. First, I had clear proof that God heard and answered my prayer of faith. But second, I began a tutorial that still goes on to learn about why I felt with such confidence that night that a great blessing could come from adversity to more than compensate for any cost."

I can't imagine myself praying for a trial to test me. But he set such a good example for us with his knowledge of what we can GAIN during adversity and by choosing to seek that closeness with God. We all know there are enough trials out there and opportunities that we don't really have to go looking for them or asking for them. But I think it's so important that we face them with courage and faith so that we can come out on the other side the way that our Father wants us to. He's calling out for us and giving us an opportunity to be tested so that we can become closer to Him.

Here are some quotes that I love about this subject.