I Have What?

It seems like I haven't been on here in forever. It's amazing how quickly life becomes busy and just flies right by...

Life has become even busier in my home lately. I've been battling some health concerns. And I've been consumed with doctor's appointments, tests, and even more tests over the past several weeks.

So, to back-track just a bit...  Several weeks ago I had an incident occur that landed me in the ER. Boy, oh boy! I just thought I was busy before this incident occurred. But this thing knocked me down and forced me to slow down. Which caused my already busy schedule to get pushed back, and pushed back some more, and things started to pile up, and life kept telling me to slow down, but I kept asking how exactly I was supposed to just sit back and let that happen.

The incident... Ah, yes!  Hector was out of town on business (of course!), and I was awakened from a deep sleep. I sat straight up in bed and found myself gasping for air. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I sat on the edge of the bed for several minutes trying to catch my breath. The pain in my chest started to crawl up to my jaw. It started to feel like a burning sensation. I was dizzy and lightheaded. I made my way into the bathroom and sat on the side of the bathtub. I was gasping for air. And then, I felt sick and vomited... twice...  I laid on the bathroom floor for close to an hour, gasping for air, praying to God to help me get the strength to get to my phone.

By far the scariest incident I've ever been through!

I eventually got to my phone and called the triage line of my local ER. The nurse on the phone proceeded to ask me questions about my symptoms. About 4 questions in, she advised me to hang up and get myself to an ER immediately. She thought I was having a heart attack. The 3 nurses tending to me in the ER thought I was having a heart attack too. So did the attending physician. But, guess what? After 7 tests, it was confirmed that I did not have a heart attack. The attending physician advised me to follow up with a cardiologist though, because even though I hadn't experienced a heart attack up until that point, it didn't mean that I wasn't in the process of having a heart attack. Perfect!

I spent the next week in bed. I was physically exhausted. I was weak and couldn't seem to get my energy back. I was coughing almost non-stop. And I had horrible chest pain that would not go away. I thought that I was on the verge of having a heart attack. It was horrible. I finally had an appointment with a cardiologist a week after that incident. She ran more tests on me. I had 2 stress tests done; the first one came back abnormal, and the second one came back normal.  The cardiologist ordered a full body CT scan because I was still having chest pain.

The first time I had the CT scan done, my heart rate spiked up way too high and they couldn't get an accurate reading. So, I needed to have it done a second time. I don't wish this test upon anyone. It was scary. They injected medicine into my veins that made me feel like I was on fire. I lost all control of my bodily functions. I was in a giant tube. I couldn't speak because I was in so much pain. And they wonder why my heart rate spiked up as high as it did. Try to relax. Yeah, okay!  Sure thing. Go ahead and inject that junk into my veins again that makes me unable to speak because I'm in so much pain.  I'll relax...

Anyway, after the second CT scan, I went home and waited for the results. I finally saw my cardiologist again, who informed me that my heart was fine. I didn't have an underlying heart condition. Great news. But by that point, after the second CT scan, I'd had 11 tests done, all of which came back negative. I was fine. Really?!?! Every time another test came back negative, while I was thrilled to learn that I did not have that horrible thing going on with me that they were testing for, I was also left feeling more confused. I had chest pain every day. I was weak and tired all the time. Nothing was wrong? Really?

And that's when my cardiologist informed me that while my heart was fine, my lungs weren't. "Something was detected on your lungs." What? My cardiologist told me that her area of specialty was the heart, not the lungs. So, she wasn't going to try to speculate as to what that "something" was. She told me that she wanted me to see a pulmonologist, and then asked me how many years I had been a smoker.

Ummmm, I'm sorry... What?!?!

I've never been a smoker...

While I waited to have my appointment with a pulmonologist, I saw my General Practitioner, who ran a couple more tests on me (I was up to 13 tests in 6 weeks at that point). And we discovered that I have Regional Rheumatoid Arthritis that has calcified in my chest wall. She told me that the incident I had that landed me in the ER was more than likely an arthritic attack.  Rheumatoid Arthritis... an autoimmune disease which results in the body's immune system attacking its own tissues and joints. My autoimmune disease decided to come in the form of arthritis, focusing it's attention on attacking my chest wall and lungs...

Ten days after receiving that information, I had an appointment with a pulmonologist who informed me that on my CT scan, the "something" they found on my lungs is called Ground Glass Opacities. Ground Glass Opacities... a hazy area that develops on the lungs causing scaring.  My rheumatoid arthritis, which by the way, I had no clue that I had up until a few days prior, had caused a scaring on my lungs, which in turn had caused my lungs to become enlarged. The scaring and enlargement of my lungs had resulted in Paraseptal Emphysema. You read that right...  At the age of 41, having never had a smoking habit, I have been diagnosed with Emphysema.

I'll let that sink in for a minute...

Has it sunk in yet? Because I got that diagnosis five days ago, and I still don't know what to think about it.

So, the main reason for this blog post is to ask everyone reading this for a big favor. My pulmonologist wants to do another CT scan. He wants to compare my first CT scan to a new CT scan to see how quickly my Emphysema (still seems SO strange to say that) is progressing. Once he can compare the two different tests, he can come up with a plan of action and course of treatment for me.

The favor?  Will you all pray for me? My CT scan is scheduled for Monday, December 30, at 9:30 a.m.  This is the test that left me in tears the last time I had it done... the test that is so painful I couldn't speak. I'll get through it. But I'm praying that I will be able to stay calm so that they won't need to do it a second time like last time. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around what this diagnosis means for me long-term. I've been diagnosed with something at the age of 41, having never smoked, that most long-term smokers find out they have much later in life after having smoked for many years.  It's weird and shocking.  My body is attacking itself...  I'm trying to put it in God's hands, but I will admit, this has shaken me.

So, I'm coming to you all as my friends, family and loved ones, asking you all to just simply pray for me.  The past several weeks have been a long, exhausting journey. Please pray for my kids and Hector too. Avery (my extremely observant and empathetic child) knows the seriousness of what's going on despite my best efforts to shield her from this new reality. I'm trying to find the balance between being honest and real with my children, and not telling them too much and scaring them half to death. But, Avery... dear, sweet, observant Avery, knows that when her mom spends an entire week in bed, and is coughing non-stop and can't catch her breath, and comes home with multiple Band-Aids and bruises all up and down her arms... she sees it all... she knows...  She shouldn't have this added stress at such a young age.

Thank you all, in advance, for your love and support.

Don't Stop Believin'... My Journey to a Healthier, Happier Self

It was a Thursday morning. As I sat in my doctor's office, I wondered how I'd gotten to the point where I was at. But there I sat, knowing what my doctor was probably going to say before he ever said it. Up until that point in my life, I didn't feel like my health was all that bad. But over the few months leading up to that point, I had noticed some things about my health that were starting to concern me. I watched my doctor come into the room and sit down across from me. And then, he gave me some unsettling news. I had high blood pressure. I also had a hiatal hernia. I was pre-diabetic. And he suspected that I also had Sleep Apnea (a fact that was later confirmed by a sleep study). But the biggest and hardest pill to swallow was the fact that these health problems were all a result of my being overweight. It was difficult to hear. It was embarrassing. It was frightening.

My doctor went on to tell me that if I didn't change something soon, a whole new world of health issues were more than likely about to start creeping up on me. He asked me if I knew how many years I was knocking off of my life, by being "morbidly obese." Those two words punched such a powerful blow. They cut through me like a sharp blade, leaving me wounded. The thought of losing 10 years or more of my life, the life that I had made with my husband and my kids, well, I still cry when I think about it. And quite frankly, it was exactly the kick in the pants that I needed.  

Call it a light bulb moment. Call it an awakening. Call it an epiphany. Call it whatever you want. The bottom line is that something clicked that day. Somewhere along this journey called life, I stopped believing. I stopped believing in myself. I stopped believing that I was worth it. I stopped believing that it mattered. I stopped believing that I could do something about it and be successful because I'd tried so many times before then, and failed. I stopped believing that I could achieve anything through Christ who promised to be there for me... who promised that He would be my greatest source of strength.

I wish that I could've had that moment long before that point. But I believe that sometimes, well, sometimes we just have to hit our own personal low point, our own personal rock bottom, before we can begin to climb our way back up and out of the dark abyss that surrounds us. That day, in my doctor's office, was my rock bottom. 

I went home and finally admitted to myself the harsh reality of it all. I believe from the depths of my soul that food had become an addiction for me. Admitting that fact released me from the heavy burden I'd been carrying around for so long, and it was a huge step in the right direction towards my recovery. 

And so, I swallowed my pride and asked for help, and finally acknowledged that I couldn't do it on my own. I decided to take back my health. To take back my life! To start believing in myself again! I prepared myself for battle. I armed myself with scripture, and prayer, and a support team. I saw a nutritionist and a counselor. I gave up several unhealthy things in my life. And I replaced them with positive, healthy things.

Several people have asked me along the way what I have specifically done to lose weight because they are struggling to lose weight too. I can tell you all what I did. But here's the key to all of this, and what it took me YEARS to figure out... It doesn't matter what I did. The only thing that matters is what you're willing to do for yourself. What are you willing to do, to REALLY do for yourself, long-term? Figuring that out, then doing it with all of your heart, mind, body and soul, is the key to success!

For me, this journey has been full of reflection and growth. Personal growth. And healing. And learning how to believe in myself again. To believe in what I am capable of achieving. It's also been a year of loss. Good loss. The best kind of loss...

This is me, right before I started on this journey...

And this is me today, the day I reached my weight loss goal, 100 pounds freer! Off my blood pressure medication. No longer sleeping with a CPap (Sleep Apnea breathing machine). No longer pre-diabetic. YES!!!

My journey is not over. But for now, I feel so blessed that I have been given a second chance... a chance to take back control of my life and my health. To set a good example for my children. To prove to myself that I can do all things through Christ who is my greatest source of strength. Thank you all for your love, support, kind words, encouragement and compliments. It has kept me going on this long journey to a healthier, happier me! 



Albertsons Match-Ups

I've decided to kick my couponing up a notch, and start writing blog posts instead of posting the store match-ups on my Facebook wall. So, if you want to read about the best deals I found at Albertsons this week, keep reading.

I prefer to shop at Albertsons because they tend to have the best sales, and they multiply coupons. Having said that though, I will admit, I'm a little disappointed in the Albertsons sales from last week and this week. I found nothing for free this week, but I was still able to find a few pretty good deals. Here are the best deals that I found from the store sales flyer.

Buy 3 Kellogg's Cereals for $9.00, get a free gallon of Oak Farm Milk
Match with a coupon for $1.00/3 Kellogg's Cereals found in the 06/02 RP (exp 07/14)
Final cost = $8.00 for 3 boxes (or $2.66 each), plus you get a free gallon of milk

Colgate Mouthwash is on sale 2 for $6.00
Match with a coupon for $2.00/1 Colgate Mouthwash found in the 06/02 SS (exp 06/29) - use 2 coupons
Final cost = $2.00 for 2 (or $1.00 each)

Garnier Fructis Shampoo and Conditioner is on sale 2 for $5.00
Match with a coupon for $1.00/1 Garnier Fructis Shampoo, Conditioner or Treatment found in the 06/02 RP (exp 07/13) - use 2 coupons
Final cost = $3.00 for 2 (or $1.50 each)

Velveeta Cheesy Potatoes are on sale for $0.99 WYB 5 participating items
Match with a coupon you can buy in bulk on eBay to get $1.00/2 Velveeta Cheesy Potatoes
Final cost = $0.49 each

* On the very back page of the 06/02 RP flyer, there are coupons for $0.50 off ANY 1 Fiora bath tissue or paper towels (exp 07/31). Everyone who knows me really well, knows how much I LOVE these Fiora coupons. Clip them now and keep them in a safe place. We will wait to see if Albertsons will mark these items on sale for $1.00. They do this every so often, usually every 4-5 weeks this sale will come back around... These coupons will NOT get doubled (because it states not to double them on the coupon). BUT, you can still score papers towels or a 4-pack of toilet paper for $0.50, which is a great deal!

Happy Couponing!

My Dream Home

The grocery store that I shop at has been having a contest for the past two months. When you purchase specially marked items in the store, you receive Monopoly playing pieces. Collect the right Monopoly pieces, and earn free prizes. The prizes you could win range anywhere from grocery items (like a free package of cookies) all the way up to a million dollars. One of the prizes was a $500,000 "dream home." I've been collecting all my Monopoly pieces each week, just hoping and praying for the right game piece to come my way that would let me win the dream home. I don't need a million bucks. The $500,000 dream home would be good...

So, you can imagine my horror when I went to get my groceries today, and was told by the cashier that they had run out of game pieces. I asked her when they'd be getting more in. And that's when she told me that they weren't getting more game pieces in. They ran out. Game over!

You mean, I didn't win the $500,000 dream home?!?! Not even the $1000 cash prize?!?! But I really, really, really wanted that house.

I once heard a very wise pastor say that so many people love to throw around the saying that God will never give us more than we can handle. We use it in tough times. Times when our faith feels like it is being tested. Times when we feel burdened. Heavy hearted. When we feel like we are struggling to hold on. In times when we don't understand. In times when we can't make sense of things.

But how many times do we use that saying in times when we get exactly what we were meant to have all along, and nothing more?

God will not give me more than I can handle. If I've shown God in the past that I am not truly thankful for what He's already given to me, and I am not a good steward of what He's already given me, then why would He give me more?

I can't begin to recall exactly how many times I've complained about something regarding my home. The kitchen isn't big enough. I hate the carpet in the bedrooms. I want a bigger backyard. It's not open enough. I wish I lived on the water. I wish I had this, that, and some more. It's just not my dream home.

I live in a nice sized, five bedroom home. This has been our home for almost eight years. It is the home that I am raising my family in. The home that keeps us cool in the summer and warm in the winter. The home that we brought our third child home from the hospital to. The home that keeps us safe at night. The home that we've made so many memories in. The home that has sheltered and protected us through many storms. The home that has given my husband refuge after many long days at work. The home that has given us refuge after losing family pets, and family loved ones. The home that God has entrusted to me and my husband. And yet, I want more. I want a bigger, better dream home.

Why would God ever give me more than I can handle?

Okay, so I am still a little disappointed that I didn't win the dream home. And there's nothing wrong with dreaming. But perhaps instead of hoping for a new dream home, I need to be more grateful for the dream home that I've already been given.

A Happier, Healthier Patty

I am a planner. And a saver. I am the type of person who will spend an hour planning my grocery shopping trip, looking through sales fliers and clipping coupons, to save my family money each week on our groceries.

I shop end-of-season clearance sales to get winter coats or swimming suits for the kids, sometimes in sizes that are years off in the future, in order to save money.

When Samuel outgrows clothes, I save them for Isaac.

When Avery outgrew her beautiful dresses when she was an infant and toddler, I saved them in a keepsake box, because I am planning on having a granddaughter one day!

I will save the last little bit of cooked veggies, the chicken stock, and half of a chicken breast from dinner, pop them in the freezer, and take them out one day and make homemade chicken soup.

I keep things. I save things. I plan ahead. It's who I am.

As some of you may know, I've been on a journey over the past several months to adopt and maintain a healthier lifestyle, and in the process, hopefully lose some weight too. In the past when I have lost weight, I've always found it difficult to rid myself of clothes that became too big for me. I suppose this is because, as I've stated previously, I save things and plan ahead. What if I gained all the weight back, and I couldn't afford to run out and buy all new clothes? Horror!

As a result, over the years I have accumulated many different sizes of clothes, that have all taken up permanent residency in my closet. And it's been that way for many, many years.

But recently, I've come to realize that while it can be a good thing to hang onto some things and plan ahead for some things in life, sometimes it can also be downright unhealthy.

I don't want to plan on ever going back to the weight and size that I was when I first made the decision to do better for myself. I don't want to save a closet full of clothes that remind me every single day when I walk into my closet of just how unhealthy I allowed myself to become at one point in my life.

And so today, I hope that you all can appreciate just how difficult it was for me to do this...

Over 100 articles of clothing, in 3 different sizes, that are all too big for me. I'm getting rid of them all! No turning back!

As I look forward and plan for the future, I am hopeful that I can continue to plan and save in a more positive, healthy way. There's no need for me to hang onto the past and hang onto all of these clothes, because I don't plan on ever going back to the way I was before I started on this journey. Here's to a happier, healthier me!