A Friday. A week since I've last blogged. Can't find the time to type in my thoughts and everything, a busy week draws to a close. An important week draws up ahead. The prelims are here, so I guess I'll be blogging lesser than usual.
An update for thw week. Stressful. Well, especially for our class, for we have a lot to cope with. Especially for the Teachers' Day concert on Wednesday. Can't believe I'll be on stage, acting like a total moron in front of a sea of light blue, and clouds too. It isn't so bad though, could it count as a relief for stress?
Other than that, we also had the final mock examination, which is Social Studies. Well, this week is a lot of Lasts for my walk down the road, as a Commonwealthian for 4 years. Let's have a list: - Last Mock Examination - Last Week of Official School Lessons - Last Physical Education Lesson - Last Official Use for Classroom - Last Teachers' Day Card written as a Secondary School student - Last Week to slack - Last, Last time to sit in the class, as a class.
Well, may luck be on all of us for our prelims, and for our Os too. A walk, the first, down memory lane.
BACK IN TIME : 2002 (Sec 1)
Ms Loh LO is our CM, I'm in class 1/5, with the people who would be around me for another year. We were rebellious, we were childish, short and energetic. We came to know Mrs Nora Crothers, an excellent teacher since we first started having English Lessons in Secondary School. My maths, chinese and geography is very weak, while my sciences and english is quite alot better. Came in unranked for cross country that year. Went for CitiSuccess with Tan Yaw, gotten ourselves a lot of experiences under Mr Surin, who drilled the Cybernauts Orginators. Cybernauts triumphed as a CCA under his reign. In my first year, I'm not very loyal to the school, and sometimes just hated the school for almost everything.
BACK TO PRESENT
There will be more of these recalls, of the good times, and of the bad.
To 1/5'02, The year, though uneventful, was filled with much joy and laughter provided by the many jokers in the class. Thanks a lot, to the whole class, now dispersed, for the wonderful freshman year in Commonwealth.
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"The past holds the key to understanding yourself better. The future holds the excitment in which new lessons are meant to be learnt. The present holds the time, when both the past and the future intertwine, where you sow the seeds, to reap the future." -kSer
scribbled this at 6:01 pm by kS
Saturday, August 20, 2005
197th entry.
This is just another boring entry. Making a pathway to the big 200th entry.
Went City Harvest to crap today. Well, I'm quite quiet this time around, mainly due to the fact that I'm starting to open up to the religion, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to join City Harvest. I won't. I never will. Today's service seemed quite cool actually, it's better than the last service I went to. The preacher is quite funny. He spoke of one thing. Love. It did link directly to God, but he spoke of some other aspects which I totally agree with him on.
Love is acceptance, and that the body isn't meant to accept rejections. Nobody wants to get rejected. That's a fact.
Love is accountability. This, I will not elaborate, as it is quite spiritual.
Love is affirmation. To show and prove that one is loved and being loved, that is affirmation. I'm sure this is true. I know it.
The speaker is funny and lame, and perhaps this service I'll remember more fondly than the first one. Other than the speech of tongues, I find the service rather fine. However, I still bear a grudge against you, City Harvest. Getting a good guest speaker doesn't make you good, you're just a Titanium Structure without any holiness. It's just emptiness. There's nothing special about you, there's nothing in you.
"I'm shattered. I truly am. I wonder why is everything happening in such a manner since the beginning, and how would it be in the end. I'm saddened by words, then I'm hurt of thoughts, I'm stabbed by feelings, and I'm killed by feelings. Sometimes, you seemed so near that I thought it would be absurbly easy to reach, while at other times, you were so far that it's impossible to reach."
Deja Vu.
scribbled this at 11:37 pm by kS
Thursday, August 18, 2005
196th entry.
It's another day. Out of another week. Of another fortnight. Of another month. Of another term. Of another year. Just another day, always just another day.
Well, an update on my health. Critical. I'm not that ill, but the sore throat is getting from bad to worse. The doctor prescribed me 56 tablets of antibiotics, to be taken 4 times a day, 2 tablets each time. I was awed by the amount of tablets I've received. The first thing I ask myself, is whether my sore throat is that serious? Well, the sore throat is developing into a pretty bad cough, and coupled with slight sinus, it's not helping me.
Something stupid happened due to the cold and my cough today. While at Lakeside MRT, taking the escalator up to the platform, I had wanted to sneeze. Yet when I almost sneezed, I coughed pretty badly. I got pains in my sides, and shocked at what came out. I expected a sneeze and what emerged is a cough, it gives myself that raised eyebrow expression. It's not only my mentality that's split, I think the coordination between my bodily functions are pretty screwd up too.
My fungal-infected feet is the same. I gotten only 2 tubes of Mycoban. Well, it's quite alot better than 3 to 4 days ago, when it was bleeding similar to the pre-cross country infection. That was not a good sign. So I decided to make a multi-purpose trip to the doctor at the polyclinic. For dianogsis of my cough, read above. The doctor said that my feet is considered quite a severe infection, while I told him of my previous doctor visit, he chuckled when I told him I had to take medicine for the fungal infection.
What's wrong with me?
Still broken, yet mending.
scribbled this at 11:07 pm by kS
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
195th entry.
I thought my feet had recovered. However, it's been getting from bad to worse now, even worse than before the cross country. It is evident that the fungi had creeped up to just below my toenails, and the skin is flaking off like nobody's business. Bleeding is common, so is the pus. I find it disgusting to discover, again and again, that the socks I've worn to sch were yellow at the base when I took them off at home, due to the pus. There's no pain in them now, just itch and everything.
Got to see a doctor tomorrow, getting at least 4 tubes of the anti-fungal cream I had the last time, hopefully no antibiotics, and some bandages and tips. Getting some medicine for my bad throat too. My health is in a crisis now, and I should do everything in my power, to recover as soon as possible. Time should not be wasted on these continuous illnesses. Nothing can get me now, not now.
I seriously wondered if my feet is alright.
scribbled this at 10:52 pm by kS
Sunday, August 14, 2005
194th entry.
Well, I went to Church again. This time round, I'm getting less and less skeptical about Christianity. However, I'm not yet a Christian. There are still quite a number of doubts in my mind, and that I still had questions about everything I see now. "Is there really a God?" My answer's still no. I may be more open minded towards religions, but to get me to truly believe and commit myself to one, that's hard. I can't believe in God until I trust in that he had existed and is still existing. Unless I can make myself trust Christ, I won't be anywhere near any religion.
Other than that, I went with Ruiming and Ivan to Carnival@Marina today. It's the last day, so it's now or never. It's quite enjoyable really, there's much to see, hear and smell. There's displays of tanks, aircrafts and almost everything in the SAF. Truly magnificant.
I get to handle a SAR21 rifle, and actually aimed and shot with it. It's during a Urban Fighters exercise or game, that I actually used it. The smell after firing each bullet is unbearable, and it choked me. Our team lost, with the opposition capturing the flag. Darn Ivan, he got shot on the way back with the enemy flag. I did not kill anyone, nor did anyone hit me. Well, it's the first time I handled a rifle, and it's not until NS when I would handle another. A real eye opener.
Another thriller during the carnival is that we actually boarded the RSS Endurance. It's a big military ship of the Navy fleet, and probably the ship which has been on the most number of missions. Onboard the ship, we chatted with an Airforce officer who mended the chopper(helicopter) onboard the Endurance. He told us about real army life, and how those who signed on has "no dreams nor passion", and I found his words quite true. Another fun factor about him is his attitude towards the army itself, commenting about the "Academic meritocracy" and "Ranking of Officers" as "sh*t". He also used words like "f**k" towards the system in the army, isn't that ironic? He's quite racist too, and that probably what's the nicest thing about him too. He said that there's two types of people in this world, either Racist, or Black. He also commented that we could pinch each other all we want in the army, since all the high ranking officers have a turban bigger than the helmets, and he also commented something obscene which I won't blog about. He lived somewhere near us though, and I suggest you don't go knocking on his door.
While awaiting to board the transport to RSS Endurance, we commented on the names of the ship. We thought there's a reason to name each of the ships with a positive name. Until we see one ship called the RSS Bedok. We then wondered if Singlish was accepted as a National Language, would there be a RSS Bhai, RSS Simi, RSS Sek, RSS Lah, RSS Lor. Or even names like RSS Nathan, RSS Weixue. We're being abit mean, but that's what you do while waiting in a long queue to board a Navy ship.
I missed one event there, which is the 15mins firworks display to mark the end of the carnival. Reason being that there is too big a crowd streaming into Marina Bay. With the fireworks starting at 8pm, and ending at around 8.15pm, the crowd would hinder our departure and if I stayed on, I would not have reached home yet.
Nice day.
scribbled this at 10:22 pm by kS
Saturday, August 13, 2005
193rd entry.
Well, there's nothing much to say now. Hoever, I decided to take some people's advice. I'm not retaking my Chinese O Levels already. I got to live with it. It's the consequence of me neglecting my mother tongue from Primary 3. Getting a B3 may not be my limit, and it's not that I'm scared of it, that I'm not retaking it.
There are several reasons, for that I do not have the time to retake my Chinese anymore. I've no time to recap the basics of each section, I've no time to recall the vocabulary in the book, nor regain my touch after a 2 month seperation from Chinese. I've got to face the truth, that I still have other subjects to worry about, it is due to the fact that my sciences are weak, achieving C6s, D7s and E8s are a far cry of what I'm expected to achieve. They are the complusory subjects, unlike Chinese, and that no matter what, one of them is going to be in my L1R5. I could use the time to concentrate on my sciences instead of trying out for a distinction in mother tongue, which I hadn't had in years. I need to assure myself a distinction in both of them, not counting one in geography and two in mathematics. My aims are clear. I need the time badly, to catch up with the other subjects.
To those would feel like retaking, I will not hinder what you all had already set your mind on. Just a word of caution, is that if your other subjects are weak, I suggest you leave your grades be, no matter how disappointed you are. Should you get a distinction in it, and the rest of your subjects are the B3s you wanted to stay away from, there's no point.
For my case, this is what I think I could get, for this O Levels, if I retake Chinese:
EL - A2 MT - A2 CH - C6 GE - A2 AM - A1 EM - A1 PH - B3 CM - B4 L1R5 : 11
While if I did not retake and use the time to concentrate on other subjects, I could get:
EL - A2 MT - B3 CH - C5 GE - A1 AM - A1 EM - A1 PH - A2 CM - B3 L1R5 : 10, or even better.
That's my confidence, not arrogance. If you think I can't achieve such scores, I believe that you should keep the comments inside yourself, and only release it if I really did not get as expected. For if I did, trust me, underestimating me has a consequence.
Where am I heading to? JC. Yet not sure which to go now. NJC seemed to be the popular spot for most Commonwealthians. Jurong Junior is another. Time will tell, which JC am I going to head for.
I shall suffer my own consequences, I shall take it all to myself. I shall not let others suffer in my position. I shall persevere, even if I can't take it anymore.
Another person, whom I've always took for granted, is Ms Phoon. She is the one teacher who had cared for each and every one of her students, and it is her who made me realise my biggest mistake in my entire life. I've disappointed her greatly, so much so that my heart tore, when I realise that dropping Chinese is the way I got to move, I do not know whether I'm making the right choice. Her actions and decision, which I've neglected, were for the good of all of us. Yet, my attitude, is what leads me to where I am now, a cliffhanger. I promised her an A1 during Adam Khoo's, and now I got to take back my words. Even if she was pleased with my results, I could not help but feel that I'm a disappointment. I wanted to be the student who she can talk about in the future years, about how I've achieved distinctions from failing time and time again, yet now I can't be the one. I had wished to show her an A1 or A2 for Teachers' Day, to make you proud. I can't. Nothing in the world, could buy the perfect present for you now, and nothing now, could repair the damage I caused when you tried to mend them. I'm so sorry, Ms Phoon, I've let you down.
Me. I found myself.
scribbled this at 5:00 pm by kS
Friday, August 12, 2005
Here are the Pics I'm promised of National Day at Jurong East.
Comments later.
scribbled this at 11:26 pm by kS
It's not unbelievable. It's not luck. I just can't imagine myself getting a B3 and a merit for Mother Tongue. Well, it first hit me as joy, while subsequently, despair. I don't know what I must do next, and I don't know where I should head. I'm at another road now, and there's two paths to take. There's no turning back once I chose a path, choices had their consequences. Great consequences.
First, I could choose not to retake the exams, yet with it, I must live with a B3 in my certificate. I would confirm my B3 in my certificate, and that it would either be a blessing, or a curse. I would have more time to study, and to catch up on my sciences and combined humanities. Yet, another, it would prove harsh should I be counting chinese into my L1R5. All in all, my thoughts for this are that I had done my best.
Another thought which surfaced, would be that if I had achieved such results, I could achieve better. It seemed as though I could still improve, provided that time permits. For this, I would have to take the prelims and the O levels, and compete with the HMT sec 3 students in the whole of Singapore, who are ALL expected to get an A1 for the paper. I can't see myself together in the same boat as them. They are the elite no matter what the situation is, and they could have easily snatched up the top 25%, adding to those who are retaking the subject even when they scored A2s or B3s. What chance do I stand? Do I really have the shot at the A1 mark? Or am I taking the paper again to show the world that I'm constant now at b3 standards? Or that it would look nicer with a distinction on the certificate and that a B3 is not what others want to see on it?
Many people had many different solutions to my problem now. Well, I had never expected myself to be in this situation. I always thought that if I got a B3, I would not retake it any longer. Yet with second thoughts upon REALLY getting a B3, I felt stuck and squeezed, as though I'm merely squeezing through a hole in the wall to seperate the people who are and are not retaking the examinations. That's not a good feeling.
I've consulted Ms Phoon, who said that she was pleased with my results, as she said my standard in around C5. However, she also say that I could do better if I try, and put in the time and effort. She told me that I had a lower probability of getting an A1, but she say that I could expect an A2. That left me stranded, as she had the many years of experience seeing the O levels fly by, that what she had said was true. Who would sit for an exam aiming for an A2?
What am I suppose to do? I've got to decide by Monday, and my decision is going to haunt me or otherwise. A blunder at this point of life is a regrettable one.
To all who got A1s, including you, and to those who got their desired and above expectations results, congratulations and I wish all of you an enjoyable time during mother tongue lessons. Make good use of the time to study hard for the rest of the subjects. Make full use of the time. Here's a quote I just thought of : "Time is just not a constant but a variable. Vary it with you work to achieve maximum potential."-kSer
To those who got below their own expectations, and for those who need to retake the paper, I wish you all, all the best. I know for some, the results would bring tears due to their underperformance. However, this I'll say from experience. Save those tears, you'll need them to flow when you get back a distinction, to show your tremendous efforts and hardship had finally paid off. I've never cried over some stupid papers I've failed. I just tell myself that I would do better, that I was saving my energy for the last spur. To these people, this is the quote: "Running away from your setbacks are stupid as they will catch up with you again. Facing them, and you will never see them again."-kSer
scribbled this at 10:27 pm by kS
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
"If You Come Back" Blue
C'mon c'mon Yeah Can you feel me? (Baby can you feel me?) I've got something to say Check it out For all this time I've been lovin' you girl Oh yes I have And ever since the day You left me here alone I've been trying to find Oh, the reason why
So if I did Something wrong Please tell me I wanna understand 'Cause I don't want This love to ever end
And I swear If you come back Here's my life Baby, till the end of time (Come back to me Come back to me Here's my life) And I swear I'll keep you right By my side 'Cause baby You're the one I want (Come back to me Come back to me Here's my life) Oh yes you are
I watched you go You've taken My heart with you Oh yes you did Every time I tried to reach you On the phone Baby you're never there Girl you're never home
So if I did something wrong Please tell me I wanna understand 'Cause I don't want This love to ever end No, no, no, no
I swear If you come back Here's my life Baby, till the end of time (Come back to me Come back to me Here's my life) And I swear I'll keep you right By my side 'Cause baby You're the one I want (Come back to me Come back to me Here's my life) Oh yes you are
Maybe I didn't know How to show it And maybe I didn't know What to say This time I won't, this time Then we can Build our lives Then we can Be as one
I swear If you come back Here's my life Baby, till the end of time (Come back to me Come back to me Here's my life) Oh yeah And I swear I'll keep you right By my side 'Cause baby You're the one I want (Come back to me Come back to me) Oh yes you are
And I swear If you come back Here's my life Baby, till the end of time (Come back to me Come back to me Here's my life) Oh yeah And I swear I'll keep you right By my side
scribbled this at 11:44 pm by kS
"Guilty" Blue
I never want to play the games that people play I never want to hear the things they gotta say I've found everything I need I never wanted anymore than I can see I only want you to believe
If it's wrong to tell the truth Then what am I supposed to do When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) If it's wrong to do what's right I'm prepared to testify If loving you with all my heart's a crime Then I'm guilty
I wanna give you all the things you never had Don't try to tell me how he treats you isn't bad I need you back in my life I never wanted just to be the other guy (be the other guy) I never wanted to live a lie
If it's wrong to tell the truth What am I supposed to do All I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) If it's wrong to do what's right I'm prepared to testify If loving you with all my heart's a crime Then I'm guilty
Girl I followed my heart Followed the truth Right from the start it led me to you Please don't leave me this way I'm guilty now all I have to say
If it's wrong to tell the truth Then what am I supposed to do When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) If it's wrong to do what's right I'm prepared to testify If loving you with all my hearts a crime Then I'm guilty
What am I supposed to do Then I'm guilty All I wanna do is speak my mind Gulity Then I'm guilty I'm prepared to testify If it's wrong to do what's right then tell me about this feeling inside If loving you with all my hearts a crime I'm Guilty
scribbled this at 11:40 pm by kS
This will be the 188th post in this Special Space of Mine, and also my 237th post inclusive of all my other blogs such as thomsonooi.blogspot.com and withinthomsonooi.blogspot.com, both which had been shut down on Feburary 8th 2005.
I could still remember, how I shut them down because of you. I'm not complaining, I'm fine with shutting them down. Well, this blog is doing fine for half a year, there's no reason to look back to think that the other two blogs are better, because they are not. Half a year to have 188th posts, it's calculated to be 1.030136986301369863013698630137 posts a day, isn't it a busy blog? No wonder it's called my Special Space.
So, half a year had went past both of us now, with as little events between us. It's not so much a good half-year, but nonetheless, a recovering one. Neither do I now, look forward to the future, nor wished to retreat to the very past. The present is always the key to change ones life, and his own future. I shall keep myself to the present, instead of seeking the future.
Muddlehead. I'm a fool. Utter stupidity.
Foolish mortals! Have you not seen past the light as I had?
scribbled this at 11:00 pm by kS
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I had never expected most of the events which had ever happened to me. I had always placed consideration before actions, and yet all I yield for results, are constant failures. I had never seen the light of the glory of success, and yet, I wished not to enjoy the torturous depths of failure.
I had always thought of myself as someone unique, for there can only be a singular person, only one who is myself sharing the same physical and mentally programming. I wished to raise this unique-ness, yet I failed. When I failed, I meant to say that I had put in my best efforts in order to change something, and with the considerations and thoughts put into it, my confidence of success has been boosted. However, the results are never what I had expected. Failures after failures, rarely a single success, lead me to where I am now. Fear of the world and its worldly triads, rejection, seperation, loss of direction and freedom. I can't seem to put myself out of such a depth of pressure.
"I can't even reach the clouds. Who am I to have the expectations of aiming for the Heavens, the point where no one could ever reach?"
There's no need for aims if you know that you can't achieve it. Unreachable. Whom shall I seek, to raise me up? Where is the one person out there, who can make my dreams come true, who can heal the wounds and bring me the joys of initial success? Where are you?
I know, you are nowhere. And I shouldn't expect a miracle to happen between us. Like I've said, I failed. Though I'll never accept my failure as a sign of defeat, it scarred me with an important warning.
"You are the Heavens, the point where you stand no one could reach. I thought I could reach you, and thus I aimed to achieve. When I tried, I barely reached the clouds, I barely touched them. You seemed to be unreachable, and I know now, you are. However, note this, that there will be a time when I will reach you, and when that time comes, it'll be the point when time stops, and that, will be our little place called Heaven."
scribbled this at 12:12 pm by kS
Monday, August 08, 2005
This is something I've read from somewhere a long time ago.
Tale of the Broken Heart, and a Heartless Monk
It all began, when there is this man, who is in all essence, a person of good character and identity. He was once a joyful man who seemed to have no anxiety over obstacles, and was a successful man.
It all took to an abrupt end. The joy of the man and his success and wealth, all swept away by some unseen force no one could see nor hear. It seemed more than luck, to which caused the man to be depressed and down, to neglect his daily work and refused to eat, nor come in human contact with anyone. This force is truly something to be reckoned with.
It was then, of coincidence, that he had granted an old monk from a distant province, to stay in for the night. In the warmth of the summer night, the man went into his garden, looking to the heavens, as though searching for the answers, yet he found none. The monk then came into the garden, and sat with the man. The man, unwilling to talk to anyone, much less a monk, stood up and was about to take his leave. It was then, the monk spoke up.
"How long has it been, since your heart is whole?"
"About 2 weeks now," Said the man, downcast. "How would you have come to know of my situation?"
"Anyone who's heartless, who had seen and hear much less love, would not seek answers from the Heavens. He would seeks the truth from the Heavens, would be one who's heart knows much love, and that that the love had been taken away, shattering the heart." Came the reply.
"If you are heartless, then please tell me how to solve this problem, I beg you."
"First tell me, for I need to know such depth to let you see the light. Who is the one, who caused such love to fail? The Him, or the Her?" Questioned the monk.
"Her." The man said, suppressing his tears as he recalled the perfect past he had, and that he wanted.
Upon hearing this, the monk merely gave a chuckle. Standing up, he laughed heartily on his way out of the garden.
"Wait! You have not told me the answers!" The man cried out.
"The answers are within you, and that your pain is unneccessary." The monk turned. "Let me ask you this, who do you think, had suffered the most loss due to this matter?"
"Isn't it obvious? It's me. I'm the victim." Blurted the man.
"No, you are not. She is the victim, yet you are not the criminal. She, once again, is the criminal. Think it through. You lost someone who doesn't love you anymore, and that she had lost someone who is willing to die for her, for he loves her." The monk said, turning.
scribbled this at 8:50 pm by kS
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Anyway, just thought you guys may want to know, I created the class blog in under 20mins. Not much effort put in there. I just took 10mins to fix the alignment and all, colours and details took 7mins, loading and previewing took up the rest.
scribbled this at 10:56 pm by kS
Well, it's not that I'm free, but I decided to create a class blog in order to satisfy the growing number of bloggers in our class. The link is on the right side, number one on the list. Feel free to visit the champions' blog. I'm being shameless, but we really are champions.
Anyway, tomorrow is Awards Day. Red will be everywhere. I spent $8 at a pasar malam at Jurong East MRT Station, just to buy a red T-shirt, as the other 2 doesn't fit. One is the 2/5 class tee shirt, which is almost the same as the 3/3 class tee now. The other is a Liverpool jersey, which may fit Hei Wai. Anyway, Tuck Wen's going to hate me if I wore Liverpool, so heck. I bought a simple one with a 'A' in the front. See it for yourself tomorrow.
Other than studying today, I visited a church unlike City Harvest. It's Calvary Pandan Bible Presbyterian Church, it's quite a nice place to be, considering it is a Church, and that I'm a free thinker. The preaching by the pastor is seriously meaningful, giving me thoughts about my life, but it's like slowly filling an empty cup. Should this persist, I may be a Christian in a few years time. Just Kidding.
Religion aside, I found that I'm abit sick. As in really ill. I keep getting quick bouts of fever around 37.3 degrees Celcius, which only subsides and comes back again. I wonder why, but it's causing dizziness.
scribbled this at 10:34 pm by kS
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Anyway, I forgot to mention, well, it's abit obvious anyway, that our class won the Secondary 3,4 and 5 classes to nick the title of Level Champions. Good job for all runners! Though it's quite expected for us to win the event, it's just memorable for I have been running for the winning class for 4 consecutive years.
Secondary 1 Boys Champions 2002 : 1/5 (Unranked) Secondary 2 Boys Champions 2003 : 2/5 (14th) Secondary 3 Boys Champions 2004 : 3/3 (5th) Secondary 3/4/5 Boys Champions 2005 : 4/3 (9th)
While, I must say that alot of us have made dramatic improvements in the run. Haikal, Shahid and Syamil were strong. However, I must really take my hat off to David. I had never seen someone who had made so much improvement, jumping till 10th position! He had really improved beyond recognition. More ever, out of the 11 boys who ran, the maximum number we can have, 8 of our boys took top 20 positions, while 2 others got 23rd and 26th respectively, and one succumbed to aids. Well, it's the effort being put in, that makes us the top. We will always be top, we're shadowless.
We do not fear the dark, but rather, the light. We do not fear what we can't do, but what we can do with our maximum potential. We are 3/3'04 and 4/3'05. No matter what, we'll be the top.
This Annual Cross Country Championships marks the end of a memorable chapter to the interschool sporting event of the year, and for us, of the time we had spent in Commonwealth Secondary.
We'll be the best, ever with the best.
scribbled this at 3:22 pm by kS
Friday, August 05, 2005
Annual Cross Country 2005 report
Position: 9th
I truly wondered how could I ever achieved such a position. It was unexpected, though I told myself that I was to achieve 7th or 8th position, and that I had a super stitch in the middle of the race. Yet one thing is true, I could not have done it without two people, one of them is David Kwok, and the other, is no other than you.
At the beginning, I started out strong, running with the pack of fast runners(not the chi0nging group). The pack is second to the top pack, who were basically unreachable. I got myself detached from the pack, in the large gap between the top runners and the rest. I was going strongly until a downslope, where I leaned forward to gain momentum. I was hit by the first wave of stitch then, which gradually increase in pain as I continued into the guys' route.
I continued going despite the increasing pain, while the upslope to the exit of the forest took its toll on my stamina and worsen the stitch. I exited onto Lornie Road with rock bottom speeds, and thus I was overtook by two other people. It just did not stop there, my stitch worsened to the extent that I could not breathe. I then had to stop to catch my breath, tying my shoelace too. The breathlessness took my momentum and pace away, causing me to slow down significantly. It was then David popped by my side, instead of just clapping to cheer me on, shouted unexpectedly...
"RUN!! DAMMIT!! RUN!!"
It felt as though he had shook the doubt arisen in me away. I began to suppress the pain, and slowly but surely, proceeded to move forward. One step, two steps and another, and another, my momentum and pace picked up. I was back to my original speed and pace, rhythmically catching up with David. I wanted to encourage him on, but my shortness-of-breath disallowed it totally. I was barely in front of him when we came to where Mdm Asnida was, she was telling me and David that we were in the top 10.
Unknown to me on what forces propelled me, I started my sprint, gaining momentum and pace even though my muscles screamed in protest. Every step is truly pure pain, yet I pushed it, my limits. Upon seeing the people at the finishing line, I knew that was it. I could not hear the people around me properly, I could only vaguely tell that they are cheering me on. I let myself loose. My brain shut down except for two thoughts. To finish the race, and to fulfil expectations of my own and what you had for me. I threw open the doors to my adrenaline, and with a bit more speed, I dashed across the finishing line, claiming the position of 9th. David finished 10th.
There it was. The finishing touches to the last major sporting event in my Secondary School life. Never again, would I leave MacRitchie after a race, to celebrate with my friends at West Mall. Never again, would I be able to get another prize with the CSS crest. Never. I felt a short sense of achievement and happinss, for I had gotten top 10 and that I had did it without much training. After that short period of time, I felt only exhaustion and dizziness, no sense of achievement, no sense of happiness. My thoughts flowed slowly through my oxygen-depleted brain, headaches and blurred images sets in. Unable to focus at all, I took to the ground. Not wanting to get up as the pain seemed to be going nowhere. After a long while, I recovered enough to change up in the Mens' and gathered for further instructions.
I felt as though a mountain of questions had rained upon me: Had I reached your standards? Had I fulfilled my self-promise to you? Will everything today, stay for eternity?
I've answered these questions.
On another note, I'll be posting the photos taken at cross country soon, taken by Haikal and others, should they be kind enough to allow me this honour.
scribbled this at 10:05 pm by kS
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
"Setbacks are meant for Determination to Expand, Achievement is meant for Humility to be Exercised." -kSer
Looking for something Me can't seem to find anywhere. No one can help Me find my answers to these questions. Nobody.
What is my purpose on this Earth?
Where do you find yourself? When can you find yourself? What must you do to find yourself? How do you find yourself?
Am Me alone?
Who is the one who give me feelings and emotions? Where can I dump unwanted emotions and feelings?
What must Me do?
Why am Me here?
Searching for the answers.
scribbled this at 10:17 pm by kS
Monday, August 01, 2005
Mum in China. Dad in China. Me left with 2 elder brothers at home together with me.
Yet, Me decided to stay in school everyday for the Night Study Scheme as Me can't seem to concentrate at home anymore. Me thinks that Me is too easily distracted, reasoning is that simple. Me had finished Physics Worksheets for today, and had done few of the TYS questions. Me will be starting on Geography notes during tomorrow's Night Study.
Me has a reason to use Me instead of the letter "I", for "I" had seemed too hostile at the moment.
Looking for a peace treaty, a truce, a happy ending to all conflicts, including between Me, Myself and I.
Currently Reading :
Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul (Me may not be romantic, but they did not restrict it to just romantic people. Me've read Christian Soul but Me'm not Christian.)
Chicken Soup for the Soul : Living Your Dreams (Me need to find my dream, and get it back.)
Unhurried Thoughts At My Funeral (Catherine Lim's first Non-Fiction book Me is going to read. Philosophy and Deep Thinking. Me's genre of books.)
