Beautiful Heartbreak

I LOVE Hiliary Weeks. She is honestly so inspirational. I love listening to her songs and feeling the spirit so strongly. This song touches my heart every time I listen to it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Long time no blogging....

Sorry it has taken me so long to update I have a story for that.... As I was telling you before I had some fun stuff planned for the Thursday before Justice got home. We went to the temple with a dear friend of ours then out to eat. Then we met my sisters-in-law to go to the opening show of Breaking Dawn Part 2. It was a really good movie (if you like stuff like that). We didn't end up getting to the hotel until about 12:45, but we had a great time together. We woke up Friday morning bright and early to make it to the airport on time. Justice's plane was scheduled to land almost 40 mins earlier than was expected, so of course we were a little nervous but everyone made it on time. It was so much fun to see him. He was so happy to see us all and couldn't believe how big the nieces and nephews had gotten. After we hugged and loved on him, got his luggage we headed to I-Hop for some breakfast. Of course it was good as always. Here are some pictures from the airport.

Some of our cute signs for Uncle Justice!!

 

Some of the greeting party!

First time seeing Justice in 2 years

First hug was for mom

Second was for dad

 It really was so great to see him and his smiling face. He is such a wonderful man, he has such a strong testimony (he always has), he is so kind and understanding, he has a laugh that is so contagious and I love it!! He is going to make some young lady very happy one day! My parents and Justice actually went back to Hawaii the day after Thanksgiving, they are having a great time and enjoying the warm weather. 

Ok so here is my story; the Sunday after Justice got home I woke up and everything was spinning, I fell out of bed and couldn't walk straight, I just kept falling down. I was so nauseous because of all the spinning all I did Sunday and Monday was throw up and try not to fall down. By Tuesday I was over it and finally went to the Dr. I walked to the clinic because I knew I wasn't safe to be driving. I bet those people that saw me walking down hospital hill were laughing or probably just thought I was drunk. Either way I made it down to the clinic without falling. I was diagnosed with vertigo, which is just not fun if you ask me. My mom came over to pick me up so I could go stay with her for the next 3 days because Andrew was at work and unable to stay home with me. I went and stayed with my mom and helped as much as I could get stuff ready for Thanksgiving. I was so sad I couldn't help cook more because it is my favorite holiday. I love the smell of the celery and onions cooking with some poultry seasoning for the stuffing and the pies baking, oh the pies. I LOVE IT!!! But this year I had to take it easy. We had a great Thanksgiving though lots of food, family and laughter.

Girl picture (minus a few that were chasing kiddos)

The guys (minus of few kids) deep fat frying a turkey for us to enjoy

Our table scape

 I didn't get one of everyone eating I was pretty dizzy at this point so I just sat down and enjoyed the food with everyone else. Today I am not dizzy and haven't been for a day or two #thankgoodness but now I have a cold, can a girl catch a break?! Oh well hopefully this will be it for the winter and I won't be the one getting sick, I'll just be the one taking care of those who are sick #Lovebeinganurseandwife.

Well I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was great and filled with family, friends and food.

Happy!!!

                                                 This weekend was a Happy weekend.
ACE hardware store here in Kemmerer was having their 28th anniversary, so everything in the store was 28% off. They had a drawing that you could put your name in for everytime you came into the store and when you bought something. Andrew and I had our name in there probably 6 times each. They also had circles throughout the store on the floor that had numbers on them and every 30 min or so throughout the day they had a drawing for numbers and you could win a small prize. Andrew found a dot that was not occupied so he stood there and ended up winning this.....

Oh you should have seen his face when he saw what he won. He was so proud he held it up above the crowd with a big smile on his face. We weren't sure what it was but it is a garden decoration, a mushroom garden decoration! We were just so thrilled that we had won something, we have the worst of luck when it comes to winning raffles or prizes of any sort. The big drawing was next 1st prize got a $750.00 shopping spree at ACE, 2nd prize was a 42 in. TV, 3rd prize was a HP laptop, and 4th prize was a miter saw (I think). So they had called the 4th place and 3rd place winners when Amy said "We're done, we aren't going to win." I told her we just have to stay positive and as soon as I said that they called the 2nd place winner as "Stephanie Kaiser" I was in shock because you know we don't win stuff like this. But we did, we won a 42 in. TV, Andrew was yipping and hollering he was so excited. LOL! I love that kid, he makes me laugh constantly. Here is my prize.....

Sunday brought a special stake conference that was so wonderful. We had Elder D. Todd Christofferson come and speak to us. It was so spiritual, when he stood up to go to the pulpit you could just feel the spirit overwhelm you. I loved every minute of it. All of the speakers for stake conference did an exceptional job and definitely brought the spirit into the meeting. After conference I had my dad, brother and his family come over for dinner. We had such a great time together, lots of food, laughter and chatting. After they left to go home I told Andrew that I was just HAPPY. I loved conference, having family over and enjoying the day with him. There are days that I'm not just happy, I let my trials overcome me but this weekend I was happy, not because I won a TV (although that didn't hurt) but because I have such a wonderful life that there is no way that I couldn't be happy!

Lots of fun stuff planned for Thursday. Justice comes home on Friday morning, can't wait to give him a big hug and just hear his laughter, it was always so contagious. Well I hope you guys enjoyed your weekend as much as I did. I'll update after Justice gets home! Did I say I can't wait!? Because I can't wait to see him! YAY!!!!

Happy Halloween

This year for Halloween I asked Andrew what he thought about dressing up (he usually tells me he will dress up like a hunter, I tell him he can't dress up in something that he wears all the time) But this year he said he would dress up with me. I was so excited. When it comes to Halloween I am like a little kid. I love to decorate for Halloween, watch scary movies, go to Haunted Cornmazes, and dress up. So here we are for Halloween 2012!!

Some decorations, see if you can spot the spider?

Our witch's pot of candy!

Zombie football player and Zombie cheerleader

We hope everyone had a great time and got lots of candy!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Fun Filled Weekend

Saturday:

• Temple
• Pizza Pie Cafe
• Grocery Shopping
• Some Christmas Shopping
• Stocking up at Sam's
• Haunted Corn Maze

If you notice I have my eyes closed but am trying to smile at the

 same time as I am screaming because this guy has a chainsaw revving up behind us.

I was a little nervous!

Andrew was trying to show me how to look scared instead of smiling in all the pictures.

I still just smiled and raised my eyebrows

I tried to look scared but instead I just look retarted, but that guy in the background really did freak me out

After eating Pizza Pie

Sunday:

• Church
• Going to Randolph for the Pumpkin Carving Party at my Mom and Dad's
• Lots of football--Broncos Won!
• Baked Potato Bar
• Picked our names for Christmas (this year we are doing a "My Favorite Things" themed Christmas, it should be fun)
• A ton of pumpkin guts flying everywhere
• Family and Lots of Fun!!

Everybody's pumpkins--14

Andrew did the Broncos one and I did the Wicked one

I made Andrew pose with me and our pumpkins, he is such a good sport!

Well that was our weekend, we had a blast. We love this time of year because we get to spend lots of time with family and friends.

On a side note Justice comes home in 18 days!!! I can't believe that it has already been 2 years, it goes by so fast. We are so excited to see that Hawaiian brother of ours!



Winter Wonderland

So I went to bed last night to thunder, lightning and rain and this morning I woke up to a winter wonderland.

I have a love-hate relationship with snow. I love it if I can stay home and cuddle up with a book next to our fireplace or watch a good movie with some hot chocolate, I love to watch the snow fall and I love the way it makes the world look. I love the cozy feeling when it snows.

On the other hand I hate it when I am driving in it or my family or friends are driving in it. I also don't love that Andrew is up in the mountains hunting and sleeping in this but I guess that is how you get a nice elk. 

I think that I will take full advantage of this nice cozy snowy day and stay inside. I may organize a room or just relax!! Either way I'm going to enjoy this winter wonderland!  



Questions and Answers

This past year we have started the journey of adoption, which is very exciting for us. I have kept my feelings to myself about all the infertility and the adoption, but sometimes I think it helps to just get those feelings off your chest and not hold them back all the time. Today for some reason is one of those days where it seems harder to handle than others. I haven't wanted to post anything about my feelings because I hate it when people feel sorry for me. I just feel like infertility is one of the trials Andrew and I were meant to go through and we know that everyone else has a ton of other trials they are going through so I never wanted my trial to seem bigger than anyone else's thus the reason for me not posting a lot about the infertility or adoption. But I have had people ask me about how I FEEL, they ask me how I handle seeing all my friends/family get pregnant or have babies, if it is hard spending 30+ grand on a baby, why we wanted to adopt an African American baby, will I be sad that my baby won't look like me, so here it is.

I never thought that getting pregnant or starting a family would be this hard, because it was just something that I knew all my life that I wanted to do. I WANTED to me a MOM!!! But for some reason Heavenly Father has decided to hold off on giving us a baby right now. Along this whole journey I have never once felt bitter towards anyone that has kids or that was pregnant, I wanted to feel happy for them because I knew it was a miracle in and of itself. I did get sad when I would hear of people having their 2nd or 3rd baby and I still hadn't had one yet. But I think we are all allowed to be sad some days and feel bad for ourselves. I don't think that it makes us any less of a person or pulls us farther away from our Savior, I just think that in those moments we can decide to let it overcome us or we can overcome it. I have definitely had those days where I felt like infertility overcame me, but in those moments I had a strong and wonderful man that kept reminding me of what we really wanted and that it will all be worth it. I would never be able to get through this without Andrew by my side. He is my rock!   

So how do I feel? I feel grateful! Now that may sound odd that I feel grateful right now, but aren't we taught to be grateful for the difficult times for in those times we grow? I feel like this is one of those times where I am supposed to grow and learn from everything that I have been through. Why? I don't know, but I am willing to wait and see. Andrew and I have been able to grow as a couple over the past 3+ years of trying to get pregnant, we have been able to become closer as a couple and know that we have a strong foundation to get through the tough times.

Is it hard to see others having babies? Yes, if it weren't I wouldn't be human. But I love to see those new mom's and their beautiful babies. I love to snuggle them and I am grateful that I have so many sweet friends/family that are so kind and understanding that they say "come over and snuggle anytime!"

Is it hard to spend that much $$$?? Ask yourself if it would be hard to drop 30+ grand at a moments notice, but if it is something that you have wanted so badly for so long wouldn't you be willing to do what ever it takes to get it? Well that is how we feel about a baby, we are willing to do whatever it takes to start a family!

Why an African American baby? Well because ever since I was a little girl all I wanted was to be a mom of a black baby girl and my mom would say honey only if you marry a black man. Well Heavenly Father is just making my dreams come true in a unexpected way. Andrew and I always knew we wanted to adopt (we didn't although know that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant) and we talked about it and we both felt like we could love any child of any ethnicity just like we would a biological child.

Will it be hard that my babies don't look like us? Yeah I've shed a few tears about this exact topic but then I remember when my mom, dad, Justice and I were in Richfield at some games and we were eating at Pepperbellies when the waitress came up to us and said that she could tell that I was my mother's daughter (I get that quite often) but she also said that she could tell that my little brother (who is adopted) looked just like my dad!!! And I thought ya know it doesn't take blood to make a family, yeah my little girl will not look like me but that doesn't mean that she won't act like me or have the same little quirks as me. So I have to remember that my baby will be just as loved even if she doesn't look like us!

Now like I said at first I don't want anyone feeling bad or sad I just wanted to answer some questions that I have been asked a lot from people that love us and want the best for us. We are truly so blessed to have such amazing friends and families that love us and support us in everything that we do! Thanks so much!
I want all ya all to know that I am an open book and I don't get offended easily, so if you have questions about the infertility or adoption please feel free to ask! I want everyone to feel comfortable with the adoption so ask me anything!

Moments That Matter Most

I hope you enjoy this little movie from Mormon Messages!

From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours

A sweet friend of mine introduced me to this song today. It touched my heart and made me cry. I will be forever grateful to our birthmom for the sacrafice and selflessness she has. AND I will give my baby extra kisses and let her know that she was loved before she was ours!
(This video isn't the greatest but it was the best sounding of the song that I could find)

Memorial Day Weekend

Silly me forgot the camera this past weekend so we have no pictures but we did have fun!
Our weekend consisted of :

• Fishing
• Wind
• Kaiser Family
• Basketball
• Kickball
• Wind
• Rain
• Snow
• Did I mention wind?
• Limb Family
• Flowers on graves
• Church
• Movies
• FOOD
• Bocce Ball
• Camp Fires
• 4-wheeling
• Squeaky huntin

We had a great time with our families this weekend. It was nice to get away. Next week is girls camp so wish me luck. Oh I forgot to mention that I am now a PRN nurse at the clinic, which means I get called in when they don't have enough nurses but I can say no if I have plans so that is nice. Anyways I hope everyone else had a great weekend!

The Letter.....

said this: "Andrew and Stephanie, This letter is to inform you that the adoption committee has reviewed your adoption application materials. You have been approved and placed on our active list."

We haven't been more excited about getting mail in a long time! We were so happy when we read the first line of the letter, we both had tears in our eyes and just hugged each other for a long time. We truly are blessed to have this opportunity. We cannot wait to hold our baby in our arms, we know that Heavenly Father has helped us get to this point and will help us to find the baby that is ours! Thanks to everyone for the support and love throughout all of this. It isn't over we just wait now, I've heard this is the hardest part because we really don't have much control over the process now. So we will keep everyone informed. 

Here are a few pages from our profile I hope you (and the birth families) enjoy them! :D

 

                              

Conference Weekend (better late than never right?)

We started our conference weekend by going to Logan to the temple and enjoying some good food. We also went shopping. Andrew is such a trooper when it comes to me going into fabric stores, mainly Hobby Lobby, one of my very favorite stores I could spend all day in there and spend a lot of money too. Anyways he was very helpful. Then on Saturday we went fishing with Mike, Millie, and Tyler at Fontenelle. It was really fun, especially since Millie hadn't ever caught a fish with us and she caught the first fish of the day! We all ended up getting a couple fish and having a great time. It is always fun to go spend time with close friends. Here are a few pictures from Saturday.

Andrew and I with one of the fish he caught

Mike and Millie (I thought it was a fun picture)

One of Millie's fish

Mike and Tyler (I'm not sure who caught this one but it's a good picture of them)

One of the fish I caught-Tyler has one on his line in the background so......

We took a picture of our "Double" it was fun.

It was a fun day to spend with friends!



On Sunday Andrew and I went over to my mom and dad's house to watch conference with them and to hang out with family. We have such a great time being with family. Overall it was a great weekend filled with friends, family, temple and church couldn't get much better than that! 

Family Fun!

This past week and weekend we were able to spend lots of time with our families. Andrew was able to go fishing with 2 of my brothers and my dad. They went snowmobiling while they were fishing too. They had a good time. Andrew caught a pretty nice fish.

Andrew and I were also able to get in some ice fishing. We had a fun day together!

Then we were able to go to Pinedale and spend the day with the Kaiser's for Mack's blessing. We had such a great time seeing everyone, especially the new baby. He is a doll! We enjoyed some dancing from Hannah and the boys were running around like crazy, but it was fun. We had some good food and lots of good conversation.

Doesn't he look like a natural. He is going to be such a wonderful father. I can't wait to see him hold our sweet baby in his arms. Speaking of that our home study went really well. When I had called to set up the appointment the social worker told us that he would probably be in our home for 3-4 hours, he would interview us together and then seperately and then walk through the house. He got here at 1:00 and talked to us together for 45 min. then we walked through the house and he left. He was here for a little over an hour. He said that he felt good and didn't need to know anything else and that he thought we were a very deserving couple of a baby. So that was a huge relief. I was so stinkin nervous before he got there and then it turned out to be a breeze. I also just finished our profile to send to the adoption agency. That profile has been such a pain. It was just not working for me at first then my computer thought it should say there was no more RAM left so I had to get an external hard drive and the list could go on and on with what happened with that darn profile but Andrew and I finished it last night. I just have to go get it printed and bound and then we are set. Can't wait!!!

Wish us Luck.....

....because tomorrow is our home study. This is when a social worker comes into our home and inspects it to make sure it is a good environment for a baby to be in, then he will sit us down and interview us together and seperately. I am extremely nervous. I never thought I would have someone come into my home to interview me to get a baby. With all the nerves and feeling so overwhelmed I know that it will all be worth it in the end when we get to hold our baby in our arms!

A fun saying that I saw on pinterest (I love pinterest) is: "From the moment they placed you in my arms you snuggled right into my heart!" What do you think? I really like it and I think I will make a sign to put in the nursery.

Well I have some more cleaning to do before tomorrow so I will post again after our home study. Wish us LUCK!!!

A weight has been lifted....

So about 8 months ago Andrew and I really wanted to get a nice truck to be able to haul our boat and camper (when we got one), we started the search for a older Dodge Cummins with low miles. We found the one we wanted after 2 months of searching 2005 Dodge Cummins 61,000 miles and so we ended up getting it. At first I wasn't too excited because I really just like to drive my little car not this huge truck, it was kind of intimidating driving such a huge vehicle. BUT after awhile I got attached, as I always do to things, and I love this truck it really is such a great truck, fun to drive, fast and reliable. So I was happy!
Well in December when we decided to start the adoption process we knew that we would have to sell the truck to pay for the adoption, because there was no way we could afford the truck and the adoption. We put the truck on KSL and we waited and waited. We thought it would sell really quick, but it didn't and of course that put a huge stress on Andrew and I because we knew we couldn't send in our paper work for the adoption until we had the money in our account. So we have been putting off sending in our paper work until the truck sold. We finally got a buyer and the truck is officially gone. Andrew and I have had such a huge weight lifted off of our shoulders, we have confirmation after confirmation that adoption is what we need to do. We knew that the truck would sell when it was supposed to and it did. We are so grateful for the gospel in our lives and the comfort that we receive from Heavenly Father on a daily basis. This process of adoption hasn't been easy and we know it won't get any easier but knowing that we have a loving Heavenly Father guiding us we know we will be able to get through it and hold our baby girl in our arms soon!

Our Road to a Family!!!

As I'm sure many of you know Andrew and I have had a hard time trying to have kids. We of course didn't think that we would have a hard time at all so we waited until I was close to done with school. Well I went off BC in July of 2009 right after I graduated with my LPN. Then we kept trying for a few months until I got accepted into the RN program at Weber. So I went back on BC for 2 months until January of 2010. That is when I went into the Dr. and I was diagnosed with PCOS, poly cystic ovarian syndrome. The Dr. said that it would not be impossible for us to get pregnant it would just be harder. So he put me on a fertility medication called Clomid and I was on this for almost a year. I was taking the highest dose that you can take of that drug, and I mean to tell you I was a crazy woman. I don't know if I've ever felt less like myself during those months than I ever have so needless to say I went off of the fertility medication. Andrew and I decided that we needed to take a break and just have fun and relax, ya know enjoy life. So we did, we even booked a cruise to the Carribean for August 2011. Well a few months later in March I was 5 days late for my period which was kind of not normal and kind of normal, because I never really had a regular period but then I was put on Metformin and I started having regular periods, so my mom and Andrew convinced me to take a test. I really didn't want to because I had seen so many negative tests that I just knew it was going to be negative and my body was just being weird like it always is. So I took a test and I couldn't look I just didn't even want to but I did and it said Pregnant. So I about passed out and drank like 3 more cups of water and took another one and it said Pregnant as well. I was so excited I was crying and jumping up and down and just couldn't wait to tell Andrew. So then we started the journey of pregnancy until I woke up one morning with excruitating cramps and I was bleeding. I had just started training for a job in the clinic, where I work now, I knew I couldn't call in sick on one of my firsts days of training so I went into work and I pulled one of the more seasoned nurses aside and told her what was going on and she immediately got a Dr. and he sent me for an ultrasound and there was no heartbeat which there should have been at 10 weeks so I went home and ended up having a miscarriage. That was a really hard piece of news to swallow, we were just so devastated that we had tried for over a year and finally got pregnant and then we lost the baby, but held our heads high and took it as a blessing that we at least knew that we COULD get pregnant. I went to the Dr. and he told us we could start trying again in 3 months so we waited and we started trying again 3 months later. It has now been almost a year since we got pregnant and we still aren't pregnant again. So we looked into the AI, Invitro and adoption, we weighed the risks of all of them and decided the best option for US was to adopt. We knew we wanted to adopt since our 2nd date, we just didn't know when the right time would be. But after a lot of prayer, fasting and going to the temple we are going through with Adoption. We are in the middle of the application. We have our home study set for the middle of Feb. and then we will hopefully find out if we are approved by the end of March first of April. Then we could have a baby anytime after that. We are so excited to begin our family with adoption. We know that there is a little baby that was sent here for us to raise here on this earth. We feel so blessed to have this opportunity. I will try and keep everyone updated on how everything is going. Feel free to ask any questions!! We are blessed to have such great family, friends and community here to support us through this decision! Thank you!