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Thursday, June 21, 2012

I sense that I'm going back to the hypomaniac stage again, just like before.
Stressed out and deprived of sleep, all I can say is that I think I've gone mad.
I should honestly sleep more. Maybe I should start sleeping at 9 pm. Just maybe.

As before, I realise that the only way I can solve it is if I type out my thoughts and straighten them out. In a blog, in a blog.

I don't know what triggered it or why this occurs.
All I know is that in this period of time, I need to keep away from people as much as possible. I'm better off in front of a laptop than in front of a person. I'm likely to snap at people and drop back to quietness.

I am plugged into my music - I can drown everything.
I am not dead - I can shout out from the rooftop.
I am plugged into my music - I can drown everything.
I am not dead - I can shout out from the rooftop.
I am plugged into my music - I can drown everything.
I am not dead - I can shout out from the rooftop.
I am plugged into my music - I can drown everything.
I am not dead - I can shout out from the rooftop.
I am plugged into my music - I can drown everything.
I am not dead - I can shout out from the rooftop.

I alternate. So, keep away, keep away and keep away.

====================================================

This is so deja vu, I'll never bother to care about anyone again. I vow that I'll never within the next 3 years. Feelings fade, expectations fail and I'm left disappointed. I am so desensitised, I don't hurt anymore. I'll only hurt everyone in my way and I'll hurt you too. Go away.

====================================================

Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Where they strung up a man they say murdered three?
Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it seem

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.

Are you, are you

Coming to the tree
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee?
Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it seem

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.

Are you, are you

Coming to the tree
Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free?
Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it seem

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.

Are you, are you

Coming to the tree

Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me...
Strange things did happen here

No stranger would it seem

If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree.

~1:09 am

* * *

Monday, June 18, 2012

I don't think i could count up
All of the horrible ways
That you put my whole world
Into a foggy, delirious haze

Instead i block them out
With the words "I hate you"
But one thing i know
Is that those words are not true

I tell my friends you're evil
And that I'll never care again
But how can i walk away
From someone who use to be a friend?

I try to fall in love with others
So my heart won't beat for only you
But when i come back around
You're the one i end up coming to

I'm tired of saying i hate you
I'm sick of acting like it's true
Because after the rain is done
I only see your face shining through

Hating you is exhausting
It beats the hell out of me
Loving you is also confusing
But I'll do that willingly

--X325xRunawayTrainx103x --

It's final but it's my fault. Friends, Foe, Finality.
I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

~12:31 pm

* * *

I wonder how many people still read this blog of mine. I think it's a round number of zero, with the occasional passer-by. I don't care about who reads this blog anymore anyway. I'm over it. I just need a ranting ground and this is it.

I must say that today yields a barrel of confusion. Maybe because everything came too quick, too fast, too sudden, I'm left with nothing.

Physical Pain (Laceration)
Heart Pain
Mind Pain (Headache)

It's probably no wonder that I'm still up now at an ungodly hour with nothing much to do. I just can't sleep and I can't do anything.

When I sleep, I'm haunted by all three pains. When I wake, I can't sleep.

Life's just sad that way.

They say happiness is a short-lived thing. I only realised that today.

I must have caused hurt to too many people in my life. Maybe I should just stop making friends. I should stop making friends, so I won't get hurt. I should stop. I should stop. I must stop.

I think I've lost myself along this route, I need to find myself back. This is not the person I know, this is not who I know.

Damn it's 2am. I think I'm going to stay up all night. Curses.

Speaking of which, my feet still looks like Frankenstein and my head still spins. I wonder what colour is my heart, because I can't see one anymore.

I disgust myself with all my antics. I'm never going to let those buckets behind my eyes out. I'll never let anyone see them, unless they are blood red tears.

~2:02 am

* * *

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

The more I go along, the more I wonder if 'time cures everything' exists.
The more I go along, the more I wonder if everything said was true.
The more I go along, the more I wonder if I made a mistake.
The more I go along, the more I wonder if this is the mistake.

I'm living a deja vu of what happened before.
Yet living each day like never before.
Perhaps the world is safer without me, like before.

Alive, awake, needs a break.
Signals alarms, alarm bells, smoke alarms.

Injury, blood, pain.

~4:04 pm

* * *

About me:

Rita
a.k.a. Pearlz, BuBu, Dugong
Twenty Three!
(as of egg day : 25/10/92)
River Valley High School
Fairfield Methodist Primary School
0.5 Bizarrian & 3/4 Emo-ian & 5/6 Ding-Dong-ian
NUS Chemical Engineer
NUS Industrial Engineer
RVGG - Mynah - Oriole
Venture Scout - Science Society
NUS Students' Community Service Club
Part-time tutor

Descriptives:
1. One crazy ENTJ gal who loves milo with anything and can't live a day w/o it
2. Adores Chemistry
3. Loves Yellow, White, Blue and lately, a little orange
4. Loves writing poems, reading and blogging
5. Can be an entertainer or a hardcore studious girl at will
6. Crazy about sports & the outdoors
7. LOVES BEARS! whoots!
8. Quote to live by: Enjoy what each day will bring,you must ask to know,listen to grow,and let your imagination sing! [adapted, Caz's Rules]

**The top specialist in the Department of Rita-rdeds in the Mental Health Institute :D**

[[ The Wishlist ]]

New book!
get crazy...
Good Results
No tutorials!
Have loads of sleep
New clothes(from head to toe)

*Keeping A Smile On My Face :D*