I'm baaaaack...

I know y'all missed me. Heck, I missed me too. I miss my bloggy friends so I decided to resurface and see what random stuff I can come up with tonight.

I love chewy sweet tarts. Wow... I feel better now... That really needed to be said.

there was a drag queen at my sisters house on Christmas day. I tell no lies. I have never actually met a real live one before. I mean, he wasn't dressed up or anything, but it totally counts. He was talking about how he can throw his boobies to the wall and they will stick. He also mentioned that because of this fact, he has no back problems. Yeah, it was a little too much information, but y'all know how I value education and stuff.


we had a good Christmas. I went all over creation looking for a Pinkalicious junior quad for Princess Faints-a-lot. There was one guy who wanted to sell me a faster one, but I didn't wanna KILL her, I just wanted her to have a little fun. Also, some lady stole the last blue iPod right in front of me. I had to remember my divine nature so girlfriend didn't get her throat ripped out. Thanks to her, I was out all night in search of another one. But I'm not bitter or anything.


I went to Utah to see the BFF and my BF. I brought back some really cute jewelry and a chest cold. It was awesome. I also got to dig a car out of the snow, which is not something I get to do on a regular basis. It was awesome. Wait... I already said that, huh? But it was, so it's cool.


we moved. We now live in the country outside a pretty small town. I love it. And no, I have not been abducted by aliens. I am still me. There are malls within driving distance, so it's all good. We are looking at an old farmhouse to restore. Once everything is finalized and the project started, I will post pictures that I'm sure will be accompanied by spectacular commentary.

I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to bed. Hubby starts a new job tomorrow and I need to make sure he gets as little sleep as possible. He really is a lucky guy.

To TeLL Or nOt...

I would never bribe people to be quiet. I am the boss of this house. People do as I say. Period.


No, you do not see my 2 yr old watching Project Runway. That's inappropriate programming for her age. Duh.


It was not my 2 yr old daughter that was stripping in Nursery on Sunday. We encourage freedom of expression in our home, but pullllleeeeeeeze. We be classy, yo.


At no time this week did I threaten to kick Lil Man in the throat for bouncing around and being generally ob.nox.ious. He's 8- it's his job. I get it...


I was not at all attracted to a Dell laptop simply because it can come in my favorite OPI color. Wow. Shallow much?


I was not tempted to buy said favorite OPI nail color simply because "I haven't bought a new nail polish in a long time....and quite frankly, I'm kinda worth it." Who talks to themselves like that in the middle of the grocery store at 7:30 am? Not me. That's for sure.


I think that I've shared enough. I know that some of my friends have a hard time accepting my perfection and it is really not usually never my intention to alienate peeps.

Monday Morning Music- Brandon Flowers...Who Else???

So my love for the Killers has been well documented. I heart them. tons. I can't help it. Kinda like Tibs with her John Mayer addiction... Well, except for the whole stalker thing... I'm not that obsessed, but hey- if she wants you to know about her personal issues, she'll tell ya herself.


BF has released a solo album.

It's called Flamingo.

I totally love it.


The Killers are not breaking up, but have chosen to take a well deserved break. Brandon (being the creative genius that I know him to be) has too much in his head right now to take a break- he said that if he didn't get this out of his system he would come to the table with too much material and the recording process for the next Killers album would be overwhelming. We can't have my boys overwhelmed now, can we? I say nay.

Some of the songs on this album are being talked about as being a departure from the sound we have grown accustomed to, I don't agree. The Killers are not really a group you can pigeon hole. Their sound is unique, and with Flamingo, B Flow does not disappoint.

It is my opinion that this may well be the most personal album next to Sam's Town in terms of literary content. I know enough about Brandon to pretty much know what these songs are about, and he has essentially stripped himself bare. One of the things I love most about his lyrics is the push and pull struggle with God and religion. The testimony does not waver, but he is open about how difficult it is to fight the wicked winds that "blow with grace and might"...Most people who have lived in a heavily populated Latter Day Saint community get that there's a lot of shame going around (The Jewish guilt's got nothin' on us, baby) and the pressure to be perfect can drag you down. Fast. I love that he has the gift to say so eloquently what so many feel, but can't vocalize. I also love that he admits his shortcomings while facing head on the ridicule that can come with admitting that you not only believe in God, but that you actually go to church (gasp!). He does not shrink from the questions from those who fail to understand, even though it makes him uncomfortable. That is admirable.


So, without further adieu, here are a couple of the songs from Flamingo, which was released last Tuesday.

Dear Princess Faintsalot,

This is the tiniest bit uncomfy for me, but we need to have a chat.

Yes, I know you want lip gloss, but please get outta my purse and sit down nicely before I am forced to hide all your shoes.


Thanks. That's better.


Remember how I made you a really yummy lunch today? And do you remember what you said when I asked if it was yummy? Just in case, please allow me to refresh your adorable lil' memory... if I'm not mistaken you said something like.....


"DAMN RIGHT!"

I mean, don't get me wrong; I love that you enjoyed your lunch and all, and I must admit that whole wheat tortillas are indeed "beast" (as Drama Teen would say), but I'm just wondering if you might possibly be able to watch your language. I simply cannot have you going to church and using profanity to describe your Goldfish.

As your Mother, I'm kinda not OK with it, ya know?


Plus, people are gonna wonder where on Earth you heard that phrase. Seeing that we spend the most time together since I can't even tinkle without bringing you along, people will naturally wrongfully assume that it was I who taught you to profane. 'Specially since I don't have a great track record in the whole clean language department (C'mon... a little damn and hell every once in a while never hurt anybody....right?)

So- let's just keep this little incident between us, shall we?

I'll tell you what... you don't tell Daddy, Nana or Bishop Merrell, and I might even get you these....

or perhaps you'd prefer this...







I mean, ya know... just cuz I love you and stuff. Aww hell heck, I bet you'd look so damn dang cute in this outfit, I might just get both of them...

Love,

Mommy

My Dearest Little Dumpling,

If you really must throw yourself on the floor, please refrain from doing so on the tile. While I fully understand that living with imbeciles cannot be easy for you, and I am indeed the meanest person on the face of the earth, I have not done my hair yet today and would prefer not to go to the emergency room looking the way I currently do. The doctors might mistake me for a ghetto baby maker and I'm not really down with that.

I also happen to be in dire need of a manicure, so it'd be nice if you could not crack your head open tomorrow either.

Love,

Mommy

P.S. If you know what's good for you you'll stay outta my Dr. Pepper.

Queen Bee's Quote of the Day

Here's a little saying I saw today and I quite liked it, so I thought I'd share...


Do not threaten me. There are things worse than death and I can do all of them.

To TeLL Or nOt

I did not make fun of a HORRIBLE rap song only to get it stuck in my head ALL friggin' day. I'm too cool for that.


I would never dream of trying to catch Conjunctivitis from my 2 year old in hopes of getting a mini vaca and some cool eye drops.


I did not stay awake most of the night because I drank 10,000 gallons of Dr. Pepper. That's just dumb.


At no point in time this week, nor would I ever threaten my beautiful children with severe bodily harm if they made one more mess in my kitchen. Who doesn't love grape jelly on the floor? I mean really, Princess Faintsalot might get hungry in a little bit, and if the jelly is already on the floor we don't have to get up from the TV. Makes sense to me!


Who ever thought of the idea of sending a 20 month old to boot camp is insane. It might really mess them up. They are SUPPOSED to lick jelly off the floor and throw iPod's when their favorite song doesn't automatically play when they scream at it. Sheesh. Lighten up, peeps.


As usual, I am ever sensitive to those who are not blessed as I with supreme coolness. I shall share no more of the things that I would never dream of doing.

That is all.

It's time for a theme song

Oh yeah. It's hot. It pretty much sums up my feelings lately.

Wanna hear it???





OK so it's not a NEW song, but nevertheless, I have adopted it as my own.

Having a mouth that can sometimes get me into trouble, not to mention having to deal with the idiots that torment me on a daily basis....I thought I needed a great theme song.

Who better than the Violent Femmes?


Oh and BTW- this is dedicated to a couple of real special peeps. You know who you are.

Unless you don't.... ah, who am I kidding? They totally know.


as for the rest of you.... well, I heart your guts.