Heavy Heart {Evan Miles}

This symbol is one of strength.

Of miracles.

Of determination.

Hope. Love. Prayer. Support.

Super Evan is a little dude named Evan Miles.
A little guy that was born with Pulmonary Atresia (a congenital heart defect), into a family so full of love and courage.
A little guy whose family knew that he would eventually need a a heart and lung transplant, but had to put such a drastic procedure off to see if his heart would grow stronger.
Super Evan made it 7 years {amazing!} before needing some intervention, and had his first surgery in Summer 2011. The surgery went well, but unfortunately he had some complications afterward that landed him at Texas Children's Hospital, where he spent his time there in and out of ICU.
The last several months have been an unbelievable roller coaster for his loved ones.
Super Evan fought so hard, proved doctors wrong, showed miracles are possible, and brought so many people together in prayer.
The last few weeks had been plagued with setbacks, and on February 4th, after a very rough night, his amazing parents made the excruciating decision to wean Evan off of the meds that were helping his heart. If it was Evan's time to go, they were going to let him go peacefully.
He passed away on February 6th, peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by loved ones.

And hearts broke around the country.
I know mine did.
He was 7 years old.

I will never understand why children have to suffer.
Why children get taken from their parents at such tender ages.
How one little {amazing} guy can touch the lives of so many people, even those who never met him.

Today his family laid him to rest.
My older sister is very good friends with one of Evan's Aunts.
She called me after the viewing yesterday and was totally broken up.
I cannot imagine, can't even begin to wrap my brain around seeing a tiny casket.
Around losing my child.
It makes my stomach turn just typing those words.
His parents lost their baby. It's just devastating. Unreal. Gut-wrenching.

The Miles Family is never far from my thoughts.
Not a day has gone by since I heard of Evan's story months ago that I haven't thought about and prayed for Evan and his family.

Rest in Peace, Super Evan.

********************************

Next Saturday, on Feb 18th, I am going to Houston to take part in the Keep the Beat Walk for Congenital Heart Defect Awareness. The team was formed before Evan passed, and we joined as soon as we heard about it. If you will be in the area, we'd love for you to join Super Evan's Entourage to honor his memory and show support for his family. Or, if you feel so inclined, you can donate to his team on their Team Page.

Awesomesauce.

That's what I think this photo is.
Awesomesauce.

I put the "Future Warrior" shirt on her.

She did the rest.

*****************************************

Pertussis Watch 2012 is going well so far. Girlfriend seems to be feeling pretty good these days.

12 more days of worry, then we're home free. :fingers crossed:

Now if I could just get her to quit wetting her bed at night, we'd be golden.

:)

Happy Sunday, friends.

So, that Wednesday at home..?

That glorious Wednesday at home that I posted?
Fail.
My to-do list of sleeping and catching up on shows, and cleaning, and blogging, and party-prepping?
Fail.
That couple's massage we were SO LOOKING FORWARD TO?
Fail.

Around 12:30 that day, I got a call from Cam's school nurse that she was wheezing pretty badly and they could not get her nebulizer to work. I hauled bottom to the school, tinkered with the neb, and couldn't get it to work right. So then we hauled bottom home to give her the breathing treatment she had been in need of for going on 45 minutes at that point.
Her o2 numbers were low, her wheezing did not improve with the treatment, she was coughing a lot, and I couldn't figure out what to do for her. So we called the allergist, changed up her meds a bit, and made an appt for the following morning.
We cancelled our massage and stayed close to home, trying to keep her breathing in check over night.
At the allergist's office, her o2 was still a tad on the low side and her breath sounds were pretty bad. He prescribed some oral steroids for her, again.. but didn't want to wait to get them started, so he gave her a dose right there in the office.
We went home, followed his instructions, and waited for her to improve.
Except she didn't.
We ended up in the ER the following morning, Friday. Her o2 was fluctuating, but going lower than what we had seen it at home. The breathing treatments they gave didn't do much to help her, and they dosed her again with the 'roids. Nose swab to test for flu and RSV, chest x-ray (FOURTH one!) to check for pneumonia.. and we waited. And she coughed. And wheezed. And played with latex gloves. And drove us crazy in that tiny room.
Then they confirmed she had RSV. For at least the third, if not the fourth, time. GEEZ.

Sent us home, gave us new instructions for when to worry, and again, she didn't really improve.
That night her o2 sats dropped way down and stayed down for nearly 2 hours.. and I was seriously in a panic. I was just about to load her up and go back to the ER, but her numbers started improving. Thank goodness. Her allergist, who we had been in touch with overnight, wanted her to be seen Saturday morning on account of the crazy o2 episode.. so we took her to see the NP at her pedi's office Saturday morning.
At the pedi, her breath sounds were better, but -SURPRISE- her ears were infected. Super.
That antibiotic was the seventh medication we were giving her that weekend. Seven meds, each day. Multiple times a day, and we still weren't seeing a lot of improvement.
Beyond frustrating.

Sunday was up and down. Monday was mostly up. Tuesday her and I both returned to school.
And she spiked a fever. UGH!
Tuesday night was AWFUL again, so she stayed home with Daddy on Wednesday, but had a great day.
And now here we are, 8 days into this crap and she is finally back to her old self. Let's hope it lasts more than 24 hours this time.

***Oh, andplusalso, there have been 2 other cases of RSV at her school in the last week, a case of Strep, a case of Fifths Disease, and.. wait for it.. a confirmed case of Pertussis. Oh. Em. Geeeee. So, we are on Pertussis Watch 2012 until Feb 10th, which was when the state Dept of Health said the risk would go down. Oh, super.  I have to go have a Pertussis test because I came in direct contact with the kid who had it. Yay. That's what my asthmatic, fresh-offa-RSV baby needs to get right now. The friggin' Whooping Cough. Yeah!***

5 to 1 {and perfect timing}

"Research has shown that the most successful couples give each other a minimum of 5 positive comments or gestures to every 1 criticism or complaint. Think of appreciation as the currency or the fuel of a healthy relationship." - Carrie Contey

Um, wow. 5 to 1? I totally suck at that.

----

I follow Carrie Contey on FB and this video she posted today could not have come at a better time.
Seriously.

It's like she's in my head, or my marriage, or something.

Go here and watch the video.

I cannot be the only one whose partnership with her husband has taken a huge hit since the kiddo was born.

And I am seriously considering signing up for this Evolve 2012 series she's previewing with this video.
Looks awesome.

And Lord knows, A and I can use all the help we can get right now!

Happy Days, friends.

Wednesday at Home.

Ahhhh.. it feels good to be sitting in my PJs, sipping a cup of coffee, mindlessly exploring the interwebs on a Wednesday morning.
I typically have Mondays off work, which I have always loved.. but there's something awesome about having Wednesday this week.
Maybe it's the fact that it breaks my week up - 2 long work days -- OFF -- 2 long work days -- WEEKEND.
Or maybe its the fact that my Monday and Tuesday were so crazy dramatic and ridiculous that I needed this day to decompress.
Who knows.
Either way, I woke up this morning, stretched in bed, and was so so glad I didn't have to go to work.

On the agenda today:
Preparing some stuff from my Scentsy Launch Party this weekend.
Catching up on all my shows from last week.
Sleeping.
Sitting around.
I might finally get around to blogging about the Warrior Dash, and showing you stuff like this...

Maaaybe I'll do some laundry.
Potentially load the dishwasher.
Really should go grocery shopping...
Then, at 3pm, the hubs and I have a couples' massage.
I am STOKED.

Great day, folks, its going to be a great day.
Hoooray for a Wednesday at home!!

Happy Week, friends!

I have no words.

Bling Bling

Twice a month Camy's (our) school has an out-of-uniform day with a different theme each time. We've done PJ Days, certain color-shirt days, Costume Days, Holiday-theme Days... lots of fun days where the kids can trade their (freakin' adoooorable) khakis and monogrammed polos for clothes of their choosing.

Today was "Bling Bling" Day.
aka
Camryn's Favorite Day Everrrrr

Here is what Girlfriend wore to school for "Buh-Linga Buh-Linga" Day!

Don't let her lack of enthusiasm here fool you, she was STOKED about her ensemble and talked about each and every component the entire way to school. The pouty face you see there was the result of not getting to type on the Break Room laptop (because another teacher was currently using it).

Anywho...
Let's go head to toe and point out all the bling (all chosen by her except the t-shirt).
She has a tiara on her head, along with a "park-a-lee" hair holder.
Of course you noticed the awesome "Run DMC" shirt with the piece & chain. Yeah?
You can hardly see that she has gloves on her hands, but each glove has a sequinsy-glittery heart.
Over the gloves, she wore one of her princess dress-up bracelets on each hand.
Her socks are from Easter and have "park-a-lee" threads throughout.
And of course, her "park-a-lee" shoes.

She reeeeally wanted to wear her princess dress-up clip-on earrings as well. But let me tell why I put the kibosh on that.
She got the dress-up set from Aunt Vicky for Christmas, and right off the bat the earrings were her favorite part. Not a big deal for wearing around the house from time to time, but Bean wanted to wear them to school every morning. And every morning I broke her little heart and told her no. Then came a day that Daddy brought her to school, and guess who got to wear their clip-on earrings all day. 2 hints: Not me, and not Daddy.
At lunchtime, her teacher brought her by my room to show me her ears. They were bright red from top to bottom, and of course, the earrings were clipped. I explained to the teacher that Daddy didn't know the "no earrings for school" rule, but I would inform him of it ASAP. Then the teacher said that she keeps asking if Camy wants to take them off, and here's how the convos always went:
Teacher: Camy, your ears are all red... do they hurt?
Camy: Yeah. They hurt.
Teacher: Do you want to take your earrings off for a little bit?
Camy: NO!
Teacher: Why not? They are hurting your ears...
Camy: Be-cuz..... they are preeeeetty.
Teacher: And beauty is pain, right Camy?
Camy: Yeah, beautiful.

Oy.
I convinced her to take them off for naptime, at which point the teacher hid them, and I collected them at the end of the day. Whew.

And that is why there were no earrings for Bling Bling Day.
But I think she still sparkled.

It is official, folks...

I have a bop-free toddler early preschooler.
She has gone one full week without a pacifier. I am relieved and proud.
She still asks for one at least twice a day, but with nothing more than a calm "I can have a bop, Mommy?".. to which I say, "Do you have one?" and she will say "No, you have one?" and I will remind her that I do not. And she moves on.
It's been WAY easier than I ever imagined.

Shocking, eh? That I built it up in my mind to be this awful, traumatic experience and I was dead wrong... yeah, that never happens.
Ha.

Next up on our Toddler Early Preschooler Training Calendar: getting her to fall asleep in her bed by herself.
Now this one, I KNOW will be hard.
Any suggestions on gentle methods?
We'll take all the advice we can get.

12 in '12

I have seen a few blogs with some take on the "12 Goals for 2012" idea, so naturally, I decided to jump on board with this we won't call them resolutions even though that's essentially what they are trend.

Here's my 12 in 2012.


1. Set a wonderful example for Camy about what a loving family looks like. 
I am sad and embarrassed to admit that I have failed at that over the course of the last year. A and I had some definite rough patches and hit an all-time low in October. We are in marriage counseling now and I think it is (slowly) working wonders for us. I need to make a very concerted effort to always be an example for my daughter. I want her to look at her Daddy and Me and see a couple that not only loves each other (because of course, we do), but that respects each other. Has fun with each other. Compliments  each other. Makes each other happy every day. I want her to grow up and want a marriage just like her Mommy and Daddy's, to learn what to expect from a marriage, not what to avoid.
She needs that example. She deserves that example.
I did not have that example, and I do NOT want the same for my girl.
So, if I achieve nothing on this list but #1, I will be okay. We will all be okay.

2. Build My Business
On Christmas Eve, I registered as an Independent Scentsy Consultant. I LOVE love love the products, and after reading up a bit on the company, I thought it made perfect sense that I sign on to sell them. I mean, getting paid to talk about something I love? Plan parties? Have insider info on new products? Meet people I never would have otherwise? Earn free product? What's not to like about all that?! I am super excited about what's in store for me/my family with this adventure, and I just know 2012 holds good things for us on this front.

3. Study for and obtain my CDA.
This certification will serve me well in the childcare field (where I have been the last decade and won't be leaving any time soon, or ever). My employer has presented me with an opportunity to work towards this goal, so I need to just decide if that's the route for me and jump on it.

4. Go room by room, purging and organizing. 
I do NOT want to be a feature on any future Hoarders shows, so I have got to get our clutter under control. Of the 6 drawers on my dresser, only 3 are used for clothing. Of the 2 drawers on my nightstand, I could only name maybe 15% of the contents. I couldn't tell ya what's in those boxes on the top shelf of our closet. And do I really need to hold onto the hundreds of dollars worth of crafting/scrapbooking supplies that I have not touched since I got pregnant over 3 years ago? And do not even get me started on our inefficient filing system... I am so lost when it comes to paper clutter. I need help. We have got to get this place under control.

5. Workout/train for a 5K obstacle race.
I had SUCH a ball doing the Warrior Dash in November, but there was no way I was in good enough shape to run the whole thing start to finish. That is my goal for the year. I want to return to the Warrior Dash course and crush my last time. I want the only time I am not running to be the time spent scaling the obstacles. I have plenty of time to train, I just need to get off my butt and do it.
{Did I ever post about the Warrior Dash? No? I should... soon...}

6. Sort through all our photos on both laptops, organizing them into folders and backing up on discs or external drives.
You would think after losing precious photo memory not once, but twice, I'd be better about backing our stuff up. But I'm not. At this point in Cam's life, I would be devastated to lose our photos, so now's the time to get on that archiving.

7. After sorting photos, print 1 book for each year of Camy's life. 
I have always said I would print either blog-to-books (which won't happen now on account of my sucktastic blogging commitment), or yearly photo books. So once the photos are all sorted out, it shouldn't be too hard to go month to month and pick a few faves for her yearly books. It would also be kind of awesome if I could train myself to archive at the end of each month, and before doing so, pick the faves from that month to be included in that year's book. Ha. Lofty goal, self. Lofty goal.

8. Create a photo wall in the living room.
A and I have talked about this idea so many times, but we never get around to actually doing anything. {Shocking, eh?} The only thing we've ever really agreed on is that our living room needs more color. Our most recent convo was about collecting all sorts of different frames of different sizes, spray painting them all the same shade or red, then using those on our photo wall in some artsy-fartsy cute arrangement. Again, doable, just need to DO it.

9. Start a family cookbook.
A loves to "wing it" when he's cooking dinner, and most of the time, does pretty well. We need to do better about keeping track of recipes we like, recipes he "invents", recipes we want to try. Our meal plans are in such a rut because we are terrible about keeping track of the successes and failures. Even if it were a simple binder with 3-4 sections.. oh, how easy meal planning would be with some kind of resource for our tried-and-true's. Along with this cookbook goal, we need to make the weekly meal plans part of our routine. It saves on our grocery bill when we shop with a purpose, saves on our lunches-out bill when we make full meals that typically yield leftovers, and we all eat better with a plan.

10. Take part in something charitable this year, be it big or small.
I think volunteering my time for something that warms my heart would be life-changing. Soup kitchen, or meals on wheels. A children's charity or a home-building one. Volunteering for the St. Baldrick's Event or maybe Komen... I really feel like I should be contributing more. And 2012 is the year for me to start...

11. Wow, I really can't think of an eleventh goal for the year right now... 
12. Or a twelfth. {obv}


What are some of your goals/resolutions for the year?
Inspire me.
{And definitely hold me accountable here!}


Happy 2012, all!!!

:::whispers::: Going on Night 3, y'all.

Bean fell asleep for the third night in a row without a bop in her mouth.
Three nights is pretty awesome progress, if you ask me.

And please take note, if you will, that is before 9pm.
And she is asleep.
That pretty much doesn't happen anymore, ever.
Sadly, Benadryl is probably to thank for that tonight.. but even still, I feel pretty darn good about her being in her bed at this hour.


This afternoon / tonight was pretty crazypants for her.
A picked her up from school to take her to the pedi for an ear check. I would have bet money that she had an infection in (at least) her right ear, what with her fever spike over the weekend and her constant complaining about that ear the last 2 days. But thankfully I'm brokey-broke and did not lay any wagers, 'cause... her ears looked "pretty good". {Which, for a child who suffers from allergies (ie, constant congestion), "pretty good" is usually as good as it gets.} The NP speculated that we just picked up some little viral thing and she should be good to go after a couple days. We came home and ate dinner, and she was coughing a little more than normal. {darn viral thing} But then when I was changing her into her PJs, I noticed a crazy rash all over the insides of her thighs, down to the area behind her knees, and just under her belly button but above where her panties hit. It is such an odd area to be rashy. I expect the behind the knees business with her eczema. And a rash within the borders of her panties wouldn't be all that shocking, but basically outlining where her panties would sit is weird, no? {What could that be... any ideas?} I slathered her in moisturizer and rx cream then we sat down for her nightly neb. We watched a little Shaun the Sheep while doing her "breathing", then got ready to walk to her bed. As soon as I set her down to walk into her room, she lost it, and with her first cry we heard the whooping/wheezing/nasty asthma sound. Ugh. We haven't had to do any rescue treatments in a while, and I HATE having to do them. But we can't put her to bed breathing like that, so we sat back down for her rescue treatment, and she fell asleep in my lap before it was over.
My poor girl.

My hopes for the night are: no asthma issues, no fever, and no bop.
::fingers crossed::

Operation Drop the Bop, Take: ILostCount

I can't tell you how many times we've attempted to ditch Camy's paci.
But I have given in to her cries every. single. time.
At this point, however, I'm tired of the darn thing.
I'm tired of telling her to "take your bop out to talk!", or hearing her ask for it the minute I walk through the door in the evening, or crying for her bop within 3.4 seconds of being buckled into her carseat, bribing her to take it out of her mouth for photos... I am TIRED of it.

So, we're done.
But really.. girl should have been done with it long ago.
I don't know, I'm no expert or anything, but I kind of think that if your child is old enough to say "No Mommy, bops are for big girls, too. I need a bop now." or "Well, I can be a baby right now. Can I have my baby bop?", or "No Mommy, where did you put my bop? I neeeed it!".... she's probably a little too old to have a bop.
Maybe.

So, there will be no bop in 2012.
None.
Except for last night between the hours of 3-5am when Bean woke up with a 101* fever crying for it.
But other than that, none.

She went to sleep just fine without it last night, and if it weren't for that fever (which I think is due to her 30557568th ear infection, to be confirmed tomorrow) she would have made it the whole night.
Tonight will be night 2.
We are going to lay down right now...
If I can get her to stop roaming around searching every corner for that bop.
She has looked on the couch and under it, in the kitchen, under her princess figurine that is sitting on the coffee table, in my chair, under her bean bag... She has said "I can't find it anywhere, Mommy" followed by "No you are NOT so sorry, Mommy!" and "I can't lay down without my booooop.."
:sigh:
I can do this.
I know she can do this.

Let's do this.