A New Year...time for change

Another year has come and this year I feel the need to be resolution-ish.

Like anyone I could go with the lose weight, eat better, exercise more resolutions but I am not (not that I'd say no to all those things happening.... :) ) going for those three we see everywhere.

I need, and want, to do some internal rewiring of my brain.


I am a realist. I am practical. Really this speaks to being a pessimist hiding behind words that sound good and look shiny. What I am really good at is seeing the dark side, seeing the negative, seeing the failure and seeing anything else that leaves one feeling hopeless.

This HAS to change.
I MUST change.
I *gulp* WANT change.

It is gnawing at me. It is creeping through everything, especially over the last two years. I do not want to carry on like this. I'd like to become half full rather than half empty.

I don't know exactly how I am going to do this. I have some books to read, I've enlisted The Boy, I am considering enlisting another friend and I am going to change blog homes. Whoa.

I love my little place here so it will stay but I will be going here, to begin the change up.

Wishing you all a very happy beginning to your next year on this big blue marble...

Tis the Season Of Not So Jolly...

It's that time of year again, the time that brings out my bah humbug...

I thought it might be different what with having the Boy about but external factors have kept it in place. I am still working on health stuff, trying to just feel better and not so old and broken down, and work is such an unhappy place for the people who come through each day especially in December.

This year myself and my coworker are carrying the unhappiness close to ourselves as more than 10 people have been laid off in the past month and if things do not improve more of us may follow. We have now entered that horrible place of secret celebration at another persons misfortune: "Thank gosh I did not lose my job". I REALLY do not like revelling in some other person's bad luck but at the same time I keep thinking "At least I can still pay bills". Blergh.

Of course this has increased our workloads, at least I feel it has, because I cannot say no to anything I am asked to do. Someday are just go, go, go and I am scrambling to keep track of the 3 varied areas that I must now cover. We all recently found out that there is another area that we have to cover as well, no opting out allowed. I see strain in the faces around me and I see others increasing their tattletale ways. It is hard.

Health wise I am still eating meat (weirdness), still taking a bajillion supplements, now getting vitamin injections and having multiple tests to rule out all sorts of other possible things that can leave me feeling tired, worn out, achy and just generally unhappy with it all. Such specifics I know! It leaves me feeling old before my time.

I can be pretty doom-y and gloomy at the best of times so being in the midst of the sucky times has increased both (the poor Boy).

And I can't even drink this to wallow:

Bah! Humbug! *wink*

Not so Anonymous

But this is still not a place that I let my long term friends visit.

I've always liked that I had my secret spot( though, since I've met so many of you in real life I suppose it really isn't that secret anymore...), a place I could babble on about whatever and nothing all at once.

New job, life long disease and married life have taken me away from the blog. The old job gave me varied hours and thus more time to type, type, type. Back in my slightly healthier days I could always whip up a trotting post. Pre Boy I had more friend and/or kid stories to share.

Now I am going to make time to write minimum once a week because, as I said to GeekHiker, I have a few more words than FB allow and I sometimes long to post more than fluff, the angsty stuff that the parameters of Fb does not allow me.

Feeling

Happy Thanksgiving to all....off to have pumpkin pie sooner rather than later!

Luckiest

I often wonder how to explain to The Boy how much he has changed my life for the positive when I am such a pessimistic sort of girl. I do believe I cause him angst when I'd rather just tell him that I kind of think he is wonderful.

I struggle with the height difference; I feel like a lumbering giant and he does not care. I struggle with the general size of me; his first comment of the day is 'Hi beautiful'. I worry that I do not let The Boy know how much I care; he is thrilled to spend time with me. I know I am not easy to live with since I have lived with myself the last many years but The Boy chose it and chooses it daily.

I really am a lucky girl.



It is something I can see but not something I yet know in my knower; a hard balance to find. One day I hope it is second nature.

I love my Boy. He is the best.

October

The loveliest of months and the loveliest of seasons, in my books.

It's the smell and the feel and loook; love it.