the dear baby of kansas

emma was singing the nativity song from the primary hymnbook to nathan.  one of the last lines of the song goes, "see the dear baby of bethlehem."  after singing that part, emma explained, "nathan, baby jesus is the dear baby of bethlehem, but you're the dear baby of kansas.  every baby is a dear of someplace."  i may or may not have teared up when she said that.

remember a few posts ago when i posted pictures of max with two legs in one pant hole? well, that happened a couple more times, and each time he did that, i laughed and called him a mermaid.  after that, he came up to me with his pants and asked, "mom, can you help me put these on?  i don't want to be ariel anymore."

emma loves singing christmas carols, but she usually sings the wrong words (who can blame her with phrases like "don we now our gay apparel" or "good tidings we bring to you and your kin")?  she frequently makes me laugh with her smorgasbord of lyrics, but i think my absolute favorite is when she sings the twelve days of christmas:
on the second day of christmas
truly came to me
two turtle-dogs
and a pear judge in a pear tree.

emma: "who were you on the phone with?"
me: "aunt marci."
emma: "oh.  what were you talking about?"
me: "we're trying to figure out what to get grandma masters for christmas.  do you know what she wants?"
max: "i know!  she wants a captain america shield and a hulk mask!"

in max's world, who WOULDN'T want a captain america shield and a hulk mask?

emma: "mom, what planet do robots live on?"

while eating a sucker, max exclaimed, "this is DELICIOUS!  it tastes like frosty the snowman!"

emma: "dad, why do you like kissing mom so much?"
mark: "because she's so cute!"
emma: "HAHAHAHA!  she's not cute!  she's just a mom!"

emma: "i'm a beautiful princess!"
max: "and i'm a beautiful captain america!"
emma: "and i'm a good dancer!"
max: "and i'm a good getter!"
me: "what's a getter?"
max: "someone that gets the bad guys!"
me: "oh."
max: "yeah, i'm good at that."

emma: "max, will you marry me?"
max: "i can't; i have to go to work."
emma: "but now i have no one to marry me, and the wedding is in just a few days!"

we keep our umbrellas in the coat closet, and max and emma have decided they're fabulous toys.  unfortunately, they've broken more than one while playing "rainy day," so i made it quite clear they're not to touch them.  we all know max doesn't believe in rules, so it should be no surprise to anyone when i walked into the living room to find an umbrella laying pell-mell on the coffee table.  max quickly looked from the umbrella to me and then back to the umbrella before coming up with a clever plan.  he ran to the coffee table, turned around to face me with his arms spread wide (thus "hiding" the umbrella behind him), and very seriously said, "mom, you don't see this umbrella."  nice try, little dude.

batman, batgirl, and the joker

the kids were playing batman and trying to decide character roles for everyone.  max declared himself batman. emma said she would be batgirl. then came the important decision: who should be the joker? emma decided to create her own list of personal attributes for the role:

emma: "he needs to be little and bad and two [years old]... i know! max!"

can you feel the love?

last week we were playing a "sound game."  basically, you make a sound, and the other person has to guess what you are imitating (i.e. oinking for a pig, a car honking, etc.).  the kids LOVE this game and love coming up with new sounds that might possibly trick mom.  after our usual repertoire of animal sounds, a phone ringing, the wind blowing, a police siren, etc. max and emma started making up their own sounds.

max: "ok, guys.  guess this one.  pow! bam!" [more punching sounds complete with max acting out the scene].  "I GOT YOU BAD GUYS!"
me: "max getting the bad guys?"
max: "YES!  good job, mom."

emma: "ok, so i don't know what sound it makes, but it falls from the sky."
me: "the rain?"
emma: "no."
me: "snow?"
emma: "no."
me: "leaves falling from the trees?"
emma: "nope.  it's kinda magical, and it happens after a fairy flies by."
me: "...fairy dust?"
emma: "yep!  what sound does that make?"

we spent the next 20 minutes trying to decide what sound fairy dust would make when falling from the sky.

me: "emma, do you remember who christmas is about?"
emma: "santa!"
me: "no, it's someone that starts with the letter 'j.'"
emma: "JAMIE!"


last night while getting ready for bed, i told the kids it was time for bedtime kisses.  max turned around, stuck his bum in my face and said, "you can kiss my BUM!"

there's no doubt he's my child.

emma: "mom, for christmas i want some pants that are stuck to a shirt."
me: "what?"
emma: "you know.  those things that are pants stuck to a shirt."
me: "...overalls?"
emma: "yes! i want overalls."

pumpkin time!

we visited the pumpkin patch this past weekend, and the kids had a total BLAST!  there were three playgrounds, a hay-bale maze, a hay ride to the patch, popcorn, hot apple cider, and lots of room to run around and get dirty.  

five minutes into our visit, and the kids have already made a new friend

last week we visited KU's Natural History Museum.  they had exhibits on dinosaurs, the human body, animals, bugs, and even some live snakes.  the kids loved it.  and the best part was that it was totally free. 

 max and emma pretending to be mastadons like the one picture behind them.

 arctic animals exhibit

 max and his friend, cora, climbing on the polar bear.  i don't think this was technically allowed, but no one was around to say anything.

 life as the size of a bug.  look at those huge flowers!

this is nate at the beginning of our trip.

 

and this is nate at the end of our trip.  

 that's right - no crying, no fussing, totally content to just sit and enjoy watching the kids run around.  he is seriously the best baby ever.  LOVE him.

max usually fights naptime.  and i usually tell him that he desperately needs a nap because he's cranky.  so today he woke up from his nap and called out, "MOM! I'M AWAKE! AND I'M NOT CRANKY ANYMORE!"

we've discovered it's a bad idea to allow max to play the hulk.  he ends up smashing everything in sight.  including this clock.

emma and max were looking out the window for mark to come home from work.  after a few minutes with no sign of him, emma started getting impatient.

emma: "maybe if we howl, he'll hear us and come home."

starts howling like a wolf

emma: "i still don't see him!  maybe we need to howl louder."

starts howling louder

emma: "i still don't see him OR smell him!  i guess it's not working."

i have no idea where she got the idea that if she howled like a wolf mark might hear her and come home.  i also have no clue what he's supposed to smell like.

just hanging out watching football.

princess tea party

so on thursday i found my wedding dress hanging in a closet and thought to myself, "i paid a lot of money for this dress for it to just be sitting in a closet."  so i asked emma if she wanted to have a princess tea party.  she was totally thrilled.  and i'm pretty sure it was my best idea yet.  

very meticulously arranging the tea party

 cutest princess ever.

 silly faces

 i know you can't tell, but my dress would only zip like 1/4 of the way.  new fitness goal: fit back into my wedding dress.  i'm totally motivated.

 superhero max joined in on the fun after naptime

treasure hunt

emma and max both love maps and clues and anything that looks like a treasure hunt.  it was my turn to plan the lesson for fhe this week, and while contemplating how to integrate something fun with something meaningful, i was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea (ok, maybe not brilliant but at least pretty clever).  why not do a treasure hunt for fhe?  i started the lesson by explaining the ten commandments and that if we follow the commandments (just as we would follow a map) we'll get to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus again some day (just like finding a treasure at the end of the map).  i then explained that we would be going on our treasure hunt.  that's when the kids' eyes totally lit up.  i showed them our map

and explained that along the way, we would have to choose the right in order to get to our treasure.  at each stop was a pink CTR card,

and on the back of each card was a little scenario.  something like:
"emma is playing with her tricylce, but max wants a turn.  what should max do?"
after solving the dilemma on each card by choosing the right, we moved on to the next stop on our map.  the kids had a blast following the map and looking for the CTR clues.

at the very end of the map, we found a "treasure box" with a large red "x" to mark the spot.

the kids found buried treasure inside (aka candy).  they were pretty excited about it.

it was one of our favorite fhe's ever.

emma loves to "tell secrets." today we were sharing secrets and i whispered to her, "you're a princess."  she giggled, and i told her i had another secret.  she leaned in close, and i whispered, "you're the prettiest girl i know."  more giggles, so i gave her one last secret, "and you're very, very smart."  she giggled again, and then looked at me expectantly.  after a few seconds she queried, "how 'bout one more?"

max: "mom, i want to paint my toenails sparkly red."

i know nail polish is only for girls, but try explaining that to a two-year-old.  besides, how could i possibly say no to this face?

while cleaning up downstairs, i suddenly realized it was very quiet.  knowing that probably meant the kids were up to something, i headed upstairs to find them.  "emma! max!" i called out on my way up, "where are you guys?"  i heard some quick scampering followed by emma saying, "quick, max! get out before mom comes in!" i then heard what was unmistakably the sounds of max climbing out of nathan's crib.

me: "were you guys in the crib?!"
emma: "no"
max: "no"
me: "where were you then?"
emma: "we can't tell you."
max: "yeah, we can't tell you."
me: "why not?"
emma: "because it's a secret."
max: "yeah, it's a secret."

they're like two little co-conspirators, although they're not very convincing liars.  good thing they're both cute.

fairy surprise

last week nathan came down with a cold that led to an ear infection.  needless to say, we had a couple miserable days with the refuse-to-sleep-and-scream-incessantly nate monster.  however, over the course of the nate monster's reign of terror, max and emma were absolutely perfectly obedient and good-natured (no, really, they were.  there's no sarcasm here).  we were so impressed with their good behavior (especially since we had been stuck inside for a couple days with no end in sight), that we decided to give them a little treat.  while mark gave them a shower one night, i set up their little table with emma's tea set.  we told them that while they were showering the "good fairies" decided to bring them some fairy treats since they had been so obedient and happy.  emma was a little dubious at first (really? yet she has no doubt that a fat man in a red suit climbs down our chimney and brings her presents every year.), but we convinced her they were real fairies.  the kids totally loved their fairy treats and even asked when the fairies would be coming back to bring more.

fairy treats (mini m&m's, mentos, graham cracker with icing and sprinkles, and sprite to drink)

they were so excited, it was almost like christmas morning.

why, yes. yes, i did have the soundtrack to harry potter playing in the background.  it was magical all around.

me: "max, what do you want for breakfast?"

max: "a peanut butter sandwich!"

me: "oh, well that's actually something you eat for lunch.  how about some cereal?"

max: "how about some soup?"

me: "you can have that for lunch. how about oatmeal?"

max: "i want chicken nuggets!"

me: "max, those are all lunch foods. what do you want for breakfast?"

max: "i want lunch."

i couldn't really argue with that.  i made him a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast.

see this sad, sad max face?

it's because he got dressed himself and put two legs in one pant-leg hole.  he was walking around mermaid-style trying to find me to help him get unstuck.  it was pretty sad but also really hilarious.

i even took a video because i'm kinda a mean mom, but i haven't been able to get it to upload.  i'll keep working on it and put it in a future blog when i figure it out.

in one of his stand-up routines, jerry seinfield jokes that "all men kinda think of themselves as low-level superheroes...when men are growing up and they're reading about batman, superman, spiderman - these aren't fantasies; these are options."  i always thought that was just a funny little quip until today. while at walmart, max found the superhero halloween costume section and was IN AWE.  he couldn't believe that there was a captain america costume AND an ironman costume AND a spiderman costume AND a batman costume AND a hulk costume all in the same place.  it was like he was in heaven.  afterwards he told me, "MOM! i'm going to be the hulk, and then i'm going to have a hulk mask, and it's going to be green, and then i can go around and SMASH people and go ROAR!!! like the hulk!"  he then spent the rest of the afternoon pretending to be the hulk and smashing everything in sight.  seinfeld was right.  this isn't just a fantasy.  max really thinks he can grow up to be the hulk.

today (while taking a break from playing the hulk), max and emma were playing darth vader vs iron man (yeah, i know. weirdest storyline crossover EVER).  mid-play, emma (aka darth vader) yells out, "max!  you have to use your iron to get me!"

"but, mom, i'm just gonna get the hammer!"

                      sorry, dude.  that's so never gonna happen.