Jumping in...

New year.  New goals.  Renewed energy.  Renewed efforts.

We took down all the Christmas decorations and got them put away.  Good-bye Christmas 2013.

 

You were a really good one.  The whole Christmas break has been nice.  I've slept whenever I've needed to and I'm getting my much-needed break from seminary. 

This year has been unusually warm.  We've enjoyed it.  After Christmas was put away, we went to the beach. 

While there, I got some good advice. 

 



Cause there's been a lot going on and...

Until next time,
Me

Stats

Did you know you can see who reads your blog?  Even in the very moment?  Who the heck in Indonesia is reading my blog???  And Russia?  Really?

Girls

 

I have 4 amazing daughters.  And I love them dearly.  There are lots of fun things about having all girls.  Sweetheart and Sunshine are the same size.  Angel and Happy are the same size.  That makes clothes shopping easy.  And they do share clothes.  Mostly that's a good thing.  I got a compliment about the older two this morning.  Sweetheart's seminary teacher commented how impressed he was with them that they got along so well.  I told that him that they were trained that way.  Whenever they haven't gotten along, I've always told them that their sister is the best friend Heavenly Father picked out for them, so they needed to get along with her first.  I do have good girls and for the most part, they have been able to resolve their disagreements without major difficulty... for the most part.  :) 

 

The most aggravating thing to me about having all girls is that every night is a sleepover.  Really.  I laugh to myself when I hear others complain about how they don't like sleepovers because of all the messing around and giggling that goes on.  That's my life.  Every night.  Sweetheart and Sunshine have their own rooms right now, so once I get them in their rooms, it's fine.  That, coupled with getting up for seminary at 5:00 a.m. takes care of too much messing around with each other.  Angel and Happy on the other hand, are a whole different story.  They have a bunkbed right now, but they prefer to sleep in the same bed.  The same twin bed.  You might be thinking right now that I'm the mom and that I should insist that they sleep in their own beds, to prevent the sleepover giggling.  Well, that actually makes it worse.  They both hang over the edges of their beds to talk to each other.  When they're in the same bed, they talk quietly right next to each other and one quickly falls asleep, usually Happy.

 

I don't feel like I'm missing out on much of anything not having boys.  The-crazy-break-all-your-stuff is covered by a couple of my daughters who shall remain nameless.  How can they break so much of what they touch???  One day I was sitting behind a mom and her 11-year-old son in sacrament meeting.  The boy leaned over and snuggled against his mom during the meeting.  My girls have done that plenty of times too.  But that one day, I felt like I was missing out on something - having a boy - not my husband - crazy about me.  But then I thought of my nephew and the leg hug and I was okay.  Not missing out too bad. 

 

As I've watched various missionaries go out, I've thought that I might not have that experience.  But as my girls have gotten older, I think at least one of them might go.  So, that's okay too, for now.

 

There is one thing I feel like I'm missing out on though.  And I didn't realize it until the next best thing happened.  When I first met Elder Tippetts, we made the connection that I went to school with his dad.  He looked so much like his dad, it was kinda wierd actually.  They were here quite awhile and came over for dinner every couple of weeks.  We grew to really love them.  As Mother's Day approached, they asked if they could come to our house to call their moms.  I said yes, not really thinking much about it.  Elder Tippetts skyped his family and Elder Stoddard called his mom, both talking in the same room.  As they talked, they very quickly transitioned from missionaries to sons.  It was so touching to see these sons talk to their mothers.  These boys were loved so much by people in two places.  This was the mission that their mothers had dreamed of them serving for their whole lives.  Here they were, in my house, doing it!  I guess I don't really even know how to explain it.  But I knew that was an experience I would never have.  And I got really, really sad about it.  So, I took a picture.  This is my experience of having a son loving his mom on Mother's Day.  It was really, really cool.  Thanks, Elders, for giving me that experience.  It was a tender mercy that I didn't know I needed.

 

How has the Lord blessed you when life didn't give you ALL the options?

Stuff

Stuff:  miscellaneous belongings that have been deemed so useful that they can't be tossed.  But not useful enough to know exactly what to do with it.

We have a lot of stuff.  I come by it naturally.  I've always been around a lot of stuff.  My parents had a lot of stuff.  And they still have a lot of stuff.   Most of my nine siblings have a lot of stuff. I don't really like stuff.  It encumbers my life.  I feel weighed down with so much stuff around me.  I have to take care of the stuff.  And then the stuff gets all mixed up in the wrong places.  Sometimes I can't figure out where to put my stuff.  So it collects into an active volcano of stuff.  It seems benign, quiet, and inactive until seemingly out of the blue, something unexpected happens and the volcano erupts and oozes stuff over everything in sight.  And then I ask myself how that small pile contained so much ooze of stuff?

Here's a quandry... when one has lived with stuff their entire life, how can one truly comprehend that it encumbers their life?  How can one know the weight of something they've always carried?  Well, I don't think they really can.  So, it has to be an act of trust to follow through on an idea to rid oneself of some stuff.  So, that's what I've done.  I've started getting rid of my stuff.  The lifted weight has FAAAAR ourweighed the actual stuff that got tossed or given away.  Amazing, really.

Well, that was years ago.  And I'm still getting rid of stuff.  It's not that I have that much.  Wait, who am I kidding?  I've got lots of stuff.  The trouble is that I have these relapses when I forget how much I abhore stuff, and I accumulate more stuff.  As far as stuff elimination goes, other people's stuff is the worst!  I really like having an item in my home that brings memories of that person into my current life.  I really do look at or use that item and think kind thoughts of them.  But, the cost is high.  I've ended up with FAR more than I ever dreamed useful, of other people's stuff.  You can't just inherit one special item.  The distributer of other people's stuff needs to, well... distribute it.  So, they give it to you, as a sweet gift of love from the dearly departed, etc.  How can you say no thank you to the grieving distributer?  You can't.  Well, I can't.  So I have lots of other people's stuff.  (Not to be confused with stuff that belongs to lots of other people.  It's the stuff that is a lot, not the people.)  I've been going through it from time to time for years.  Please.  Nobody die or move away.  I don't need to go through more stuff!

And speaking of stuff.  I'm getting rid of emotional stuff as well.  Amazing how much that stuff weighs.  The details of that can't be disclosed here.  But it's been heavy.  And here's the kicker about that.  With all the talking the talk about letting go, forgiving, and loving one another, I think we do a pretty poor job of actually walking the walk.  But not for lack of desire.  It's more a lack of practical application.  How exactly does one let go, forgive, and love?  So that has been my quest.  To figure out exactly how.  To figure out what it looks like from the outside and from the inside.  The wonderful news is that I'm figuring it out, with a lot of help from my Father in Heaven.  And here is what I've learned: 

I'll personalize it because it's so very real to me.  But I think all these things apply to you too.  Maybe something here will be of use to you.

• Emotions and feelings are not the same.
• It's not good to live in the world of my emotions.
• The adversary would have me do that.
• Satan has lots of input to emotions, that's why they are not trustworthy.
• After listening to the adversary, the difference between personal thoughts and adversarial thoughts gets really muddy.
• A confusion of these two types of thoughts leads to confusion about who I really am.
• Heavenly Father has never lost track of who I really am.
• I am eternally grateful for that fact.
• When one is lost, it's so tempting to look to others to correct the sail.
• As a matter of fact, we are taught to do so.  Unwisely, I might add.
• Other people are not trustworthy either.  Even if they love you dearly. 
• Because they tend to listen to the adversary too!
• And even if they didn't, how would you know that?  For SURE.
• Heavenly Father is the only one who IS trustworthy.
• He can remind me of who I am in ways that are profound and amazing.
• He couches the message with memories of experiences from our own lives.
• We lived it so we can understand it.
• I love my Heavenly Father.
• Thanks for the memories.  :)

Question: 

How do you let go, forgive, and/or love others?  Really, like what do you actually say, do, or think?

Overview - Plan of Salvation

Similar to the pieces they cut out
and put in an envelope in their journal.

Glue-in.

What if there is someone on the other side of the veil interested in your life.  Who would that be, and what message might they have for you?

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I know there are people on the other side of the veil interested in my life. 

Several years ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with my life.  I was brought to my knees because I felt so incredibly alone and yearned so deeply for an extended family that would be an active part of my and my family's life.  I needed encouragement and a mentor.  Feeling completely helpless on my own, I prayed for answers.  I was particularly sad because over the years I have heard so much about Bennett's dad.  Of all the things I had been told about him, I felt that he was the one of my extended family that I could probably have related to the very most.  And he was dead.  I felt shorted, and very, very sad.  And alone.  So, I went to my Heavenly Father and poured out my heart to Him.  The message that came into my mind was clear.  "Dallas Keller IS your father-in-law.  Not he WAS, but he IS.  Because of he and Sylvia's temple marriage, which is still valid, he IS your father-in-law and he is STILL a big part of your life.  It's not the same as if you could see him, but please KNOW, that he is an active part of your lives." 

Since then, I have tried to imagine him fully aware of our lives, looking in on me and my family from time to time.  I have felt his awareness of my yearning to connect with extended family, but frustration at not being able to do so.  I know he understands that I feel like a square peg in a round hole in both families.  I know he is disappointed in some things, but that he understands the actions and/or inactions of others too.  I know he loves me dearly and that he is proud of the way I am raising his granddaughters.  He has extended support in ways I can't describe.  And he has offered encouragement in the form of thoughts and feelings.  The thoughts come in ways and at times that I know they are not my own.  I have felt his presence a few precious times to know what's important to him.  It's his family.  He misses us too, but missing us doesn't feel like missing him does to us.  He understands so much more and that provides me with peace of mind that I cherish. 

So, I know that the message my father-in-law has for me is one of encouragement, comfort, and love, particularly for the way I am raising my daughters.

Since this experience, I have pondered and asked about others who might be invested in my life from the other side of the veil.  I have always felt that the answer was yes, there are others.  I have specifically thought of Aunt Boots, Grandma Pierotti, Grandma and Grandpa Westgard, Grandma and Grandpa Karren, and my high school friend, Cari Skousen.  Cari has played a specific role in my recent life that deepened my love for her and the eternal nature of friendship.

I still want for a connection with my extended family, but the desperation and yearning have dissipated.  I have come to understand that there are circumstances in this life that make it very, very difficult for some to make or to accept an effort of connection.  I know that eventually, when we come to a greater understanding, it will be there.  In the meantime, I am trying to balance honest, genuine, and charity in my attempts to connect.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it does not.  And I cherish the experiences I have with those on the other side of the veil.

Overview - New Testament

When you think about studying the life of the Savior, what interests or intrigues you?  What do you think your part will be to satisfy that interest?

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I want to feel His compassion.  And I want to see the world the way He sees the world.  I think my part is to focus my personal scripture study time to this end.  I have started a separate scripture journal to record any thoughts that come to me during and after my reading for the day.  I want to open my heart to being taught by the Spirit during my study time.  I know a lot about the gospel.  I want to find it in the scriptures.  I want to think and learn about compassion as I read the stories of Jesus' compassion.  I think that concentrating on how He lives the gospel will provide interesting insights for me.

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We completed this worksheet in 3 groups using the Bible Dictionary.  Many years ago, as I started reading the BD, I thought it would be helpful to underline the one or two most helpful parts so I wouldn't have to read the whole thing again next time I looked there.  It's also been interesting to me to see exactly how much of the BD I have read over the years!

Overview - Spiritual Self Reliance

Spiritual Self-Reliance

 



This year I will learn to UNDERSTAND and RELY on the teachings and Atonement of Jesus Christ, QUALIFY for the blessings of the temple adn PREPARE myself, my family, and others for eternal life with my Father in Heaven.
 

Circle and comment on the capitalized word that interests you the most?

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Okay, so I'll underline and highlight.  :)

I'm excited to learn more deeply about relying on the teachings and Atonement of Jesus Christ.  The demons and baggage that I've struggled with in the last few years has brought me to a saddened awareness of how much we talk about the principles of the gospel much more effectively than we utilize the principles of the gospel.  I've known all the "right" answers, but when it comes to my own actual problems, I stumble at how to actually apply those principles that I know to be true, in making my actual life better. 

As I study the New Testament this year, my aim (in my personal study) is to learn more clearly who my Savior was during his mortal ministry. 

• I want to feel his Spirit more clearly each day. 
• I want to know how he thought about things in order to respond how he did? 
• I want to know what he did to find support in his crazy world? 
• I want ot know how he reached out to others without injuring himself? 
• I want to understand his priorities? 
• I want to comprehend how he balanced his life? 
• I want to understand at a new level, what the Atonement really offers me?  On a daily basis? 
• I want to know how I can step away from the things/people I currently rely on (that are not reliable), and turn to the One who is reliable?

I'm excited to learn who my Savior really is, and feel closer to him through the process.