I need to learn from my mistakes...

So, in February Kennedie fell from her high chair, fell on her face and bruised a huge bruise on her cheek. It is the type that is a booster combo and is supposed to be secured to the chair. I didn't have the buckles attached besuase I used it in church.

Well imagine, a dumb mom, a rowdy 23 month old and yet another unattached high chair. This time she hit her eye on the edge of the table. Sometimes I feel like an idiot. I buckle her in her seat everytime we are in the car, I hold her hand in the parking lots, I put floaties on her in the pool. All so she will be safe. Then this. TWICE. Duh! Luckily she wasn't hurt bad.

Kennie, I'm sorry that you hurt your eye 'cause I was dumb! I love you!

Kennedie Jo is 2! (almost)

Ramblings of a Crazy

I mostly put posts about Kennedie in here but was rambling typing today and decided to post this randomness…

I am 26, yet I feel like I’ve lived a life time. I believe the world was created for our enjoyment. And more selfishly, for me. It’s perfect balance of beauty, grotesqueness and power are enough to awe me, inspire me, and terrify me. I've lived in California, Maine, Washington, Utah, Idaho and am currently in Nevada. I love to see the world. I've been to the beaches of Cancun and swam the depths of the Atlantic and pacific oceans. I spent ten days in Mexico, kissing babies and meeting open, kind people. I have so much more to see. I want to see everything. When I die, I want my regrets to be few; not seeing the world shouldn't be one of them. I live with the motto of “Be Here NOW!” If you are unhappy with where you are, only you have the power to change it. I will never be “trapped” in a bad relationship; I will never let it get to that.

Today I'm thinking about life I guess. I wonder if every mistake I've made, every tear I've shed and all the longing I've felt has led me to this point for a reason. I feel ready. I feel ready for more. Tired of complacency and tired of being on the backburner of life. I'm ready for the last chapter of my life to end a new chapter to begin. I am looking for so much more. I am looking for something I never thought possible, to find people who love me for me. I am kind, caring, unselfish and loving. I love children and have one who is my universe. I respect and love animals and nature and enjoys spending long days in the sunshine absorbing the warmth. I also loves rainy days indoors reading, playing and enjoying life one day at a time. I know it seems like a lot but there is also so much more to me... I try to be honest open and loving to everyone, although as a fairly private person, I tend to hold in a lot. I have loved, lost and been through a long life for my years. I am not petty, jealous or catty. I can be a bitch occasionally but always apologize. (Almost.) I recently lost a loved one who taught me more in the short time I knew him than anyone else in my entire life. I miss him so much I ache. But every day, I get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, I wish life was painless, easy. But I have overcome the most impossible losses and lived to tell the story. I cried when I swam in Mexico in the waves that create a perfect rhythm of life. I have a great sense of humor and LOVE to laugh. I am not perfect, and will never claim to be, neither should you be. Love is about embracing your own imperfections as well as others. I know life is hard but I believe that forces of nature sway life my way in the end. I am lucky. I have a beautiful daughter and knowledge that one day I will find my counterpoint in a man.
Some days it enough; other days, it is hard to smile enough, have patience and leave things up to God. I am lucky to have a big family that loves me but wish we were more open and less afraid. Every day that passes is an opportunity to grow into the people we think we are. Nicer, more sensitive, more giving, more understanding, more compassionate. Every day I miss an opportunity to hug my dad more, to call my mom. To tell Kennedie she is my driving force; my life. I know now that kids are not a right or an obligation; they are a glimpse of pure love. Not everyone who has kids should. Besides obvious reasons, also because they just don't deserve to ruin the pureness that kids show us. When Kennie hugs me, it’s like pure unaltered love shining down on me. It’s like the whole world has stopped and we are the only 2 people who matter. I have a strange belief system, half fate/half faith but I know beyond a doubt that everything happens for a reason. When I was younger I was raised by my aunt and uncle and after, shuttled around a lot. It was very difficult never fitting in and never feeling like I belonged in a family. I know now that was to prepare me to love. The love I was looking for now runs in my every thought and I am consumed with love for my beautiful little girl. Love that makes your heart ache when you think about the enormity of it. Sometimes when I’m really frustrated I just have to step back and remember that she is love... Feeling her tiny arms wrapped tight around my neck is love.

22 Months (to Kennedie)

Kennedie jo~

Tomorrow you are 22 months old. I can't believe you are so big. Sometimes at night when you're sleeping, I still creep into your bedroom and watch you sleep. You snore a little... Ok, a lot. You can put on your own slip-on shoes now but not always on the right feet. You give such big, tight hugs. I love them. Once in a while you give a kind of choke-hug, its sweet but slightly scary. We love to go to the indoor pool to swim and also to the park. You love Elmo and have 7 elmo dolls. You love teddy bears and baby dolls. You love to color. You talk a lot but it doesn't make too much sense yet. You said your first sentence it was "its hot mama". You were talking about dinner. You love to eat but would rather eat on the run bite by bite. Your favorite breakfast is eggs and you are not crazy about lunch. You like broccoli and chicken and you love rice. I love to hold you on my lap and read you books. We go every week to the used bookstore and get new books to read. I miss holding you as a baby but I love playing with you. We wrestle, we play hide & seek and we love to run around the couch scaring each other. Your favorite person besides mommy is Grandpa and you call him "papa" and constantly ask for him over and over. When you see his truck pull up, you squeal "PAPA"! Its so sweet.

You love babies. All you have to see is a car seat and you yell "Baby" in a strange low toned voice. You love your cousins and you play great with other kids. You chase birds in the park and have yet to be afraid of any animal, big or small. You call anything except birds dogs. You love dogs. Sometimes you still sleep with mommy. Sometimes its when you are sad but sometimes its when mommy is sad too. You like to watch cartoons so does mommy. Right now you are taking a nap, I can hear your snoring. I love you so much and I can't wait till you wake up.

Love you~ Mommy

Holy Moly....

So, its been a year since I have posted anything to my blog and I blame Face Book... Lol. So many things have happened in a year; I have debated posting them all but I don't feel great throwing into cyberland. I have loved, sacrificed, lost friends and more, gained friends, rekindled friendships and watched others dwindle into resentment and disapointment. I have moved 3 times and am now settled into my parents house, content with being here where Kennedie is loved. Kennedie is a curious, invasive 22 month old and she loves to play outside. She is smart, funny and learns more everyday. She is talking a lot and starting to say 3 word sentences. Sometimes I am overwhelmed but I know I am blessed beyond belief to have her in my life.

I have had a lot of blessings this last year and a lot of setbacks as well. I take my days one at a time and put my pants on one leg at a time. I am currently living in Fallon NV and not working but looking for a job. I miss my job at T-Mobile but am glad I've got to spend so much of Kennedie's babyhood at home with her.

Well I thought I would make a small post for now and now that my blog is linked to fb, I'm going to try to update it more often... :)

Zoo Day!

Baby's First Zoo Day!

"How do these things work?"

"I still can't see this way either!"

"Hmmmm I think we'll go to the Monkeys next."

"Yummy seat belt!"

Mothers Day

Guess who hit who with the shoe? LOL!

My first mothers day. Hmmm how to describe it? Different. While growing up i imagined it would be a day where my spouse would pamper and spoil me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself I guess i never thought about it before. How one day when others are being spoiled with flowers, cookies and cards, it another day like any other day for single moms. We wake up every turn, there are no "your turns." We know its always up to us to remember lunches, diapers and to lock the door.

Kennedie woke up at 8;15 as usual and it was a day just like anyother. We went to joel and shannons and did some laundry and went to sacrament. After we went to Corries and Daves to eat. As usual, it was amazing and I ate too much! We hung out with Corrie and also my mom who just moved here. It was a good day. I played outside with the girls and here are some pics!