The other day I was having a casual conversation with my co-worker and good friend. She is expecting her second baby this June. Her daughter turned one in November and she is recently back from maternity leave. We were talking about another friend of mine who is having troule finding care for her kids so she has extended her leave a few times now. My co-worker said that she had hoped to extend her leave for this new baby and stay home for 2 years, but she messed up the timing so now she will have to come back in January next year. As teachers, if we extend we can only extend to a natural breaking point. This means we come back (if we extend beyond a year) either in September when school starts, after Christmas break or March Break. Otherwise we come back right when our year is up.
She had wanted to have 2 full school years off, but because she miscalculated she will come back after a year and a half.
What struck me was she was saying that by the time she realized her mistake, they had tried to get pregnant and BAM she was pregnant.
I'm not sure what my face was because I was just gob-smacked. I know people get pregnant easily. I do.
It's just never been my experience.
She goofed on dates and it's too late. She's not upset, but was laughing at her little mistake.
I was more caught up in the whole, you got pregnant just like that.
Fuck.
What'd I'd give to goof up like that.
Sometimes I forget that others try as hard NOT to get pregnat as some do to get pregnant.
Of course this also means I'll be without my buddy at work for a long time...but as with all my friends, I am truly and genuinely thrilled for her. And sad for me. It's a tough whack of feelings to explain.
It's just one of those things.

Happy New Year!
So far 2014 is off to a rip roaring start.
Let's see...Snow up to my tits? Check.
Freezing said tits off? Double (D) check.
Seriously -41*C. Shoot. Me. Now. Ugh.

Then today it starts to "warm" up. -25*C. And the weekend is suppose to be 9*C. Not much of a range eh? This weather is causing havoc with me. I've had a wicked headache and my skin is so dry in some areas I could scream. BLEH!!!

We had that major ice storm just before Christmas too. That was both amazingly beautiful and very awful. The destruction. The loss of power for about a week for some. We were lucky and had power, so we hosted family, but wow. There are no other words.
I have to wonder what is going on. It scares me to think about what we are doing to Earth and what's causing all these changes.
I'm also wondering if this means come summer we'll be sweltering in 45*C temps.
I might just be okay with that at this point.

Time to get another hot chocolate...Brrrrr.

My biggest fear is losing Mason. I know that's every parent's fear, but it's a real fear. I can't imagine life without him.
My heart breaks when I hear of children who have passed away. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and anguish those parents are feeling. A piece of you is gone forever. A large piece.

On Christmas Eve, a friend of my univerity roommate lost his 2 year old son. Just like that: gone. They think it was SIDS. Apparently that's still a possibility at 2. I can't get his precious little face out of my mind. So unfair. Yet another reminder to cherish every moment we have with our kids (and everyone!) because you just never know when they will be gone. My thoughts and prayers go to his family that God will help them through this time. That the love and support of those people around them will carry them through as they find a new normal. That the 2 years they had with their son, and the many memories they have will give them some peace. I pray that the baby his girlfriend is carrying now will know his brother through the stories his/her parents will share, and that he/she will help bring them happiness.
There are just no real words when someone looses a child.
Rest in Peace little Brady Sebastian Tang.

I have no real reason as to why I decided to dust off this old blog here. Maybe it's so I have atleast one post in 2013.
I've come back a few times and typed posts, but they sit "unpublished." I find I spend way too much time on Facebook and that's how I keep in touch with people.
Then there is the part that really feels I need to document this little life of mine/ours, especially when it comes to Mason. Not all of that needs to be on Facebook, but rather here for me and anyone who happens to check in.
Perhaps I'll give this a good ol' try again. Change it up a bit.
Maybe it's time for less Sass and more Class? ha!
Who knows.
Until then..check out my 6 year old:

xoxo

Wow..time flies.
Here I am on the eve of IUI round 2.
Thank you to anyone and everyone who sent on kind words, prayed for us, kept us in their thoughts. Thank you. I appreciated the emails, messages and comments. The last IUI resulted in a BFN.
I'm not going to lie and say it didn't suck. UGH! I just can't go there mentally again. Some days I'm okay with thinking I may never be pregnant again. Other days, just the thought kills me. I guess I have to just trust in this path that we are on. I have no idea how it will end, but I pray it will end with another precious baby or our own.
So that brings us to this month. We go in tomorrow for the first of 2 IUIs this month. I had the hubs give me my Ovidrel shot. This time it wasn't in the parking lot of Harveys, it was in the parking lot of my school! We are just so classy!
I think I'm going into this one a little better. I know what to expect and I'm ready. In the back of my mind I'm not dreaming of fresh baby smells, cuddles and dirty diapers. This time I'm more in the mindset of "when this is over, I'm taking a break. We are out of money. I need to get myself back in some kind of shape. I'll focus on me now while we save money." Maybe that's not a good frame of mind in some ways, but it is was I'm thinking.
I've already signed up for a series of Zumba classes and printed off the auquafit class schedule (my two fave ways to sweat..although you don't really sweat in the pool I guess...).
Perhaps I go into this with no high expectations.

Either way, here I (we) go again.
Giddyup!

Take 2!

We went back on Saturday for take two of the IUI. We didn't have anyone close by to watch Mason so we decided that we'd have to tag team the event. Mr. Sass went in to do his thang while I played with Mason in the car, and then we went to the park for awhile while we waited. When it was my turn, he dropped me off and went back to the park with Mason while I went in. It was a little weird being alone, but the experience from the day before had calmed my nerves. They were really busy so I spent quite a lot of time half naked under a flimsy paper blanket holding on to a vial of little swimmers. I ended up getting board and checking email and playing on Facebook. If only people know what I was holding while or where I was while I played around! Ha. I did have horrible visions of me dropping it and wondering what I'd do. I resolved that I would probably scrape up what I could and pretend it never happened..
All kidding aside, we were worried that his count would be too low or non existent because of having had to do it 2 days in a row. However, his count was more then double what it was the previous day! Thank you God. Things have just been falling into place that I am full of hope that this could work.
I balance this hope with the reality that it's a long shot...and how are we going to deal with the emotion that will come with a BFN? The blessing in all this is that school is beginning next week and I am in full "back to school" mode. I've been in prepping my class and I'm sure next week will fly by too. I have to go in on Thursday for a pregnancy test if I don't get my period.

Hopeful.

Here Goes...

Today was a day filled with anticipation, nerves, fear,...and so many emotions.
We did our first IUI with this doctor. Our first since trying to have Mason. I was really nervous because our last fertility doctor was really rough and had ZERO bedside manner. He didn't really explain what to expect and in hindsight I was too ignorant and nieve to ask questions. It was an awful experience. Yet here I am again.
THIS doctor is amazing. He has a little more bedside manner. He is a no nonsense kind of guy and tells you how it is. However, he takes the time to make sure we understand, answer all questions and recap with us. I'm more comfortable with him. The nurses (who, let's face it, I see at every visit and are key in this process) are beyond wonderful. One in particular (Alexis) is an angel and I really get along well with her. I was pleased to know that she was the one that was going to be doing the IUI. We chose our "home" location to do the IUI knowing that likely the Dr. would not be there that day. Knowing she was going to do it put me at ease a little.
So...the verdict? It went well. I have 4 eggs, so 4 chances! It wasn't near as bad as that last time. Anyone who knows me knows I'll crack jokes and try to laugh if I'm nervous, and this was no exception. As she was doing what she needed to do, I whispered to Mr. Sass "Didn't you want another girl to join us in intimate moments?...well you got it!" I don't think Alexis heard (which is probably a good thing) but I got a serious case of the giggles after.
I've had some cramping and spotting but it's to be expected. The cramping actually started yesterday, especially after I gave myself a shot of Ovidrel to force ovulation. The best part was that I actually had Mr. give it to me in the parking lot of a Harveys Restaurant because he was meeting up with friends and wouldn't be home until it was too late. Oh well. We do what we have to do.
We go back tomorrow for another IUI and then are heading up to the cottage. The idea is that by doing two IUI's in a row it will increase the likelihood of getting pregnant. Here's to hoping!

Crossing my fingers...

Cross this off my list...

Ding.
Time to take the Clomid.
Except when I crack it open the pill is broken and a piece falls down my shirt. It's caught in my bra (because let's face it, nothing much is getting past those puppies). My sweaty, just-back-from-a-brisk-walk-and-running-around-the-yard, chest basket.
Do I really need this other half?
How badly do I want babies?
One boob-sweat laced Clomid piece down the hatch.
Cheers.