The other night I had dinner with some of my womb-to-tomb friends, ya know, those kind of friends that you can go months without seeing, but as soon as you see them, you just pick up where you left off. That, and we were practically raised together so, I consider them more family than friends (Shout out!)... I was then reminded that during each of our friendships, I have almost killed all of them.. Literally. Not on purpose, but seriously, I almost ended all of their lives and for some of them, I almost have done it twice... Maybe, I should have called this post, "Don't Call the Cops." But don't worry, I'm not a serial killer.. let me explain.The tale starts with me turning 16. Since my birthday is in October and I am slightly impatient, I decided to take private driving lessons rather than waiting and taking the drivers ed offered in High School. I'm pretty sure that I was the only one that spoke fluent English at A-1 Driving, but I made friends all the same. Sure, they were ex-junkies and maybe ex-sex-offenders, but we all had one common goal, to drive like the wind! I can recall two times that I prayed while on test drives... The first was when the Russian didn't know how to read the road signs (I am pretty sure, when we almost killed 5 children in a school zone, I vowed to serve the Lord from then on...) and the second was when the Ex-Junkie got the shakes on the freeway.... Jesus really did take the wheel then, well, Jesus and the instructor... In my bias opinion, I was probably the best driver at that place and you better believe I got a 92% on the written exam, but that didn't stop me from traumatizing 3 of my great friends..(foreshadowing...)
Being the youngest kid in the family, I got the hand me down car, a white Pontiac Grand Prix, aka the rubber maid car ever since my sister and I hydroplaned on the freeway and slammed into a cement barrier only to find no damage to the car.. All I remember is my sister yelling at me for cussing on this occasion, never mind the fact that she almost killed us..
The weekend I got my license, my parents let me go for a night out on the town with my 3 friends, Katie, Katherine and Ryan. We all buckled in and headed here and there and eventually made it to the local 7-11 for some Slurpee's. We were high class kids. I don't really know what we were doing, but all I know is that we headed back to our neighborhood, drinking our cherry Slurpees and then we were headed out again listening to some Dixie Chicks (I know, real manly of me... I think it was even Cowboy Take Me Away... maybe I shouldn't have told you that...) when suddenly I forgot what a stop sign meant...
As we flew through the stop sign, I remember Katherine pointing out her window with her Slurpee-free hand at a black Suburban heading at what seemed to be roughly the speed of light toward the passenger side of my little white Pontiac. I believe Katie and Katherine screamed while Ryan remained mute in the back, waiting for instant death. After my car did a little 180 shuffle, the car came to a stop...
When I came to (or just became aware of my surroundings, not sure which) I saw what looked like all three of my friends had exploded inside my car... But for some reason the blood smelled like sweet cherries, oh wait.. either way, my car was totaled and was cherry/blood stained.. mostly cherry Slurpee stained though so, don't worry...
In the thick of it all, Katherine lost and then found her glasses in mid-twirl, Ryan never said a word (which shouldn't surprise any of you who know him), Katie hit her head and continued to repeat, "What happened?" over and over again, to which Katherine continued to tell her the brutal truth and me? Me, I remained pretty calm (alright not very calm...) until I called my parents, then I cried my eyes out.. Yep.. I showed emotion. I know weird, right?
Anyway, isn't it funny how things can seem to be the end of the world and all blood and guts at the time and then looking back, it's just... not, it's just all Slurpee. Makes ya think right? In the end, I was unsuccessful at killing any of my friends, but that didn't stop me from trying to kill one of them again and this time on a speed boat.. Stay tuned for that tale. mwuahahahaha!!
(Seriously, don't call the cops..)
