Post Surgery Feb. 2011

WOW! Almost 18 months since my surgery. I must say I did forget about this site and figured it was gone. Now after having read my comments I made before my surgery I feel I must share what life is like for me now. Hmmm, I guess the best way to describe it would FANTASTIC/WONDERFUL/INCREDIBLE/BEAUTIFUL and much much more.

The morning of my surgery has to be one of the top 2 scariest days of my life! All the way to the hospital I was telling I will just tell them I am sorry I am not going to do this I am not ready. Then my thoughts were - will Bruce understand? Will he be disappointed in me? Didn't care about the Drs but I was about Bruce.
We checked in and I was totally convinced I was going to tell them the surgery was off. Took me back to the room to change (and I did) still sure I was going to tell them NO! Everyone was very nice but I was still convinced this was not going to happen. Bruce asked me if I was ok several times and I said NO. But I didn't tell him my plans.
I was laying on the bed and a nurse asked if I was ok I said yes but... She said would you like something for your anxiety. Oh YES! That was my last memory! Never got my chance to say "get me out of here"!
My very next waking thoughts were, "What happened to me". I knew that something happened while I was on the surgery table but was afraid to ask. I remember hearing voices and wondered if I had died. I knew they were talking about me but I had the feeling they didn't know I could here them. One woman made some comment about how large I was. That made no sense to me at all. Bruce later explained. I don't mean to sound dramatic but those were my first thoughts!

More to come......

Surgery in 2 Days!

Well, it is almost here! Surgery in 2 days. I have been all over the page with my emotions. I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to call this whole thing off. I keep trying to second guess myself.

Did I try hard enough? Maybe I could do more exercises? More pain meds longer? More shots? More physical therapy? Usually those thoughts come when I am laying down and my pain in minimal. But then when I try to fix breakfast, water my plants, garden, go to a movie, pick flowers ect. and can't. Or go to the beach and I can't. Vacation to Canada and I can't. Go to the fair and I can't. That's when I realize the surgery must happen. I am too young to be rocking in my rocker forever.

Dr said I will be in more pain than I have ever experienced before in my life and childbirth doesn't come close. WOW! But I am such a sissy when it comes to pain. Can they control?

He also said I will be on a ventilator when I wake up. I pray he is wrong. I think that is the worst thing I could ever have happen. Both girls were on vents and never came off them! Keep in mind this is the irrational side of me talking. Knock it off Sheila!

But then I look at these look at the x-rays and I am back to knowing I am doing the right thing. This morning when I woke up I realized something had changed. I am feeling much calmer than I have in the past few weeks.

I have done a lot of praying about this and I know that I have a good Surgeon. I have Mike coming to give me a blessing and I have many friends supporting me and encouraging me all the way. And then there is Bruce.

He has helped me so much. Not one word of complaint no matter what I need having done, he does it. Dinner-laundry-gardening-grocery shopping-cleaning. Everything. I do love him so much. I hope that I can do some of these things again soon.

Oh ya the Dr said I can't sit for 3 months! I have to either recline or lay flat. We are going to have to figure out a way for me to get back on the computer! No way I can wait 3 months to use the computer again! What about my Farms? Mafia? Pirates? LOL! JK!

But I think after all is said and done I think of my girls. They endured so much for so long with very few words of complaint. I can do this because they endured everything harder and longer. I know they will be by my side giving me strength and encouragement.

I am grateful for so many blessings in my life. But especially thankful to my Heavenly Father for all the blessing I have been given. Far too many to count but never forgotten.

So next step.... Surgery! I can hardly wait to see the x-rays when this is all done.

Let's see if I can actually get this up and going. Wish me luck!

I have had trouble with my back since I was really young. I was told I had scoliosis when I was about 10 years old. But it hasn't really been a problem for me until the last 10 years. But has really been a problem for me in the last year or so.

I have finally gotten some help with my back pain. I have been on morphine for the last year. I don't want to live like this and after having done all the Drs have asked me to do they finally sent me to a surgeon.

So here are my options....

* Live with the pain

*Use a morphine pump (implanted)

*Surgery



HMMM! I don't want to live with this kind of pain. So I have opted for surgery and this was no easy chose either. My surgery will be very intense and the team is pretty good sized.

The surgery is about 8 hours long and I will be in the hospital for a week and in rehab for about 3 days.

I am hoping to have pictures to show everyone so you get an idea of how bad the curve in my back is. Bruce was shocked to see the x-rays!

My spine will be fused from the bottom to about the middle of my shoulder blades! I will no longer be able to bend at the waist or twist at the waist. I will still have movement in my shoulders. So that should help a lot.

I walk around the house pretending I can't bend and so what that might be like. It isn't gonna be easy. They will have to teach my how to balance and how to pick up objects. How to put on my shoes and dress myself. This will be a huge change in a lot of how I do things.

Many people have expressed their shock at my willingness to do this type of surgery. But let me explain something to you. I hurt every single day. I watch Bruce doing so many things that I should be doing and can't. Laundry - dishes - cooking - walking - bike riding - car rides - vacationing - and the list goes on and on.

Basically I watch TV and use my computer. I planted one plant in the garden and spent the next 2 hours in bed. I play Bunco 2 times a month and recuperate for 3 days. I want to cook a meal but have to sit every 5 minutes because the pain becomes too much. Some days I can't shower because it hurts to stand that long.

I feel like a whiner saying all these things. But I want people to understand my quality of life at this point is not very enjoyable. Bruce is hoping to retire in December but it will depend on how the outcome of the surgery. We want to travel and have some wonderful adventures together. It has been a long time coming and I want to make the most of it.

My Dr said he can NOT stop all my pain. He said that he can make it so it isn't the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. But instead maybe the 10 thing I think of. For me, that will make surgery for me a huge success. He said that there is a 20% failure rate! But there is also an 80% success rate. Dr Jenkins said that I will be able to swim again and also bike ride!

I have been doing a lot of praying about this. This was not an easy thing to decide. I am so very scared. But know I have special guardian angels watching over me. And that brings me comfort.

Bruce has been such a wonderful support for me. He never complains after working 10 hours and then coming home and fixing dinner or doing the laundry or any number of things that need to be done that I can't do.

My first try at blogging so there will be lots of mistakes.