Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Years Eve

I am so glad this day is here. It is my brother's birthday!!! YAY Happy Birthday B!!

It's also the last day to this dreadful year.

We are ready for a new year and a fresh start. 2011 has sucked for us (ok MAJORLY SUCKED!!!). I will not be sad to see it go!

There is one good thing about this year..

This day...
September 13, 2011 The day we found out Maddie was going to be a big sister. It was a day like I will never forget.



Bye 2011... 2012 is our year! Our hope is coming. He's on his way!!!!


Friday, December 30, 2011

My "hope" light..

We started on Jackson's nursery. It was a BIG undertaking. My mom and brother came to help which we are so thankful for! We are using the guest room. That room was the "dumping grounds" for ALL of Maddie's after everything happened. Everything was literally just dumped in there and the door was shut. I have been in there a handful of times to get something I needed and the door was shut again. So our house had two doors permanently shut. Now it’s time to open them.

It was hard going through all her stuff in there but were are so glad my mom and brother were there for support! It took my mom and I half a day to go through everything. If I didn’t need it I put it in a Good Will pile or gave it to my nieces. Also a lot of stuff got thrown away. Some of Maddie's stuff that we can't reuse went into the attic.

Here is our before picture:

(Don’t freak..My OCD went crazy everytime I had to go in there).



Here is after all all our hard work:


We still have a LONG way to go. We are going to get the carpets steam cleaned and I am going to sanitize his room top to bottom. James and I are still trying to decide what color to paint the walls. I don't know if I have mentioned this before but I don't like themes in babies rooms so you will not see any here.

Jackson will be sleeping in his crib in our room for many months to come so we have a while to put the finishing touches on his room. But, it's 1 step in the right direction.

We are now keeping Jackson’s door open and it feels good. I can look down the hallway and see sunlight beaming in the hall way. I call that my “hope” light. It’s refreshing. It’s nice. It’s comforting.


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Christmas

Christmas...It was hard . We knew it would be. Thankfully we were so busy. We didn't really have any down time just to sit and be sad.

I think Friday was the hardest day for me. I was so upset and it wasn't even Christmas yet. James , my mom and I went to a candle lit service at church and I cried through the whole thing! We lit a remembrance candle for our Maddie. Something that I wish we didn't have to do.

Service was beautiful but seeing all the kids with their parents in their Christmas outfits so happy and smiling made it so much harder. Our preacher spoke about many different things but the one thing that really hit home was about grieving. He said its ok to be mad at God. He understands. He is right there holding our hands. He said said now it's time to have hope.

That's what kept us going through Christmas is Hope. We tried to focus our attention on this little guy .
He is our Hope.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was easier then we both thought. We went to six different houses and tried to stay positive. Not to many tears were shed. Probably because I was all out of them from Friday!

That ultra sound picture was taken yesterday at my 20 week anatomy scan. Jackson looks great! He is weighing 9 oz and is about 5 1/2 inches long. He is growing great! My doctor said all his organs look good. We couldn't get a good picture of his heart because of the way he was laying. I go see my high risk dr soon so he will take a better look at his heart and other organs.



Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Questions

James and I are meeting with a pediatrician this afternoon. It's early but I want to be VERY comfortable with a pediatrician this time.

I am making a list of questions to ask her. I have 9 on my list so far..Now I need your help! What should I ask the pediatrician?

(I will blog about Christmas tonight!)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas


Merry Christmas!!!

Love,
Kellie, James, Maddie, and Jackson

Thursday, December 22, 2011

It's coming..

Ready or not Christmas is coming....and I'm not ready.

All the gifts are bought, wrapped and are placed neatly under our tree. But I'm NOT ready. I feel like I can't do this without Maddie.

Last Christmas was so special. I remember every detail of it. This Christmas I seem lost. James and I both do. We are going to try and make the most of it. I don't want to cry and be sad all day. I really don't, but I feel like it may happen.

We are going to try and make this Christmas about Jackson. Hopefully that will lift our spirits a bit.

But...... We. just. MISS. her





Monday, December 19, 2011

10 months and baby kicks.

Last Saturday was a sad day for us. It marked 10 months since Maddie went to heaven.

I miss her so so much. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend like she is still here. Saturday was also a good day. It was the day we made the "decision". I know Maddie had a big part in helping us make that decision.

It's been really hard being pregnant knowing that Jackson will be here soon. I am SO excited about him but to me in my mind I will have two infants. I keep thinking how will I take care of two babies. I guess that is only natural tho. I know Maddie is in heaven looking down on us smiling. She is such a great big sister!

Also on Saturday I woke up to Jackson flipping away in my belly. That made my day better! I was getting worried that I had not been feeling him often. Well, I feel him a lot now! He is making sure mommy knows he loves her!!! I can't wait until James can feel him on the outside!

I am waiting for a special package to arrive. Once it gets here I will be taking my 17 weeks belly pictures!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Decision..

I have prayed, talked to friends, cried, and screamed. I think we have finally made a decision.
I talked to many angel mommies and everyone of them said they would keep Maddie's room the same.

So...

James and I think its best that we have a fresh start for Jackson. So, we are going to turn the guest bed room into his room and make Maddie's room into my nursing room and eventually Jackson's toy room. Who wouldn't want a toy room? I do.

So what if we don't have a guest room. We are about to have two kids. One may not be here,but she is still around! It is going to be a special way to use Maddie's room and make it into a happy place.

I think this is a great thing. I am excited now. My anxiety level is A LOT lower! It is going to be a lot more work for James to move all of Maddie's furniture but I think it'll be GREAT!

I want to say thank you to my readers who suggested making Maddie's room into a nursing/play room. If it wasn't for ya'll I would still be so upset trying to figure out what to do. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Torn

I have been so torn the past couple of days.

At 12 weeks when they told us it was a girl, I was excited. I was starting to really like the idea that the baby could use lots of Maddie's stuff. We had plans to change the paint color of Maddie's room but keep some nicknack's to remind us of our sweet Maddie girl. Now that we found out we are having a boy that really can't happen. We can't keep pink nicknack's, tu tu's and bows in his room. James would kill me!!!

I am SO excited about Jackson. I want to get this room ready and make it perfect. In order to do that I have to put Maddie's stuff up. But, I dont want to!

I'm torn. I am SO excited but still so sad.

I dont want to put her stuff up. I am not ready. But I really want to get the nursery ready for Jackson.

This is so hard. I never go into Maddie's room. So, you think this would be easier..but its not. It's so hard.

I went into Maddie's room the other day. I sat and I cried. It's so hard. How am I going to put away her stuff? It has been suggested to me to keep her room the way it is and put it away when I am ready, but will I ever be "ready"...no. NEVER..Because this whole thing isn't supposed to happen. It still doesn't seem real.

We do have an extra bed room that we could use. If we leave Maddie's room and make the guest room Jackson's room there won't really be anything left in Maddie's room. We are using her crib and dresser/changing table for Jackson. The walls will still be pink and the memories will never fade. So, once again I'm torn. I'm still praying that one day I will know the answer and know just what to do.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Bullets

-Thanks so much for all the baby tips and advice! I am going to read them all I promise!!!

-Don't forget to check out our December sponsor! The last day to order Scentsy for Christmas delivery is 12/19!! When you go to her web page scroll down to the bottom, on the left there is a tab that says, "Kellie Staats Party" place your order there!

- I have been scoping out etsy for baby boy stuff and I am in LOVE with this hat!!

Found here
I can see me taking Jackson's newborn pictures in this CUTE hat!!

- Oh my and these are SO cute!!!
Found Here

- What boy doesn't need a "J" onesie?

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Let's talk baby .....

Well since we are pretty much starting over (expect for the car seat) lets talk baby stuff!!

I never liked Maddie's swing. Can any one tell me a swing they really love?

We had 2 bath tubs for Maddie and I never really liked either of them. So what the best bath tub for babies?

I need a new diaper bag. Any suggestions? I had 2 with Maddie the first was to little the 2nd was way to big.

We need a new pack n' play. I guess there are just personal preference.

I am going to try and breast feed again. But if I do have to use formula we will use Dr. Brown bottles again. They were a pain to clean but I loved them!

Speaking of breast feeding...My milk never came in. Is there any suggestions I can do this time around? Iv'e heard people say to use Fenugreek. Has anyone taken this before? I do have a pump.

**EDIT** I am editing this post to explain how much I tried to breast feed with Maddie.
I knew I *might* have a a problem breast feeding . My mom and grandmother never had any milk.
As soon as Maddie was born I put her on my breast. I was told by the nurses I was doing it right. They said Maddie latched great. I tried many many many times in the hospital to breast feed. Everytime with out a doubt Maddie would just scream. This girl was hungry and she wanted food now. She was so upset that my boobs had nothing in them. I called the lactation specialist many times during my hospital stayed but she never came to my room. So, I asked the nurses again if I was doing it right and they all said yes her latch was great but she just wasn't having it. We eneded up giving her formula. Everytime it was time to eat I put her on my breast and she would scream. ( I also would pump ever 2-3 hours regardless if she was hungry. I would even set my alarm and wake up to pump). I would put her back on and she would scream I would change the way I was holding her and she would scream. Then I would hand her to James he would feed her and I would pump. I NEVER got a drop of colostrum until day 7. I did this same routine for 2 weeks. I was exhausted and felt like a failure. Finally at day 8 I was getting a few drops of something out of my breasts and we gave it to maddie. I never got any more then a few drips. At 2 weeks I gave up. I was stressed out and sleep deprived! My boobs never really hurt at all and I quit cold turkey. This is why I *think* I never got any milk.

Anything else I need to know about boys?

Anything else you would love to tell me please leave it in the comments. I will be making a list of everything!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

The day we found out Gummy was a boy...

When I was 12 weeks pregnant I went to my high risk OB and he told me he was 85-90% sure we were having a girl. I was THRILLED....OVER the MOON! I desperately wanted another girl. I only told a few people "just in case". I NEVER in a million years thought he would be wrong. He has been doing this for OVER 30 years.. He couldn't be wrong.. No way! NEVER!!!

The day he told us it was a girl my mom and I went out and bought a girl outfit and cute shoes to match! I had also been hording a bow with a "B" on it and it matched perfectly. Weeks went on and a slowly bought some more girl stuff. I have a whole collection in Maddie's room.

Fast forward to this Monday December 5th. I got up and went to work Monday morning like I always do. I was getting ready for the kids excited about my gender ultra sound on Wednesday. I went to the restroom before class started and that's when my whole day changed. I thought I lost my mucus plug. I lost it with Maddie and the next day my water broke. So, I started FLIPPING out in the restroom. I remember telling my self..STOP..and just pray. So, I did. Then I RAN to my classroom and dialed my OB. No on answered of coarse. So, I hung up and tried again this time I just started just pushing numbers. I finally got someone on the phone and told them my problem. She connected me directly to my doctors nurse. The nurse tried to assure me that she was positive it was nothing to worry about. She said I needed to come in ASAP to be checked just in case. By this time I was crying and couldn't stop. I was so scared. I just kept thinking "I cant lose another baby"...

My mom works at my school so I ran down to her classroom and told her what was going on. We both ran (ok we didn't really run) to find our assistant principal to tell them we were leaving. We found her and she told us to leave and be safe. So, mom and I left both our classes and headed to my OB. I was SO scared. I was praying the whole way to the dr. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be!

This day reminded me SO much of the day Maddie went to heaven. It was almost a reenactment. I went to my moms classroom ( thank god we have both moved classrooms). I told her the news and we both just left school praying the whole way! Ug, it really freaked me out!! I don' t want to think about that horrible day.

Finally we got to the doctor and we waited and waited and waited. I was in tears just sitting there thinking about all the things that "could" happen. FINALLY they called me back. My doctor came in and I told her I thought I lost my mucus plug. She knows our whole story. She is so kind and tried to assure me that it was VERY unlikely that I lost it. She told me she was going to check me and take some samples to make sure I didn't have an infection. She checked me and had a VERY weird look on her face. I knew it was not good. She finally said the outside of my cervix was a fingertip dilated. I asked her what that meant and she said well she didn't know until we get an ultra sound. If its bad we may have to sew up your cervix. So, I was told to go back to the waiting room and the ultra sound tech would call me ASAP.

So, we sat in the waiting room AGAIN. Tick tock tick tock.. I was SCARED! Sew up my cervix. How? I am still on my blood thinner. Does that mean I cant have any pain meds again. All of these questions were going through my head. I couldn't process it all. I was still in shock that this day felt so much like the day Maddie went to heaven.

Finally they called us back to ultra sound. They were looking for my cervix length. If it was 3 or over everything was ok. If it was 2 or under that was not good! The ultrasound tech was so sweet. She also knew our story and took her time with us. She measured my cervix and it was 3.2!!! Praise God!!!It was long enough. The teach told me it looked good. My mom and I were staring at the baby just watching "her" move. The tech asked us if we wanted to know the gender of the baby. I said, "Sure!". She started scanning and said "ohhhhhh" and there is was.... The turtle. As soon as I saw it I knew. She said , "It's a boy!!!!!". I immediately started crying. I didn't believe her. I told her to show me again, and again and again. I really didn't believe her. But after seeing the "turtle" head about 15 times I believed it. It was a boy. At that moment Brooklyn became Jackson.

Honestly, I was sad. I wanted another girl SO bad. I even dreamed about "Brooklyn". I was in shock. Everything that had happened that day was TO much to process and the day wasn't even over. We still needed to talk to the dr again to see what she wanted to do. But, a boy. HOW!?

I went back to the waiting room and waited again for the doctor. We didn't wait long when they called my name again to go back to a real room. Mom and I sat in a room waiting for the doctor which felt like YEARS. It was really like 30 minutes. But, I just wanted to know if our SON was going to be ok. Finally my doctor came into the room. She told us my cervix looked great and long. She said I am dilated from the outside but not from the inside and this is common in 2nd pregnancies. She still wanted me to come back Wednesday just to make sure everything was still ok. She told me to keep the ultra sound. She knew I needed to see the "boy" parts again for it all to sink in. I think she was shocked to that it was a boy.

I HAD to call James. There was NO way I could wait ALL day to tell him we were having a boy. So I called and and said, "Guess what?! It's a BOY!". He said, "NO WAY!!!". He didn't believe me either. But, he was so excited. He wanted me to send him a pictures of the "parts" so it could sink in for him to!

So, that is how we found out we were having a boy. It was such an emotional day. I honestly was so upset when we found out. My high risk dr was so sure it was a girl and I trusted him. I had my hopes up. I was pumped it was a girl. It took 3 days for me to really process it. We didnt tell many people until Wednesday after our 2nd gender confirmation ultra sound. I just wasn't ready. I am excited now. I think God knew we needed this. He knew having another girl would be to hard. So, he blessed us with a son. How amazing!

So, now we have to start over. Which I am excited about. Everything we have it pink. I mean EVERYTHING. I think it'll be fun picking out new stuff, but also very sad.

James and I were in a big name debate for a few days. We didn't really have a boys name picked because we thought it was a girl. James liked Blake. I liked Jackson. I like Blake but I didn't LOVE it and he didn't LOVE Jackson. So we talked about it and finally decided on Jackson. We think it goes great with Madison. Madison and Jackson. His middle name is still up for some debate.

We would love it if you could pray for baby Jackson to stay put in my belly until he is "cooked". Thanks for all your support! I will post pictures and blog about the gender reveal party soon!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Monday, December 5, 2011

Bump Update

Here I am 15 weeks pregnant

Whats up with the baby this week:
Although many women don't start feeling the baby move until the 17th week (or later), your baby has been having his own party in the amniotic sac he calls home. If you feel a little flutter in your belly this week, don't discount it as gas or hunger. It could be your babe banging around.

Baby's head is now resting on his well-formed neck instead of directly on his shoulders like Igor. He's beginning to grow eyebrows and eyelashes this week. (All the better to give you that "Mom, you're crazy" look when he's a teenager.) The hair on the head also begins to grow and, with some creative styling, you'll be able to turn those locks into a Maddox Jolie-Pitt faux-hawk some day.

Although baby's eyes are sealed shut, he's now able to sense light. His eyes and ears finally look like real baby features now. As your baby practices sucking and swallowing actions, he may actually hiccup. You'll know he's had one too many shots of amniotic fluid by the steady thump-thump you feel.

Over the next month, baby will grow faster than ever, so make sure you load up on enough nutritious food and fluids to support his growth. Your baby now measures nearly 4 inches, about the size of a Kit Kat "finger" (regular-size, not the Big one you get at the movies), and weighs almost 2 ounces.

____________________________________________________________________
I am feeling Gummy move more and more each day. It's such a special feeling. If only James could feel it from the outside.

We are SO excited about Wednesday. My appointment is not until the afternoon so I will not post until LATE Wednesday or Thursday morning!

Come on WEDNESDAY!!!!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Decmeber sponser

I am going to start doing monthly sponsors. If would like to be a sponsor please e-mail me:
Maddiesmommadethat@gmail.com

____________________________________________________________________
Samantha Fryer Independent Scentsy Consultant is our December sponsor.

Have you tried Scentsy?

I LOVE Scentsy. They make your house smell so good! You will NEVER go back to using regular candles again!!

Here is a little bit about them:

Scentsy is a safe alternative to candles, since they are wickless, and the wax never gets hot enough to burn. Also that there are over 80 different scents to choose from with a new scent and a new warmer released every month. Also that we are more than just warmers, we have scent circles, travel tins, room sprays, solid perfume, scentsy buddies, scent paks, and fragrance foams. Scentsy is also known for the strength and longevity of its scent bars. Also maybe mention that they make great gifts for the holidays, as there is a warmer for just about everyone.

I was looking at Samantha's web page and there are a CUTE warmer I want to add to my Christmas list :


My absolute favorite things from Scentsy is the travel tin and Scent circle!
I don't know which one I like better! They both leave my car smelling good for a VERY long time. I guess the tin is a little stronger. But I would DEFINITELY recommend these!

Scentsy has TONS of products...not just the plug ins. They have room sprays (which I have tried and they are awesome!). They also have hand sanitizer foam. You need to smell good when you are sanitized!

You can e-mail Samantha HERE.....samantha.fryer27@gmail.com

Her web page is here.. Go look around.

Her facebook fan page is here

Please contact Samantha for a special just for my readers by emailing her.

That is an AWESOME deal!

What a great way to buy Christmas presents and also get you a little something for FREE!!!!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The waiting game...

James and I are so excited about next Wednesday.

I don't know about him but I can barely contain myself!!

I cant wait to scream what Gummy is.

I won't be 16 weeks when they do my ultrasound ( 15 weeks 5 days), but they promised me they would try. I am going to drink juice before I go, so hopefully Gummy with be very active.

We are going to have a little get together to tell friends and family the gender! Nothing big.. Not anything like Maddie's gender reveal party. But, it's going to be speical. Maddie will be a big part of it!

I have been meaning to blog about our Christmas decorations but I am still SO tired. I will try and do that tomorrow. I think our house looks great, and it was easier to decorate then I thought.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

14 weeks

Video Blog...

14 weeks... Bump Update and James' hair up date..

(I was getting a little emotional at the end
...)


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving.

Today I am thankful for my Maddiegirl. She has brought me so much happiness in the 4 short months she was here. She has made me the woman I am today. Maddie has taught me what true love is. She is also changing the world.

Wow, can you believe a little princess is leaving such a huge impact! She is truly amazing!

This is Maddie last year on Thanksgiving..
(Yes, I know she is sleeping with a blanket and there are lots of stuff that are wrong, but I didn't know! If I only knew back then. That's why I feel like I HAVE to educate my readers!)

Look at her in her Turkey shirt I made her.. Isn't she so sweet?

Oh how I miss her!

Maddie we miss you and are thinking about you so much today. Happy Thanksgiving baby.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Tomorrow

I am actually happy about Thanksgiving. What pregnant woman wouldn't be? TONS of DELICIOUS food and family! What fun!!!

I am not to nervous about it for some reason. I know I'm going to miss Maddie. I do every day. But, I am at peace with it. I think it really helped that my family are so supportive. Her pictures are still hung proudly at my grandparents, parents and friends homes. Everyone loves her and no one will ever forget! She is a part of me and I know she will be there. (Tomorrow I may not be saying this... I hope I can keep it together)....

I am making a new recipe for Thanksgiving!

Have you ever been to Ruth's Chris? OMG! It's my FAVORITE fancy place to go. They have the BEST sweet potatoes.

Guess what? I found the recipe!!!

Look at this.....
YUMMY!!!!!!!!

Here is the recipe if you are interested. I am making a double batch!!

Ruth's Chris Sweet Potatoes
(Printable Recipe)
Source: Ruth's Chris

Crust:
1 cup brown sugar
1/3 cup flour
1 cup chopped pecans
1/3 cup butter, melted

Combine brown sugar, flour, nuts and butter in mixing bowl. Set aside.

Sweet Potato Mixture
3 cups cooked and mashed sweet potatoes
1 cup sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs, well beaten
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted
(splash of milk if needed)

Note: To cook sweet potatoes first wash and dry them carefully then you can either: 1) Bake them at 400 degrees for 50-60 minutes 2) Boil them for 30 minutes or 3) Pierce them with a fork and microwave them for about 15-20 minutes.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray a medium-size casserole dish with nonstick spray.

Combine sweet potatoes, sugar, salt, vanilla, eggs and butter in a large mixing bowl in the order listed. Beat thoroughly with a hand mixer for about 3-4 minutes to increase the fluffiness of the sweet potato mixture. Add a splash of milk if needed and mix.

Pour mixture into the baking dish. Bake for 25 minutes. At this point, dish can be covered and refrigerated for a couple of days.

Sprinkle the surface of the sweet potato mixture evenly with the crust mixture and return to oven for 10 minutes. Allow to set at least 30 minutes before serving.
The brown sugar and pecan crust should be slightly browned and crunchy. Makes 12 servings. !

Monday, November 21, 2011

Big News!

I scheduled my gender ultra sound!

It's December 7th and it can't come fast enough!!


Get your votes in soon!! It'll be here quick!!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

A little make over...

I was really tired of looking at the side of our fridge. It looked like this:
Yuk!....Clutter. It just really bothered me! (Yes, that is a lingerie shower invitation. I should of taken that off before I took the picture huh?..Ha..Oh well!)

So James and I went off to Lowes to fix it!

We bought 1 section of sheet metal. You can find it in the plumbing section. (We looked everywhere for it. I had NO clue what it was called)

James measured the inside of my cabinet and he cut the sheet metal to fit right inside! (Don't get me to measure because it'll never fit!)

I used the 3M damage-free strips to hang it in the cabinet just in case I hate it one day. I figured glued would be messy!

The metal sheet board is magnetic! So, I took all the stuff off the fridge. I stored some of the old stuff and re-organized. It's nice because you can hide all your take out menus, cleaning lists you never use lol ect.

So, now it looks like this....All nice and organized!
Now I am thinking about doing it on another one of my cabinets, but for spices!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

9 months

Today is 9 months since I last held my precious little girl. 9 months since I kissed her head, tickled her, gave her a bath, or changed her diaper. My list could go on and on.



Today I just miss her.

I want to hold her. I want to smell her. I really want to rock her.

I honestly can't believe I have "made" it this long without her. I think talking to her every day really helps me. I know she is with me. I can feel her. I just know.

I love you and miss you so much Maddiebug girl. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think about you.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Gummy Update

I had a doctors appointment yesterday.

Gummy is doing GREAT. He/She is measuring 1 weeks ahead at 13 weeks. He/she has all five fingers are toes. My doctor said the head is growing great and the baby looks WONDERFUL!!! The heartbeat was 160.

I am SO excited about this baby. I think he/she will bring James and I a lot of joy.

As for me. I am scared to type this but, I have been feeling MUCH better. I am not nearly as sick to my stomach. I am still very tired, but I am THRILLED to be feeling better! I will post another belly picture soon!!

I *think* I have been feeling gummy move especially when I am laying down. I know its early , but I know that it feels like. He/She was wiggling away on the ultra sound yesterday, so its possible!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

11 tips for beginner photographers

I have been asked many times to share some tips about photography.

Seriously guys I just took my camera out and started messing with it. I was REALLY confused until I took MeRah's phoitography class. She is amazing. If you can- take her class!!!

But in the mean time...

I was reading on digital-photography-school.com and found a great article. Check it out!


Here are 11 tips for beginner photographers:


Link1. Don’t go crazy buying the most expensive equipment right away.

It’s possible to get very nice photos with an inexpensive point and shoot. The more photos you take, the more you’ll know about what kind of camera to get when it’s time to upgrade. Plus, you can erase them if you are bad!

2. Consider a tripod.

On the other hand, an inexpensive tripod is worth getting, especially if you have shaky hands like mine. When I got a tripod, my satisfaction with my shots skyrocketed. For even more stability, use your camera’s timer function with a tripod.

3. Keep your camera with you all the time.

Photo ops often come when you least expect it. If you can keep your equipment relatively simple – just a small camera bag and a tripod – you might be able to take advantage of some of those unexpected opportunities. Or, if your phone has a camera, use it to take “notes” on scenes you’d like to return to with your regular camera.

4. Make a list of shots you’d like to get.

For those times you can’t carry your camera around, keep a small notebook to jot down places you’d like to come back and photograph. Make sure to note any important details, like the lighting, so you can come back at the same time of day or when the weather’s right.

5. Don’t overlook mundane subjects for photography.

You might not see anything interesting to photograph in your living room or your backyard, but try looking at familiar surroundings with fresh eyes. You might catch an interesting trick of the light or find some unexpected wildflowers in your yard. Often a simple subject makes the best shot.

6. Enjoy the learning process.

The best part of having a hobby like photography is never running out of things to learn. Inspiration is all around you. Look at everything with the eyes of a photographer and you’ll see opportunities you never noticed before.

7. Take advantage of free resources to learn.

Browse through Flickr or websites like the Digital Photography School Forum for inspiration and tips. Also, your local library probably has a wealth of books on all types of photography. If you’re interested in learning about post-processing, give free software like the GIMP a try.

8. Experiment with your camera’s settings.

Your point and shoot may be more flexible and powerful than you know. Read the manual for help deciphering all those little symbols. As you explore, try shooting your subjects with multiple settings to learn what effects you like. When you’re looking at your photos on a computer, you can check the EXIF data (usually in the file’s properties) to recall the settings you used.

9. Learn the basic rules.

The amount of information about photography online can be overwhelming. Start with a few articles on composition. Be open to what more experienced photographers have to say about technique. You have to know the rules before you can break them.

10. Take photos regularly.

Try to photograph something every day. If you can’t do that, make sure you take time to practice regularly, so you don’t forget what you’ve learned. An excellent way to motivate yourself is by doing the weekly assignments in the DPS Forum.

11. Don’t be afraid to experiment.

If you’re using a digital camera, the cost of errors is free. Go crazy – you might end up with something you like. You’ll certainly learn a lot in the process.


Friday, November 11, 2011

Some things I have learned..

Tonight I was thinking about some things I have learned in my grief process:

- Keep trying, or keep dying - the choice is yours. Really it is. Losing someone is hard. You can sit in misery forever or try learn coping skills and keep trying to become the new you. Me, I have choose to keep trying. I am trying to live through this horrible time with dignity and grace. I am trying to spread SIDS awareness. I am trying to be a better wife, friend and mom. So, I choose to TRY...the choice is yours.

-
Laughter is good medicine. It is not a betrayal. Laughter does make everything better. It really does. It feels good to laugh. I am not betraying Maddie just because I am laughing, believe me I still miss her even when I am happy! But, we all deserve to be happy!

-Grief is personal and it is also never ending. This is SO true! EVERYONE grieves differently. There is NO right way or NO wrong way. I never even thought about this until Maddie passed away. I was one of "those" that thought.. OMG why would they do that? There _____ just died! But, now I TOTALLY get it! Do what you need to do to grieve, and DON'T apologize for it.
I think the hardest things about this whole journey is to know that I will never stop grieving Maddie. I will never stop missing her until the day I join her in heaven. Time does not heal all wounds. Whoever thought of that has never lost someone they love. I think over time you just learn how to "cope" with your grief. You put your grief into other things. You learn how to talk about it. It just becomes a part of you.

-Just because I am having another baby doesn't mean I will forget Maddie. I think maybe in the beginning (0-4 months) it may hard...very hard. I am sure this baby will look like Maddie and I am going to long for Maddie again. But, I have to remember Gummy is not Maddie, but he/she was sent here from Maddie and God to remind me how special life is. I deserve to be a mom of a baby on earth and this is my second chance.

-
A friend who won't walk with you in sorrow, doesn't deserve to dance with you in joy. I had a few "friends" who wouldn't talk to me after Maddie died. Not a WORD! As soon as I posted I was pregnant again I get the "OMG congratulations.... When are you due....Do you want to go shopping?". I know after Maddie passed away people didnt know "what to say" ...but there is no "right" things to say. That does not excuse people from saying nothing at all. I was floored by the silence of people who I thought were my friends. Total strangers had more to say then some. "I am thinking about you", or " love you". That's all I ever wanted. Just not to be ignored. Then...... after announcing my great news"they" come running back to me? Ummmm, NO! Sorry. (Off my soap box sorry!)


-Having a big support system is KEY to healing. I have had SO much support from family and friends (I include my blog family as friends). There is NO way I could of made it this far in my journey with out ya'll. Thanks so much for being there for me. Even tho I may not of "met" most of you,you have helped me more then you will ever know.



Thursday, November 10, 2011

Bump Alert

Here it is...

Gummy and I..

11 weeks 4 days.....

Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Gummy update

Sorry I haven't posted any belly pictures yet.

As you know I got sick with the stomach bug and really haven't felt great since.

All day sickness has really got me down for the count.

All I do is go to work, come home exhausted, cook dinner and I'm asleep by 8. This time change is really working for me! :)

I go back to the doctor next week. So hopefully I can post some more gummy pictures then.

Until now here is some info about my gummy:

Pregnancy: Week 11


Your Baby
All of your baby's vital organs are now formed and functioning, so the risk of defects decreases this week as your baby becomes less susceptible to outside influences. Phew! Other exciting developments include:

Baby's ears are assuming their proper place this week and the fingernail and toenail beds are beginning to form. Your little "pumpkin head" really lives up to his nickname as his head is nearly as big as the rest of his body.

While testes or ovaries are completely formed now, don't start decorating the nursery. You won't be able to see your baby's gender for a few more weeks yet.

Your baby is really on the move now. In an ultrasound you might be able to see your little acrobat flailing his or her arms and legs and doing somersaults worthy of Cirque du Soleil. You still won't be able to feel any movement, so if you feel something "kick" in there, it's probably gas.

In the next nine weeks, your baby will increase 30 times in weight and almost triple in length. You might feel like you're increasing 30 times in weight at this point, too, but we can assure you're not—because, honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet!

Your baby now weighs a third of an ounce, about the same as two small, Starbucks-sized packets of sugar, is about 2 inches long, the length of one of those sugar packets. Isn't that sweet?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have been having a hard time finding gummy's heartbeat this week. "She" is VERY fast. I can find it for a few seconds then its gone in a flash. Right now she is so little and moves so quick its hard! Here are the heart beats on the times I found her: 180, 167, 170.

Are you sure you don't want to change your guess? :)


Friday, November 4, 2011

Christmas

Wednesday I was at Hobby Lobby walking down the isle and BAM I hear it...

Christmas music..

**insert tears here**

I am not ready for Christmas without my Maddiegirl. Christmas was the first holiday were she was old enough to stay awake through most of it and know what was going on.

I remember so much about last Christmas. It just wont be the same without her.



James and I wanted to start a new tradition of buying new pj's for each other and opening them on Christmas Eve night so we could sleep in them(pre-washed of course).
I remember waking up Christmas morning all three of us in our new pj's opening Maddie's gifts from Santa.


James bought her some really cute pink sparkley sneakers and we put them on her over her pj's. I don't think she really liked it.


I also bought her a holiday barbie. I was going to get her one each year and when she was older give them all to her. I still have that barbie in our guest bedroom :(.

Santa brought Maddie a "happy bear". She loved that bear. It sang and light up. She would always look at it and smile and just watch the lights. I brought happy bear everywhere with us. It always calmed her down when she was upset. Well happy bear is still with Maddie resting with her in her "spot".

I remember taking our first family picture at my moms house in front of her Christmas tree. James and I were so proud to take that picture.


How are we going to do this? How are we going to make it? It's going to be so hard. Christmas time is supposed to be a happy time, but all I want to do is cry.



My dear friend Crystal sent me this poem. It made me so sad and then I smiled.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
With tiny lights like Heaven's stairs,
reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away the tear,
For I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you,
the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above,
I sent you each a memory
of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift
more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other,
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessings or love
He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and
wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

My Doppler

I have had so many people ask about my doppler, so I thought I would make a post about it.

I really thought about renting one, but they really aren't that expensive.

I bought the Sonoline B Fetal Doppler.

It comes with a little tube of gel and batteries.

I purchased it from here

I am really impressed at how good it works. I picked up the babies heart beat at 10 weeks. Believe me it did take some time to find but it worked!! I definitely recommend this doppler, but buy an extra thing of gel. You will need it!!!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Better

Gummy and I are doing a lot better.

I went back to work today and sanitized my whole class. :)

I also bought a doppler. I found gummy's heart beat quick! It was 164-170 the whole time. I will post a video of it when it gets easier to find!

I'm kinda sad. I lost my baby bump while I was so sick. I hope it comes back!

Halloween was hard last night. I missed Maddie so much! My mom bought Maddie a costume last year on sale to wear this Halloween. So, I went in her room to get it. I had to look at it. Guess what? I didnt cry! It was the first time in her room in a long time that I didnt cry. I look at her cute little pumpkin outfit and put it away.

I think I am actually getting a little bit stronger.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Sick

I just wanted to post a quick update....

I got sick on Friday afternoon. I started throwing up around 6:00pm and by midnight I had enough. I couldn't keep anything down..no water, or crackers. So at midnight I called my OB. She said to go to the ER and get some fluids.

12:30 am on Saturday morning James took me to the ER. We were there for 2.5 hours. I got 2 bags of IV fluids and 2 doses of Zofran. It made my throwing up stop but I didn't feel any better. My stomach was cramping and I felt so bad. The ER doctor said I had a stomach bug. They wouldn't listen to gummy's heart beat that just kept telling me I wasn't far enough along which made me mad!

We finally got home at 3:00am and I didn't sleep that whole night. Yesterday I laid in bed all day. I thought I was feeling better today. I got up and got dressed. James and I even ran to Target, but I was wrong I still feel pretty crummy.

Please pray for gummy and I a speedy and safe recovery.

Hopefully I can update again tomorrow.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Shutterfly

Let me just say....I love Shutterfly! The quality of their cards are amazing!! They are thick and just look and feel "classy".

Last year we used Shutterfly for our New Years cards.


Aren't they sweet? I am so glad I sent this card out. I am so glad I have this memory.

I love how Shutterfly has cards with lots of photo spots because we all know I love pictures!

They have some REALLY cute Christmas cards this year. Here are some of my favs:

These cards are printed on photo paper!!! You know I like that!


I was thinking about getting a calender like this with all of Maddie's pictures on it to hang on our fridge.

Can you tell I LOVE Shutterfly?

I am going to order our Christmas cards from Shutterfly and I'm so excited! When they are done I will post them!! So, stay tuned....and go check out Shutterfly while you wait!

AAP Updates

Here is the link

American Academy of Pediatrics Updates as of October 21st

October 21, 2011 (Boston, Massachusetts) — The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has expanded its recommendations to ensure a safe sleeping environment for infants and to further reduce the risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) in a new policy statement.

The recommendations were announced here at the AAP 2011 National Conference and Exhibition by pediatrician and SIDS researcher Rachel Moon, MD, from the Children's National Medical Center, Washington, DC, who led the task force that updated the policy statement.

Since 1992, when the AAP recommended that all babies be placed on their backs to sleep, deaths from SIDS have declined dramatically; however, sleep-related deaths from other causes, including suffocation, entrapment, and asphyxia, have increased, Dr. Moon said.

She told Medscape Medical News that the new policy statement has 3 important changes.


First and foremost is the recognition that breastfeeding protects against SIDS.

"In 2005, there was a lot of evidence that breastfeeding was great for preventing infant mortality in general, but not SIDS specifically. But since 2005, there has been a lot of research that has shown that breastfeeding is protective against SIDS, and we wanted to emphasize that and make that change," Dr. Moon said.

The second change is an emphasis on immunization.

"There's been a lot of press out there about how immunizations may cause SIDS. Again, there's been research to show that this is absolutely not the case. In fact, if you are immunized, your risk of SIDS drops by 50%. We wanted to make that clear; we wanted to put that out there," she said.

The third big change, Dr. Moon said, is the recommendation against using bumper pads in cribs to reduce accidental smothering.

"We have expanded the recommendations in the policy statement to focus not only on SIDS, but on other deaths that can occur. That is why we are recommending against the cushions that go along the sides of the crib," she said. "Children can be suffocated by them."

Other key recommendations are:

  • Always use a firm sleep surface. Car seats and other sitting devices are not recommended for routine sleep.
  • The baby should sleep in the same room as the parents, but not in the same bed (room sharing without bed sharing).
  • Keep soft objects or loose bedding out of the crib.
  • Wedges and positioners should not be used.
  • Offer a pacifier at nap time and bedtime.
  • Avoid covering the infant's head or overheating.
  • Do not use home monitors or commercial devices marketed to reduce the risk for SIDS.
  • Supervised, awake tummy time is recommended daily to facilitate development and minimize the occurrence of positional plagiocephaly (flat heads).

Eve R. Colson, MD, from the Yale University School of Medicine, New Haven, Connecticut, told Medscape Medical News that she is very happy to see this focus on preventing accidental deaths.

"As a director of our nursery and somebody who is really into medical education of families and of staff, I am glad to see this because we have seen lots of accidental deaths," Dr. Colson, who was not a member of the policy statement task force, said.

"We, at Yale, have been so upset by the increased number of deaths in beds happening in New Haven and surrounding areas. In my opinion, the adult bed is not a safe place and I'm glad they've come out with this recommendation."

Dr. Colson said she understands "totally" that parents like to be close to their babies, and she encourages this. She said she takes a very sensitive approach when explaining to parents why the adult bed is not safe for babies.

"We get SIDS deaths in our emergency room, but we also get babies who have suffocated because somebody rolled on them or they have ended up underneath a pillow or got trapped between the mattress and the wall. This is what we have seen and we want to prevent that."

Dr. Moon and Dr. Colson have disclosed no relevant financial relationships.

American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) 2011 National Conference and Exhibition. Presented October 17, 2011.


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Reality

Reality

It hit me the other night.

We are going to have another baby. That means pretty soon I am going to have to go through Maddie's stuff and put it away.

I am not ready for this.

It hurts!

You remember those movies where a family looses a child and 15 years later there room is exactly the same? I used to think that is so dumb.. why cant they just move on? Well, now I GET IT! I totally get it. I don't want to move anything in Maddie's room. I want it to be her room forever. But, the reality is she is not coming back.

I need to let go, but I dont want to!

Another baby should get to enjoy her room. But, it hurts. I don't want to move her stuff. I dont want to put it away. That just mean she is REALLY gone.

I was talking to Catherine about this and she told me something that is so true. She said "I'm afraid it's going to get worse before it gets better".

Boy is she ever right.

We have a lot of big things coming up:
-The holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day
- Her angelversary (yes its in a little over 3 months)
-Finding out if gummy is a boy or a girl
-Putting all Maddie's stuff away
-Re- painting/organizing gummy's room

How am I going to make it. These pregnancy hormones are crazy!

I guess just one foot in front of the other.

I have been having crazy vivid dreams...and I never do. Just another fun pregnancy symptom. In this dream we found out gummy is a girl. I was helping James tape off Maddie's room to re-paint and I couldn't stop crying. James tried to console me but he couldn't. I was so upset..not that I was having a girl but the reality that Maddie is really gone.

Don't get me wrong I am SO excited to be pregnant! I am thrilled God sent us another miracle, but I'm having a hard time. I guess its only natural.

So I am going to walk one foot in front of the other.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

God gave me you

Have you heard Blake Shelton's song, "God Gave me you?". I know its about falling in love and he's singing it to his wife..but this song has a totally different meaning to me.

I feel like this song is written for me and Gummy. God sent me gummy to help reinforce my broken heart..."Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs...God gave me you for the days of doubt...And for when I think I lost my way...There are no words here left to say, it’s true...God gave me you...Gave me you"

Here is the lyrics. It wont let me embed the video but I'll link it. Go listen the song is beautiful!

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you

There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.



God Gave me you By Blake Shelton (The link to the song)

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Using images by Laurie Ann at After 5 Designs and The Design Girl at ScrapMatters.