Slow to Learn

Moses may have been slow in speech, but I am slow to learn.  Mom asked me to reteach a lesson I taught in the fall of 2009 on "Fear Not, I am With You."  I guess I didn't get it the first time, or else I really need to hear it again. Mostly what I find when I teach is that I am not finding out great insights that someone else needs, but rather insights that I need for my own growth. I guess that doesn't say  much on my growth over the past few years.

I still fight fears....fear of something happening to one of my children, fear of finances, fear of fire, fear of moving, fear of change and the list goes on.   One of the things I have been reminded of is this: when we fear we are saying two things, "God I don't trust you" and "I don't accept your providence in my life."

Jerry Bridges says this, "For me I have come to the conclusion that my anxiety is triggered not so much by a distrust in God as by an unwillingness to submit to and cheerfully accept His agenda for me."

Oh I love my agenda and fear His. What kind of pain and heartache or joy and pleasure could it mean?  I guess that is just it, I fear the unknown.  The great commitment that He has made though is that He will be With us! He will be with me, whether good or bad, joyful or sorrowful.   Fear Not, I am with You.  I loved what I read this week:  God's answer to fear is not an argument or a formula. It's a person.  God himself is the final answer to every fear of the human heart.

The hymn that has been running through my head is How Firm a Foundation (and being the good Baptist that I am, I only know 4 of the 7 verses :) )!


How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said
Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

"Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never, forsake!"

Single Ladies

So, ever since the puppet show at our church, Grayson and Hope have been dancing to "All the Little Angels" (a different version of All the Single Ladies).  Jamison found this the other day when we were letting them dance. This makes me laugh!

Science Experiment

Baking Soda + Vinegar = Happy Boy

6 Months

Michaela Joy is 6 months old. So hard to believe that I feel like just yesterday I found out that I was going to be a mom of 3. I replay the day of her birth so many times in my head. It still seems so surreal, yet day to day I have been pushed to the brink of what I thought I was capable of. Three kids has rocked my world, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

I stand by the statement that she is the blessing that I never knew I wanted. From the beginning she captured my heart. With Grayson and Hope, Jamison was the only one who could settle them in the evenings. Not the case with Michaela. From the beginning she has only wanted me; she would lay her head on my chest, calm down and sleep. She still wants only me and will maneuver her way to where I am when she is being held by someone else, yes, even J. It warms my heart. She even loves my diet coke.

Michaela is getting to be chatty and jabber back and forth. She giggles and smiles, not only me, but at her brother. She lights up when he plays with her. I am convinced that her first word with not be ma-ma or da-da, but her own made up name for Grayson. Michaela also loves her sissy. They will lay on the floor, look at each other and laugh. It is so fun to watch her interact with her siblings.

Being that she is the third child, we have just about by passed baby foods. We started them with her, and like my other kids, she loves to eat. Tonight, Valentine's Day, she would have nothing to do with it. She wanted what we were having: steak and roasted new potatoes. So, being the good parents that we are, we gave her some. Insert gasp here. She couldn't get enough. Below are the pictures to document it.

At 6 months she is sitting up, rolling over, and grabbing everything in sight.
She is in the 77% in both height and weight.

WFMW: Priorities

When we were engaged, the pastor who was marrying us gave us an assignment. He asked us to list five priorities that we had for our marriage. He also asked us to keep them somewhere that we could refer to them throughout our marriage. The point was this, it would help us keep on track for what we wanted out of our marriage and family. It would also serve as a help when we had decisions to make. (On a side note: when making a decision it should line up with God's word, have confirming circumstances, Godly council, and peace. Don't make a decision simply because it is in line with your priorities). For example, our family and having family time is a huge priority to us. We just turned down a job 1. b/c we didn't have peace that the Lord was leading us there and 2.because it meant that my husband would be away from the house almost all of the kid's waking hours. It didn't line up with what we wanted with our family. This priority has also helped in making several evening decisions and how we spend our time.

We have refined our priorities along the way (b/c we didn't know what we didn't know as singles; oh, and we lost the original list) and along the way , we have refined what they look like practically. For instance, one of our priorities is to have a warm and welcoming home. However, what I thought that looked like and what Jamison thought that looked like were two different things. We have spent some time together fleshing out what that means and how we are going to do that.

In our short six and half years of marriage, this has been a valuable exercise to us.

Linking up to We are That Family: Works for Me Wednesday

How do I Love Thee...

How do I love thee, let me count the ways....ummmm, ummm, ummmmm
and so the joke goes in our house.

To the loves of my life: Jamison, Grayson, Hope and Michaela Joy....How do I love thee

Jamison:
-  I love thee for making me laugh and making me smile.
-  I love thee for the sacrificial way in which you serve our family.
-  I love thee for picking up the slack on the housework since #3 came along.
-  I love thee for balancing me out, even when you make me say no to things I want to say yes to.
-  I love thee for understanding that I have a great need to run and that you encourage (force) me to do so.
-  I love thee for the practical running gifts and surprise diet cokes from Sonic - you  know me well.
-  I love thee for learning to fight and fight well with me.


Grayson:
-  I love thee for the mischievous way your eyes dance and the expressive way you tell a story.
-  I love thee for the sensitive spirit that you have.
-  I love thee for the way you love your sisters.  You are a great big brother.
-  I love thee for your inquisitive mind that continually keeps me on my toes.
-  I love thee for the way you can make me laugh.
-  I love that you still want to sit in my lap and cuddle.


Hope:
-  I love thee for being my sweet, sweet girl.
-  I love that your sweetness extends beyond our family.
-  I love thee for the awesome hugs that you give.
-  I love thee for your love of shoes and everything girly, girl, especially hobby wobby lobby.
-  I love thee for being my cuddle bug.

Michaela Joy:
-  I love thee because you are the gift I never knew I wanted.
-  I love that every time I say "Michaela" it reminds me "who is like the Lord?"  You are my reminder that the Lord is in control and not me.
-  I love thee for being a mommy's girl.
-  I love the way you "talk" to me.
-  I love thee because your smile lights up the room.

One Thing

In honor of the Hallmark holiday that we will be celebrating tomorrow, I thought I would share with you what Dr. Edwards had Jamison and I do the day before our wedding. We were meeting with him in the pastor's office and he said to us, "I want you to pretend I am not here.  What I want you to do is look at each other and tell them one thing you would like them to know." I can't remember exactly how he worded it but it was along the lines "if he/she wouldn't be here tomorrow."

The funny thing is I don't remember what Jamison said to me, but I remember what I told him. I remember telling him that I appreciated how he had taught me about the reverence and holiness of the Lord; that the Lord deserves our worship. I had come from a period of time where I needed the Lord as my Abba Father and that was how my view of Him was. During our courtship and engagement, Jamison brought that balance to my life of another aspect of the Lord.

I also remember thinking, "how cool is it that Jamison balances me out so well."  Little did I know that some of those "balances" that Jamison brings are like sandpaper refining away at me.  (I'm sure he would say the same thing about me.)  Man, no one tells you how hard it is, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Seven years later I would tell him, that I still appreciate the balance that he brings to my life, but more importantly I would want him to know that I do appreciate the unconditional love that he has given me and that as hard as it has been, thank you for never giving up on me or us.  He is a wonderful father and husband and as I had engraved on his band: Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him is able to do more than we think or imagine..."  That is what the Lord has done for me.

What is the one thing you would tell your loved one?  I would love to hear.

Catching Up: January and February to Date

Catching up on the events of January and February.

I finally got a picture of Micahela and her first friend, Will Robinson. His mom, Melinda, and I shared the joys of pregnancy together, along with Heather Thompson who had twin boys shortly after Will was born. Michaela is one month older than the three boys. She was the sole girl born amongst a whole host of boys this fall.  Either she will have her choice of ones to date or a whole army of young men to protect her.  I am opting for the latter.

At the end of January, I ran the Houston Half Marathon for Living Waters. After the race, Jamison's sister, Neta, her husband, Jonathan, and her baby, Jonah came over to meet the kids.  Here's the best shot we could get of the four cousins:

February brought many, many changes in our house. All of which let me know that my babies are indeed growing up.  For starters, J found Hope in the hallway after a nap one day saying, "Daddy, I got myself out all by myself."  We did the obligatory, "That's great," but really we were thinking, "Oh no, that's one more that can come down and wake us up in the middle of the night." She can't stay little forever, so we'll be transitioning her out of the crib to a big girl soon.

Michaela started solid foods that same weekend.  She loves all of them. We have great eaters. She even lapped up the lima beans.

The big kids couldn't be left out of pictures of their dinner:

That same weekend, Grayson asked us to take the training wheels off of his bike.  He hasn't mastered it yet, but we are working on it.

Then there was the great snow that never happened.....on the coldest day of the year, we stayed inside and made homemade Valentines for our family. Hope wanted to do it in her bathing suit and her princess bow.  She is all things pink and princess.  Didn't she realize that the temperature was in the 20s??  That night Grayson asked for ice cream. BRRR.

Friday night, February 11th, the school had it's annual dessert with dad. The kids had a great time having ice cream with Jamison. I enjoyed some time home with Michaela and got some much needed cleaning done.

Help for the Hopeless, Hapless Husband

Hi-ho, Jamison here.

Shortly after Jen wrote her review of "Loving the Little Years" she turned around and sent some lovin' my way in the form of an invitation to post on her blog. Yes, you guessed it: what goes around comes around and I've been encouraged, nay, instructed, to write a review for a book I just read. Holy shoot.

Put the Seat Down (And Other Brilliant Insights for an Awesome First Year of Marriage): A Guy's Guide by Jess MacCallum is a quick and punchy little read and I highly recommend it to your husbands as a great reference. The fact that it's aimed at the the newlywed didn't scare me off because I really liked the title. I figured that if I could get the cover advice right (put the seat down!) then I could surely handle the other 120 pages! I was... mostly right. We've been married six years now so I can say that I've heard most of the advice MacCallum gives. I've even incorporated some of it along the way, but orgotten or neglected other good pointers he gives.

The book is a quick read, perfectly suited for male attention spans (or so Jen tells me): small pages, big print, and lots of white space. Definitely NOT an academic volume, so breathe easy guys. The first part of each chapter is a discussion of the topic at hand (communication, consideration, sex, in-laws, etc.); the second part, subtitled "The Smart Guy's Guide to Being Awesome," consists of a a few pages of bullet-point tips and ideas to help work out the day-to-day. Cheesy title, yes, but helpful. For instance, the chapter on communication suggests that the awesome husband should, "Watch for signs of listener fatigue to see if you are being just too fascinating for human companionship. Quickly revert to the second bullet point above: ask questions." I know Jen will agree with that one!

A couple more samples to further whet your appetite:

• Chapter Two ("Shut Up and Talk") wherein I was reminded yet again of the differences in how men and women communicate, particularly the idea that women actually use talking as a way to communicate. "This... will be enriching to her as she gets to talk in journalistic detail about everything your new life together entails.... You will be yearning to tell her about the riding mower you sat on at Home Depot last Saturday. She will need to share a brand-new fear she has that no one in the history of rational thought has ever had.... She will be bonding while she is talking. The smart husband will - and I know you will not get this any easier than I have - get her to talk more."
  
• Chapter Five ("Put the Seat Down"), an admonition to show uncommon consideration toward your wife. "Pick up her stuff as well as yours. It's easy to say that you pick up after yourself, but that just makes you a well-raised ten-year-old child. A considerate husband picks up after his wife as well."

All in all, I found Put the Seat Down to be a profitable book full of reminders for the experienced husband, and would put it on the short list of books I'd recommend to a newlywed to help him navigate the pitfalls (vagaries?) of the first year of marriage. MacCallum writes as an older Christian brother to his younger Christian brothers who are just starting down the road he's spent 20+ years on. I appreciated the Christian context for sure, but therein lies my only real gripe with the book, unfortunately. Some of his use of Scripture feels forced, as if he had to throw some references in or it wouldn't be a sufficiently Christian book. I don't think the point would have been lost had some of those verse references been left out. I'm not smart enough to suggest improvements for those cases (and this review is getting long!), but if you can overlook this minor failing I think you'll find it well worth the read.

Oh, and did I mention that there's a companion book for you ladies? He's Not a Mind Reader (and Other Brilliant Insights for a Fabulous First Year of Marriage): A Girl's Guide by Brenda Garrison. I'll leave that one to Jen.

Spinach, Tomatoes and Shrooms, Oh My!

As I was cooking tonight I realized that I cook a lot with a base of spinach, tomatoes and mushrooms...and usually some garlic and onion.  (Adding those 2 didn't make for a good blog title though).  Saute all of that together, add some random ingredients and you have the Smith family dinner rotation.  I'm limited on the veggies I cook, so this is how my family gets them - usually with a side of either broccoli or green beans.

If you like the above, here are some of our variations:
-  Add some balsamic vinegar and Parmesan and you have pasta sauce.  You can also toss in other veggies.
-  Add chicken, spices and jarred sauce and you still have pasta sauce.
-  Put it in some ricotta cheese and stuff manicotti, pour a little sauce on top and bake.
-  Add it to ground beef, beef broth, red wine and some spices. Top with bread sticks. bake and you have beef pot pie.
-  Add 3 eggs, 1.5 cups half and half (or milk w/ 1Tbsp melted butter), some swiss chess, salt and white pepper and you have quiche. Bake 375 for 35-40 minutes.
-  I've been known to stir fry it as well.
-  Don't feel like cooking it, toss it with some hard boiled eggs, bacon and honey mustard dressing and you have spinach salad.  


Perhaps tomorrow I'll post all of my variations on green beans. The ones we had tonight were great.

Loving the Little Years

A few weeks back, Jamison recommended this book to me: Loving the Little Years, Motherhood in the Trenches.  I ordered for the same reason he recommended it to me, we liked the name of the title. It intrigued me, plus J stumbled across it from a reputable source.  I also liked what the author said in promoting her book, "I didn't write this book because mothering is easy for me. I wrote it because it isn't."  She has 5 children that are under the age of 5, so I figured that if anyone could relate, she definitely could.  So, I picked up the book.

I'll get to the punch line: Excellent book. It's short, it's easy to read, it's funny but reader beware, it will kick your rear! I picked it up under the misconception that it would be short little devotionals that would make me laugh, that would pick me up, you know a general feel good kind of book.  It is, but in each chapter (which are very short - a bonus for mom's with small kids) she makes a bigger parenting point that will punch you squarely between the eyes.

This book is a fantastic reminder that as parents we are in the trenches, and it is hard, but that as parents we have been given the opportunity to train our children. It is our job to see them as individuals, to harness their emotions, to creating a thankful heart.  Not only that but she consistently points out that many of our parenting issues are our own sin issues. It is not just our child that needs to change, but the parent that needs to change.

She gives some challenging things to think about but also presents how she has done some things. It ruffled more than a few of my feathers, but was a great cause to look at where I needed to change in my parenting. I definitely need to work more on the training, not viewing my kids as interruptions and embracing the work the Lord has given me to do.

She sums up the book with this verse Ecclesiastes 5:19
Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions,and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work--this is a gift of God.

To Review or Not to Review

J has been on me for a while to start posting book reviews. Really, when does he think I have time to read, much less write? Not to mention, that writing is not my favorite past time.  In fact, I don't like to write. Don't fool yourself and think that when I say he's been pushing me to this for a while that I am talking a day, or even a week, try two years. Don't believe me, check out my blog post here.  Note the date: July 7, 2008. I've had two kids and no sleep since then.  My stated reasons in the mentioned post stand - I really don't want to put into writing that which I think, because I might be held accountable, I might make someone upset, and I don't necessarily always agree with what mainstream society thinks is the most life changing book ever. One might call it critical, another might call it discerning, but whatever you call it, I generally don't open my thoughts up that much b/c it can cause a bit of a ruckus.  (Actually, I think he is encouraging me to do this so he'll get some quiet from me saying that I would like to engage my brain beyond knowing my ABCs and 123s.)

My other fear in blogging about what I read is what I find life altering/convicting may or may not be the same as you. The reason is simple, we are all in different stages of our walk/sanctification process. What is a challenge to me may be a non-issue for you, and vice versa.  I would hate to recommend something to you only to have you say that I don't have a clue what I am talking about.  You know the old saying, better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Another reason I hesitate is I don't want to get so into reading books and what they have to tell me, that I forget that the one book I need to be in allowing to wash and cleanse me is the WORD.  It is the most important. While the how to books are great and all, God has revealed His word in the Bible. It was meant to teach, correct, transform me.  That alone needs to be my source. If I let something else take my time from reading and studying His word, then I am wrong. He is my true guide and source.

With that being said, I am seriously considering this endeavor.  Why? I am still not sure, but it seems that I get asked a lot about what my thoughts are on various books.  In order to answer intelligently, it would help if I had actually read the books.  I do read but not what I would call a lot. I like to read about things I am going through. For instance, I have read tons of marriage and parenting books, but not necessarily mainstream books on the Christian market. I held off reading the Purpose Driven Life, for a couple of years after it was at it's pinnacle.  I am willing to do it as I have just ordered Radical, Interrupted, and The Hole in the Gospel.  Not to mention that I have 7 books in my nightstand that are still untouched. Back to my, exactly when do I think I am going to find the time to read with 3 kids under the age of 4?  It's hard enough to get my sanity run in which is a non-negotiable in my world. Although if I did get around to reading, the reviewing might help me actually remember what I read and in what book.

The other reason I am considering this is I have noticed a trend in topics that are being written about.  When we were first looking for a church home as a couple, we noticed that every church we visited (and I stopped counting at 15 churches in the greater Houston area) almost every single one of them was talking about Romans or Relationships.  Interesting, huh? It seems like there is a trend towards that now - as far as lives being interrupted/making your life count/spreading the gospel and how do I know God's will/voice?  Why is that?  What is the difference in what the authors are saying?  Are the books written to different audiences?  What is the common thread?  What do we need to learn? Do we really need that many books on one topic or will I find what I found in reading marriage books?

My finding was this: they all started to sound the same.  By the time the 100th person told me to read Love and Respect I had probably read 8-10 marriage books, but I caved and read the book.  While I thought it was great, my first thought was, "I've heard this all before." It seemed like every marriage book I read went back to the Bible - Husbands love your wives, wives respect your husband (which is a VERY good thing - love that they didn't venture off God's word) but that each author has his/her own acronym for how to love and how to respect. Again, all good stuff, but I didn't need to read multiple books for the application.  I could have picked one book on the application of this Scripture, put it into practice and been done with it.  Truth be told, I liked When Sinners Say I Do best because it dealt with me and my selfishness being the problem in the marriage and reminding me of my great need for Christ.  Don't get me wrong I still need to hear that my husband's big needs are sex and companionship, but I also need to hear as put in Sacred Marriage that marriage is not about my happiness but my holiness. Ouch. That made more of an impact on me than the acronyms.

I digress though....should I review/not review, that is the question?  Not necessarily looking for an answer, but  just rambling on whether or not I should take the challenge my husband has set before me.

Not Meant to Race Alone

A little bit of Jen trivia: I am more of an introvert than an extrovert.  Those who know me very, very well, know this to be true of me.  I still remember taking the Myers Briggs test in my Organizational Behavior class  when I was in grad school. One of the girls in my class said I would peg you for an extrovert. She got my whole assessment right except for that one trait. I'm actually borderline between the two, but on most days I tend more toward the introverted side. Contrary to what people believe, an introvert is not shy, an introvert is recharged by spending time alone!  Probably why I am re-energized so much on my runs; it is my time alone - that and all the endorphins from the runner's high. I saw a shirt the other day that said, "running is my happy hour."  I am so happy when I am running, even on days when it is hard to start.  Plus, as I have stated multiple times before, it is my time with the Lord when I get so much clarity.  I am so very blessed to have a husband who understands all of this about me and practically forces me out on my runs.  In fact, I can remember multiple times when he has said to me, "GO RUN NOW!"  He knows I need it.


However, while running is good alone, I was reminded starkly this fall of how good it is to run with others. The Lord brought into my life a good friend who introduced me to a group of women who run together.  They are incredible. They have strengthened me on my run, they have encouraged me, they have prayed for me, they have checked on me and they have raced with me.  While I need my runs alone to be quiet before the Lord, I was reminded that I also need others.  

Hebrews 10:23-25

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching. 

I need the encouragement (to pour courage into) from others, both physically and spiritually. It is vital that I am not running through life alone.  It is not good for me to be out of fellowship with other believers. I  am created for relationship, both with the Lord and with others. While I may be recharged by myself, there is so much wisdom and encouragement to be gained in and from the fellowship of believers.Not only that, in love, they also call me to accountability in my walk.  Ouch.  Let me ask you, have you gotten out of habit of meeting together with other believers? Have you let yourself off the hook with a list of valid excuses (perhaps your latest is 'I have a newborn.' oh wait - that one is mine!)?  it is so easy to stay home stay in bed, use your Sunday mornings to sleep, grocery shop, etc. but we are called to worship corporately and to fellowship with others.  We need to be spurred on (and I wish I had the energy to do more research on the original meaning of this word: I am sure it is awesome) and we need to be spurring others on toward the finish line.  

I guess I was in need of this lesson as I was also chosen to run as a part of the Living Water team.  I had no idea the difference it would make on race day. I have always run half marathons on my own.  No one could have told me the difference it would make to put the shirt on.  For one, my mindset was different. I knew I was there for them, as a part of the team. I desired to make my team proud. In addition, there was a KSBJ/Living Water station several places along the course. It seemed like every couple of miles they had groups of people ready to cheer you on. Whenever they would see a person in a jersey, they would literally go crazy, ringing bells, yelling your name, giving high fives, telling you you  could do it.  It made all the difference in how I ran.  You see, I wasn't having to constantly tell myself to hang on, that I could do it, but I had people who were on my side encouraging me to the finish line.  


Perhaps the biggest influence was our Coach who was at mile 10.  I remember him saying, "only 3 more miles. You can do this."  While it may seem like just mere words, I knew that he had run ULTRA marathons. He has been where I am. He had done it. He knew that I could finish out the race and that in the grand scheme of things, three miles was not that much.  The spiritual application flooded my mind. Not only do I need the physical encouragement of meeting together with other believers, I can also find so much encouragement in the men and women in Scripture who have walked the road before me. Many of them have been on the same path as me and have, through faith, finished well.    Abraham was called to a new location, the disciples to new jobs, Elijah survived the desert, Paul the prison, fishermen became followers, and the list goes on.  They have been there, they have walked there, they have finished. Mostly there is Christ who endured it all and now sits at the right hand of the Father, victorious! How beautiful that the Lord has written it all down for us to read, to be sanctified, and to be encouraged. Meet with other believers, but don't forget to also meet with the Lord.


Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.