Sisters, sisters...

For our birthdays, Cath gave the sisters tickets to the Shakespeare Festival.  We've never done one before!  It is to be tradition.  It was the best gift ever!  We drove 4 hours down, chatting and chatting and singing and singing.  I felt 10 years younger.  When we got down we barely had time to check in to our hotel, grab some KFC and head to our first show in the outdoor theater.  I have so many memories of that theater!  I remember as a little girl watching the Merchant of Venice on the 4th of July.  As Portia and Bassanio kissed, fireworks in the city started to go off!  Everyone was shocked and delighted and the actors all broke their characters for a moment, and then got on with the play.  It was so magical.  This trip was no different.  After our first play in that outdoor theater, it was 10:30 pm and they were announcing that another special show would start at 11 pm in the theater next door.  We decided to go for it and it was amazing!  It was the Bardway Broadway show for their fundraiser and we watched all the actors sing songs off Broadway.  It was amazing!  I seriously was dying for one of the songs, Music of the Night.  I would pay good money to hear him sing that again.

After Les Miserables.  An impressive showing by them, we could not believe that one of our all-time favorite actors who was playing Javert could actually sing and had incredible pipes! 

After that first late late night, we came home and arm wrestled for who got to sleep in a bed alone and who had to share.  I am the weakest link! 

Relaxing at the pool before our show on Saturday.  There were lots of contests and races in the water, Marie has really turned up her competition and won everything.  I didn't even have a chance against those two toughies.  If I didn't have her smile, I would sometimes wonder if I was my mothers daughter.

The trip with my sisters inspired me to plan one with the in-laws, especially now that Rachel moved back.  All 5 brothers live here too, so we had a great crew and missed Michelle.  Don't be fooled that that cute little woman next to me is Ben's mother!  Yeah, she looks like my sister.  We had an amazing long talk until, what, 2:30 am?  and then later in our own room?  We all went to bed around 4.  It was so good for us to have time alone together.  I hope it is a tradition too! 

I just feel so lucky to have so many amazing women in my life.  It is especially poignant to think about at this time of the year when we have the anniversary of my mom's passing.  I would be lost without all these women.  I love you all dearly!

In between vacations this summer...we were home

Johnny has become the cutest, sweetest, happiest menace.  :)  He is climbing up everything and getting into all kinds of things.  One love is the dishwasher.  He now knows how to open the door if it's not locked, and when I'm not watching he'll grab a knife, since they are bright colors.  I'm having to really be vigilant with this one!  Especially compared to Peter who seriously never did anything naughty and never did anything without asking.  p.s.  don't you love his big toe sticking out of his jammies?  yeah, I should have put those away a little earlier, but they were so cute!

First day of school with Teacher Tammy.  He loves it.  Yesterday he came home singing "Down by the Bay" and we sang it all day together and laughed and laughed.  It is so fun to watch him grow up.  I can't believe how much he has changed and learned since he started preschool. 

 

This summer has been so fun with Peter feeling so well.  Of the many miracles, he has learned to like baths, learned to tolerate and sometimes enjoy the pool, and getting dirty...these things have allowed us to do lots of normal summer activities that we've never done before together.

Ben was the real hero with the pool.  Peter would never have made the jump with out such a fun dad distracting him.  I'm so grateful Ben has different abilities in parenting than me...there are some things that I am just not as good at as Daddy.  Or as fun.

Sounds dumb, but really, it was also nice to finally be able to really take advantage of the Daybreak amenities for once!  Made me feel like it really is more worth it to live here. 

This piece of furniture has been in the family for a looong time.  It is now living in my house for a while and it is so fun to have a moment like this where my kids are doing things that I did when I was a kid, under the same buffet table.  I didn't even think to tell them to do it either, I just came in the room and there they were. 

Johnny started walking a month ago.  It is so adorable to see such a small human toddle all over the place.  Of course, this is no different than any other time that I say how different this experience is that it was with Peter. 

The neighbor girls love to dote on Johnny. 

Hebgen at Ryberg Cabin

I love these babies!

Hebgen with my family was another trip, crazy that we vacay at the same place!  Oh, what a place it is.  The kiddies in matching jammies on the old rock wall.  We have so many pictures of us as kids on this rock wall, and in our jammies before it was warm enough to stray very far from the cabin.  I remember walking barefoot on the wall to avoid stepping on pine needles.  My mom would give me the seeds from canteloupe to put out for the chipmunks and squirrels.  Not allowed anymore with all the recent bear activity!

Johnny was a new experience for us at the cabin.  Wanting to be in the sand and water and eating and drinking it, that is not something we've done before!  Fun to have diapers full of sand.  Seriously.

 In anticipation of the Durham week, Ben bought this tank top, but then ended up loving it and wearing it always.  I secretly loved it too.  This was the first summer in a while that he's been able to vacation with us for any real amount of time.  What a huge difference that made!  Most enjoyable summer to date.

 One thing I really love about my cabin, is that there is almost always great music playing.  Here was one of the dance parties. 

I used to paint a lot at the cabin, but it was always plein air.  Since kids its been impossible, but this time I just decided to paint on the front porch and it was so awesome!  It felt so good.  I got the bug again and have tons of paintings waiting to be done.  Hopefully this winter I'll get around to something.

Rom on the beach at the end of the storm.

Ben got Peter in the water, a miracle!  This was even right before the storm.  He had Peter surfing and he was loving it.  So fun to watch him start to enjoy my favorite place in the world.

Gorgeous!  I have always loved storms at the cabin, I love the layers of those mountains in the rain.  Otherwise they all just blend together into one form.  And that is the end of our new dock. 

We had a great haul picking berries, so sad that they were gone by the next time we were there!  Such a fun addiction up there.

 We sailed, it was so funny because we were out a rutter, but we still wanted to go and Ben thought maybe he could be the rutter.  He's never been more sore after sailing!  Luckily Cath and Dave got a new rutter for Christmas.  I love sailing.  Could have used a little more wind in this picture, but still.

 Sisters, sisters,  I love these times with them.  It is the best.  

Peter Pan

Happy 4th Birthday Peter!  July 30th.  This year has been the most amazing of Peter's life.  He has grown in leaps and bounds.  How exciting and gratifying to see him making such progress.  This boy sure loves his birthday and knows it is all about him.  This picture with Ben's mom, Mary, is so sweet.

The sheer excitement!  He could hardly contain himself.

This was actually another day, but a funny picture and cute smile.

On his actual birthday, we went to Hollywood Connection.  Monday nights are such a deal!  Peter seriously died.  We're going to have to go back because he loved it so much.  Especially the mini-golf, he loved it so much and was hilarious because he actually was good at it!  Golf lessons, here we come.  He would throw his arms up like a touchdown every time it went in the hole. 

The Durham boys are incredible on roller skates.  Who knew?  All of them can skate so well that they are hilarious.  Ben is no exception.  Peter couldn't quite get the hang of it, so Ben stole him out there with him. 

Time of his life with Dad, as always. 

Ham.  I love this man.

The carousel.  One of Peter's favorite things has always been riding the carousel.  They had one there along with a few other rides that he loved.  He was so sad he wasn't big enough for the roller coaster.  Since then he has mentioned it a few times, "When I'm bigger, I can ride the roller coaster!"

The prizes were the most exciting part to him, even if they ARE super lame to me!  Haha.

Summer Craziness

Let the craziness begin!  7 kids and their spouses, 24 grandkids, and two amazing grandparents...this picture is at the annual Acabiny Awards.  Hick-ish was the theme?  I die over Jeff and Heidi in this picture, and you can't get the fullness of Chris's suit, everyone was too funny, hahaha.

Crowded onto the boat for lunch across the lake...not quite as wonderful and peaceful as it had been when we went the first time this summer!  Still worth the drive for the garlic burger...yum.

Johnny loving the beach and grandma.  Seriously, fistful after fistful of sand into his mouth.  That is why we put in the binky, to try to keep it to a minimum!

So fun that he likes to get dirty, doesn't even care.  Hasn't been our experience with Peter, but he actually did like the beach a little this year.

Below is our Wonder Pete, in his Acabiny Award-winning film. I wish I had a better picture of him winning.  I actually started crying because it was so cute.  He was so happy and excited.  I'm not even sure he knew what was happening totally, but it was adorable. 

Long drives, car packed to the brim.  Ben almost got a Pilot for my birthday...next year.  :)  The kids were so good, I was laughing when I saw them both engrossed in books.  So cute.  And both of them with their ankles crossed always.

Renascence

This week has been challenging.  Does it take away from my seriousness to quote Step Up 2?  Lol.  "It was...emotional."  I don't even know where to begin, except that it wasn't anything in particular, except that I ran faster than I had strength.  It was the combination of a hundred little things compounding into a major overwhelm that was so much pressure that at one point I literally couldn't breathe in deep enough.  It felt like my chest was caving in.  And yet, it wasn't about pressure.  It wasn't about tasks.  It was about love.  As my sis pointed out, I "needed more love in my life."  She was talking about the love of God.  And she was right, as she usually is. 

I recently shared this poem with my book club, so it has been on the mind.  Renascence, by Edna St. Vincent Millay.  It is very much the contrast of what I have experienced this week.  The extreme highs and lows, the awareness, the weight, the liberty.  It has been a week of tutoring and soul-searching.  I am grateful for it, and grateful that it is over.  I also have to mention a small miracle that happened last night.  Some friends from a previous Ward knocked on the door during a particularly difficult hour.  I didn't answer.  They texted that they left something on the porch.  We haven't been in touch for months.  And yet, there on the porch was a plant, my favorite thing, and a kind that my mom used to buy nonetheless.  And a note that read, "You have been on our minds the past week.  We wanted to tell you how much we love and appreciate you...you are in our prayers and hearts.  Brighter days are ahead."  I have never been privy to this kind of thing before, it is just something you hear about in General Conference.  But not last night.  It came to me.  Love came to me, straight from heaven.  I will not ever forget it. 

Here is my very abridged version of the poem, the real deal below for those who can handle it.

Over these things I could not see:
These were the things that bounded me;
And I could touch them with my hand,
Almost, I thought, from where I stand.
And all at once things seemed so small
My breath came short, and scarce at all.

Ah, awful weight! Infinity

Pressed down upon the finite Me!

My anguished spirit, like a bird,

Beating against my lips I heard;

Yet lay the weight so close about

There was no room for it without.

And so beneath the weight lay I

And suffered death, but could not die.

How can I bear it; buried here,

While overhead the sky grows clear

And blue again after the storm?

O, multi-colored, multiform,

Beloved beauty over me,

That I shall never, never see

Again! Spring-silver, autumn-gold,

That I shall never more behold!

And, through and over everything,

A sense of glad awakening.

The grass, a-tiptoe at my ear,

Whispering to me I could hear;

I felt the rain’s cool finger-tips

Brushed tenderly across my lips,

Laid gently on my sealèd sight,

And all at once the heavy night

Fell from my eyes and I could see,—

And as I looked a quickening gust

Of wind blew up to me and thrust

Into my face a miracle

Of orchard-breath, and with the smell,—

I know not how such things can be!—

I breathed my soul back into me.

I raised my quivering arms on high;

I laughed and laughed into the sky,

Till at my throat a strangling sob

Caught fiercely, and a great heart-throb

Sent instant tears into my eyes;

O God, I cried, no dark disguise

Can e’er hereafter hide from me

Thy radiant identity!

Thou canst not move across the grass

But my quick eyes will see Thee pass,

Nor speak, however silently,

But my hushed voice will answer Thee.

I know the path that tells Thy way

Through the cool eve of every day;

God, I can push the grass apart

And lay my finger on Thy heart!

The world stands out on either side

No wider than the heart is wide;

Above the world is stretched the sky,—

No higher than the soul is high.

The heart can push the sea and land

Farther away on either hand;

The soul can split the sky in two,

And let the face of God shine through.

But East and West will pinch the heart

That can not keep them pushed apart;

And he whose soul is flat—the sky

Will cave in on him by and by.

Upcoming blog posts are many.  Here is a pic from backpacking Timp this weekend.  Gloriousness.  That's where the extreme high came in, the expanse I saw and felt up there was too wonderful.  Despite the gnarly climb in the dark, losing our way, my sore sore muscles, etc....it was epic.

1. Renascence
Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892–1950).  Renascence and Other Poems.  1917.

ALL I could see from where I stood
Was three long mountains and a wood;
I turned and looked the other way,
And saw three islands in a bay.
So with my eyes I traced the line	5
Of the horizon, thin and fine,
Straight around till I was come
Back to where I’d started from;
And all I saw from where I stood
Was three long mountains and a wood.	10
Over these things I could not see:
These were the things that bounded me;
And I could touch them with my hand,
Almost, I thought, from where I stand.
And all at once things seemed so small	15
My breath came short, and scarce at all.
But, sure, the sky is big, I said;
Miles and miles above my head;
So here upon my back I’ll lie
And look my fill into the sky.	20
And so I looked, and, after all,
The sky was not so very tall.
The sky, I said, must somewhere stop,
And—sure enough!—I see the top!
The sky, I thought, is not so grand;	25
I ’most could touch it with my hand!
And reaching up my hand to try,
I screamed to feel it touch the sky.
I screamed, and—lo!—Infinity
Came down and settled over me;	30
Forced back my scream into my chest,
Bent back my arm upon my breast,
And, pressing of the Undefined
The definition on my mind,
Held up before my eyes a glass	35
Through which my shrinking sight did pass
Until it seemed I must behold
Immensity made manifold;
Whispered to me a word whose sound
Deafened the air for worlds around,	40
And brought unmuffled to my ears
The gossiping of friendly spheres,
The creaking of the tented sky,
The ticking of Eternity.
I saw and heard and knew at last	45
The How and Why of all things, past,
And present, and forevermore.
The Universe, cleft to the core,
Lay open to my probing sense
That, sick’ning, I would fain pluck thence	50
But could not,—nay! But needs must suck
At the great wound, and could not pluck
My lips away till I had drawn
All venom out.—Ah, fearful pawn!
For my omniscience paid I toll	55
In infinite remorse of soul.
All sin was of my sinning, all
Atoning mine, and mine the gall
Of all regret. Mine was the weight
Of every brooded wrong, the hate	60
That stood behind each envious thrust,
Mine every greed, mine every lust.
And all the while for every grief,
Each suffering, I craved relief
With individual desire,—	65
Craved all in vain! And felt fierce fire
About a thousand people crawl;
Perished with each,—then mourned for all!
A man was starving in Capri;
He moved his eyes and looked at me;	70
I felt his gaze, I heard his moan,
And knew his hunger as my own.
I saw at sea a great fog bank
Between two ships that struck and sank;
A thousand screams the heavens smote;	75
And every scream tore through my throat.
No hurt I did not feel, no death
That was not mine; mine each last breath
That, crying, met an answering cry
From the compassion that was I.	80
All suffering mine, and mine its rod;
Mine, pity like the pity of God.
Ah, awful weight! Infinity
Pressed down upon the finite Me!
My anguished spirit, like a bird,	85
Beating against my lips I heard;
Yet lay the weight so close about
There was no room for it without.
And so beneath the weight lay I
And suffered death, but could not die.	90
Long had I lain thus, craving death,
When quietly the earth beneath
Gave way, and inch by inch, so great
At last had grown the crushing weight,
Into the earth I sank till I	95
Full six feet under ground did lie,
And sank no more,—there is no weight
Can follow here, however great.
From off my breast I felt it roll,
And as it went my tortured soul	100
Burst forth and fled in such a gust
That all about me swirled the dust.
Deep in the earth I rested now;
Cool is its hand upon the brow
And soft its breast beneath the head	105
Of one who is so gladly dead.
And all at once, and over all
The pitying rain began to fall;
I lay and heard each pattering hoof
Upon my lowly, thatchèd roof,	110
And seemed to love the sound far more
Than ever I had done before.
For rain it hath a friendly sound
To one who’s six feet under ground;
And scarce the friendly voice or face:	115
A grave is such a quiet place.
The rain, I said, is kind to come
And speak to me in my new home.
I would I were alive again
To kiss the fingers of the rain,	120
To drink into my eyes the shine
Of every slanting silver line,
To catch the freshened, fragrant breeze
From drenched and dripping apple-trees.
For soon the shower will be done,	125
And then the broad face of the sun
Will laugh above the rain-soaked earth
Until the world with answering mirth
Shakes joyously, and each round drop
Rolls, twinkling, from its grass-blade top.	130
How can I bear it; buried here,
While overhead the sky grows clear
And blue again after the storm?
O, multi-colored, multiform,
Beloved beauty over me,	135
That I shall never, never see
Again! Spring-silver, autumn-gold,
That I shall never more behold!
Sleeping your myriad magics through,
Close-sepulchred away from you!	140
O God, I cried, give me new birth,
And put me back upon the earth!
Upset each cloud’s gigantic gourd
And let the heavy rain, down-poured
In one big torrent, set me free,	145
Washing my grave away from me!
I ceased; and through the breathless hush
That answered me, the far-off rush
Of herald wings came whispering
Like music down the vibrant string	150
Of my ascending prayer, and—crash!
Before the wild wind’s whistling lash
The startled storm-clouds reared on high
And plunged in terror down the sky,
And the big rain in one black wave	155
Fell from the sky and struck my grave.
I know not how such things can be;
I only know there came to me
A fragrance such as never clings
To aught save happy living things;	160
A sound as of some joyous elf
Singing sweet songs to please himself,
And, through and over everything,
A sense of glad awakening.
The grass, a-tiptoe at my ear,	165
Whispering to me I could hear;
I felt the rain’s cool finger-tips
Brushed tenderly across my lips,
Laid gently on my sealèd sight,
And all at once the heavy night	170
Fell from my eyes and I could see,—
A drenched and dripping apple-tree,
A last long line of silver rain,
A sky grown clear and blue again.
And as I looked a quickening gust	175
Of wind blew up to me and thrust
Into my face a miracle
Of orchard-breath, and with the smell,—
I know not how such things can be!—
I breathed my soul back into me.	180
Ah! Up then from the ground sprang I
And hailed the earth with such a cry
As is not heard save from a man
Who has been dead, and lives again.
About the trees my arms I wound;	185
Like one gone mad I hugged the ground;
I raised my quivering arms on high;
I laughed and laughed into the sky,
Till at my throat a strangling sob
Caught fiercely, and a great heart-throb	190
Sent instant tears into my eyes;
O God, I cried, no dark disguise
Can e’er hereafter hide from me
Thy radiant identity!
Thou canst not move across the grass	195
But my quick eyes will see Thee pass,
Nor speak, however silently,
But my hushed voice will answer Thee.
I know the path that tells Thy way
Through the cool eve of every day;	200
God, I can push the grass apart
And lay my finger on Thy heart!
The world stands out on either side
No wider than the heart is wide;
Above the world is stretched the sky,—	205
No higher than the soul is high.
The heart can push the sea and land
Farther away on either hand;
The soul can split the sky in two,
And let the face of God shine through.	210
But East and West will pinch the heart
That can not keep them pushed apart;
And he whose soul is flat—the sky
Will cave in on him by and by.

Happy Birthday to Me!

 My awesome sister in-law threw me a bash to remember for my big 3-0.  It was the best party ever!  You remember how Ben and I were on a bollywood kick for a while?  Well, Meg threw me a bollywood party!  Complete with bindi, henna, costumes and catered Indian food, authentic music and a completely gorgeous scene for the dinner.  She knocked it out of the park.  She invited all my lovelies, my fam on both sides.  I felt so loved. 

Hahaha, David put bindi on his eyelids.

Namaste David, he tried his hardest to look the part, but still looked like a clean cut fisherman.

Sis looked so beautiful in blue, Marie's authentic Saree from when she lived in Nepal.

Marie and Mary in totally awesome authentic outfits again, who knew there was so much Indian going on in our families?  Mary's saree was a gift from someone Indian, but she usually uses it as a tree skirt for her gigantic Christmas tree.  She also painted her eye makeup on really big and had to use her mascara to do it because she didn't have eyeliner.  So funny, love her to death!

The sisters.  And Mary, Ben's mom, but you probably can't even pick her out!  She looks so young - IS so young!  I look prego here, no announcement!  Marie hadn't yet taught me how to tie my saree, so it's all bunched up at the tummy.  It was pretty cool after she fixed it for me.  So nice to have an expert around.  :)

Loves of my life: and whoa, what a spread!  Meg!  Too fun to remember, it was so lovely.

Ben is going to really start suffering on this blog, as he never can give a real smile to the camera.  We were at the head of the table like at a wedding or marriage, another fun detail by Meg.

After the party, Ben starting to break out the Bollywood moves.  He had us in stitches.

Lovely lanterns, fragrant blooms, perfect temperature, perfect night.

Way to go Meg.  Love you.  And Happy 30th to me!  I've got big plans for myself.  Here's to the next 30 years.