I'm done. I have decided to LIVE

I have always had an over active brain and imagination. Usually people like me - who think and imagine a lot - are prone to anxiety.

I tend to worry about my future a bit too much, planning EVERY little detail in my head and expecting every part of it to go as planned. The problem with this is that, it's the future. We can't really be certain about what hasn't happened yet. 

I like things to go a certain way and after I have envisioned something in that way, I am very bent on making it happen that way. In addition to this one of my greatest fears is poverty, another is unhappiness. 

Because of these two phobias (which became more serious this year) , I started becoming very anxious about my future. The interesting thing about my anxiety is that it doesn't make me brood, what anxiety does to me is that it gets me over active. I start panicking in a way, trying to fix something that is not even broken yet. For example, right before I graduated earlier this year, my anxiety led me to do a thorough search for the locations, phone numbers and reviews of palm readers/psychics/fortune-tellers/whatever-fancy-names-they-are-called-these-days and basically see my EXACT future so I know whether it is perfect and if it is not, to know what exactly I need to do to make it so. 

I was ready to immediately get up from the couch get in my car and drive down there because my anxiety was eating me up. It took a phone call to my dad and my mum talking some sense into my head to get me snap out of it.  My dad basically told me to cut the crap and stop being dramatic. My mum was quoting the bible for me trying to get me to see the religious aspect of why I should not visit a psychic. In the end, I deleted the numbers of the psychics, removed the websites from my bookmarks and changed my mind.

In university, there is a structure. It's pretty easy if you follow it. 4 years, 8 semesters, 120 hours, keep your GPA above a certain level, take core classes, electives, etc. There is a sequence that arranges your life for you for the next four years. If you need help following the already easy sequence, there are advisors who basically tell you what to do. "Take this class this semester, take this other one the next semester, take this professor, join this organization, attend this seminar" etc. 

This is why I never understood people who were anxious or uncertain in college, EVERYTHING is planned out for you and even when you cannot follow the plan that is already set up for you, there are advisors that literally decide for you. I know people who could not make a move in university without going to an advisor, like every decision was a joint decision between them and their advisor. I only went to my advisor twice; my first semester (as it was mandatory) and my last semester (as I needed to be approved for graduation). 

The real world is not like that. Nobody plans the next couple of years of your life for you. There is no degree plan you have to follow, no academic advisors you vIsIt to tell you whether or not you should take Calculus or Micro Economics this year or the next. Whether to get married or not, whether you should take up this job or that job, get a Master's or PHD, move to Japan or Lagos, If you do decide to get married, whether to marry  Mike or Emeka, or to have children at so and so time or not etc.

You start to plan your own plan. You create the sequence by yourself. Nobody tells you whether or not you have to take this step or that step and nobody really should because it is the time, the time to start making your own plan. 

Faced with this reality of entirely planning my own life and making my own certainty, my anxiety skyrocketed. I ALWAYS envision this picture perfect life so I beat myself up and worry myself sick when it comes to securing this perfect life. I don't deal with the NOW...I am too busy trying to create the perfect future. 

My daddy always tells me that what I need to do is just chill and just breathe, whatever will be with academia ,master's, career, family, health etc ....will be. Yes I have a say in what my future becomes but I need to learn to live in the NOW more than I worry about the future. 

In my head I have all these deadlines "I have to be done with academia forever by 24, I have to have at least 1 master's degree by 23" "I have to have enrolled into an MBA program by 22" "I have to be an entrepreneur by 30" "I want to be a mother by 27 or so" "I want to own a home by 25" etc... Honestly, it's exhausting. Those are all fantastic visions, I mean , who doesn't want to be an entrepreneur , who doesn't want to be successful, who doesn't want to be a parent or a homeowner? etc but...that's not really how life works sometimes. Some things we can control...some we can't.

I just moved back to Nigeria about 3 weeks ago and I found myself already worrying from the first day I landed ...worrying about the next 5 years. MBA/grad school, career, etc. I didn't even think much about the immediate future like NYSC, starting the projects I had worried about earlier this year, the projects I said I would start when I got to Nigeria. Or figuring out "what exactly do I need to build a solid foundation for my career RIGHT NOW" ...Instead I was worrying about 2014 and 2015.


I get so worried and anxious trying to build the perfect life, then I get so afraid that it might not work out in the end, so I get even more worried and try harder to build that perfect life, so my fears won't come to pass. It's like a cycle. My phobia for unhappiness, poverty and mediocrity are eating me up, frustrating me and making me over push myself.



And then the questions I have been running away from: Do I make some decisions because I want to or because I want a "safety net" to fall in..in case I fall?


Do I really want an MBA...or am I just wanting to get one because it is an MBA and I'll feel a little more protected if I had one?

Or do I want to say "fuck it" and do the things I really WANT to do? .... take those risks...? Maybe not an MBA, but a Master's degree in something I could really see myself doing and I am more interested in. Public Affairs, International Affairs or perhaps Media Relations.


You see what I mean? I haven't even decided what I want to do in graduate school but I am already stressing about taking the GRE or GMAT exams, already stressing about applications, deadlines, and what not.  The other day I was anxiously looking up testing centers for the GRE and trying to secure a date for November.

I jump ahead of myself.

I am 20, but most times I feel older than I am...and create all these deadlines, get anxious. My parents always have to get me stop and breathe. What is the rush? My life is just starting. How many 20 year olds do I know that are done with university, armed with a degree and ready to start a career? not much. What are all these deadlines I am creating? with all these deadlines you'd think I was planning to die by 35 year old.

I have realized now what I should have realized a year ago. Yes it's important to plan the future and make your own certainty, but it is more important to live in your NOW and instead of worrying about creating the perfect future, live in the good present and enjoy it.

I'm tired. Tired of being anxious, tired of trying so hard to create a perfect future. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life..

I have decided to just LIVE. Unfold life as it comes. Embrace the advantage of my youth: exploration. No worries. Life is here, I'll live it.

I'm DONE.


I'm done being anxious.....and boy, it feels awesome.


Yours truly,
Iphy

Random updates

Hello lovers

Happy new week to everyone. Let's random shall we?

So why did I go to the salon the other day and the guy fixing my weave mistakenly dropped the curling iron and it landed ON MY FACE!!!

 Yoooooo, over here we don't play like that dude, nope...we don't play with the face.

Mahn, I was mad. See, here's the thing about me and my face. It might sound vain but whatever, I am quite vain anyway. My face is like my baby. I pamper it, I make love to it, I spoil it, I make it feel wanted, and sometimes I have conversations with it like "sugar how you get so fly?" lol

And thanks be to Baba God, it is pimple-free, scar-free, blemish-free and crawcraw-free. This is my walking ID card. And then one man in the name of hair styling wants to come and destroy my face for what? maka gini nu?
Luckily there was no damage but that kind rough play na im dey cause quarrel biko.

Ok, on to less vain things.

As you guys know, I have moved back to Nigeria. Been here for about 2 weeks. So when I was moving back, a lot of people told me I would feel a sudden wave of depression right before I leave the U.S for Nigeria. I didn't.

I felt that sudden depression as soon as I moved back. It lasted like 4 days, it left the same way it came - suddenly.

I'm not entirely sure why I felt that way but I have a couple of guesses:

1. You know how when people lean on you when they are going through a down time, you might begin to feel what they feel? Two very important people in my life are going through some intense bullshit right now and even though I'm not personally going through it, I tend to carry/ get affected by the burdens of those who are extremely close to me. It's annoying.  I think that contributed to the "depression"

2. I am jobless at the moment. I have registered for NYSC and i'm currently waiting for it to start in November. I don't have a job at the moment. I am currently working on some projects though so I am not totally jobless, but I still have more free time than I would like. Me and too much free time don't do well together. So that kinda made me a sad panda :(

3. I think maybe just generally moving took its toll on me. I have to sort of start a new life, unlearn and learn some things and just generally get settled in. I like to think I am a pretty adaptive person, but moving generally can be challenging.


Anyhoo, that episode was brief and i'm back to my normal good ol' jolly self. Back to working on projects, planing a career path and figuring out my life.

Honestly, if there is one thing I wish for right now, it's a GPS navigation system.

I moved to Abuja, I don't know my way around Abuja too well and I am already not so good with directions. On Saturday, I was leaving a friend of a friend's studio in Wuse and I was craving some serious suya so I started heading towards Yahuza suya in that same Wuse (which I have been to a couple of times, so I was quite confident that I wouldn't get lost)......serious F9! ....let's just say that by the time I took a couple of turns here and there, I was on the express and then on a bridge heading towards Gwarinpa. Say what??

Eventually I found it sha..after like 30 minutes. *sigh*

In the U.S , I HEAVILY depended on my GPS even when I didn't need it, so now it's a bit hard for me to navigate on my own.

I have a driver (my mum and brother insisted I get one for the first few weeks because they are scared that one day I'll get lost and just drive away to Kaduna or something) who works weekdays 8-5pm.... But after 5pm i'm on my own and I have to find my way myself. And on weekends I have to drive myself and find my way.

Google maps is not of much help because I kinda suck at reading maps. I just use landmarks to find my way. Like I know the building I have to see before I exit the expressway on the way to church, I know the bus stop before so and so, and the bridge before so and so...but other than those landmarks. I am clueless.  *sigh*

Hopefully I should be perfectly good in about a month (or by the beginning of November..lol)

I just want to be able to go somewhere without taking a few wrong turns and getting lost and having to call someone to give me directions and then take 30-45 minutes to find my way and waste fuel in the process. I have bought fuel 2 times since in 5 days.

I don tire biko. Nobody sells GPS here ni?

I swear I have used GPS navigation in Nigeria before...my brother was driving and he used it to find his way once, it wasn't too accurate but it helped seriously. It was in Lagos though. They don't have it in Abuja or what?

*sigh*

Anyway like my sister NakedSha would say "The Lord is my malta guinness" ....I shall not get lost and end up in Kaduna one day in Jesus name! Amen.

I'm such a drama queen.

Pray for me y'all.

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Lady

About two years ago I joined this book club online that sent me books for a ridiculously cheap price so I bought a whole bunch of books from them. One of the books I bought was Steve Harvey's Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I still haven't read the book till today frankly because of laziness, lack of interest and the fact that I usually like fiction, history books and self-help and motivational books. Now, one might argue that Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man is a self-help book but personally I don't really consider it one, maybe because I haven't even read it.

I am the judge-a-book-by-it's-cover-or-title kind of person. I admit I should learn to see things beyond their initial packaging but I really don't and I am working on it. That is actually the MAIN reason I haven't read ALALTLAM (Act Lika A Lady, Think Like A Man). The title irritated me slightly so I lost interest in the book. My problem with the title is that it suggests that for a relationship to thrive, a woman has to replace her own mentality with that of the man's. From the get go, the woman is taught that she is going into some kind of battlefield and the only way to succeed is to get into the head of the opponent. THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH THESE KIND OF BOOKS. Relationships are portrayed a kind of battle for who has the upper hand. It's seen as a race. And for women to "win" we have to think like the "natural winners" - the men.

My Human Sexuality professor in undergrad (who's also a really good psychologist and therapist) said something during one of his very entertaining class sessions. He said "when we start seeing male/female relationships as COMPLEMENTARY rather than COMPETITIVE we will have better unions" .  This statement stuck with me and will probably stick with me for a long time. 
The thing about these kind of books that irk me is that there is a premonition -even before we enter romantic relationships- that love and relationship is a battle field and you better come armed to the teeth and ready to use tactics - like the ones these books teach us- to win this "war". WE ARE TAUGHT BY SOCIETY TO SEE RELATIONSHIPS AS COMPETITIVE. And of course, nobody wants to be a loser. 

Even more annoying for me is that these books are always targeted towards women. There is a message behind that. The underlying message is "woman, you automatically on the losing end and you need to CHANGE your natural mentality and attitude and thought processes to succeed in a relationship". 

I personally think that if you read these women-it's-your-fault-and-you're-doing-it-wrong books like "Act like a lady,think like a man" for relationship advice then....  you are really sitting on a long everlasting thing you are already setting yourself up for failure.  My main issue with these sort of books is that they tell you that relationship issues automatically stem from the woman's end. Ever wonder why these "relationship advice/self-help" books are always targeted at women? How many "Think Like A Woman" or "How To Be The Man A Woman Wants" books do we see?

Yet, books like ALALTLAM flood the market. If you doubt me just walk into your local Barnes & Nobles and go to the relationship self-help aisle. Or do a quick Amazon search and see what comes up. 

I don't think you have to think like a man to successfully be with a man. And same goes for men, I disagree that you have to think like a woman to successfully be with a woman. 


Yes, members of the opposite sex need to understand each other and co-operate with each other to have successful relationships. But to totally lose yourself and aim to "think" like the other party in an attempt to "win" might be helpful in the beginning, but somewhere down the line, not so much. 

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Lady.
Act Like A Man, Think Like A Man.

Mind games, tactics, etc are unnecessary. And if you find yourself ever having to use these tactics and mind games to "win" and "compete" in love, chances are you are not in an ideal relationship.


Just my 2 kobo on the issue.

Iphy 

Moving to the Motherland

In exactly 12 days and one hour, I will be on a flight back to Nigeria.  I am moving back home for NYSC/work/finding a career path/taking a break before grad school. If you had asked me if I am moving home 3 months ago, I would have said no as I had an internship back in TX and was job-hunting for a full time job in NY. But, two months ago, I quit my job-hunting, gave up my OPT (for my non-yankee people...OPT is what authorizes you as a non-American to work in America for a year or sometimes more) and decided to carry my ghana must waka and waka back home.
 I came to that point where I needed to make a decision on what exactly I want to do with my life and decided that moving back to Nigeria for a year or 2 before grad school will be a better option for me because:

1. Seeing as I intend to live and settle down in Nigeria later in life, it's important that I do this whole NYSC thing (NOT looking forward to it AT ALL) and since I would like work experience before grad school..I'd be killing two birds with one stone with work and NYSC in one year.

2. Since I am taking a break before grad school, I'd rather move back home and put my foot in..you know..test the waters so I can have a clear perspective on what exactly the business climate is like so after my master's I can make an INFORMED decision on what exactly I want to go into career wise and what not.

3. I am young and in the adventurous/explorative/experimental phase of my life s why not?

4. I hate school and everything that has to do with school, so this move to Nigeria is a a breath of fresh air as I can mentally escape thinking about grad school for a while...honestly, If I could close my eyes, say abracadabra, open them and have an MBA, all will be right with my world. I really don't want to go through the process of school again. BUT at the same time, I want to. I CAN'T settle for a bachelor's degree. I need more . In this day and age where a bachelor's degree is like water and is nearly equivalent to a high school certificate...can't settle with that. Plus, every member of my family, from my parents to siblings have at least one master's degree...I can't carry last with that one.


Anyway...so yeah. I am moving back to Nigeria. Abuja to be precise.

How do I feel?

Scared

Anxious

Happy

Expectant

Hopeful

Impatient

Excited

Eager

Determined


I guess I'll start counting down the days till I arrive.

I hope and prepare for the best.

Moving is never easy, I've been in this country for some 4 years...I've gotten used to some things, gotten comfortable in my space and environment

 but I'm not one to avoid change. I'll get used to my new environment soon enough.

Here's to moving to Nigeria and living in Nigeria as an adult.

When I left, I was a young 16 year old leaving the care of her mummy and daddy. Now I'm a young adult going back to figure her life out.

Let the rest of my life begin!

I will keep you guys posted per usual


Your's truly,
Iphy

The One About Being Financially Dependent On A Man

For as longs as I can remember, I have HATED the idea of being at the mercy of anyone ever. More importantly, the idea of being financially dependent on a man has irked me and scared me at the same time.

I grew up in a household where both parents brought home the cheese. For as long as I can remember, my mother has never been out of work. I grew up to admire this trait. Because of this arrangement, my parents have equal say regarding our family issues and concerns. Nobody really had the upper hand when it came to decisions.
Usually, the breadwinner determines what happens in a household but this was not the case with mine because we have two breadwinners.


If you ask any of my close friends or guys I have dated, they'll tell you that I am the most outspoken advocate for a woman being her financial rock in life.

I actually dated a dude once that told me he would not want his woman or wife to work or be financially independent because he wants to be the one to "spoil her" *rolls eyes* I straight up told him that that bullshit is for the birds and our relationship will definitely be short term with that kind of mentality because I don't play that nonsense. Then he mentioned something about being that way because he grew up in a household where his mother depended on his father for EVERYTHING and that made her succumb to his every demand. ...and subsequently put up with some intense bullshit he dished her.

You see, that's not who I am or who I want to be. I don't ever want to feel like I am at the mercy of a man because he provides for me.

I have seen children who disregard their mother's opinions and decisions because "it's not up to her" since "she doesn't make the money". In our society, the person who brings the dough, gets to decide what kind of bread will be made.

Let's put pride and being your own boss aside for a minute and imagine this scenario...

A man is the sole breadwinner of a home, suddenly he dies or maybe makes some bad business decisions, mismanages some funds or maybe bad economy royally screws him up and leaves him penniless..... who will put the children through school?  who will put food on the table?

I can't count how many times I have heard a story of a family friend or a friend's friend or something that had to face harsh times because the father left the non-working, non-career having, stay-at-home mother and his kids, marred some other woman , had other kids by her, totally abandoned his first family and called it a life.

I think this is why I obsess so much about my future and my career plans and I make it a point to make sure I am well on my way to career and financial fulfillment, living my dream and achieving my goals before tying myself down.

Some people tell me I obsess over the matter too much and I try too hard to be an independent woman, some people tell me that I might put everything on the line in order to be this super career woman.
I believe in balance, I do not intend to put my life, loved ones, partner etc on the back burner because of my career but at the same time I won't put my life , my career and dreams on the back burner because of a man or friends or loved ones.

When people say "don't be too hard on yourself with this career obsessiveness, at least you are a woman, if you fail you can always depend on your man for your upkeep", I get mad. Honestly, what kind of basic simple minded thinking is that?  I will pursue my dreams and try TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY to achieve my goals.

House-wife, stay-at-home, no-career having, financially dependent woman or wife? Miss me with all that my dear.

Momma taught me better.

My name is Iphyigbogurl, and I have an extreme phobia of being a woman.......who ends up depending on a man for her livelihood.

My first attempt at erotic writing... Ha!

So, in my attempt to write more these days, I decided to try my hand at erotic writing for the first time... *cringe* ...not sure if I did a good job. I am open to constructive criticism , so it'd be nice if you left a comment after reading :) 

“I'm slightly tipsy and frankly I could use a good screw right now”

“ I'm sure I can take care of that”

Nene smiled, crossed her legs and squeezed tightly. She poured some more of the Merlot she ordered from room service into the glass and took a sip. “How soon can you get here then?”

“As soon as you want me to Sexy”

“As soon as possible, before I screw an object out of desperation. Room 1506.” she smirked and ended the call.

Nene got up and walked to the bathroom mirror, she let her hair down from the delicate bun it had been in all day. She took out her Dior pure poison perfume bottle from her purse and sprayed it; in her cleavage, her inner thighs, the back of her ears and wrists. She smiled as she read the name of the perfume out loud, “pure poison”; Kevin liked to call her his fatal poison. She applied more of her bright red lipstick , adjusted her bra and undid the top button of her dress shirt.

This was their routine, she would check into the Transcorp Hilton hotel for a few hours on some work days and wait for Kevin. They had stopped having their lunchtime rendezvous at her office because it became risky. They couldn't meet at his house either because Ivie, his wife was a housewife and Nene lived too far away from the centre of Abuja for her house to serve as an optimum location for a quick lunchtime rendezvous.

There was a knock on the door, she smiled and walked over to open the door. Kevin walked in, his tall, big, dark frame next to her petite frame was overwhelming. She looked up at him, smiled and kissed him softly. He immediately took off his jacket and kicked off his shoes.

“Someone's in a hurry” Nene smiled, pulling him close “I haven't seen you or lil' man in 2 weeks” she looked down at his crotch “i'm eager too, but take it easy babe, we've got two whole hours to kill” She kissed him and led him into the elegant and spacious room. He placed his keys, cell phones and sun glasses on the table. Their bodies were pressed close to each other by the plush king bed.

“Damn I've missed you babe” Kevin said breathing hard, his growing erection bulging.

“I can see that...or should I say, feel that” Nene kissed him slowly again, her hand moved to his belt buckle, she unbuckled his belt with the ease of someone who had unbuckled that belt numerous times before.

She took off his trousers and his shirt, leaving just his boxers on and pushed him on the bed. Then she slowly unbuttoned her blouse and pulled of her skirt. All she had on was her matching red lace thong and bra. Kevin inhaled deeply as he admired her beauty from the bed. She was standing over him, hands on her hips. Nene was a beautiful seductress; she had a slim petite frame with 32DD breasts and a curvy bottom, her golden brown skin glowed as the sun rays from the window landed on her skin. Kevin breathed harder and faster as he looked at her. She climbed on top of him and straddled him as he kissed her neck, her breast, her hair, her ears, he quickly removed her bra with one hand as the other made it down to her panties. He felt her moistness as he played with her, Nene gasped.

“Babe, you are so wet”

“All for you darling” Nene whispered back.

Suddenly, Kevin flipped her around and lay her body on the bed as he climbed over her. He delicately travelled down the length of her body kissing and nibbling on her firm, hardened breasts and nipples, her tummy, her bikini line. Nene was shaking, damn the things this man does to my body ,she thought. He removed her lace thong and moved his lips and tongue to her inner thigh, Nene curved her hips towards him. He flicked his tongue on her clitoris as he slid two fingers into her, she gasped again and grabbed the sheets. He rhythmically moved his fingers in and out of her as his tongue continued working on her. Nene felt warm in between her thighs, her legs quivered and her hands squeezed her boobs. He started to increase the pace of his fingers and flicked his tongue faster, Nene could feel her body reaching climax, “Oh, Kev'...yes baby...it's...it's.. all yours...mmmhh, yes” she grabbed the sheets tighter and bit hard on her lip. She pushed against Kevin's face, burying his head deeper in between her thighs and her legs quivered faster as she felt the shivers go up and down her spine, her body bursting out, and reaching orgasm with the sudden expulsion of juices landing on his face and fingers from inside her.

Kevin moved back up, his fingers and mouth drenched in her fluids. “Someone came with a freaking Tsunami” he said smiling. Nene grabbed his fingers and put them in her mouth, sucking off her juices and then she kissed him.

“Fuck, I want you inside me babe, right now” Nene pulled him closer as she felt his stiff throbbing bulge on her crotch.

Kevin reached and pulled out the hotel drawer hoping to find a condom, he had forgotten to bring one. There was none, “You're still on the pill right?”

“yeah, it's alright babe”

He slid into her, at first he moved slowly, stroking deeply and delicately. Then he began thrusting harder with every moan and squeal Nene sounded, till they climaxed simultaneously, their bodies and fluids intertwined.

Thing is, Nene had stopped taking the pill three months ago.

Randoms + Update

Hello lovers,

I realized I haven't done a random post in a while...so I figured, why not? let's go :)

I recently cleared most of my stuff from my apartment because I am moving. I'm such a hoarder. Some of the things I found I didn't even know I had. I keep every little thing. Found love letters from secondary school (welp!) hahaha. Found a whole bunch of money in hidden places, four phones, old pictures, ipods, cameras, etc. *sigh* ....I sold and donated like 3/4 of my stuff. It's time to de-clutter. Here's to a clutter free me. *fingers crossed*


When I was younger I always wanted to be a singer, that's the one thing I have wanted to be that has remained constant. Over the years I've wanted to do various things and gone through different phases, but I cannot remember a time in my life where I did not want to be a singer, whether commercially or as a hobby. Nothing has changed, apart from the fact that I don't think the talent I had is still there. In other words, I still hope to go into music at some point in my life, but I don't know if i'm talented enough anymore... guess I don't believe in my singing like I used to. oh well...

Soooooooo...I recently got back from Toronto, Canada... I had an AWESOME time!!!! Plus I had been on a loooong diet that I needed to break...and I did.. so yay!

yo....I need to go on more vacations now that i'm done with school....I used to travel a lot...but college destroyed that. Time to get a lot more stamps on the passports within the next year

Myne Whitman recently did a post titled "Describe your last EX with a movie title" ....Hahaha...had me brain storming for a bit...

      My very first ex would be "Keeping Faith" the Nigerian movie... because we gave ourselves names of the characters in the movie...lol...the things young love will do to you sha.

    or it could be "Letters To Juliet" because dude was into love-letters...he always wrote me letters and sent some Js1 or 2 boy to give to me...lol....even the two break ups we had happened via letters, 1st time he sent me a letter after we quarreled, saying he was done, and I was depressed for 2 hours after..lol.  Second time, I sent an email chucking up my deuces due to distance (after he graduated) and what not. lol

 Have to say, some of them letters were romantic as heck though...one time like this...this dude wrote me a full foolscap sheet of love letter in formal letter writing style....chai! lol

the heading was like

Dear Ma,
               APPLICATION TO HAVE KEEP YOU AS MY ONE AND ONLY


Hahahaha! I was feeling fly that night during night prep, cheesing like a drunk rabbit...lol. good times yo
     

     My second ex would be "Friends With Benefits" ...not that we were actually friends with benefits as in no strings attached..but because we were more friends than lovers and we are still good friends


     My last ex would be "Worlds Apart" ....well, because it was long distance and we are from two different worlds ..in terms of religion


Exes listed above do not refer to people I dated/"talked to"... I mean actual boyfriends at some point. For instance, even though I dated someone on and off for most of last year, I wouldn't refer to him as an ex per se....because we never became official


I'm moving out of Austin in a week ....I have been waiting for this feeling of sadness and mild depression to hit me..i hear it's common when you're finally moving out of the city where you went to college. But, weirdly.... I don't feel sad or depressed actually. If anything i'm eager...can't wait for the rest of my life to begin


That being said, I'd miss Austin sha...made some awesome memories, good friends and met some great people in this city. Hopefully time will permit me to visit soon


People keep saying "life after graduation is not all that" ....ermmmm...biko it is. Anything that requires me not going to class, writing papers, taking tests etc is all that and more. whew! glad it's over.... well, until grad school


I can't imagine how people muster up the courage to make that "if-I-could-be-with-anyone-forever-it'd-be-you-but-you-have-a-girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance/fiancee-that-you-love-dearly-and-will-walk-down-the-aisle-soon-with-but-I-just-thought-I-should-tell-you-now-or-forever-hold-my-peace"
but I admire people like that though, people who can be so open with their emotional desires like that. it takes guts


I won't be surprised if I end up being a cougar at some point in my life...for fun....I have those tendencies...lol. As for actually marrying a younger man, I don't know sha....the few people I know who've done it has warned me NEVER to do it....I don't understand why...lol


Anyways, I gravitate towards older men anyway...so we'll see


OK, I've run out of things to say...

Laters gators!