Own Those Feelings Sister!

   Full Disclosure: I do not get offended easily. That is not a brag because the way I manage this is not (probably) mentally or spiritually healthy. I read a book, "The Peacegiver" and basically, the premise is this: The Savior already atoned for all wrongs, real or imagined and thus, I need not seek "more" payment from others. If you have read the book, you know I messed that up real bad, but that is what I got out of it.
So, if we are close, I figure I know your heart and you wouldn't do or say something mean on purpose. And if we are not close, I don't care what you say or do. Unless you hurt my kids, then I am all up in your biz. It is like a whacked out circle of trust from "Meet the Parents" but it serves me well here in Idaho. These are not my people, so it has been difficult moving here.
   Anyway, recently someone did in fact, hurt my feelings. It was someone I  considered a friend and what they did was pretty much on purpose with a half-hearted apology after. I prayed and prayed not to be sad or mad. Heavenly Father always changes my heart when I humble myself enough to ask Him. It was not working this time. I just couldn't understand. I asked, I pleaded, I tried to bury and ignore my feelings. Finally, late at night, this warm feeling washed over me and the thought came, "It is OK to be sad". Just like that. Someone hurt my feelings. I was sad. That was fine. I wasn't angry. I had peace. I didn't think about it anymore.
   Fast forward a few weeks. 2 different friends came to me with their stories of hurt feelings. They were so careful not to make the offender out to be a bad guy. They strained with words like, "It's OK. I'm over it. It's no big deal". Yes it is! Own those feelings! Why to we do that? Why do I  do that? As LDS women I see a trend of denying the very real feelings we have. Burying them. Not talking about them, then maybe talking too much. Maybe we don't want to appear less Christ-like than we hope we are?
  Obviously, I know things should be handled "between me and thee" and we shouldn't go around bad-mouthing people. That is not the course of action I am talking about. I am talking about being honest..with ourselves, each other and the Lord.
   Church here for me is like a cruise ship. It is big and there is always something going on. But we don't notice who gets on and who gets off...and to be honest, those in First Class don't pay much attention to us in steerage. Wah wah. That was a killer analogy. My old ward was like a sail boat. You knew everyone and we stuck together like one big, crazy family. People here have their friends and they are not much interested in making new ones. I get invited to group things and I am called on to do favors...but I am not "in" if you know what I mean. And truth be told, I am not an inviter. When I got my feelings hurt, my first thought was, "What am I not enough?" And then I wracked my brain with thoughts like....skinny, cute, rich, pretty, funny, young, interesting, and the list would not stop.
   My solution has been to withdraw and make my Circle of Trust tight. That is certainly not what I am supposed to do. But owning my feelings and writing them down is the first step. So to my offended friends I say..."Own those feelings!" I am going to try. I hope you will, too!

Some Best Things of Summer so far..I think.

Well, I have decided (learned?) that no one listens to me. Well, maybe they listen, but they don't hear. I have absorbed this knowledge because, people, please. I say the same 20 things everyday and still (STILL!) they are surprises to young and old! So, maybe the blog is where I will get out my words...that no one is listening to, but still (STILL!!) I said them.
1. Stacy's Pita Chips with just salt are ridiculous and I must eat them all the time. No thanks to  Costco and the automatic-no-need-for-a-coupon rebate because then they are just too cheap not to buy.
2. The best parking spot at Target is the the single-dingle one in the shade. I will walk real far to get one of those. If I get this spot, I know it will be a good day! Little things, people.
3. You can get 25 cent refills on the huge drinks at Del Taco with your own cup anytime. I wheeled in there the other day with a vintage 2010 cup and those ladies were super impressed by my ability to hoard things of great importance.
4. Best spot at Roaring Springs is in the shade, front row in front of the kiddie pool. Get the chair in the shade and then 2 to the left so you will have shade as the sun moves. Genius, right? Plus also are you seeing a shade theme here?
5. Best way to be the most amaze-balls parent ever is to bike with your kids to Sonic for half price shakes...and if it is 15 minutes until they close at 11, then I say you get bonus points.

That's all my words on that for now. More later....lucky!!!

My poor sad blog. I heard it crying neglected tears. I would love to post all the fabulous things I am doing everyday. But, I am too busy reading other peoples' blogs and then this blog just becomes YET ANOTHER thing I feel guilty about. I hate that.
I will put some pictures up...like of our life-changing trip to California. Then you will know I really do awesome things....not just clean up after my tribe (although that is pretty stellar!!).

I will not eat Facon. It is dead to me.

Riley finished 6th grade on Wednesday. She wanted to go to Denny's to celebrate. Yum. And then on Thursday she got her braces on. When she got up, she looked like she was 14. Seriously, I felt like she grew up 3 years in 90 minutes. We got all the fancy instructions and accessories for said braces. I am not worried about her because she is so dang diligent.Also, I am not mad we are Denny's because it was her choice, I simply refuse to waste calories and fat on facon. My new question for all servers will be, "Do you fry your bacon or microwave it?" Problem solved.

Last day of 6th grade. What? When did that happen!?
She got some new sheets and a comforter for her super awesome grades all year.She is such a good girl and I am so proud to be her mother. She was a tiny bit sad about leaving her friends and we liked looking at her yearbook together. I am excited to see what the future holds for this girl!

Essential but Invisible

Frageelay. It's Italian.
Well, I won a major award. I mean, I won a major award!!
Yesterday, I attended the end of year assembly at Nate's school. The principal had asked me to come and I was expecting the usual, "Let's thank the PTA" kind of thing. Maren and I were sitting on the floor since we were late and I was entertaining her with things in my purse.
The principal started saying all these really nice things about some mom at school. I won't bore you with all of them, but my two faves were, "Phenomenal Mom" and "Our school's biggest fan". He went on a bit and then I could tell he was talking about me. Me. Oh. Crap. You see, I want to be essential, as in, everyone knows they can count on me and they need me, but I also want to be invisible, as in, please.do.not.make.me.walk.up.there.
So, he said my name and the teachers all stood and the kids were screaming like I was a rock star. And what did I do? Oh you know I did. I cried! I hugged the principal (shhh...don't tell Craig) and I met a famous Boise State football player who now plays for Detroit. It was awesome!
I got a plaque and Nathan has been looking for places to hang it. I asked him what he remembered about the speech and he said, "Well, he said you sub in the office". Okay. Craig asked Nathan if he knew why I was at school all the time. Nathan said it was because I love him. You bet buddy. When my kids are older and don't like me much, will you guilt them into being nice to me by pointing out my previous awesomeness? Do a sister a solid and hook me up!!
Sometimes the essential but invisible thing is kind of hard to pull off....but I like it this way. Also, I don't get blamed when things go wrong! Ha! Like at church, I am the perpetual 1st counselor. Like a worker bee, but never the queen bee and that is good enough for me. I think I've got a good thing going here.
Also, I hugged the BSU player.

And they're slipping away.....

Decorating eggs...not as fun as it looks!

Should save this picture for a separate post, but who can resist a man in uniform?

Today I took Riley to the urgent care to find out she has strep throat again. *sigh* Her last bout was on March 7th....so we're not doing too well over here. If she has it again, they'd like to take out her tonsils. Insert crying 11 year old here. While we were waiting, Maren downloaded some files, so we went to find a changing table.
While I was changing her, I was thinking I don't carry those diaper disposal bags anymore. That made me think I probably won't be carrying diapers anymore soon. And, of course, that made me boob it up in the bathroom. Today was not awesome, not bad, just regular, doing the regular stuff. I KNOW I will miss these days. I *know* it. And even as the days slip by, I cannot fully appreciate them. And that makes me despair. And you cannot "enjoy the journey" as they say, if you are despairing.
So, how do I enjoy it as it slips away? Even as I spend nearly every.waking.minute with them, I still know I will be sad at some future point as I look back on this very day. What? Who does that? Am I crazy? I don't know. Do I need counseling? Maybe. So, to sum up, I cannot enjoy the now because I know someday I will be sad about them being grown up. And then I am sad that I am sad.

21 years ago today...

So...21 years ago today I was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My super awesome family came to support my decision. At the time, I just expected their support. I assumed every family supported each other the way that my family supported each other. Aaaaannnnndd then I grew up (more) and realized that wasn't the case. And too bad too, because being loved and supported is a pretty dang awesome feeling.
I wasn't planning on posting today, and let's be honest, I never really plan to post. It is just that my life is so exciting, I have to share! But, I digress (again). My little buddy is going to be baptized on Saturday and dang it if I am not a wreck over it. I bought him a book about white shirts (shhh!) and I bawled like the boob I am right there in the store.
I still remember finding out he was going to be a boy and crying all the way home that in 19 years(!) he was going to go on a mission! Yep, that's me...so sappy. And I just don't care.
Nate is great and he's almost 8. Here are some reasons why he is awesome:
1. He wanted to wear a tie to his 2nd grade program. So he did.
2. He kisses me at school.
3. He makes check lists just like me.
4. He is a tender heart.
5. His laugh. Oh my! His laugh.
6. He thinks I am out of Justin Bieber's league. Lolz.
7. He has a super memory. Just like me. "Remember the time I wore feety pajamas and I woke up crying because I was too hot?" Yes. I remember.
8. He is my favorite son.
I won't complain that time goes by too fast. What is the point in that? There is just time and we make it go fast or slow by our choices. So, for me, I am going to make the next 8 years go by so slow.