Be happy and remember your mom on your wedding day

I got married a few months ago, and as a 24 year old girl without a mother and 5 months to plan, it was quite the challenge. When your mother passes away when you are 16 years old, one of the first things you think about after the reality sets in is those "big moments" in your life that you'll have to walk through without her by your side. I've walked through a few of those already...

High School graduation, when I cried after seeing my family in the audience and knowing she should have been there with them...

Bid Day, when the excitement of pledging my favorite sorority couldn't be shared with anyone quite like I could have shared it with my mom...

College Graduation, that I flat out skipped because I'd already gone through a graduation without her and it just wasn't worth the fuss...

Getting your dream job, which for me happens to be at the American Cancer Society because my mom lost her battle to cancer...

All these memories are really big moments in any girl's life. But none of these big moments can quite compare with the moment you cry and say "yes!" to marrying your best friend...and the ache you feel when your mother isn't there to share in it.

The night JT and I got engaged was perfect. I was surprised, as were all my friends, and I felt so loved by the most important people in my life. As soon as we got in the car to leave the proposal scene and meet our families, I started making a list of all the people we needed to tell...all the people I loved and wanted to share the news with immediately. After a very long night of telling and re-telling our engagement story and talking of wedding plans, I crawled into my bed and cried myself to sleep. Because the one person I wanted to talk to the most, the one person I needed to tell all the details of my incredible engagement, was not there. I was going to marry my very best friend...and my mother had never even met him.

Skip ahead 5 months to my wedding day, and herein lies the purpose of this post. I didn't want to cry myself to sleep the night before my wedding because she wasn't there. I didn't want to have my sister zip up my dress or my bridesmaids put on my veil and get upset because my mom wasn't the one helping me. I wanted to remember her during this big moment but not dwell on her absense.

I'd searched the internet my whole life for creative ways to remember loved ones on your wedding day. But nothing seemed to fit the bill. Simply lighting a candle or dedicating some flowers wasn't enough for me. She was my MOM, and just like every other girl, I needed her to be a huge part of my wedding, even if she couldn't be there. So these are the subtle (or not so subtle) ways I honored and remembered my mother during another one of life's "big moments"...

1. I took her wedding dress, which fit me perfectly, and had it remade into a fabulous dress for my bridal portraits and rehearsal dinner.
2. I used the leftover lace from her wedding dress on my wedding veil
3. I wore the diamond cross necklace that my mother gave me on my 16th birthday, made of her diamond earrings. My sister has an identical necklace that she wore also.
4. One of my best friends, Mitchell, gave me a locket with a picture of my mother and I inside, which I incorporated into my bouquet
5. While the families were being seated and all our grandmothers and parents were being escorted in, the song playing was dedicated to my mom. "Angel Eyes" by Jim Brickman which I used to play on the piano for her all the time.
6. My sister (also my maid of honor) walked down the aisle carrying two bouquets, one was hers and one was for my mother, which she placed on the empty seat in the front pew to reserve her place.
7. And much to my surprise, my dad came up with his own ways of remembering my mother and incorporating her into the day...

*On the night of our rehearsal dinner, he pulled out my mother's garter which he'd been saving all these years, and I was able to wear it as I walked down the aisle.

*During the ceremony, as the minister asked who gave this woman to be married, my father proudly asserted, "In memory of her mother, I do."

*And lastly, after my father refused to voice an opinion on what song we should dance to at the reception, I was shocked to hear an unfamiliar song as I walked on the dance floor with him. He then told me it was his final surprise...we were dancing to the song he danced his first dance to with my mother on their wedding day

I write this post partially for me, so that I will always remember the ways in which my mother was part of my wedding day. But I also write this post knowing that I am not the first, nor will I be the last, girl to get married without her mother by her side. There are so many daughters and sons who get married without their mothers or fathers or sometimes without any parents at all. And if you are one of those people, when the next "big moment" comes in your life, I hope you'll find a creative and unique way to remember the people you love so much that aren't with you anymore. But more importantly, I hope you'll find yourself happy, knowing that you wouldn't be where you are today or who you are today without their influence in your life.

Be Snowpocalyptic

It took me quite a few minutes to decide how to spell snowpocalypse and whether to use snowpocalypse or icetastrophe in my blog title. Now that that's over.

Snowpocalypse 2.0 arrived in Birmingham today around, oh I'd say 1:30 p.m. These were the highlights of my day prior to Snowpocalypse...

Had no idea the weather was going to get bad :(
Wore purple tights to work :)
Went to Hobby Lobby in Gardendale after my North Jefferson Relay meeting because I go to Gardendale more than I go to Hoover (and Hoover has the closest Hobby Lobby I know about in Bham)

As I was standing in line at Hobby Lobby behind a lady who was trying to return 20 individual Valentine's decorations (no exaggeration. TWENTY), I look outside to notice that IT'S SNOWING. In this moment, I'm know I'm in trouble.

The exact minute it starts snowing in Birmingham, chaos ensues. My location is less than favorable and my anxiety begins to increase. I'm dilly dallying down the aisles of Hobby Lobby, and every precious minute I waste looking at picture frames, there is an hour of traffic piling up across the city. And I had no clue.

Fast forward 10 minutes to my trip down I-65 South. By the grace of God, I avoid a crash with an 18-wheeler who is losing control of his back tires as my brakes decide to slide over the ice instead of stop my car. Then, I approach the city, and it's standstill traffic. I think I'm so clever, and I take the 1st downtown exit. I figure I know my way around downtown better than most people, and I can find a quicker way to get me back to my office and then ultimately home. WRONG.

Fast foward through 90 minutes of standstill downtown traffic, and I finally arrive at my destination: the office. While I've braved the roads from Gardendale to downtown, my office has closed for the day. I swipe my key card and run upstairs to grab my computer, making things a bit dramatic for my own entertainment, and then race back outside into the frozen parking lot.

My trip from the office to home was uneventful. It turns out I am very clever, and my alternate route gets me home in no time. As I drive through Crestline Village, I notice the absurd amount of cars in the Piggly Wiggly parking lot. I obviously have to go in and pretend to freak out about the snow while silently making fun of the Mountain Brook residents buying out the store.

...but really, I'm freaking out a little. Partially because I have a flare for the dramatics in these situations and partially because my personality type demands that I be over prepared for every situation that could ever occur EVER. Y'all should have seen Kate and me the last time it snowed. There was such intensity as we packed our bags and screamed out everything the other person was forgetting to bring. Floss and thermals are the specifics coming to mind. Any who...

As I'm checking out at Piggly Wiggly, the cashier and the guy behind me are laughing, very loud. Apparently, it's not appropriate to buy only pepperjack cheese and candy during a Snowpocalypse. Hey, just because they aren't your typical Snowpocalypse grocery store "staples" doesn't mean they aren't good.

Enjoy your bread and bottled water, I'm gonna go eat my homemade Momma G's nachos.

Be 23

Last year, I blogged pretty extensively about all my birthdays up to age 22. No need to recap that for anyone. But I now feel a burden to share with all my loyal followers the wonderful details of my 23rd birthday because it just wouldn't be fair to you guys if I didn't.

1. Kate decorated our apartment. Like all the rooms. It doesn't have that many rooms, but still. All the rooms.

2. JT, Yates and Riley all texted me at midnight. All stars.

3. Papa Bus called me promptly at 7:40 a.m.
4. I heard "Walking in Memphis" on the radio while driving to work.
5. Downloaded the song "Dynamite" on iTunes. Also some Jim Brickman.
6. Charlie promised that he'd read our blogs if I sent him the links.
7. My friends in Israel wrote on my facebook wall.
8. Everyone at work told me I could pick where to eat lunch. I suggested 3 different places. We didn't go eat at any of the places I suggested.
9. My new phone didn't die all day.
10. I purchased a lunchbox.
11. My co-workers got me some baby cake bites, and they were delicious.
12. Our power bill finally came in the mail.
13. A lot of people that I really love told me happy birthday through various forms of communication, and they made me feel really special.
14. I discovered that my sister stole my phone upgrade, but I didn't care that much.
15. JT bought me another cardigan and an anti-fungal soap loofa, among other things.

Overall, good birthday. Thanks, everyone! I love you all. And I mean that.

Be here

Two things bring me massive amounts of delight: coupons and cardigans. This past month, I've been "that girl with her coupons buying a cardigan." I don't know if that type of person existed before me, but they do now.

My new cardigans hanging from the doors of my new armoire

Ladies and gentlemen, these are my new cardigans. I've purchased them slowly, with careful planning and consideration and obviously with coupons. One is plum, another is tan. Also light blue and beige. But all are AWESOME. I think this may qualify me as a frumpy old lady who probably owns a lot of birds, but I just don't care.

I can't wait until winter when I can wear these everyday without sweating. I'll walk up the stairs from the covered parking garage into my office building, and pass this sign on the way into my office...

I can't imagine that I'm important enough to have my name on my office, but I'll take it anyway.

And I'll start building new relationships with people in the community and continue raising money to find a cure for cancer! With my new cardigans and my new office :)

I really like love my job.

And some days, when life gets hard and keeps challenging me, I can look up to find this.

Thanks, Mom!

This piece of artwork serves as my life challenge. It also serves as the inspiration for this blog. When I read this, I know why I'm trying to change the world. Her life mattered, it got me here.

Be technologically savvy

I've had my cell phone for 2 years and 9 months. THAT'S RIGHT. It's a flip phone, and I love it so much. It doesn't have apps or access to the Internet. It doesn't have games or a touch screen. And recently, it's decided that it won't hold a charge for more than 2 minutes when I'm using it. So I constantly keep it plugged in to a charger when I'm texting or calling. 

Within the first 9 months of purchasing this phone, it suffered a major catastrophe. One dark night in Tuscaloosa during a heavy rainstorm, Yates and I recruited a ride from the triangle parking lot to the Alpha Chi house. In our hurried attempt to get in the car without getting soaked, my phone was left behind. I noticed its absence about 3 minutes after we arrived at the Alpha Chi house. I searched my purse and our room while Yates and Riley searched his car and the parking lot. It seemed that all hope was gone and that my phone might be forever lost...until Yates saw something light up in the parking lot. Behold, it was my phone, submerged in a puddle of water for nearly 20 minutes. One would assume this to be bad news. It's common knowledge that phones shouldn't get wet. But alas, my phone was just fine. It vibrated randomly for the next two weeks. I think it was trying to shake the water out or something. Good thinking, phone. 

This example is just one of many demonstrating how "behind the times" I am when it comes to technology. I had my iPod (like the original iPod) for over 6 years before it finally gave out on me. My computer (an iBook G4) has been with me for 5 years, and I hope nothing ever happens to it. I've never considered getting DVR or TiVo, and I don't have On Demand. My sophomore year of college I lived in an apartment with the wonderful Meagan Smith. And the brilliant people of Comcast run a deal for students that affords you On Demand in addition to regular cable for a cheaper price than just cable. When this deal expired 6 months later, most college kids probably kept their cable boxes and paid the ridiculously higher price for the extra channels. NOT US. I marched my cable box right on down to Comcast. 

Lastly, I took my beloved car into the dealership for a maintenance check in December. During this visit, I was told I needed a new battery. I disregarded that information, and today, over 6 months later, my car battery finally gave out. Take that, Acura. My battery lasted 6 months longer than you said it would. Just kidding, I like the people at Acura. They are really nice and extremely helpful. Now I just need to get my oil changed. Let's all pray that my car is okay, and that all of the other outdated technology in my life stays alive and functional for years to come!

Be glad it's summer

I'm a lover of winter. I can wear sweaters and cardigans and huge jackets. I can celebrate Christmas. Sometimes it snows. There is no humidity. And pale people are the rulers of winter. Really, what's not to love?

I merely tolerate the summer months, especially in the state of Alabama. Here's why:
1. The humidity, because who doesn't like walking out of the house and being engulfed by warm, sticky air.
2. My sunglasses that are ugly and cheap from Target, which I wear approximately once a day while I stroll through the humidity down the one block I must walk to get from my office to my car.
3. Skin pigment, because apparently, I don't have any. I'm sure people wish they had a pair of my ugly and cheap sunglasses as they are blinded by my beautiful and light-reflecting skin.
4. Skin cancer, because all you tan people think you are invincible and won't wear sunscreen.
5. All my TV shows are on hiatus. Lame.
6. People go to the lake all the time, and I just really hate the lake. The water is dirty, and I think boats are dangerous. I'm such a freak.
7. I love the beach, but BP ruined that.

But this summer, I thought I'd look on the bright side, and think of all the things that aren't awful about the summer months. This summer, in particular, I have interesting things happening, so I'll fill you in on why this summer might not be as bad.
1. While a lot of my Bham friends have left over the last few months (mainly to missions or JH Ranch), many of my friends have also returned...some for good! It will be nice to see more friendly faces in the young working culture of Bham, and obviously, it's incredible to have more of my best friends living here with me!
2. It's wedding season! Even though I wouldn't get married in the summer months (see above where I state my love for winter), some of my best friends have already or will be soon, and I love a good wedding to celebrate God's glory.
3. My sister is home for the summer, and I love my sister.
4. I go furniture shopping all the time for my new apartment, and I take pictures of the furniture I like so I can remember. I'll post more on my furniture hunt later. Also, I get to move in with Kate and Lyla in August!
5. Season 3 of Everwood comes out on DVD this summer.
6. I bought the most fabulous summer hat at Banana Republic that I wear around my house all the time because I'm not bold enough to wear it out yet.
7. I'm growing my hair out again for Pantene Pro-V beautiful lengths, and because it's summer, I can wear it in a braid or my new favorite, clipped into a low side ponytail with a barrette.

To end, I just thought I'd give a shout out to BP again for destroying our environment and wasting oil, which from what I hear is kind of important. Maybe I'll be able to go the beach again in like 15 years when they've finally gone bankrupt from cleaning up this mess. Hey, a girl can dream. Here's to summer lovin', I'll go watch Grease now.

Be interested in politics

Sometimes, I cry over politics.

In high school, I was on a constitutional debate team called We the People. I've mentioned it before, and I talk about it pretty frequently. Through this program, I heard about all issues from all sides. And I got to write papers and answer questions arguing, not on behalf of a political party, but for the youth of America (I can't believe I said that. Hilarious).

I was really "into" politics until I got to college and met the political science majors. Most of them wanted to run for president and devised a 10-year plan mapping out all the events, connections and positions they needed to win a seat in the Senate. I promptly switched my major to History and focused all my attention on serving through volunteerism and non-profit work.

The realization that I could do more good for people by serving them instead of "leading" them became a foundation for my life. I don't know why it took me 19 years to understand and see this. Jesus was a servant, and He served. What other choice is there?

In almost every college honor society interview I participated in (as the interviewer or interviewee), the question was posed "Which of our three pillars is the most important: Academics, Leadership, or Service?" Answer: Service. Leadership should be selfless. You cannot lead if you're not serving. True leaders are first servants, and they apply what they learn to their service. Even if you weren't in The Machine, you might earn a spot with that answer :)

This development from politics to service has led me to my current job with Impact Alabama. I don't want to talk a whole lot about my work on here because I don't know how appropriate that is, but let me share this truth: The people I work with are visionaries, and they are solving the state of Alabama's problems by serving. Maybe other people in the state should follow their lead...

Because I work in an organization that is bettering our state, we are constantly listening and researching political issues, bills, and debates to see if we can do anything to solve the problems that our politicians are fighting about. And we keep coming up with new ideas and initiatives. I thrive off of the problem-solving aspect of my job, but staying informed on political issues is less than pleasing to me.

You see, when I wrote off politics and chose to serve, I stopped caring. I didn't watch CNN or read articles about elections. I didn't to know what was going on. I mean, I'd make the occasional liberal argument to really agitate closed-minded folks, but I did not let any of that nonsense consume me. Reasoning: When I am informed, I form an opinion. And when my opinion is formed, I get really intense. And I didn't want to waste my intensity (or as I like to call it, passion) on something that didn't matter to me.

This explanation leads me back to my original statement. I cried over healthcare. I couldn't believe people were forming arguments as to why it wasn't a good idea to save people's lives. I get there are complexities to this issue. We are human, and we live in a fallen world. Its impossible for us to find a perfect solution. But when people are dying because they cannot afford healthcare, you have no argument. Something has to change. I don't understand, is money more important than a life? It's not. 

Recently, for work, I've been researching another injustice and finding evidence to shine some light on the issue. And I saw tonight via Twitter that some congressmen (party will be nameless) were defending the injustice I spent my whole day fighting against. I'm frustrated because had I remained uninformed and therefore apathetic, this discovery would not bother me. But instead, I've learned about the injustice and now have a strong opinion. 

I've come to terms with all of this by realizing that there is a neutral zone between by two extremes. My words of wisdom: Be someone who is interested. Don't be apathetic, but don't get consumed. Being interested affords you the ability to identify other people's needs and the luxury of realizing you can't fix everything, but you can try. If you stay informed and open-minded, you can make the biggest difference.