Now If the Snow Would Just Melt

Our garden spot is officially ready for planting!



Yippee!







After two Saturdays of work the spot is now free of all junk-- like 20 ft metal beams, rotted plastic, old metal nails and brads, tree trunks and random pieces of sheet metal-- and has been tilled and filled with compost. It is so rewarding to have it all ready. I can't wait to start planting the early spring crops. I have peas, onions, spinach, lettuce, carrots and turnips all ready to go-- now if it would just stop snowing.
Yesterday we got DUMPED on-- over a foot of snow-- and I heard it is suppose to snow tomorrow night too. Ugg. I am trying to have a positive attitude about it, but it is hard. It is really strange but the last two Saturdays have been beautiful shorts and sandal weather days and we've gotten a lot of yard work done. But then the very next day (both weeks) we have gotten a TON of snow. It has been metling pretty fast, but makes gardening impossible for awhile! I don't get it. Maybe God is trying to teach me patience.

Asher has really been enjoying these rare warm days. We set up a little sand box for him (it used to be Jon's concrete mixing trough) and he loves it. I shouldn't have given him a spoon to use as a shovel though, he thinks it is for eating the sand with!


Look at his tounge sticking out!



He has also been fanatical about going for rides in his stroller. Everytime he sees it he INSISTS on being put in it, even if it means just sitting in it while Jon and I work on the yard. It is really cute. We call him the little prince because while Jon and I are slaving away he just sits there in his little stroller throne eating treats and pointing at things he wants us to bring him. But hey, if it keeps him happy-- it works.



Well I hope that where ever you live it is warmer and that if it is you are enjoying your time outside doubly for me. Meanwhile, I'll just be outside with my blowdryer trying to hurry the snow melting along!



Oh, by the way. I've never planted turnips before, actually I've never even eaten a turnip before. Someone gave me a package of seeds and I thought I'd try them. What do they taste like? Are they good? What in the world do you do with them?

Jesus Makes Everything Better

So yesterday was a rough day. It was one of those days that seems to drag on forever and the baby seems to run circles around you all day. About 1:00 yesterday afternoon I was so exhausted and just wanted to take a nap. But the little jabberwocky wouldn't go for that idea. When I laid down on the bed for a second he climbed up with me and started playing trampoline-- with me as the trampoline. At one point he threw his head back with all his 16 month-year-old strength and hit me square in the nose. I thought for a second I had a bloody nose-- I didn't-- but I still have to admit that I didn't handle it gracefully. I sat back on the bed and bawled... and bawled. Okay I was probably over reacting, but I was tired, frustrated and pregnant and when you are pregnant you don't really need a good reason to bawl... it just happens. Asher didn't know what to make of me crying, I don't think he'd ever seen me cry before. At first he thought I was laughing and started to laugh back, but then he realized that something wasn't right and looked concerned. Then all of a sudden he stood up on the bed and pointed to this picture we have hanging above our bed

looked at me and said "Jesus, ma... Jesus." Then he gave me a big smile that let me know he was telling me that Jesus would make it all better. I still didn't stop crying (sometimes once you let it out it won't stop so easy) but I couldn't help but smile back at his simple faith. He pointed several more times at the picture and told me "Jesus, ma.... Jesus" until I stopped crying and then he gave me a hug. It was a sweet moment, and after that I wasn't quite so tired or frustrated with him. Because you know what... Jesus really does make everything better.

Wednesday's Women

Daughters of Zion



Isaiah 3:16-26
2 Nephi 13: 16-26

Have you ever wondered what a "wimple", a "caul" or a "crisping pin" were?
Me too.

So Lately I've Been Thinking...

That I have changed SO much in the last 6 or 7 years that I can hardly know the person I was then, and can't believe I was once the person I once was. Does that make sense? Let me explain.

When I graduated from High School my plan was to go to BYU, but to be one of the few "strong" ones who held out and didn't get married. Honestly I really wasn't that interested in being married and didn't think I would be till about 25ish. I wanted to travel, I wanted to get my Ph.D., I wanted to meet important people and do important things. And in my mind important things meant working for the UN or a humanitarian group over seas, fighting AIDS and world hunger. And you know, for the first few years of college I went after these dreams and did a lot of wonderful things. If my life hadn't taken some unexpected turns that changed my dreams, I probably would be living that sort of life. But my priorities and what I want in life have taken a 360 degree turn from where I thought I wanted to be.

It really all began when I met Jon and fell in love with him. I'd never met a man who was everything I wanted plus a whole lot more. And the fact that he wasn't the bit interested in me and made me chase him down -- made me all the more sure that he was what I wanted and what I needed. And he is-- every bit and more. Even though getting married young was not in my life plan, I easily justified it because I knew that Jon shared many of my same dreams and would help me achieve them. In fact, only a few months after being married we had the chance to go on a study abroad together to Jordan for a summer. I know that God's hand was in that trip, because not only did LOTS of money fall out of heaven for us to be able to go but it brought us so much closer together in mind, spirit and future goals. Anyway, when we got back we were floundering about what to do after graduation and decided we would join the Peace Corps. We put in our application and were really excited about spending three years aboard together.

But then I had the BIGGEST change of heart I've ever had in my entire life. Only a few months after Jon and I were married I started to have some health problems and was faced with the chance that I might not ever be able to have children. Up until that point in my life I had NEVER wanted to be a mother, really I know that is sad but it is true. Children just never seemed important to me or a priority in my life. I figured they would come sometime, but after I had done all the "important" things I wanted to get done. But when I was faced with the fact that they might never come, suddenly ALL I wanted in the whole world was to be a mother-- badly, desperately. I spent many, many hours on my knees praying and begging God, telling him that my heart had changed and that if He would only let me be a mother I would treasure that gift always. It was a hard year, and when I look back at it I am SO grateful for that experience. It changed my soul deeply and made me realize what it means to be a woman. Up until then I'd always struggled with conceptions of femininity and womanhood (just ask my college roommates who heard LOTS of my theories!) but that struggle helped me see what was most important and how God wanted me to spend my time and talents. I actually feel bad talking about my "struggle" because I know there are so many women who wait many, many more years than I ever had to and I admire them SO much.

So, as a result of my change of heart, Jon and I decided to withdraw our application to the Peace Corps-- because it would have meant delaying have children for at least three years (they send you home if you get pregnant). During the next several months I looked into doing several different Masters programs but none of them ever felt right. Then by the grace of God I got pregnant and ours lives have been blessed by Asher's little spirit ever since.

Well, that was a long story and probably more than anyone wanted to know, but what I am trying to say is that my life hasn't turned out at all like I planed it was going to and that I am THRILLED about that. I am happier now than I EVER thought was possible. Being a mother has fulfilled every dream that I once had. I feel like I am doing the most important thing that I can be doing and know that I just where God wants and needs me to be. It just goes to show that sometimes we don't know what is best for us-- but that God always does.

BUT still, sometimes I find myself comparing myself to all those women who are doing the "important" things I once wanted to do. For example, I have a friend coming to visit me this summer from Germany (we met when she was a foreign exchange student my Jr. year of High School) who is not married and who is just this year graduating with her medical degree. She has lived in several different countries, speaks several different languages, and is planning on doing humanitarian work with her degree. We are still really good friends but our life choices have been so different. Actually I am really nervous about telling her I am pregnant again because I don't know if she will be able to understand why I've made the choices I have. I don't know why I feel so self conscious about telling her, I guess it is the old High School self in me-- who use to criticize and pitty women like me, who were stay-at-home mom's with lots of little kids to "bind them down". I use to be the sort of woman who couldn't understand what mothers did all day and thought that their lives were boring, unfulfilled and dreamless. I know now how tragically wrong I was. Being a mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend is vitally important and I know that there is nothing else in the world that could ever bring me as much peace and joy. Yet, I still feel like the world is judging me because of my choice to be a mother young. Especially being a mother to TWO children-- that makes is super official-- the first one might have just been an accident-- but having two (especially close together) means there is no denying that you have been fully inducted into the role of mother and there is no escaping it (not that I would want to). I really appreciate what one of my college friends wrote on her blog a few days ago (I hope you don't mind me re-posting this Danica), she said...

And might I add, I love being a mother. Since moving out of Utah, I guess I feel like I'm constantly having to explain myself for being mother so young. (By the way, I'm turning 25, it's not like I'm 16 or something...) But, no one holds back--friends think it's a little weird, or at the very least, accidental. Doctors thinks it's reckless. Career women think it's too early and question why I'm not working first, and then having kids--or at least doing both at the same time. I feel myself succumbing to their judgements. Almost apologizing or explaining myself. But, really there is no other explanation than I've always wanted to be a mother, I love being a mother, Claire is the best little girl a mother could ask for, I have time to be a teacher in a classroom later in life, but I feel like I have this limited window where I can be a young, fun, creative, hands-on mother to 3-4 kids. And with that, I have to go fish out the 26 puzzle pieces Claire put down my shirt while I typed this...

You know, I still have all those old dreams and someday I will achieve them-- if they are still what I want. But for right now and right here my family is my dream and my priority and it is what I want with all my heart. There are so many times and seasons to a woman's life and you can't do everything all at once. This is my time and my season to be a mother and to learn what God has for me to learn from this experience. Who knows what other times and what other seasons lie ahead for me, and what other lessons I have to learn. But for here and now I am at peace... mostly ;)

Chicken Day!!!!!!!!!

At 4:16 PM yesterday afternoon I became the proud mother to these eight little ladies...

Lets just say I am in love.



The chicken lady (Cindy) at the farm store called me yesterday afternoon and told me that my chickens were in and could be picked up anytime. When Jon got out of school at 4:00 we went straight to the store to get them. I was SO excited, I felt like a little kid right before Christmas-- which was fun because it has been along time since I've felt like that! Cindy got our chicks out of the brooders (where they were with about 300 other chicks and turkeys) and put them in this cardboard "Happy Meal" (that is what it looked like) box for us to take home. I didn't end up getting the Silkies or the Frizzles (sob) because they don't hatch till the end of April (double sob) and it is really hard to mix chickens of different ages-- an established flock doesn't take kindly to new additions. So instead I was going to get Marans-- which lay really really dark brown eggs, but when we got to the store Cindy told me that the Marans didn't hatch out and wouldn't come until the end of April. So we decided just to get two other types they had extras of-- a Buff Orington and a Barred Rock. I'll have to try Silkies next year. I'm over my disappointment and am really excited about these new types we got. In fact, I was just thrilled to finally be getting chickens! I was almost giddy. I tell you it was like being six years old again.



Me with the best "Happy Meal" box I've ever gotten in my whole life. Except the chicken in this box was a bit more wiggly than the type you get at McDonald's.



We got the little girls home and put them in their super duper fancy cardboard chicken box in our basement. They seemed to like it right off and immediately began to peck and explore each other. Chickens establish a "pecking order" (yep that is where the phrase comes from) of authority from a very young age, and these chicks wasted no time. Actually, the reason they are under a red heat lamp is because if one of the chicks gets pecked and starts to bleed then the other ones will peck it to death, but if the light is red they can't see the blood and won't peck at each other mercilessly.



It took us a few attempts to get the heat to the right temperature, they need it at about 90 degrees because they don't have feathers yet-- just fluff.



They have such personalities already, there is one who is a HUGE bully and I think has already worked her way to the top of the pecking order. One who is super lazy, in fact we thought she was sick or something because she just laid on the ground all the time. She would even lay right in front of the feeder and eat instead of standing up like everyone else. But we've discovered that she isn't sick, just a snoozer-- so that is what we call her. There is also one who likes to jump and will hurdle the other chickens to get where she wants to go. I'm sure they will all develop more personality as they get older. We could spend hours, and have, just watching them and laughing. They are such cute babies.





Asher is fascinated by them. He doesn't understand that he needs to be soft with them and sometimes he gets too rambunctious. Actually, one of the very first things he did when we got them in their box was to throw a rock in a them-- I think he thought he was sharing it with them! It is fun to see his face light up whenever they are around, and how he tries to make chirping noises back at them.







Oh, really... I am in love. Every once in awhile as I'm doing other things in the house I'll hear one of them chirp and I get happy tingly feeling just thinking that I have a box full of little chicks in my basement. They have been so much fun and I can't wait till they get bigger and start laying eggs! I kind of feel like a new mother again, because I am always worrying about them and have to go and check on them at least every hour or so-- you know-- just to make sure they are still breathing. Jon got some great shots of one of the chicks (Goldilocks) trying to jump out my hands. She nearly did too! These really aren't the most flattering pictures of me, but well... no excuses sometimes you just don't look your best :) But the chick sure is cute!







Stay tuned.
I'm sure there will be more adventures later:)

What To Make With Cabbage?

So I have a lot of cabbage and don't know what to do with it. It was on super sale at the grocery store so I bought a head of it, and then my in-laws brought us over a big head of it with a corned beef to cook up for St. Patty's Day. I made the corn beef and cabbage last night and it was really tasty. But now I have about a head and a half of cabbage left that I don't have the foggiest idea what to make with it. Any ideas?

Very Much Appreciated

Thank you all for the sweet congratulations about our pregnancy. It means a lot to me know that there are wonderful people out there supporting and loving me. Thank you.

One of my friends mentioned that she thought that being pregnant with a second baby wouldn't be as exciting as the first (she has one baby right now). I wondered about this too. But I think that I am enjoying this pregnancy more than I did my first, even though I've been more sick. This time around I feel really strong and capable. With my first pregnancy there were a lot of unknowns-- was what I feeling normal ? was the baby okay? would I know if I was in labor? what would labor be like? would I be able to cope with a normal, natural birth? would I be good a mother? But now that I've been through all of it I know I can do it and that it isn't a scary or miserable experience. I think I've learned to trust my body more and to just relax, because things will work out however they are suppose to. I don't feel anxiety about being pregnant or giving birth again-- I haven't even opened up a pregnancy "what is suppose to be happening to me" book yet! It is kind of nice. I am just looking forward to feeling this baby get bigger and stronger (I can already feel little kicks!), to seeing myself grow more lusciously and deliciously huge, to laboring and bringing this baby to the world, and finally getting to meet whoever it is that is living inside of me! Sure there are still a lot of unknowns-- because every baby and every pregnancy is different-- but my last pregnancy and labor taught me a great, life changing lesson that gives me confidence. I learned that I am much stronger and braver that I ever thought I was, that I have an AMAZING body, and that I can do hard things with the help of the Lord and those who love me-- on the earth and above it. This knowledge has changed me permanently, as I'm sure it does most women who bring children into the world, and it fills me peace and joy where once there was anxiety and fear. So, I'm excited. Oh-- and we only have a month left till we get our ultrasound and find out if it is a boy or a girl! I am so excited, it will be nice to be able to know a little bit more about this tiny person inside of me!

Oh, and as a COMPLETELY unrelated side note-- In sacrament meeting on Sunday Asher was being SO good and we had almost made it through all of the meeting without having to be taken outside. He was standing on the pew being entertained by the family of girls two rows back and the young woman sitting next to him. For just a second both the young woman and I turned our heads back to the speaker and BAM! Asher decided in the instant to dive HEAD FIRST over the pew. Luckily his only injury was a bloody nose. But really! Hopefully he has learned his lesson and will not try to hurdle any more pews.

The Best Sound in the World

Is this...



My new baby's heartbeat!
(Don't worry the cry in the background was Asher, not the new baby!)

Baby Bird
(this is the womb name)
is scheduled to make his/her appearance in this world
around September 1st
give or take a few weeks!

Jon and I are SO excited about this new little
spirit that is coming into our lives. I'm sure Asher
would be too, but I don't think he has any idea
of what is going on or how his life is going
to change in 5 months! But I'm sure he is going to
love to have someone to play with.

I am almost 16 weeks and am finally past the yucky
sick stage and am feeling great. Yesterday I pulled
out the maternity pants because I was tired of feeling
squished into my jeans, and Oh how nice it feels
to have pants on that fit!

I've been a lot more sick with this baby than I was
with Asher-- I can tell already they are going
to be way different children. But now that I am feeling
better I am really enjoying the amazing
privileged of being pregnant. Sometimes I can't believe that
there is a little life growing inside of me. It is amazing.
I am so glad that God thinks we have been doing an okay
enough of a job with Asher that he thinks we can
handle another one!

I am still a little overwhelmed at the idea of having two kids
under the age of two (at least for a few months--
they will be 21 months apart).
But my brother and I are two years apart and
it was SO much fun growing up together.
And babies are life's greatest blessings-- no matter when
God decides to send them. I know our lives will be blessed
by this new little spirit.

It might sound strange, but I've been expecting this baby for awhile.
Only a day or two after Asher was born I had
the distinct impression (and have had it many times since)
that I was going to have another baby
sooner than I was planning. I remember thinking
"Ha, whatever I just had a baby, I can't be thinking of another one."
But ever since Asher was born I've
been feeling like there was another spirit telling
me he/she was ready to come, and would be coming soon.
So despite my worries about handling two little ragamuffins,
I am feeling such great joy and peace about this
baby and can't wait to meet him/her!

Wednesday's Woman

Sapphira

" Death of Sapphira, Wife of Ananias" by Giclee

Acts 5:1-11

Little Helper

Asher has really become quite the little helper lately. He loves to be involved in anything that we are doing, especially if it involves water, making a mess, or tools. Whenever he hears the water start running in the sink he runs to the kitchen and starts to pull his stepping stool over to the sink. He is very adept at taking the silverware out of the water and putting it in the rack-- and then taking it back out again and putting it in the water, over and over again.




Here he is helping his Grandpa unload the dishwasher at his Grandparents house



He also really loves to help me make bread by sifting through all the flour. Usually there ends up being more flour on the floor and on him than in the bread!





He also LOVES using tools of any kind. He found this screwdriver and by himself decided to try to "fix" the trash compactor at our cabin in Idaho. First he pulled out the knob and then tried to put the screwdriver in it-- luckily it didn't fit in ;) I didn't even know he knew what a screwdriver was for, let alone how to use one. I am constantly amazed by the things he learns, when I don't think he is even paying attention!



He doesn't know what it is for (thank heavens) but he thinks carrying the plunger around is fun. He has the craziest hair in these pictures-- talk about bad hat hair!




He also insists on having REAL silverware whenever he eats, and the other day he confiscated the salad tongs and tried to feed his dad with them.



Side note: He isn't always in his PJs, as one might think from some of these pictures, but he was sick all last week and I kept in his PJs most of the time. So that is the explanation for his exhibition of lounge wear:)

What A Way to Start Spring Break.... uggg

It is snowing outside right now... it has been snowing all night and all day. Uggg. Our yard which yesterday was snow-free and had a greenish hue to it, is now covered in over a foot and a half of snow. Seriously. We have more snow outside our door today than we have had the entire winter. Sob. I want it to go away. I was SO ready for Spring, and so hoping that it would start to warm up. I was looking forward to going to the park, to working in the flower beds, to going on a picnic. All my fantasies are now crushed, and I remember that I live in Northern Utah and that it always snows here in April. Sob. I guess it is back to pouring over seed catalogues... dreaming... sigh.... well at least I'm getting chickens in a week.

These pictures weren't taken today, they are from about two months ago. But I thought it was really cool. This is how the snow slides off the roof of our back patio, it freezes at it goes and sometimes it even reaches the ground and makes it feel like a cave.

Just imagine-- we have about twice that much snow on our roof right now. Sob.

Wednesday's Woman

Nephi's Wife

1 Nephi 7: 6, 19
1 Nephi 16:7, 27, 35-36
1 Nephi 17:1-2, 20
1 Nephi 18:6, 19

A Political Thought

My brother told me that he would start reading my blog more if I wrote more about political things-- I guess birth just isn't his type of politics :) --- so in an attempt to get my brother to read my blog here is my most recent political thought.

A few days (or was it weeks) ago I was making dinner and listening to NPR talk about Hillary Clinton's first trip over seas as Secretary of State for the United States. As I listened to Mrs. Clinton talk about her trip to Asia and her upcoming plans for creating peace in the Middle East I was struck with a profound thought! I realized that the last three Secretaries of State the US has had have been women (with the exception of Colin Powell's 4 year service). Madeline Albright, under the Clinton administration, was the first ever woman to hold the position of Secretary of State. Then came Colin Powell, who served under George W. Bush for his first term before resigning. He was replaced by Condeleeza Rice, the first black woman to hold that high of government office. And now we have another woman, Hillary Clinton, leading our diplomatic corps.

Why you ask do I think this is significant? Well I think it is significant because the Secretary of State leads the State Department which is responsible for handling all US foreign relations. The main purposes of the State Department are protecting US interest abroad and preventing conflict and wars through diplomacy and friendship. Basically, the State Department is the closest thing the US has to a Department of Peace (which several other industrialized countries have), aiming to prevent conflicts through non-violent methods. In my opinion the Secretary of State has one of the most important jobs in the US government and one of the hardest.

I think it is VERY significant that three women have been chosen to be the US's ambassador of peace and friendship to the world. That in a time of war and unrest, we put our confidence in a woman to heal broken relationships, mend old wounds, and forge new friendships. The US might not be ready to have a woman president, but has great confidence in a woman's ability to create peace through non-violent means. I think that is significant. In my last two years of college I was an assistant to a professor who was studying women's involvement in peace and peace education for children. I did hours and hours of research on peace movements and programs around the world and it was AMAZING to me to see how many peace movements around the world are spearheaded by women-- especially mothers. Women from all parts of the world, those at war and those enjoying peace, have organized themselves to promote peace. There are many peace organizations led by men as well, but those tend to be big formal programs, whereas the women's programs were more small scale and grassroots. I think this is fascinating, because women almost always suffer the most from war and violence and have the most to loose. The artist is the only one who truly knows how much a masterpiece is worth, and if it is destroyed he is the one who grieves the most. A human life is a masterpiece and women are the artists, when life is destroyed women know the true cost.

So, despite whoever she is or what political decisions she makes, I think it is wonderful that we have a woman as our Secretary of State-- our ambassador for peace and non-violence. Also, think about what a wonderful example it is to other nations, especially those that don't give women basic human rights, that in the most difficult matters of diplomacy, negations and peace the US puts its trust in the capabilities of a woman. I wonder if when Madeline Albright blazed this path for women, some foreign leaders had a hard time "condescending" to sit down and negotiate political affairs with a woman? I wonder how the fact that the Secretary of State is a woman changes the style and feel of political talks, or if doesn't make a difference? I wonder.

So Drew, my brother o' pal, that was my political thought. Now you have to leave a comment. :)

Croupy

My baby has croup. Sob. He was feeling fine all day Saturday and the only indication we got that he might not be 100% was that he wouldn't eat his dinner-- DEFINITELY not like him. That night he started a barking cough which just got worse and worse as the night went on. I slept in his room and tried to get some sleep, which was hard because he was wheezing and coughing so much. We both had a fitful night, with much rocking, walking outside (the cold air is suppose to help the inflammation in the vocal cords go down) and worrying (on my part). At about 5:30 AM his breathing was getting really shallow and he was crying uncontrollably, he wasn't himself at all. Since it was Sunday the Dr.'s office and the InstaCare were closed so we had to take him to the Emergency Room. They gave him a steroid and a breathing treatment that opened up his airway and helped him calm down. After that he started to feel much better. He has been getting increasingly better, and last night he hardly had any cough or wheezing. We put a vaporizer in his room, to keep the air cold and moist, and that REALLY has been helping a lot. He just has to be "quarantined" for a few days now, which means that I too will be quarantined. Sob. But it will be all right, we'll just eat popsicles and watch movies:)

This is the first time my little boy has been really sick and it has been SO hard on me. It breaks my heart to see him not feeling well. Even though he tries SO hard to be happy even though I know he is feeling crummy. Even with the croup he still has more energy than I do! I'm just grateful he is starting to feel better, and I am so grateful to live when and where I do. As I was sitting up with him the other night I couldn't help but think that somewhere across the world there was another mother in Africa, Asia or a less developed country, sitting up with her sick baby too. Except that mother wouldn't have access to the medicines, Dr.'s, support and medical care that I have at my fingers tips. She might just have to watch her baby get sicker and sicker and not be able to do anything for him. The thought just about broke my heart, and made me wish SO bad that no mothers and babies had to suffer. Life just isn't fair, and sometimes I can't figure out why things are so unequal. Why I have so much more than others just because of when and where I was born. I wish it wasn't like that. Even so, I am very grateful for all the resources I have and to live where I do. I just have to remember that God loves every baby and every mother, and no matter where they live and what they are suffering He is aware of them and helping them too.