Home

I'm reading The Nesting Place and the book Wild right now. Interestingly I didn't plan it and doesn't appear on the outset that they have anything to do with one another but I think at their core they are about the very same thing. It's that thing we all long for that place we call home but more so that place we feel home, which is so much deeper, richer and sustaining than just brick and mortar. So our home and all the different layers of that concept is on my mind a lot right now. A deep part of me desires and finds much fulfillment in creating home for our family from the throw pillow down to the good night rituals. I love that home can be about that space you share with those you love but it can also be in so many other places where you feel that sense of safe love and belonging.
I am inspired to look at home through a new lens here a few glimpses of "home" right now:

Tiny frog = big entertainment around here.
The ages right now of so much wonder in discovery. 

PBS and snack time

These two love summer night bike rides

Home - that just right place for us right now between city and country that we love.

Bare feet in the backyard, our kind of summer afternoon fun. 

 a visitor in the front garden, spiders in the house - gross, spiders in the garden -kind of beautiful

Ava's famous garden stew 

The perfect place to sit and read while babies play

She doesn't make in pictures much anymore since the kids arrived, our first baby is now actually pretty old. I read Ryan the average life spans of dogs her size and bread the other day and told him he should start preparing himself, he would hear none of it, as ornery as she is, she has been a part of this home from our early days. Her name is one of the first words our children spoke. Home right now is her sitting in her favorite spot, looking out the window.

Favorite voices of wisdom right now:

"Joy comes to us in ordinary moments, we risk missing out on joy when we get to busy chasing down the extraordinary." Brene Brown

"Most of us simply need to learn to see the beauty in the imperfect. Because life is gloriously messy. You can learn tips and tricks to help keep your home more put together and beautiful Or you can accept the fact that your home will be imperfect and that each season of your family's life will bring different kinds of beautiful messes. What if you already have everything you need to have the home you've always wanted?"

- A few of my favorite lines so far from The Nesting Place.

Rhett - 16 month update.

Rhett's 16 month update

He has several new words he says regularly now: 

Baby, help, wa-wa for any kind of drink, up, yes and no to add to ma-ma, da-da, hi, bye and Rory. 

He's started making some animal noises - he has a pretty cute growl, meow and woof-woof. 

He loves any kind of pasta, still love avocados, fruit smoothies, and his newest obsession -Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips. I got on to Ryan the other day for giving him the bag to walk around the house with, turns out Ryan didn't get if for him, he went into the pantry and helped himself.  

Still trying to condense his naps to one afternoon one. Some days still has two, some days just one.

He loves to call for Rory and will yell "Rorrrry" while bending down and slapping his thighs. 

He has preferences for certain books at bed time, saying no and shaking he's head if it's not one of his preferred favorites. 

He has the best eyebrow raised surprise face.

He's in that phase of wanting to explore and be independent
but the next moment crawling in my lap when he's tired, unsure or afraid. 

It was awfully quiet in there, so I went to check...

Back to school - 2014 addition.

This week the kids started MDO and PreSchool a few days a week at the same program Ava did last year. I will work during some of the time they are at school but one day a week I will have that time to myself to run errands and get other things. I am excited for some ways I think that will be good for all of us. 

We debated about sending Ava on to our district's Pre-K program this year. 5 days a week was seeming to much for us just yet, so after some prayer and research I decided to keep her in her preschool program. So this year will stick with the 3 day a week set up and we are being a little more proactive in the week to sprinkle in the some learning basics she will need for starting in K. I am finding myself reading all sorts of different education models and programs to figure out our plans going forward but glad we have some more time to figure it out and the blessing of options to consider. 

Rhett did better than expected for drop off the first day. They said he had a great day, napped well and was happily playing when I returned. He did his signature "surprise" face that Ryan and I love and ran into my arms at pick up time. 

Ava has told me several times this week. "Mom I am just so happy now that my school is back". Her two best buddies returned to this same program which was such a blessing to her and her beloved teacher of course another joyous thing for her to reconnect with. When went to meet and greet day I couldn't believe how little the 3 year old's seemed next to her but just the year before she was one of the smallest and youngest in her class. She has such a confidence in that space that was fun to see.

It was one of those days...

Today I was the one that woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Really before I got out of bed I woke up with two kids that had made their way in various ways to our bed in the early morning hours with my arm having that slight ache in it from a sleeping boy draped half across me with his head buried into my shoulder. Once in a while I enjoy this snugly sleepy time but honestly, he gets all sweaty pressing himself up against my side and most of the time I just want a little bit more sleep before having to give up on it and get started on the day.

I wanted it to be a happy morning to take Ava to her first day back at Preschool that she has eagerly been awaiting and to enjoy that time with Rhett just him and I. I had also hoped to get just a few things accomplished on my to do list so I would more available when Ava got home later in the day.

I said yes to her watching PBS in the morning which I usually say no to so we can connect at breakfast together at the table and that was my first mis-step. It was self serving for me, I was already feeling moody and not ready to fully engage. The morning proceeded with some drama with Ava getting ready, she pulled out of it pretty well and drop off was fine. Rhett went on to have an unusually clingy and fussy day thereafter. I wonder if he's teething more or if he's playing off my funk but it was just one of those days where I found myself easily frustrated, feeling wearied by their neediness and being short and pointed in my words with them.

Being a therapist by trade is a double edge sword, I delve into self reflection and find myself conflicted on embracing my feelings of funk and letting it be for now or being proactive try to move to a better pace more quickly. All of this with an undercurrent of knowing how blessed our lives are compared to some of the atrocities going on in the world at this very moment that mom's are living through and the others I know or am connected too that a forging much tougher journeys in this season of their lives.

I noticed going to different screens during the day whether it was TV or phone to try to distract myself and this of course isn't that helpful, I spent some brief time in prayer but I could feel I was avoiding even that engagement, I also tried to increase some connection time with Ava in the afternoon.While we manged through the rest of the day, I just never did shake the heaviness, it was a button down the hatches day - cancelled evening plans, just snacked around for dinner, hubby came to the rescue around 6 and we limped across the bed time finish line.

It's funny how just last week I took them to the zoo just a three of us, it was uncrowded with school agers being back in school and it being too early in the year for field trips over running the place. And I consciously thought this is one of my favorite days and what a blessing it was to be mostly home with them during this season of parenting, we had enjoyed so much taking our time to explore and everyone was in a good mood. Thus the journey of motherhood - It's often a swirling mixture of what is good and what is hard. Some wisdom I read recently was about happiness not being all or nothing - in any given day of this parenting journey there are pockets of the sweetest of joys and there also there's the hard work and less pretty aspects of a 24-7 job.

When I was taking Ava's first day of school pictures this morning, she asked me to take a picture of me and her. Is this honestly a great depiction of  the day we had? No. But does it honestly capture that moment we had? YES. While this was a little piece of gold in our day, it is the piece I want to hold on to.  My guess if I didn't just write out all these details, this day would fade away, I don't know what I would remember years from now. But I know this gift of parenting these two is a journey unlike any other and some how these harder parts are just as much a part of that fabric. So I am thankful for a day to start over tomorrow, to choose peace and joy with more intention and renewal that a new day can bring. Going to bed thankful and meditating on His mercies are new every morning.