A support group?!

Are you effing kidding me?

My favorite line: Another wrote, fearfully, that her beau had told her to make a list of their favorite New York restaurants before the bad market forced a move to the Midwest.

Um, I live here, and I one of my secret dreams is to pick up and move to Montana/Wyoming/North Dakota, meet a soulful cowboy/rancher and practice small town law while basking in the wide open space.

These people are the suck.

Well, that's about par for the course.

My air conditioner just died.

Along with that little piece of my soul which takes note of every penny ripped from my bank account.

Dear law school,

I've dealt with your annoying letters asking me for donations for the past couple of years. I simply throw them away. But tonight you crossed the line. When you call me on my cell phone at 8:45 pm and ask me for money when I'm standing in line at Whole Foods, and at first I politely decline to which you proceed to badger me about how "even five dollars can help", I will in fact lose my shit and become extremely irate about the fact that I will be paying back my overpriced tuition for basically the rest of my life and therefore you can go shove your donations up your smarmy asses.

So, in conclusion, while I'm happy to participate in surveys, alumni functions, etc., please do not call me again asking for money.

Sincerely,

[redacted]

Best Saturday afternoon ever?

I know all you other Type A people probably had your taxes done by February 2nd. And I bet you all got refunds too. Well you can all go to hell. I owe the federal government $168. Before the student loan interest reductions, Turbotax told me I owed over $600. At that point I took a shot of the raspberry vodka tucked away in my freezer. But then I got to the deductions section and the number went down. So I suppose I should be thankful my loan providers are basically enslaving me. Thanks, fuckers.

Oh, but I do get a refund in NY state taxes. How much, you ask?

$2.

I am so fucking rich.

Deep Breath

I got a raise. Not quite as much as I wanted, and I will have to work more as it involves a combination of base salary increase plus bonuses. But overall, it will allow me to move to a nicer neighborhood (although, as per nyc, my apartment will be smaller), keep paying my loans, and breathe (slightly) easier. At least for now. The whole "savings" and "retirement" thing will still be mostly on the backburner.

So. I did an incredibly difficult thing. Something I've never done before, and most of my friends have never done before. My bosses made it clear that they want to keep me and keep me happy. So why don't I feel completely satisfied? Is it our lot in life to always want more? And I'm not even talking about money anymore.

Darkness Falls

I hate to steal the title of some stupid slasher flick I've never seen, but there you go.

The fact that it's 5:30 and pitch black makes me so tired. Although I may just be tired because I've literally spent the entire day freaking out about my career. Some friends at BigLaw have given me the names of headhunters and recruiters who I emailed today and hopefully I'll be able to meet with at least one of them. I don't necessarily want to switch firms, and have no idea if a large firm would even hire me (or if I want to be there) even though I have the credentials and more hands on experience than the nitwits who've been sitting in windowless offices for a year. All I know is I need more money, and in order to bring bargaining power to the negotiating table with my current bosses, I need some options under my belt. I've been putting this whole thing off for a couple months now, out of fear, confusion, and uncertainty. My negotiation class in law school was a complete joke (and after this whole process I may write a letter to the school about what they should really teach in that damn class that will actually be useful for graduates). I'm up against master negotiators who do it every day for clients. And it's worse for women.

Sigh. I planned on sending an email today asking for a meeting for sometime this week. But now I think I should wait until I have some concrete information in my grasp. But then we'll be smack into the holidays. Is that a bad time to do this kind of thing? Or a better time?

The whole thing makes me want to crawl into my mother's arms and stay there until she makes it better.

I suddenly don't feel as strapped.

Well, I'm still in a shitload of debt. But I'm not stupid.*

My tivo-ing of Oprah has been established.

Today's show was about personal finances and the idiots who are digging themselves into poverty. $135,000 in credit card debt. Two mortgages of $700,000. Stay at home mom who spends $4000 on a birthday party but doesn't have health insurance for her kids. $900 shoes. $400 a month on Starbucks. Yep. All on your husband's middle to upper middle class salary. Not a millionaire's salary by any means. And your "my mother never believed in me, and I've never felt any self worth and wah wah wah"...give me a fucking break, lady. Your $60/week hair extensions are ugly and sure as hell aren't giving you any self-worth either.

Financial Guru Suze Orman: "I've been doing this for a long time, and I've never seen a family in such a terrible financial situation." Yikes.

Then there's the couple expecting a baby who aren't answering the phones when their student loan providers are calling but who are paying $2600 per month on two luxury cars, but, ha, "not to impress anybody." Fuck. You don't deserve a child. (Sidebar: I have ALWAYS wondered why you need a license to do almost everything in this world except be a parent. Don't give me the "it's a natural human right" stuff. Intellectually, I know that. Morally, I want to sterilize a lot of people. Maybe the "intellectually" and "morally" should be switched. I don't know.)

Did anyone else know that Washington state has no income tax?! I've always wanted to visit Seattle. Now I may have to move there.

*I'd like to thank my parents for instilling within me a life-long stinginess.

How awesome is the NYC dating scene?

So, so awesome. An example from an email exchange today:

Me: Did you have drinks with that guy yet?
K: Drinks were last night. It was awful. The guy was awkward, and very negative, and maybe kind of racist? It was weird. Glad it's over.

Yeah. Like I said, awesome.

Also, a shout out to my Law School Alumni Association: fuck you and your request for any more of my money.

xoxoxo,
Me

Dear "Homeless" Guy on the Subway,

I usually tune ya'll out when you tell your sad stories and beg and plead for money, but today something caught my attention about you. I'd seen and heard you before. Telling the same story about how you and your wife just suffered a fire in your home a few days ago and now you have nothing and are waiting for help from the Red Cross. About how you were just given the clothes you are wearing by a kind samaritan but have nothing to feed your children tonight. About how you know we work hard for our money but any little bit will help, "even just a smile."

You may think that ending is sweet, but it's a dead give away when it absolutely confirms to me that I've heard it before. Months ago. Did you and your wife suffer another fire in your quickly rebuilt house? I don't think so. You're a fucking liar.

--------------------------------

In other news, I'd like to thank the Kentucky Higher Education Loan Servicing Corporation and The Student Loan People for increasing my monthly payments by $120 as of October 1st. Golly, you guys sure know how to turn a girl on.

Hey loud annoying guy, do you really have to order the lobster?

And, you, drunk girl, we REALLY don't need another bottle of wine.

This happened last night. And I hadn't even met the damn birthday person before. I was annoyed. Again. It's not that I'm cheap (well, no more than necessary). I gladly buy presents for people I love. But being forced to plunk down $60 for someone I don't even know when all I ate was a tiny piece of chicken, about two pieces of lettuce, and one glass of wine makes me absolutely crazy. Honestly, I think the friend I was with should have offered to pay for me, considering I was only there to support her because she has a stupid crush on the birthday boy, who I don't think is good for her anyway (but that's neither here nor there).

I guess I do sound cheap. But that's what happens when you grow up with parents who spit out the phrase "We can't afford that" or "That's too expensive" 20 times a day. Arrgh.

Score one for the lawyers.

I really thought this was gonna go down as a straight loss for me, but low and behold, I received a check for $100 in the mail today. I guess my threatening letter on firm letterhead signed with "Esq." did the trick. Yessss.

Time for more wine (shut up, only my second glass), rice and bean soft tacos (with Fresh Direct guac!! yum!!) and Friday Night Lights. If I don't get to see Jason Street make the transition to coaching and the never-ending PERFECTION of the Taylor marriage and Lyla continue to grow a backbone and Tyra get justice from the dick who assaulted her and Matt lead the boys to the state champtionship, I WILL LOSE MY SHIT. DO YOU HEAR ME NBC?! Do Peabody Awards mean nothing to you? Hear my prayers.

12 days

before my first loan payments are due. Three statements are sitting on my desk. I know people don't usually throw their numbers out there, but I'm not most people, and I don't care how sorry you feel for me after reading this, so here goes:

$113/month Perkins loan from law school
$125/month Perkins loan from undergrad
$585/month private loans from law school (!!!)
$335/month federal loans from law school (starting in July when my deferment runs out)

$1158/month. Um, there is NO WAY IN HELL this is possible. I've know this was coming for three years. I estimated the calculations for three years. I'm not ready for it. I'm thrifty, but not that thrifty. I will pay the private loans because of their bloodsucking 9% interest rate and maybe one of the Perkins loans. The others - simply gonna have to be put into forbearance.

Ouch. Heartburn.

I'll french kiss anyone who can beat these totals.

Dear Jennifer Convertibles,

I realize that you employ high school dropouts with the IQs of gnats as your delivery people. But when one such delivery guy BREAKS THE LOCK ON MY FRONT DOOR in order to come in and out, and then leaves before I realize what he's done, I'm gonna have a problem with that. And then, when I call your store, and yell and scream and beg and plead for someone to come fix it because I CAN'T CLOSE THE DOOR SINCE THE DEADBOLT HAS BEEN YANKED ALL THE WAY OUT AND IS STUCK, and you tell me nothing can happen until Monday, I'm going to start crying. And spew through the tears that I'm a lawyer and won't put up with this. (Yeah, that went over well. Saying you're a lawyer while crying isn't very threatening.)

Luckily for you, my super, who at first said it wasn't his job to fix something that delivery men broke (wtf?! he's the SUPER and I was gonna pay him extra!) had a change of heart because I "live alone and don't have anyone to help me" (thanks, Mr. Super, for reminding me) installed a brand new lock in the door, costing me $100 in cash, $50 of which were for his trouble on a Saturday. Unfortunately for me, the super couldn't give me a receipt so when I call you on Monday and threaten and bitch and all of that, you WILL take off at least $100 from my bill without any problems.

Sigh. It's always fucking something.

I'm not a numbers person.

So you can imagine how much fun I've had for the past hour trying to figure out how my meticulously kept checkbook was $100 off from my online bank statement.

Add, subtract, add, subtract, subtract, subtract some more. Add.

I finally realized I was $100 off when I started this new checkbook, due to my inability to add 1+2, and for some damn reason hadn't noticed it until now. Fucking numbers.

I need a drink.

*Shudder*

Does anyone else think the ABC pre-Oscar show is just difficult to watch? The celebrity schmoozing just seems so uncomfortable and embarrassing.

Yet I still watch. With my take-out and wine and NEW coffee table and area rug. Heeeee! The chocolate-colored leather queen size sofa bed is coming in a couple of weeks, and then I will literally never want to get up again. No interest financing for 90 days after delivery! A real adult purchase.

And today I thought about how my first loan payments are due April 1st. Awesome.

Who's looking forward to sloshing through the snow to court in the morning after staying up too late to find out who won best picture even though I've only seen two of the movies?

I am!

In one pocket, out the other.

I was so good this week. I cooked dinner at home and brought my lunches to work.

Then tonight after work I spent $50 at Sephora.

It happens.

Annoyed. Times 2.

I don't have the energy for the rant that this deserves, so here's the short version.

I hate money.

1. Even though I know this is only a starting salary, I really don't make enough for how hard I am already working.

2. I haven't even started paying my loans yet.

3. I'm sick of explaining to my so-called friends that I don't live in the ultra-trendy neighborhoods because I will be making monthly loan payments equal to half of their rents.

4. I hate feeling obligated to go out for someone's birthday dinner and drop $40 because people want to just split the check when all I ordered were a couple of appetizers because I didn't like anything on the menu. That early Friends episode comes to mind. Except theoretically, I am one of the more "successful" friends in that I'm not a waitress, a struggling actor, or a massage therapist. Which just makes it worse.

5. Dry cleaning bills are the devil's handiwork.

6. I can't even bring my lunch to work half the time because when I am in court all morning I don't want to leave a sandwich or salad rotting in my bag. So I end up spending $7 on lunches because there is no alternative.

Sigh. Tomorrow is Friday and I get to be in the office all day which means I am totally wearing jeans. Because it's Friday. And, except for the fact that they aren't paying me enough, my bosses are awesome.

$crewed.

Why do I read articles like this? Can one of these people just sponsor me and pay off my loans? It would seriously be pennies for them.

Also, some of these so-called "facts" are completely antithetical to a reality that I along with thousands of others have experienced:

"The American Bar Foundation, a research group, has found in its surveys, for instance, that fewer law school graduates are going into public-interest law or government jobs and filling all the openings is becoming harder."

Oh, REALLY? I guess that's why the Suffolk County DA's Office in Boston gets over 800 applications each year and hires about 20 people, or why the DA's offices in each of the NYC boroughs get 1500 applications each year and each hires about 50 people. Yes, filling all the openings is clearly becoming harder.

Fucking New York Times.