One Wall Away

My brother and best friend Eric passed away a week ago today. It has been so, so hard but I am comforted with the knowledge that he is happy and with our Father in Heaven once more. I miss him already though. Please pray that I will have the strength to find joy in my life once more as I know that is what he would want.

Yesterday at the service I read a poem I wrote the day after I learned of his passing. It is nothing spectacular, but it is from my heart. Several people who atteneded wanted a copy of it posted so here it is: (I apologize if the format is messed up. You know how technology can be sometimes)

One Wall Away

My life forever changed the day
That I received the call
And learned that you had things to do
Behind another wall.

A wall without a window;
A door without a key.
I longed to follow after you
But knew it could not be.

At first I tried to kick the wall,
Upset that you left me
To follow a call to somewhere else
I simply could not be.

But kicking walls is useless.
It doesn’t change a thing.
It only leaves you battered
With still a wall between.

I slowly changed my tactic
And prayed with all my might
That I could bear your journey home
And know that it was right.

I soon was filled with memories
We’d shared throughout the years
And eventually turned from the wall
Through all my grief and tears.

I thought about the boy you were
And how I always said
To strangers that we both were twins,
Despite the age difference.

I thought about the times we played
And fought ‘till suddenly
We found ourselves in separate rooms,
Told to play quietly.

But we’d talk across the hall until
A voice from downstairs shouted,
“You’re in time out so close your doors!”
Then we’d talk from underneath them.

Then suddenly it occurred to me
That despite the walls between us,
We always managed to find a way
To be together regardless.

I then thought on man you were,
The brother you became.
The one who always answered calls
Whatever time they came.

You always sought to be there
Whenever you were needed.
I somehow felt you’d be close by,
Despite the call you heeded.

I realized from that night on
The world had lost a great one,
And that it made a lot of sense
That God would bid you, “Come!”

For if you could change me so much
In just a few short years,
You doubtless would move mountains
Within His heavenly sphere.

I know that over time that wall
Will thin from time to time
And you will gently let me know
You’re standing right behind;

Leading me along life’s path
And reminding me
That we are all one wall away
From eternity.

Happiness Is...

It surely is.

David James Jackson

David James Jackson joined our family on June 11, 2011 at 3:18 pm. He weighed in at 7 lbs 14 oz. and 21 inches long. My biggest baby by far! He is a joy and welcome blessing to this family. The transition from 2 to 3 kids had been quite smooth due in large part to his easy going personality. He is a generally content baby unless he gets hungry (which can be quite often!) He isn't bothered by his loud and "hands-on" brother and sister and usually is happy even when they are trying to carry him around the house like their personal live doll. Mikayla and Andrew genuinely adore him as do Jon and I.

Right after he came
David and Mommy

I had to include this picture as well. David is unique in that he can already wink both his eyes alternately. Indeed, the first time he laid eyes on me he did it with only one eye open. Since then he has frequently viewed me from either eye. I can't even wink so this is amazing to me.

Funny story here. I usually give birth anywhere from 1-3 weeks early so when my dad was called on a business trip between 2-3 weeks before my due date he commanded me not to have the baby before he got back. I went into labor as he was flying home and literally was pushing him out as he pulled into the hospital parking lot. David waited for him and it is something I will always remember. David's middle name is my Dad's first name so this was all pretty special.

The kids took to him immediately. I was a little worried about Andrew, but he just followed Mikayla's lead and was instantly in love with him as well. It has been smooth sailing ever since. Thanks heavens for my Mikayla!

David and Daddy. So cute!

Mikayla picked out this outfit for David on a mommy-and-me date for David to wear home from the hospital. He was so big that he barely fit into it. Seriously long baby!

Handsome boy

Yes, his hair sticks up. He has a ton of it and when I tried to figure out why I can't get it to sit down nicely I discover the dreaded double cowlick. Heaven help us on Sundays!

We love our precious baby. He seems like a wise old soul and I know we will learn a lot from him. I can't wait to see what the coming weeks bring. I can't wait to see his first (non gaseous) smile and watch as his personality develops. Happy times in the Jackson home. Happy times.

My Six Year Old

Mikayla turned six at the end of May. I cannot believe how old she is getting. For a long while now, Mikayla has been asking us to throw her a party. Since we are homeowners now, we couldn't find a reasonable excuse not to give her one (even though I was nine months pregnant at the time!) so we did just that. The theme we decided upon was Pirates and Pixies. She wanted a Tinkerbell party, but I had a sneaking suspicion that all the boys she wanted to invite may not be too thrilled with getting wings and being sprinkled with glittery pixie dust. Hence was born the super masculine/feminine theme of Pirates and Pixies. Both genders seemed to love it, so I think the party was a success!

Mikayla and Andrew before the party

Mikayla and Andrew not fighting (for once!)

We rented a Tinkerbell jumper for the day. Best investment for the party by far!

My Dad manned the grill and produced limitless hot dogs

Andrew showing us his new sword and bandanna

All the boys received swords, bandannas, and eye patches

All the girls got wings, wands, and rings

Can't have a party without a a pinata!

Mikayla getting her birthday cupcake (Ignore my hugeness. I literally gave birth two weeks after this photo was taken!)

Our little princess. Man did she love all the attention!

Happy Birthday sweet Mikayla. It's been a wonderful six years. I can't wait to see what you become with each passing year.

The Things We Do for Love

This may not look like love to you, but it indeed is. For a pregnant lady to go through all this trouble just to watch her husband turn red with embarrassment is most definitely love. Does he love Twilight? Not even close. I don't even much care for the movies but when I saw this poster of Jacob it spoke to me. It said "Jonathan." It really did. And thus was born his 2011 craptastic birthday motif.

Note the freakish looking vampire tablecloth. My children were actually frightened whilst eating dinner.
Aside from his initial response of turning red and wanting to tackle me this was his almost immediate secondary response. Pretty sure he's hotter than Jacob even with the farmer tan.

Mikayla insisted we make him a birthday crown. What she really was saying was, "Let's make Dad a crown so you will make me one as well because HIS day has to be MY day as well." So we made crowns and they both had a wonderful birthday.

Jon really took this to get a nice baby belly shot, but I would like you to note the homemade sweet and sour chicken I am making him. I am nice to him on his birthday too!

Jon's reaction to his awesome Marvel comic book compilation thingy that I don't understand but thought he would enjoy. He also got a nice, sweet wad of cash to buy man tools with.

So darn cute that we just have to throw pictures of them in randomly...

Mikayla seldom holds still long enough to take a picture with me, so this one had to be added as well. Look how old she looks! This was taken when we went out to dinner with my side of the family in celebration of Jon's birthday.

I wanted to take a picture with Andrew too, but he mostly looked like this the entire time...

Transition into Valentines Day

Mikayla had no school so I thoroughly enjoyed spoiling them throughout the day.

A perfect start to anyone's day V-day would be heart shaped pancakes.

Mikayla thought they were awesome and I got a gold mommy star from her. Andrew didn't seem to take much notice and I had to bribe him to eat them as usual...

Who wants to sit at home all day on the day of love? Not us. We hit Disneyland and partied the day away. Jon was even able to get off work early and join the kids, my parents, brother, and I that afternoon. It was an awesomely fun day. Except for the part where Mikayla informed me she was getting too old for me to stand beside her on the merry-go-round. What??? She is my baby. How could she think such a thing? She sure stuck her ground though. I am officially banished to standing by Andrew alone whilst riding the kiddie rides.

At least someone still needs me!

This I Believe

Back when I was teaching composition courses one of my favorite assignments to give and grade was the "This I Believe" podcast statement. Students were expected to begin their essays with the statement "I believe in..." and then complete the statement with a seemingly simple belief they have that holds deeper meaning. The rest of the essay then eloquently explained what that deeper meaning was so that by the end both the reader and speaker were enlightened. Even the writers who struggled the most usually excelled at this assignment and I never heard a similar belief statement even once.



As I have been reflecting on the year and all that my family has been through and accomplished I came to the conclusion that simply spelling them out in a tiresome list format does not provide adequate entertainment to my meager fan base (I can refer to you guys as fans ,right? If you're still there?). I thought it would be more fun and intriguing to list them as brief "This I believe" statements. So here's to a recap and a happy new year filled with more adventures!

I believe that Disneyland really is the happiest place on earth...as long as you have a Disneyland pass! Apart from being insanely expensive and downright crowded at times, our family has made so many wonderful memories there this year. Nothing heals your soul like a good Disneyland churro and a ride on Autopia with Andrew or Mikayla at the wheel. Seriously though, look how happy Andrew is in this picture. He met his hero and his hero hugged him. How many other places can offer stuff like that while simultaneously making it snow in Southern California?

I believe in celebrating all birthdays with gusto. I mean we're talking streamers, balloons, some crazy theme, a chair of honor, a homemade crown that gives you license to act like a diva all day, I mean really, who could ask for more? My favorite is picking out all this stuff for Jon. That dollar store is a treasure trove of awesomely craptastic birthday ideas that are both thoroughly embarrassing and thoroughly amusing. While it may seem lame to an outsider, our family all expects it now and I know deep down each of us would be bitterly disappointed if we awoke on our birthday without the house decorated so cheesily.

I believe in Fairies. Is this not the cutest picture of Mikayla ever? I adore her. She is so smart and spunky. She came up with this pose all by herself. She has never taken a bad picture and grows prettier every day, yet she is a tomboy to boot. Throw any ball at her and she will not only hit it, she will knock it out of the park. She hates fluffy dresses and wants me to spend 2 minutes or less on her hair every morning. She is kind and attentive and wants nothing more than to nurture Andrew and carry him around like a big fat cat. (Except Andrew is the feisty kind of cat that bites and screams when touched, much to Mikayla's dismay!) She is smarter than smart and has already passed off all her Kindergarten requirements and is now working on 1st grade work. You think she would just get bored at school but instead she spends most of her day helping the kids around her with their math and reading. She still loves to help ALL THE TIME and when you deny her the chance it usually results in a major meltdown complete with diva-like stormouts. Oh how we love and adore our Mikayla.

I believe that Andrew really can fly, but not that he ever would consider trying. Indeed, while he spends a lot of his time discussing the fact that he doesn't have wings and therefore cannot fly, Jon and I know it wouldn't matter anyway. If you so much as lift him onto your shoulders he cringes and yells "I DON'T LIKE THIS! I DON'T LIKE THIS!" as frantically as possible. Andrew is our sweet, temperamental, and surprisingly odd child. He is very aware of other people's moods and emotions and is constantly trying to make sure everyone around him is happy, most importantly himself. When Andrew is not happy he makes a production out of it. I don't think he is any louder than Mikayla ever was at this age, but because he is usually so sweet and level-headed when he lashes out irrationally it seems crazy and hilarious at the same time. He is a very eloquent speaker and takes special care to pronounce all words correctly. He enunciates his words so specifically that it can be quite hilarious to listen to. Sometimes I catch him pretending that he is blind which usually results in him running into walls much like ET. He also loves to pretend to be almost anything super masculine like starwars characters or monsters. Whenever I ask him what he is he always replies that he is "just Andrew" pretending to be something else. Indeed, if I refer to him as the character he is role playing he gets quite irate and insists that he is "just Andrew." He loves just being him and has no desire to impress anyone with his special talents or accomplishments. We can learn a lot from this little boy.

I believe in pushing ourselves to the limit, but not over the edge. Notice Andrew's expression in this picture. We were up at Oak Glenn's apple picking festival this October and they had a large bounce house that little kids love to play in. But Andrew is not most kids. Andrew liked the "idea" of the bounce house much like most of us like the "idea" of daring to jump in an ice cold pool mid-winter. Sounds like fun on the surface until you are out there in your swimsuit. Andrew is the type of kid you have to push a little to try new things. However if you push too hard he not only will never try it again he will resent you for days to come. My mother's intuition told me that the only way he would ever dare to try it was with his sister's encouragement alone. Mikayla was so patient with him. She has no fear and it would have been so easy for her to ditch him and run off with all the other kids, but she stayed by his side and kindly beckoned him into the tent. She gently pulled him up and took everything really slow with him like a pro big sister. After little more than 20 minutes not only was Andrew enjoying himself, he was climbing up a monster slide and belly flopping down it with the best of the daredevils. Mikayla pushed him in but not over the edge; a very difficult thing to do, yet she handled like a pro.

I believe in making memories. I have learned that memories can be made anywhere, anytime, and on any budget. While we have had our fair share of fun family trips to Disneyland, the mountains, Utah, the beach, parks, scenic drives, etc. the best memories we made this year took place in our own home or in the homes of friends and family. It taught me that it's not the money that makes the memories it's the people. As long as there are other people in your life and you try your best to spend time with them, memories will be made and they will most likely be the best kind.

I believe in us. So cheesy, I know. The blogosphere is ideal for talking up marriage and spouses and I hate that I am contributing to the sappy TMI cycle, but I can't help it. It's not any huge thing that Jonathan has done for me (and he has done lots of huge things for me this year). It's all the little things put together that make me know that we were meant for each other and that we still have "it." After 7 years of marriage it is important to still have "it;" that little spark or twinkle in each others' eyes that lets them both know each other is still in it 150 %. A few Sundays ago while Jon and I were at church, I was crossing through the chapel on my way to Relief Society and my eyes caught a glimpse of Jon on the other side of the room. In that fraction of a second I saw his eyes literally light up when he saw me. It was no special occasion. I had not done anything beautiful with my hair or done anything particularly nice for him that day, but in that second I knew he was still crazy about me. He gave me that same look the first time I saw him before I even knew his name. He gave me that same look when I noticed he had seen me first in my wedding dress on our wedding day. He gave me that same look when I told him about being pregnant with Mikayla, Andrew, and our new little one on the way. Seeing that look on his face was beautiful but expected on those kind of days. But seeing it on a regular, ordinary day was the best gift he gave me thus far.

I believe in looking for that look in your spouse's eye and striving to maintain it in yours.

Happy 2011