I am enough.

I have this inner voice.  Sometimes I do a good job of telling it to shush, but many times it shouts at me.  It says things like You're not a good mom.  You aren't pretty enough... thin enough... smart enough... disciplined enough...   Well you get the idea.  We really are our own worst enemy, aren't we?  I know I am.  Recently I was getting ready and was criticizing all of my flaws.  All of a sudden, I heard the sweet voice of Jesus whisper "You are enough."  In that moment, something changed in me and it seems to have taken root.  I am enough because of Jesus.  Because of His work on the cross, I don't have to do or be anything other than who He's created me to be.  I have found so much freedom in that.  Obviously this isn't new information for me, but for some reason it has finally sunk in to the places where it hasn't before.

I decided that morning that this year I'm not setting any type of crazy New Year's resolution.  My only goal for the year is to continue to walk in the freedom of the truth that I am enough because of Jesus.   As I've continue to mull this over in the last couple of weeks, I've realized how much social media can emphasize the problem of not measuring up.  You've heard it said that we tend to compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.  As much I love Instagram and Pinterest, I think it's time to take a step back.  (Please don't read any judgment for loving and using those things.)

Maybe I'll spend more time here, writing down our little family's memories, sharing what I'm learning.  We'll see.  But for now, I'm just going to be digging into some books and retraining my brain to believe that I am enough because of Jesus.

And so are you.

Feeling a little sad

I've started several posts in the last 4 months, but got too distracted to finish. A quick recap: Eva started 3rd grade, Eli started kindergarten, Isaac started preschool, I went back to work full-time, we took a fun trip to Disney World, and scattered into all of that we've had fun memories at home. 

When school started, Eli started making amazing progress. Within a couple of weeks his anxiety lessened and he no longer needed to wear his headphones to school. And just a couple of weeks ago he asked to start eating lunch with his class rather than in the special Ed room. It's been awesome to watch him learn and grow. 

For the last couple of weeks, I've noticed a change in Eli. I've assumed he was just tired from our travels. But this morning he was asking if he had to go to school today and he was happy when I said no. I was a little hesitant when I told him that it was a church day. I wasn't sure how he would respond. In his monotone voice he said, "Woohoo. I'm so excited. I love going to church."  Then he told me that he doesn't like school. It took a while to get around to the why because he has a hard time processing that question, but he was finally able to tell me that he doesn't like school because his friends don't like him. It broke my heart. He said that there is a little girl "H" that gets mad at him. He said, "H tells me to stop it." I wasn't ready for this part of school yet. And I'm sad for my boy. I want other kids to love him for all of his good qualities and overlook his struggles. My Eli is the sweetest kid ever! He gets excited about things I find mundane.  He feels deeply. 

Please don't say that.

At the risk of sounding overly sensitive, I am going to vent for a bit. 

People make a lot of assumptions about the autism community. One of those assumptions is that kids with autism are particularly gifted. Geniuses even. What's actually true is that this is only the case for about half of the autism population.  

Today I was talking to an acquaintance and mentioned that Eli had been diagnosed with autism since we'd last spoken. This person replied with, "oh! I bet he's really smart, huh?" 

Friends, please file this under "things not to say." I realize that she meant nothing by it.  It was likely the first thing she thought to say. And I'm certainly not holding a grudge. However, I would love for this to be a teaching point. 

So here's what you should remember: if you wouldn't say it to a typically-developing child, then don't say it to or about a child with special needs. It's offensive. 

Eli may be gifted as he grows up. Or he may not be. But right now, he's FIVE. You don't walk up to other five year olds and ask if they're gifted in the areas of music or sports or fact retention. You talk to 5 year olds about what they like to do, who their friends are, etc. Do the same for any child with special needs. 

But what if the child can't answer? It's really okay. If you ask Eli who his friends are, he may not give you an age-appropriate response. That's okay. I'll appreciate that you treated him like you would any other child.  If in 15-20 years he shows a real gift in any one area, we'll be excited to tell you about it. In the meantime, the fewer assumptions you make, the better. 

I hope this post doesn't come across that I'm irritated. I'm not. Just a general PSA. :)

A big day!

This girl learned to ride with no training wheels this week! She conquered her fear of falling and now she's a pro! She is so proud of herself and feels free as a bird. She told me that she feels like she can go anywhere now! :) And she can...so long as she stays on our sidewalk within eye sight.

To Go or Not To Go

We stood in this place for several minutes as Eli tried to overcome his fear and go play. It began early yesterday morning, "I want to go to the park!" After dropping Isaac off at MDO (which is another difficulty to share on another day) we decided to try the park even though I did not expect this to go well.  We arrive at the park and of course there are kids at the park.  I told Eli that there were only a few kids there and he agreed to get out of the van.  However, about 30 feet away from the car, in the spot you see above, Eli froze. "But there's kids!" Panic. We try to reason with him that there are only a few kids and they are all happy. It doesn't work. He's stuck. My heart breaks for him because he wants to do fun things, but the fear just cripples him.

As it often goes in our lives, the story now takes a comedic turn. 

Eva was a little bummed that we weren't staying at the park. I hate that she gets the short end of the stick sometimes. So I told her to go play while Eli and I sat in the shade and watched from a safe distance. Eli was standing behind me as I was telling Eva the new plan. When we finished talking, I turned around to find Eli with his pants around his ankles, relieving himself. Watering the grass, if you will. Right there in front of God and everybody. But what do you do? He's in mid-stream! It's not like I can make him stop. Wait. That's the only thing I could do! Once his bladder is finally empty, I try to explain AGAIN that it is not okay to tinkle outside. I'm fairly certain he has no idea what I'm trying to explain. 

Meanwhile, Eva got completely embarrassed and hid. Behind a tree. She was no longer interested in playing at the park, so we went home.

We will try again another day.

Too close for comfort

Yesterday in the Kansas City area, a 5 year old little boy with autism wandered away from his grandparents home when no one was paying attention.  His body was found a few hours later in a neighbor's pond.  And I feel sick.  I dreamed all night about that little boy and my own little five year old with autism.

We are spending this week with my parents in Louisiana, and twice this week (so far), Eli has wandered away from us.  One time he apparently tried to walk into the neighbor's house, but their door was locked.  He kept telling "I went to that house and the door was locked."  So we beefed up our security.  And just yesterday, we had him locked in on the screened in patio.  The lock is up too high for him to reach, and he was playing.  I was sitting just inside with my mom and sister-in-law so I could peek out occasionally and see him.  After a bit, something caught my eye beyond the porch.  Ryan saw it at the same time I did and asked who was outside.  We jumped up and ran to the patio.  Our little Houdini had pulled a big rocking chair over to the door and climbed up to undo the lock.  Thankfully, he was safely playing in the sandbox.  But in about 5 seconds all of the what-ifs passed through my mind.

As a parent of an autistic child, I can't let my guard down for one second.  This poor family that lost their sweet little boy yesterday probably had all the safeguards in place that we do.  However, one thing was different yesterday.  There was an AC repairman at their home and he left the front door open/unlocked.  It only took a few seconds.  Kids with autism are quiet.  Sneaky---without intending to be.  They don't answer when their names are called, many times.

Ryan and I have both been struggling with anxiety since last night.  Ryan told me that this morning he has felt the Lord reminding him that Eli belongs to the his Creator.  God holds Eli in the palm of his hand.  No amount of our worrying can add length or purpose to his days.  So we trust.

We have also started the process to get Eli a service dog.  We have found a breeder that breeds dogs specifically for children with autism.  If all goes well, we will be getting our golden doodle in December.  Then we will have to find a trainer to help train the dog for the purpose of becoming a service dog.  We need/want the dog to be trained to track Eli should he wander away as well as to alert us if he does.  Hopefully the dog will also be trained in calming Eli when he is in situations that cause him lots of anxiety.  We are really hopeful that this will be a good thing for our sweet boy.

In the coming months, I may start posting about fundraisers that we will need to do to raise money for the training of the dog.  We are thinking it may cost a few thousand dollars to have our future dog trained and certified as a service dog.

In the meantime, feel free to join us in praying for the safety of not just Eli, but all of the precious children who have autism and are prone to wandering away from safe places.

Slow to get angry

When I was younger, I never thought of myself as someone who was easily angered. Then I had kids. Three precious kids that I love with every ounce of my being. Three children that I wouldn't trade for a million peaceful beach vacations. However! Having children has probably been the single biggest thing that God has used to refine this sinful heart of mine.  There's just something about the time demands, the lack of sleep, the noise, the messes, the long days, the disciplining, the feeding, the entertaining, etc. that can wear a person down. And all of those things that I once thought weren't my issue are suddenly staring me in the face. 

As I read this passage this morning in James, I was reminded again of how backwards I act this out on a daily basis. I'm much more likely to be quick to speak, slow to listen, and jump on the anger boat in a flash. I was overcome with gratitude this morning that God is much slower to get angry with me than I can be with my own children. 

This week...today... I will work on living out James 1:19 in a way that hopefully looks a little more like Jesus and a little less like me. 

An Important Skill

Today, I taught Eva an important life skill.  It's an art form really.  One that is likely being lost on the next generation.  But I am here to tell you that that girl thought it was the most fun day!  What did we do?  We washed the car.  BY HAND!  I am certain that she felt like we'd gone to a water park.  She kept telling me how fun it was.  :)  And it was fun to do it with her.  However, if I'm being honest?  I'm exhausted and sweaty!  Washing the car when your an adult is not nearly as much fun as you think it is when you're a kid.

The car washing was all part of checking off fun things on our summer bucket list.  I wanted to be intentional about making the most of this summer because if I get accepted into OT school next year, then this will be my last summer with them for a couple of years.  I want to make the most of our moments.  And if that means washing the car?  Then by golly, we will wash the car!  :)

Next up: a rainbow cake, shaving cream slip and slide, a road trip to DeRidder, and learning to fully ride her bike without training wheels (among other fun things)!

Dear Target Guy

Dear Target Guy,

I want you to know that I see you.  Really see you.  I see how hard you work, how meticulously you stock the shelves.  And I notice the way that you always ask if I need help finding anything without ever making eye contact.  I can pick up on the fact that you are ever so slightly annoyed when someone is standing in the aisle that you should be stocking.  You do a great job of working around these interruptions without being rude. You do your job and you do it well.  If I am being honest, I would tell you that I once found you kind of annoying.  But now I understand.  I understand in a way I never wanted to understand.  I see glimpses of my own son in you.  I recognize that when you greet the customers, you are repeating a learned phrase and though for some it may seem mundane, I know that for you it is a big step outside of your comfort zone.  You are doing a great job.  I bet your mama is so proud of you.  Because even though to some it's just a job at Target, I know that it means a lot more for you and your family.  So keep up the good work Target Guy!  And if you ever feel invisible, just remember that I see you and though I don't know you, I am proud of you.

Sincerely,
A Loyal Target Shopper

My sweet Eva is 8

Dear Eva,

Yesterday you turned eight years old and I'm still trying to figure out how that happened.  Because I'm pretty sure that daddy and I were just driving about 20 mph below the speed limit on the way home from the hospital with you last week.  So there's really no way that you can be eight already.

I've been reflecting on the last eight years and I'm feeling pretty certain that I am the luckiest mama on the face of the planet.  I can't believe that I get to be your mom.  You are such an awesome kid.  I don't know many 8 year olds who invite their little brothers to help blow out their birthday candles and help open birthday presents.  You have such a sweet and sensitive heart.  I can't wait to see how Jesus chooses to use you as you continue to grow.

I am so proud to be your mama.  Don't ever doubt that baby girl.  I'll love you forever!

Pictures

I decided to do a photo dump so that I would have these pictures. And while I'm at it, the captions will serve as an update.

 

Eva and her BFF Kate went roller skating with our church. It was like watching two baby giraffes learn to walk. It was slow and precious and there were some awkward falls. But these two girls had so much fun. Sweet friends. I hope their friendship lasts forever. 

Isaac found two pieces of cardboard and slid all around the house one morning. I love his imagination. He can make a game out of anything. He's a fun one to have around! 

At her school's award ceremony, Eva was given the "Outstanding Citizenship" award for her class. Such an honor. So proud of her. She is an awesome kid.

This last Saturday, we celebrated Eva's birthday with a party at a pottery painting place. It was really fun. The girls enjoyed themselves and my amateur cake turned out pretty cute. 

As part of Eva's birthday present this year, I am finally getting around to painting her room. Poor girl, it's bad enough to have your room in the basement. But for it to be black, gray, and eggplant purple is just adding insult to injury. Soon it will be transformed to an adorable girl space. Can't wait to be done! 

I caught the boys playing so sweetly together one morning. It was one of those moments that I'd pictured in my head long before I ever had kids. 

On Mother's Day, this little guy woke up from his nap crying that his ears hurt. This is us waiting for the doctor to tell us he had a double ear infection. Poor guy. No wonder he just did this. But honestly, there was no place I'd rather be on Mother's Day than taking care of my baby boy.

That's it for today! 

And we're back!

The last 6+ weeks have been sort of intense around here.  Although I am still not sure what I was thinking, I signed up to take two 8-week courses at the same time.  I was taking Speech (Public Speaking) and Physics at the same time and I was barely breathing.  Here is what I learned: Physics and I are NOT friends.  Not even a little bit.  Physics is hard enough as it is, but doing it online in eight weeks might have been one of the dumbest things I've ever done.  But I prayed A LOT and God got me through.

At one point during the semester, I panicked because I was certain I was going to fail the class.  I cried and moped around and told Ryan that I didn't know what I was going to do.  But he encouraged me to stick it out and work hard.  We even went to the bookstore and bought an additional book that helped break down some of the math stuff.  I worked really hard.  I pretty much ate and breathed physics.  Going into the final last Friday, I felt confident in how much I had prepared and was feeling decent about the test, but knew that I needed a pretty good grade on the test in order to bring up my C in the class.  (I knew that having anything less than a B in the class would greatly diminish my chances of getting into OT school.)  I just kept praying and telling God that it was all in his hands.

Imagine my shock, surprise, and sheer joy when I finished my final and hit the button that would calculate my grade and it said B!  I almost started laughing right there in the testing center.  I was pumped.  But I still wasn't sure what my final grade in the class was going to be.  I waited as patiently as possible for this Monday and clicked on the "grades" button.  What do you know, I made a B in the class.  It was by the skin of my teeth, but a B is a B is a B.  I could not stop praising Jesus!  It was all because of him.

As the week as gone on and I've had more time to think and process, something as struck me.  Isaac has been asking to sing the same song every night for the last couple of weeks.  The song is: "My God is so BIG, so strong, and so mighty.  There's nothing my God cannot do..."  I was singing this song with him and realizing that although I say I believe that, I wasn't really believing it when it came to me and my physics grade.  God was so sweet to remind me the other night that He cares about everything, even physics.  And He holds all things in his hand.  And he has a plan for me.  It is possible that His plan will not include OT school, but I believe it will and I will trust Him to help me along the way.

He is good!

Family

Last week, my oldest brother and his wife came to visit us. It was so much fun to see and visit with them. We hadn't seen them since last summer. It stinks to have our family so spread out. My middle brother and his wife live in Dallas and we haven't seen them since last summer either.  No bueno! 

Anyway, the kids had so much fun hanging with Uncle Brock and Aunt Auny. My kids love their family so much. When Isaac woke up Saturday morning, he asked where Uncle Brock was.  I reminded him that they'd had to leave and he said. "But they gonna miss me!" Translation: he is going to miss them. 

{clever transition}

Eli has some family members that aren't related to any of us. But don't try to convince him that these guys aren't his family!

This is only half of the family. The rest were involved in some activity at the time of this picture.  Currently they are here:

Taking up about 1/3 of our couch. These dinosaurs are supposed to live in that big green (empty) bucket in the first picture, but they never seem to get in there. When we pick them up and/or threaten to take the dinosaurs away, Eli cries and says that we can't take them because they are his friends. It's just the saddest thing. However, putting the dinosaurs in timeout seems to be a more effective behavior modification plan than putting Eli in timeout. 

So if you come over and we can't offer you a seat on the couch. Please know that it's not just because we're messy. It's just that we can't kick our family off the couch. Maybe we need a bigger living room...and couch...and also house, because the dinosaur family is taking over. 

Spring Break

Our school district does their own version of spring break that essentially consists of two long weekends. I'm not sure I love it, but they didn't ask me so we make the most of it. This weekend was the first part of our break, and it just so happened that Ryan had an all weekend training that he was going to. I didn't want to sit at home all weekend while he worked, so I decided to put on my big girl pants and make the trip to Tulsa with the kids ALL BY MYSELF to see the grandparents/in-laws. I was nervous about it because I've never done that trip alone before. Normally when we stop Ryan and I divide and conquer when it comes to taking kids to the bathroom and stuff. I wasn't sure how it was all going to work. But you know what?! I did it! All by myself. 

Of course, the trip comes with comical stories. Because how could it not?

The trip there was actually pretty uneventful. No big deal. The return trip this afternoon was a whole other story. The stretch of road between Tulsa and Joplin is an almost hour and a half long toll road. No easy exits and really no place to stop. So clearly I made sure every woman and child went to the bathroom before we hit the road. Imagine my surprise when Isaac declares he has to potty smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Minutes later he is crying because he needs to go and even he can tell that there are nothing but pastures and cows for as far as the eye can see! After quickly weighing the pros and cons, I decides to put on my hazards and pull over so he could tinkle in the grass. As soon as I pulled over, Eli also said he had to potty. 

I quickly got Isaac out of his seat, let him potty and buckled him back in. Then I got Eli out, let him go and was buckling him back in as I kept watching the cars whiz past me at 80mph.  And it was as I was buckling Eli and watching out the back window that I saw a state trooper pull up behind me and turn on his lights. My heart started racing.

Am I going to get a ticket? Is it not okay to pull over and let kids pee on the turnpike? These are questions that I did not know the answer to!  So I finished buckling Eli in and was climbing back into the front seat when Mr. State Trooper walks up to my window. I quickly roll the window down while doing a mental check of where my driver's license and insurance are. 

Luckily the very nice trooper only asked if I was okay or if I needed any help. I explained our situation and he chuckled and said okay! He told me to have a good day and then we were all on our separate ways. 

Thankfully the rest of the trip was less eventful. 

We stopped for lunch at Chick-fil-a today and the kids decided to turn in their toys for ice cream. 

I think they liked it. :)

Thanks Mimi and TyTy for a fun weekend!

And thanks Mr. State Trooper for not giving me a ticket. 

Stay. Giggles. Sleep.

I have been putting Isaac to bed almost every night lately. Eli is in a phase of only wanting Ryan to put him to bed, so Isaac and I get the sweet privilege of bedtime routines. We always read a book (and he always picks the longest books!), then sing a song (Jesus loves the little Isaacs, all the Isaacs of the world...), then I tell him that he is my favorite brown-eyed boy in the whole world. After hugs and kisses and goodnights, he looks at me with those big brown eyes, cradles my face in his little boy hands and says, "I want you to stay for me." And then before I can answer he holds up one finger and says, "just one more minute." And I am pretty certain that there isn't a person in the world who could say no to that. So I stay. I lay my head down and hug him tightly, knowing these days are numbered.

And just before I burst into tears every night from all the sweetness, Isaac inevitably starts giggling. Every. Single. Time. And his giggle is absolutely infectious. After he giggles for a second I tell him that his minute is over and mommy has to leave. But there is always a part of me that wants to stay forever and never let him grow up. 

At last he sleeps. The sweet, deep sleep of little boys who play hard all day. 

I'm so thankful for the gift of this little boy!

In between

I'm not sure when parenting became so overwhelming. I'm guessing it happened somewhere between: three children in four years, this little thing called autism, two rambunctious boys in a small house in the winter, or maybe the complete lack of wisdom when it comes to disciplining, or maybe the lack of sleep that I've mentioned once or two hundred times before. I'm not exactly sure, but I know this season is a lot to handle. I find myself deep breathing through a lot of my day just to stay calm.

People love to say things like "God never gives you more than you can handle." To which I like to scream "that's a bunch of bull mullarky!" Yes we have the example of Job in the Bible that was specifically tested and was asked to handle more and more, because God told Satan that Job was strong in his faith. But I think to say that Job was just strong is incomplete. Job had incredible faith in His God. He was tested. He was depressed when he lost it all, but he never turned his back on God, which was the ultimate test of Satan. In the New Testament we see verses like "His power is made perfect in weakness" and "when I am weak then He is strong". I'm only as strong as my dependence on His strength. Lately that doesn't seem very strong. It's a struggle, minute by painstaking minute, to lay down my own frustrations in favor of loving my kids the way that Jesus would love them if he were here in the flesh.  He's not, but His Spirit is living inside of me and it is my ultimate responsibility and goal to show my kids a small glimpse of how much Jesus loves them. 

In this tough season of parenting, that has become my prayer, that I will love them the way He would. I've been trying to make it a habit during the irrational autistic meltdowns to pray "Jesus, help me to love Eli like you would right now." It is helping me to take a deep breath and not let my frustration control me or the situation. 

It's exhausting. 

And I feel like I'm failing at that most of the day. So my new prayer will add that I will feel/accept Jesus' love for me. It comes without condition, without reservation, despite my shortcomings, and in my darkest moments. 

There is no way to fully comprehend that depth of love, but just speaking that truth over my own heart sure does help.

This Week in Pictures

Ryan (who is the resident shopper of the family) bought this game for the boys for Valentine's Day. It's an Angry Birds Star Wars game. They both love it, but Isaac sat at the table on Friday morning and played for two straight hours with this game.  It was pretty cute. 

Eli, our future paleontologist (or Ross Geller, as I like to call him) has spent too much time watching dinosaur documentaries this week and acting them out with the appropriate stuffed toy. And don't think for a second that he will watch a particular segment without having the correct Dino in his hands. It just won't happen. So don't ask. ;)

I took this picture about 30 minutes before he threw up all over me. It was nice while it lasted though. :)

The next day Isaac was feeling much better and was back to stealing stuff out of my make-up drawer while I got ready. He told me that he was building a bird house. Sweet little sugar. :) We are so glad he is better and that no one else got whatever he had. 

So those are my fun pictures for the week. 

I apparently take pictures while Eva is at school so she got left out this week. I will remedy that soon! The fashionista should be photographed! 

Sad Face

This boy. I love him. If I'm being honest, I will tell you that I questioned God A LOT when I found out I was pregnant with this one. And questioned even more in those early months when he was colicky and I never slept for more than an hour at a time and really thought I was going to lose my ever-loving mind. 

But eventually he stopped crying and we started sleeping more (blessed day!) and soon he started living up to his name: "Son of laughter". Such a happy, fun-loving boy God blessed us with. 

Poor guy came down with a nasty stomach bug on Tuesday. He was so sick for about 12 hours before turning the corner. So of course the next two days were spent eating mostly bland foods and rehydrating. Well, Ryan bought a bag of dum-dums for Eva to attach to her Valentine cards for school. He put some on the table for the kids yesterday morning (as part of the table decoration). Without really thinking, I went to take a shower yesterday morning. When I got out, I came to check on the boys and innocent little Isaac was sitting at the table working on his SIXTH sucker! 

When I took the sucker away he gave me that sad little face you see above. It didn't work on me. This is not my first rodeo, little boy! Then I promptly made him go brush his little teeth. 

The suckers are now in the highest cabinet to be dispersed by responsible adults. :)

In which I'm raising a kleptomaniac

These little blue things are lovingly referred to as "my squishy" by Eli. One belongs to us, the other came from his school. Eli keeps a squishy with him most of the time. I keep other ones in my purse  to be used whenever we might need. A squishy is typically very calming for him.

Back in December, I went to the party for Eli's class before Christmas break and that's when I realized that he had the same blue squishy at school that we have at home. I told his teacher and she said that explained why he was so attached to that one. 

Fast forward to Monday, I picked Eli up from school and on the way home he insisted that he hold his backpack. He then pulled out the blue squishy from school. He sort of giggled like he was happy to have it. I told him that he cannot take things from school. He had a hard time understanding why he couldn't have it. He kept telling me that it was his and he wanted to play with it. It was very difficult for him to understand that just because he uses it at school every day doesn't make it his. Very confusing concept for him. 

I put the squishy away when we got home and told him he would not be able to play with it because it belonged to his teacher. His amazing teacher agreed with me that Eli really thinks it belongs to him. So she is starting a new routine with him of putting the squishy away at the end if every school day. 

Hopefully that will prevent any future run-ins with the law. :)

I love my little thief. :) We've laughed about this antic all week. 

Story of my life

I have started several posts over the last week and none of them have actually made it to completion. #storyofmylife

Which brings me to my first story! Our little Eli LOVES music. He always has. He could sing before he could talk. So naturally, he also enjoys a good musical. You can imagine our delight to find "Shrek the Musical" on Netflix a few weeks ago. (Fair warning if you want to see it, it's chock full of dumb bathroom humor. Kinda crass. Eight year old boys would love it.)  After watching it just once, I heard Eli singing the next day and was trying to place the tune. I asked Eva what if she knew what he was singing and she said it was a song from Shrek. The song is called "Story of My Life" and he must really like the tune because he sings it often. It still fascinates me how quickly his brain learns music. 

In other news, we put Isaac in Mother's Day Out one day a week at our church because we realized how desperately he needed more socialization that didn't include Ryan or me. We have learned in the last few months that Isaac doesn't talk to people he doesn't know. He never talks at church until we come to get him and then he chatters on about all he did that morning. His teachers at first looked at us in disbelief because they assumed he wasn't talking yet. He just chooses not to. Hopefully he will choose to talk soon. :) Stubborn little thing. 

Here he was on his first day. He was beyond excited to be going with his Dusty  backpack. 

I love this little boy so much! Such a fun personality. Just wish he would talk so other people could see how funny he is!

Snow Day

Today we are having our first snow day of the school year.  We are supposed to get about ten inches of snow over the next 24 hours, so even Ryan is at home with is today. 

Yesterday I was thinking about the possibility of being snowed in for the next  24-48 hours and trying to think of everything we might need before going to the store. But when I got to the store, I realized I had forgotten my list. Story of my life! :) We'll be fine for the next couple of days, but much longer than that and we will have to start using Kleenex for toilet paper. Ha! 

I also decided that there is so much to love about snow days. I love that we are all stuck here with no pressure to go anyplace or do anything.  

Not to mention watching the snow fall is so peaceful.  So quiet. With the exception of the occasional snow plow, it's pretty still out there. 

Can't say the same for these little boys though. :)

A month later

I've had a lot of blog posts in my head, some that even got started, but none that have actually come to fruition. I think I've realized that January puts me in a funk every year. It's just so cold! We never get to play outside. And this house is small and the children are loud. So blah. 

In keeping with that theme, I'm going to complain for a minute so I can get it all out there and out of my system. Life's not fair. We all know that. But here's the thing. This last month has brought me new reasons to hate autism and the fact that it's a part of our daily vocabulary. Kids with autism require so much attention and redirection and protection. It's exhausting. But here's the bonus that most people don't know about this disorder: kids with autism don't sleep well either. So not only do we get to be exhausted during the day, we get to wake up multiple times at night to put Eli back to bed. Now, before I start feeling too sorry for myself, I will say that for some kids this is every single night. For us, it's more cyclical. We go through a period of him sleeping all night (but always an early riser). And then we go through periods like this last week where we get up multiple times. Thursday night we were up for 2+ hours straight. He doesn't want to play or anything, he's just up. The scary part is that he is getting older and doesn't always come to our room first. One night this week, Ryan found him in the kitchen with the lights on. And this is the point where I train myself NOT to follow the "what if...?" line of thinking. So yeah, autism is a beating. And I'm not even going to talk about the massive meltdown at Target a couple of weeks ago. 

However, there are so many sweet moments that make it easier to forget the bad. Like hearing him pray every night at dinner, "Thank you for this Jesus. And thank you for this Jesus. And thank you for this Jesus. Amen."

Or the way he tells us all "Merry Christmas!" when he gets really happy.  It's much more of a feeling than a season. I love that about him.

Or the way he demands that I come play dinosaurs with him and then does this

He just wants my presence. 

I'll gladly take recommendations for concealing under eye circles! Because I'm guessing I'm not going to be less tired anytime soon. 

But I wouldn't trade that little boy for all of the rest in the world! He had my heart.