Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Serious Sciencemonger Global Warming Information

An unholy alliance of Santa and Al Gore?

Unless your head is permanently stuck into a posterior, you've heard Al Gore and his merry band of global warming alarmists carrying on about how ice is melting, polar bears are starving, penguins are dying, the north pole will be devoid of ice ~~last year,~~ ~~this year,~~ ~~next year,~~ in some indeterminate period of time, etc, etc.

I was curious about the carbon being evil meme after seeing that Domino Sugar actually came out with a version of sugar that is "Carbon Free". And no, I'm not making this up. Found it on various places and sure enough, there's an actual statment on the Domino website that they have carbon free sugar. Which, as you probably know, is no mean feat as a preponderance of the chemical makeup of sugar is, you guessed it, carbon.

Carbon

Atomic Number:	6	Atomic Symbol:	C
Atomic Weight:	12.011	Electron Configuration:	2-4
Shells:	2,4	Filling Orbital:	2p2
Melting Point:	sublimes @ 3500^oC	Boiling Point:	4827^oC
Uses:	making of steels, filters, pencils and many more uses

Since carbon is an element found in sugar, without it you have no sugar. Here, this is the chemical makeup of sugar. Source is wikipedia. See all the C's in there? That's carbon. You cannot have sugar without carbon.

While it is, to me, irritating that Domino is so desperate to be "Green" that they actually claim to have carbon free sugar, I decided to put aside petty differences and instead look deeper into the ramifications that this new and improved carbon free sugar has to offer. What I found totally amazed me...

Enter the Get Stewed Sciencemongers. Tasked with determining how this new and improved sugar could actually be sugar sans the element carbon the Sciencemongers dove in. They cleaned the pizza boxes off, donned lab coats, started up those spinny things, some put tape on glasses and all joined the ranks of the pocket protector club as science oozed forth as if gifted from the firmament.

Firing up the Get Stewed Posi-Tronic Scienc-ey Micr'skope they bustled about hurriedly for hours before ushering me into the boardroom and showing me that the carbon in Domino Sugar had been replaced by a new element. Amazing. Earth shattering news, and my humble band of Sciencemongers figured this out all by themselves in just a few hours. Amazing what a lab coat and a few spinny things can do eh?

The image below shows the new element contrasting the previous presence of Carbon:

You can clearly see a new chemical element where the carbon was. What is the new element? Simple, it's Algoricol. A new element. The Sciencemongers gave Algoricol the abbreviation of MBP for Man-Bear-Pig.

Now this is earth shattering and interesting and all that. But what, you may ask, does this have to do with an unholy alliance between Santa and Al Gore? Because that is what this is really all about you see. Well, I'll tell you. The chemical makeup of our base sucrose sugar is; C₁₂H₂₂O_11. When the C₁₂_. is removed, you're left with H₂₂O_11.

Another way of writing this is H₂O x 22. What does this leave us with? HHo As an Hh creates a silent second "h", we get Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho!

Which can only be either Charlie Sheen on a two night coke bender, a snippet of a sermon by Jesse Jackson or Santa.

Forget media bias, union thuggery, or even racist Tea Partiers, the real danger here is Al Gore and Santa working in unison to bring us a world barren of snow and carbon.

Now if I don't win a Nobel Prize for science after this, the whole thing is rigged. RIGGED I SAY!!!

Monday, October 4, 2010

(Un)juxtapose?

Just sayin'...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Joke Time (featuring a cameo by W)

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Monday, April 12, 2010

My sentiments exactly...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Joke Time

From oldjewstellingjokes.com

Friday, April 9, 2010

Obama and the Nuclear Treaty Issues

So our President wants to reduce the number of Nukes we have and pledges not to use nuclear weapons against any country which also doesn't have nuclear weapons. Interesting in a crazy sort of way. Perhaps he's forgotten completely about detente. Or maybe there is some other way to apply a special secret mixture of Hope and Change that will bring about whirled peas that we, the Hoi Polloi, simply aren't aware of yet.

Regardless, I wouldn't particularly worry all that much. I mean it's not like that man has told the truth about ANYTHING so far. Reference the healthcare bill. It's "reducing costs", "expanding coverage", "making healthcare fair". HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Not to mention the "healthcare" bill now provides Student Loans. Which makes perfect sense as healthcare and student loans are practically the same thing. Sure.

I took the liberty of running some of Obama's statements through the Get Stewed Sciencemonger's new Translat-O-Ramabama machine (made especially to translate Obama into actual truthful statements).

He's saying that we are going to reduce the number of nuclear weapons.

Translation, he's privy to a special physics principal which allows puppy breath to be converted into a specialized gas which will kill Russians and anyone named Putin.

He's saying that we won't use Nuclear weapons against any country.

Translation, we will kill you (unless you are a Teletubby).

I grow weary of typing. The sweet girl wants pineapple.

Stew out~

Monday, April 5, 2010

From Giglish

John Edwards's mistress, Rielle Hunter, said she doesn't like the word "mistress."

Maybe she would prefer the term: adulterer hose-bag skank-bucket?

- Alex Kaseberg