A useful Lesson in Relationship Finance

Almost everyone at some time when you were growing up, played marbles or at least knew it was being played. This was a sort of medium of exchange we can all relate to. You want some marbles your friend has so you trade marbles you have for theirs; you borrow marbles and share marbles and so on. If you have a friend who is always taking marbles and never giving marbles in return you don’t want to be friends with him. So you play with kids who know how to give and take. We are all familiar with the Relationship Bank; you make deposits and withdrawals in your individual relationship accounts with people. Successful people follow these rules. Our whole lives we are familiar with this give and take relationship, the only relationship that this principle doesn’t apply to is with our parents, we usually are always taking marbles from them and they are, oh so happy to give us marbles, until of course they lose all their marbles and then we end up taking care of them so I guess it still works out. So on we go managing our relationships in the currency of marbles.

Then we get married. This relationship is unlike all our other relationships. It is the only family relationship we make by choice. It is an eternal relationship. It is the relationship that can bring us closer to God. This is a big deal! What I realized is that the medium of exchange changes In this relationship. Instead of trading for things with marbles the little nuggets in our hands are made of solid gold. Those little things we do are costing us far more than we first supposed. For example, if you get tied up and make it late to a friend’s party it is one thing. If you get tied up and are late to your wife’s party it is something else entirely. What I didn’t realize was that the little things I was doing like, staying away longer than I said I would, or over-committing my time to other people because I can’t say no, buying something I know Garen will think is a waste of money, etc. these seemingly little things were not, in fact costing me marbles like I thought. These things were costing me unity with my husband, the most precious thing in my life. He was feeling that when I do those things I am distancing myself from him. Feeling at times pushed away and neglected and like I didn’t value him or his desires. Before I realized the currency thing I couldn’t understand why a seeming little withdrawal had put me so far in the negative. Well the answer is because I was trading solid gold like it was worth a marble. It doesn’t matter how great the relationship is you can bankrupt a small country if you continue doing that.

Now, I think of things differently. When I am at the store I think to myself, “I would rather have a happy husband than _____” and so I put it back on the shelf. And instead of thinking “oh I wish I could go to _______ but Garen would be mad.” I think “it would be fun to go but I would rather go be with my happy husband.”  When I think about it, oneness and joy with my husband is the main thing that makes my happy world go round. Nothing else means anything without it. There isn’t anything that I would sensibly trade for it. The problem I had was, that I was trading it for silly little things. Unity and joy with Garen is so precious to me. It makes my world brighter. It fills my cup to overflowing and I have the energy and capacity to do more and be more because of it. I didn’t realize that I was throwing it away for silly, trivial, nonsense.  This realization was powerful for me so I thought I would share it.

Hi, it's me, your mom, the fun mom, remember?

Here's the thing. I think I am a super fun mom. If it is fun, I am in! If it is a party, I'm there! Jumping on the bed, pillow fights, blanket forts, sleeping outside on the tramp, setting up tents in the house, riding scooters and trikes in the house, playing keep off the floor with every couch cushion and pillow in sight, eating wherever you want, smoothies for dinner, Gelato, cake, fresh baked bread, I broke my foot playing with them for crying out loud, family dances, tickle fights, sleeping under the Christmas tree, laser tag, hide and seek, jumping on the tramp together, swimming every day in the summer. I could go on and on. You would think I could get some credit for being reasonably fun, right? So when Trent asked me if he could have a sleepover and I said no he whined and moaned about how I was just being mean and totally not fun. REALLY? Me, not fun?!?!? I am not a fan of sleepovers. They are statistically very scary. They are the number one place where children are first exposed to porn, sex, molestation, smoking, alcohol, dirty jokes, rated R movies, etc…. I know he is just ten but by the time you say yes a hundred times it is hard to say no and then something bad happens and you wish you had never said yes the first time. It is like wearing your seat belt; you can’t wait for an accident to put it on because by then you are too late. All the way home from school I explained why I couldn’t say yes. You would have thought Trent was a poor fun starved kid with no excitement in his life. I thought that because I am all about fun, as long as it is safe, my kids would give me the benefit of the doubt when I say "no" it is not worth the risk. Everything has risk. Getting up in the morning is a risk, staying in bed is a risk. Driving in a car is a risk. Walking on the sidewalk is a risk. We evaluate the risk of something and take steps to minimize those risks the best we can. Then we use that information to make good choices. To me the fun of a sleepover is not worth the risk. Neither are three wheelers or four wheelers, for that matter.  All this I explained to the kids several times and still he gave me the “I am not going to do anything bad, why don’t you trust me, you just don’t want me to have fun” load of crap, speech! I perfected that speech as a kid. Now that I am in in charge I have tried everything I could possibly do to avoid hearing that speech from my kids. I give up. You can’t be fun enough. No still sucks, no matter how many yes’s you’ve heard. Sigh….. Another unrealistic expectation bites the dust. Such is parenting.

Well you asked for it and here it is, and by you I mean Tricia, so back by popular demand, I am gonna start blogging again. I enjoy it and I think of it like therapy that you give yourself. So I am gonna start making time for it again, now that my foot is all busted and stuff, hopefully…..

Guilt on top.

Here is the thing I have been thinking about lately. It is all part of the “don’t judge me, Risa” campaign that I have begun. I heard once in church that "you can’t ever be too pretty or too rich to avoid trouble." I think that means that no matter what, your life is gonna be hard at times. It seems like whenever I feel weighed down by the trouble in my life, I always add two big scoops of guilt on top for feeling so bad about my great life. As I am on my hands and knees cleaning up a full quart of yogurt off the tile floor I think to myself I should be glad I even have a floor or food that my 4 year old can spill onto it. Well I don’t feel any better, now I feel worse because I am ungrateful about my floor and my yogurt and depressed that I have to clean it up. I think of all the people in the world that don’t even have clean water and how they would kill to have my rinky-dink worries. Next thing I know the judgment, guilt, and depression spin out of control, and pretty soon I find myself crying myself to sleep and feeling bad about feeling so sad when I should be happy all the time cuz my life is so easy. Well here is the news flash it is impossible to be happy all the time and no matter how much we have or how perfect out lives seem on paper, it will still be hard at times. So, you don’t have to feel guilty for being upset over the troubles in your life. And if that person who doesn’t have clean water suddenly had your life pretty soon they would be upset about the yogurt also. And next time you see that girl that is cuter than you and has nicer, quieter kids and more money and a better car and better hair and clothes etc. you can console yourself with the thought that she is probably crying herself to sleep just as often as you are. And if that thought can’t make you a littler happier than nothing will. :0)

Tis’ the Season

My goal to have ALL my Christmas shopping before Dec 1^st was a complete success!!! I highly recommend it. Trust me and do your self a favor and get it DONE. Then you can relax and enjoy the real meaning of the season.

Speaking of being idealistic I had a breakthrough. You know how you envision these family moments that will play out like a church commercial and you have it all planned out. Well we all know that you only end up horribly disappointed and angry. I usually give up, and end up yelling or someone ends up in tears and there it is. I saw a pass along card at church that said “Family happiness can last Forever” and I wanted to scream “Really cuz I am just trying to get it to last 10 minutes!!” So here is the breakthrough.

Instead of attempting to create the “reality” of the moment to be blissful (which will not happen) we need only make the “memory” of the event a sweet blissful memory. So no matter how disappointed you are with what is actually happening you can sooth yourself with the knowledge that when it is remembered it WILL be sweet and blissful, IF you can control your disappointment and not foul it all up.

This helped me survive my children “helping” me wrap presents. First you need the background. I LOVE wrapping presents!! I love buying wrapping paper and ribbon and bows. I had to take a picture so you can appreciate the artistry. Sometimes I have to look away when they are opened Christmas morning.

So here we are in the Christmas wrapping room which totally looks like Christmas came in here and threw up all over. But once again I have it all planned out in my head how we will wrap beautiful presents together and they will be smiling and happy with music playing in the background and it will be great!!! HA HA HA Well the whole time I just kept reminding myself that no matter how horrid the present looks after they are done the “memory” of the event is the important thing. So I kept my cool and squashed my disappointment when Shea put a maroon bow on bright red paper and Trent folded the ends so the back of the paper was showing. I just took deep breaths and smiled and smiled till they were gone and I could curl up in a ball and eat chocolate until the pain subsided. So there it is the breakthrough. Focus on making the memory magical and after time smoothes out the wrinkles it will be like a church commercial fuzzy edges around the sides of the frame and all!!!

Thanksgiving

We have so many things to be thankful for this year. We have been doing a Thankful Jar for family night every week we each put something in the Jar that we are grateful for. For family night we read all the things we had been thankful for throughout the year it was so fun. We had an Austin Thanksgiving. Unfortunately all I took pictures of was the table. Ummmm yeah so apparently food is the most important thing to me. I love to decorate the table and have everything be fancy, so here is the picture of my pretty table.

Also random pictures of the kids, they love to play together and when they are worn-out sleep together. I love my little cuddle kids.

My Awesome Grandpa Austin

My Grandpa Austin died today. He is one of the main the reasons I am so honored to be an Austin. I am thrilled that my children will have his legacy of faithful determination. All our lives are better for his example. His favorite song is Danny Boy it is such a sweet and sorrowful song, it brings me comfort to listen to it.

Recently as we made our kids help us work in the yard in response to their complaints, we took the opportunity to tell them what is so special about being an Austin, aside from being incredibly good looking that is :0) We told them that we are Austins and so we can do hard things, we don’t quit, even when we want to give up, we keep going. We are faithful people who love our Savior and love to serve Him. We are Austins and so you can count on us to be where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there. We are Austins and so we wash our hands before we eat. We are Austins and that means that we work hard! We are not afraid of an honest days work. In fact we love it!

I am grateful for these lessons that have been passed down from Grandpa Austin. I love being in his home, I never felt like a stranger, he knew my name before we met for the first time and hugged me like I was one of his own. I saw how lovingly he took care of Grandma Austin as her health failed, no one could have been more tender and attentive to her than he was. I saw him testify to his children of the truthfulness of the Gospel in times of terrible sorrow, I heard him speak to his Savior like they were dear friends. When he spoke of his testimony it was as if he grew in stature and he seemed to me more of a pillar of strength and humble faith, than a man, for that is what he is to us.

We will miss you Grandpa

Ellsworth Family Reunion

There is nowhere else I’d rather be than at a family reunion. We drove to Utah to go to my family reunion. My family is not as old as Garen’s family and so we still have week long reunions. We had a blast It was super fun.!!! We spent the 4th of July in Flagstaff with LaShelle, Mom, Dad and Amy; Brad made the BEST meat I think I have ever had. Lunch was yummy all over the place. I ate way too much. Then we drove up to Utah to camp with the family. I use the term “camp” loosely because we had bathrooms and showers and slept in cabins.

We ran up to salt lake on Wednesday to go to the temple open house it was beautiful, and would have been much nicer if I was deaf because Wes screamed THE WHOLE TIME!!! I was about to loose my mind. But I did get to see my mom’s side of the family in Salt Lake for a day and that was way fun.

There were fun activities planed for the kids from crafts to making their own parade hats and drums included. Thanks to everyone who did all the hard work so we all could just show up and enjoy it!!! Thanks everyone!!!

Austin Family Reunion

The second weekend in June is always the Austin Family reunion. There are few things you can count on in this world but this is one of them. We went up on the mountain with Garen’s parents and let the kids play. The wind was so bad they had to stay in the trailer. Then we went down and saw Grand-Pa Austin at his house. We like to spend time with him. He is just the greatest old guy you ever met. Then we stayed with my cousin Cindy. I had a blast talking to her all night. In the morning is the reunion at the park. We ate good food and the kids played themselves silly. I love having family there is nothing like it in the world.

Happy Fathers Day

We love our Fathers!!! The kids really love having a party and barely need a reason. But with Fathers day they really went overboard. We did the usual Sunday morning breakfast in bed, the kids had to send Garen back to bed because he tried to get up 5 min before breakfast was ready. Then we had dinner with my parents over and that was fun. The kids made cards and it was a good day. We gave Garen pictures of the kids in a frame for work. I gave my dad a 5 x 7 with them all on it for his desk. It was sweet. Then on Monday the kids wanted to have a father’s day party.

They wanted to make something “big” Trent informed me. So we decided to make a piñata. This party took us all day to prepare for. I think we started at 9 in the morning and we were still doing the finishing touches as he walked in the door after 5. All I can say is thank goodness for youtube I showed them a clip on how to make a piñata and then they “helped” me make ours. They don’t have the patience to do more than one layer, so I did the rest.

After that we cleaned and made the cake and went to the dollar store to get the stuff to put in the piñata. It was a fun day. They wanted to hide and throw balloons at him when he came in. This, I think was their favorite part. They made a cake and put up streamers and everything.

There is nothing like a Dad that is for sure, they are our heroes, they are bigger and stronger then the world. They let us know that we are safe and loved. Our fathers are the link to teaching us what our father in heaven is like. Yes, there will come a day when you realize that your dad doesn’t know everything (it came as a shock to me) but by then they have hopefully pointed us to our Father in Heaven who does. I am grateful for the fathers in my life. My dad is my hero, he is also my friend, and one of the things that I have always cherished is that my dad always cared about what was going on in my life. I have spent hours talking his ear off, even as a kid and I think I still do. He always made time for me and still does. Thanks Dad for making me feel like your little princess! And Happy Father’s Day!!!

I love this picture of Garen and his Dad. They are such a cute pair. He is the best father in law a girl could hope for. He taught my honey what it means to be a real man. It means to be a provider and hard worker, someone the Lord can count on to always, be where he is supposed to be. Thanks dad for being you and I sure do love being your Risa-Girl!!!

Happy Father’s Day!!!

Professional Pictures of the Kids

So I uploaded some pictures of the kids to walmart.com and they just called saying that they can’t print them out because they are professional pictures and I was like, no they aren’t cuz I took them myself in my backyard. So, now I have to go down there and sign a form stating that I took them myself for copyright purposes. So I am going to take that as a compliment.

May Madness!!!

So Trent’s birthday launches our biggest holiday season of the year. 5 day’s after Trent’s birthday is mine and then two weeks later is our anniversary which is our family birthday and then 4 days after that is Garen’s birthday and somewhere in there is mother’s day and at the beginning of June is Wes’s birthday and there you have it. We have been making cakes and buying presents right and left. It is a good thing Shea’s birthday isn’t for two months because I don’t really want to make another cake.

So here we are with our family birthday cake. Our family is 9 years old this year!!! The time has seemed to go by so fast and yet it is hard to remember when we weren’t a family. Even little Wes seems to have always been a part of our family. I guess that is just how it goes.

For our family birthday present we got the kids a PET!!! We are easing into it with a Gecko. His name is Bill. It took us several days to name him. The kids LOVE him. Right now his cage stays on the kitchen counter until I can trust the kids not to love him to death. So far he doesn’t stink, doesn’t take too much work and he likes to be held. That is the pet trifecta. So far so good.

Wes is 1!!! He is already walking and is just a joy to have in our family. He is into everything and just learned how to open closed doors!!! I know, he is starting to rock my world. He loves to be part of the action. When we kneel to have family prayer we never have to go get him, he just comes; he wants to be part of what ever we are doing. Wes is sweet and happy. He loves phones and remotes and well, basically anything you are using. He loves anything that has to do with the computer and really loves chewing on electrical cords of all kinds. He is starting to learn how to give kisses, it is so sweet, only thing is, if you don’t pay attention he will bite your face, we are still working on it. Happy birthday Wes, We love you!!!

Trent Michael - 7 years old

It was Trent’s Birthday this week. We had a family party and LaShelle helped me make the cake and by helped I mean she pretty much did the whole thing.

We had like 3 days of partying and he had a blast. I love that kid. He is a wonderful Son. I could go on and on about how sweet and helpful he is. He is a good student and is very curious. He is also a natural leader. I go to help out at the school in his classroom and if I get my stuff done I go to lunch and play with him at recess. His friends all play together and if someone wants to join they will ask if they can play, after a brief pause Trent will look up at them and say “Sure, you can dig right here we are building a volcano like this” he is not bossy just helpful. He loves school and wants to go even when he is sick, on some mornings he will ask to stay home so he can play with Shea, this warms my heart. He is a good big brother and very reliable, I ask him to help me a lot. Happy birthday my fantastic Trent I love you!!!.

Trees, Trees, Trees

So with conference last week my sister and her family and my parents came to help us plant our trees. What would you do without family? We planted and then took a break to watch conference together. Marci made conference packs for the kids so they could color and take notes on the speakers.

The trees are so beautiful. Thanks Aaron!!!!!! I can see them from my bedroom window when I wake up and I am so happy.

Orange season! We have been eating oranges like crazy. We picked oranges from trees that belong to a family in our ward. My arms were all scraped up but the kids had fun. But next time I spend $5 on a gallon of orange juice I am not going to complain. It is a crazy good deal.

The Sound of Music. Garen is teaching himself and the kids to play the piano. They are so cute together. They want to learn everything he is playing, what is with the lyrics in those beginning piano books, the gray goose is dead, marry the old woman, who is 93? I can’t figure it out. Luckily, Garen has moved on to playing hymns it is so sweet to hear him play.

Who needs to go to the Beach when you have a back yard full of gravel? The kids decided to do this as I was trying to rush out the door to Enrichment. So instead of yelling I got the camera, then gave Shea a bath. We were late and my gravy was runny but you are only a kid once, thank goodness.

Trent had his first field trip to the zoo the last week of March. We had fun. We rode with Gracie’ mom, my friend Suzie and so Trent and Gracie got to be in the same group. We stayed longer than the rest of the school so we got to see more stuff. We had to go to the sting ray exhibit twice, as usual.

When they are not burying themselves in the rocks there were plenty of tree holes to play in. I soaked the dirt so it would be easier to dig out and well that is a perfect recipe for mud monsters. Mandy’s kids came to play and well we had to bathe them after that too. I am coming to the conclusion that all fun child activities require a bath immediately afterwards.

I help with a produce co-op, I get up before 6 in the morning on Saturday, so I can feed the baby and get there in time. Suzie and I are in charge of our site. We have 100 regular baskets and 40 organic baskets. I love it. We do it every other Saturday. It saves me hundreds of dollars in produce every month. Look it up bountifulbaskets.org, you won’t be sorry.

True Love Challenge

In Stake Conference we had Elder Nelson come to our stake. It was awesome!!! He said that as he looked out at us and thought of what to teach us he thought that the most important thing is what we should teach our children. He gave us a list, it was like teach them to love the Lord and teach them to love work and to love tithing and love service that kind of stuff. I thought that a wonderful reminder. Another awesome thing he said is that we should make ourselves as attractive as we can for our spouses, in our dress, hobbies, attitudes and behavior, in every way.
Another thing that was said was that we should do an act of “True Love” every day. I love this!!! It has become a fun thing for me to do. It is fun to try and find something that would express true love to my honey. The funny thing is that it isn’t some big thing like you would think. I have found the greatest joy in doing small kind things for him. I usually do more than one a day but it is fun to think of things to do. I think acts of true love make you a better person and bring true joy to your life.
It doesn’t even have to be something that the other person will even notice. For example and I know you will think this is funny but one of my acts of true love is simply that I waited to go to the bathroom until after Garen was done. I know that he has a pattern in which he gets ready for bed and I waited so I didn’t mess up his routine, it is so silly and so simple but it made me happy the whole time I was getting ready. Love, when expressed is such a powerful thing. It changes everything and has such a transforming quality about it. And most times it does just as much for the giver than the receiver. So, do an act of true love every day. It will be fun and help you to be happier. Trust me!!!

What we’ve been up to

Well we went to Flagstaff to play in the snow. LaShelle and Brad are building us a cabin in the woods, so we can go up there to play in the winter in the snow and in the summer when it is too hot here. As payment for building us a vacation home we are going to let them live there all year round. It works out great. This is a picture of us in our room. (the guest room)

We are so excited for LaShelle to finally have her Dream House. They even put an outlet in the pantry for the wheat grinder. We had a blast, but Dallin was sick, poor little guy

So he couldn’t play in the snow with the rest of the kids.

We borrowed snow stuff from my friend Jen and so the kids played outside for almost 2 hours.

When they came back in Trent said “mom it is so fun out there!!” so yeah we had a blast.

Then Garen got to borrow a really nice car for a week. He loved it. I was giving him a hard time for giggling like a school girl when ever he drove it until I drove it to Target. I called him and gave him a very giggly apology. He was right it was really fun!!!

Mandy (my sister-friend) had her baby, so we had her boys, Carson and Mitchell come for a sleep over.

Trent missed his school party so we had a party of our own. Shea got to invite her best little girl friend Jade and Trent invited Michael his little best friend. We had crazy messy party fun.

Garen put up Wes’s bay swing it is a little high so we will have to get some chains but he loves it, When Garen put it him in it he laughed for 5 min straight.

So I have been digging a hole for our new trees. Mom came over and said that I am running out of time. Well there is nothing for motivating a procrastinator like telling them they are almost out of time. So I have been digging holes. It is freaking hard. But satisfying, unless of course your kids help you and then you have to dig the hole twice because when they try to move the completely full wheel barrow and dump the dirt back in the hole you are digging. I thought I would loose my mind. Here I thought I was doing something that the kids wouldn’t undo the second my back was turned. Well once again I was totally wrong. After cooling down a bit from that I came in the house and looked at my Young Women’s lesson and it was about having a positive attitude about motherhood even if it seems like drudgery. Needless to say I was not really excited about that topic at the moment. But here it is in all its glory My Hole!!! It took me three days to finish but I only worked for about 5 hours. I didn’t even get any blisters. And pretty soon there will be a beautiful tree right there and hopefully it will be there forever, unless the kids somehow kill it. That would be just my luck.

This is me and my crazy kids. It was hard to find a picture that didn’t have Wes drooling on my face or Trent smashing my head and Shea pulling my hair. But here we are playing on the floor. We do have fun most of the time.