Why Adoption?

Brian and I have been married almost eight years.  Prior to getting married, God placed each of us in situations where we saw firsthand the need for adoption and orphan care.  For me, it began most vividly during my trip to Russia in 1999.  For four weeks, my team and I stayed with a pastor's family.  They had one biological child and had just adopted a young boy into their family.  While we had very little discussion regarding this, I observed and watched a pastor and his wife who had very little provide a loving family and home for a child.  I had heard and read about orphanages in Russia and Eastern Europe, so I pondered what this meant for this young child.  Then, during my two years in Turkey, my world was opened to a whole new reality.  I was struck by the small children on the streets.  At first I assumed that these were simply children of poor families, but I was soon introduced to the idea that many of these children were eventually trafficked.  My safe and innocent upbringing had a hard time comprehending this.  Orphaned due to death or disease...that I could get my mind around.  But orphaned and sold for money?  Bought without intending to provide family?  In this day and age?  That literally broke my heart.  While I do not know the outcome of many of the children I saw, their faces were seared into my memory and the idea of adoption was planted.

It was the summer I returned from living in Turkey that I met Brian and it was on a mission trip to Mexico that we got to know each other.  It was there, working in orphanages and loving on children that I saw Brian's heart.  I do not think that was coincidence...it was God leading us to this time and this moment.  As a couple we have been active in other trips to care for orphans.  Our trip to China together truly opened our eyes to the "unwanted" orphans who have special needs and medical conditions that make them less than desirable in the world's eyes. 

 But can I just plug in here...interrupt the story...those kids ARE desirable.  They are valuable.  They were created in the image of my Creator...regardless of what the world says.  God loves them...and if He loves them, I ought to show them love as well.  And honestly, they ARE incredibly lovable.

 Soooo...back to the story...after the premature birth of our second son, Levi, we began to explore possibilities of adoption (you can read about Levi's story from our blog back in 2010).  As I was doing research and reading and educating myself, God opened my heart wide open to adoption.  There are so many orphans who may never know the love of a family...and here we were, with plenty of room (by the world's standard) and willing to grow our family and open our hearts to give a child an imperfect chance to experience God's beautiful institution of family.  However, God had other plans and 20 months later, our third child, Isaac was born. :)  

It was not long after the birth of Isaac that I began to pray fervently whether God would lead us to adopt our fourth (or fifth, or sixth...) child. I committed my heart to prayer and promised myself that I would wait until God led Brian to the same conclusion.  So I remained silent…and prayed.  It was in Guatemala on a trip to Village of Hope (another orphanage for children with special needs) with members from Brian’s football team that my prayer was clearly answered. Midway through the week, I walked into the dining room while Brian was reading his Bible and he looked up at me and simply said, “I’m ready.  When we get home, let’s see what we need to do.” 

And so, after three biological children, we are following God’s long-time tug on our hearts to add one more through adoption.  One concern others have voiced to us is the impact it will have on our children...you know, to add a child our family.  My answer is usually two-fold.  One...I hope it does impact them.  Two...would a biological child change the dynamic of our family?  Ummmm...

Of course we are entering the unknown.  But, God's got this...and I don't mean he's going to make this turn out perfectly...but if He calls and tugs and leads, then He will equip.  It isn't up to me to determine the outcome of all of this. Maybe this isn't about me.  Maybe this isn't about our family.  Maybe this isn't about what the world thinks makes sense.  Maybe...this is about Him.  We aren't all called to adopt.  But without a doubt, Brian and I feel we are and we are stepping out on faith...excited to lean fully on Him...willing to press deeply into Him.  All...all of it...for His glory.

Blessings!

This particular post of for those of you who have asked me to share a bit more about our decision to adopt.  As you can see...read...I've been MIA for over a year.  For some of you, our decision to adopt may seem...well...a bit "out of the blue."  It will be almost impossible for me to recount the entire journey...because for both Brian and I the seed planted in our hearts to adopt was laid on our hearts before we ever met each other.  But that would require more time and words than I am able to write...and you want to read.  But...Brian did gently urge me to get back into blogging and let our friends and family know where this decision came from and to allow those who are interested to walk this path with us through words.

Unfortunately...I probably won't get to many details in this post.  However, in order to prepare you for our journey...I'd like to share a journal entry from the end of 2013.  At the end of each year I try to sit...for a long time...and look back.  Fortunately for me, my birthday is December 31, so often this is one of my birthday gifts from my family.  I spend ALL morning at Starbucks...ALL BY MYSELF.  This year I listed each month of 2013 and wrote out all the significant events from each month that I could remember.  No calendar in front of me to remind me of the busyness of the year...but just my own thoughts and memories.  Then...I sat and looked forward.  I listed everything that I knew would happen in 2014.  At the top of that list was "adoption."  As I was pondering how to share where our desire and decision to adopt came from...or how it started I want to share two quotes from that time alone:

"We see how great our God is by stepping out on faith in obedience-not by living a safe, comfortable life."  (I can't document this quote because I don't know who said it).

"Sometimes obedience may look a little crazy...to everyone else...but sometimes what looks like risk to others is simply obedience to the one stepping out in faith."  (paraphrase of Addisyn Block).

And then...a few days later I wrote this:

What if There is More?

What if there is more?  More than Comfort-warm home

                                                                  eating healthy

                                                                  fitness

                                                                  ease of life

                                                     Things- clean home

                                                                  nice furniture

                                                                  two cars

                                                                  fashionable clothes

                                                      Reputation-travel

                                                                  work

                                                                  friends

What if we are missing out on some of God's greatest spiritual blessings because we are chasing his physical blessings and content to chase only that which we see?

What if the "more" we are looking for is actually within reach, but in order to reach out we have to let go?

What if our lives looked just like we dreamed, just like we wanted...do we ever wonder what if it looked like God wanted it to?

What if we bowed before God with arms empty?

What if we said, "what do I need to give up in order to get more?"

What if that "more" is simply Jesus and we can't see him because our arms are full of his blessings of 

              family     houses     football     clothes

              friends    cars        music         technology

              trinkets   furniture?

What if we had to-what if we were asked to give it all up?

What if we stopped saving for the next upgrade?

What if we said "yes?"

What if all that was left was Jesus?

Would that be enough?

Would we give that up?

Would we give?

Would we go?

What if we stopped striving?

What if we gave up a few things?

What if we gave?

What if we looked and lived so drastically different?

What if we served more rather than earned more?

What if we gave time more than money?

What if we sent?

What if we gave up more than we acquired?

What if we saw Jesus?

What if we prayed--radically prayed?

What if...?

What if Jesus is waiting on the other side of our stuff?

What if there is more?

These are the things that I asked myself as 2013 wrapped up...and 2014 began.  We had already decided to start the adoption process...but I hadn't made myself officially send in that lengthy application.  There are a lot of "what ifs" in life...but sometimes what looks like risk to some is really obedience to others.  If you really want to know what is at the root of our adoption...look at Jesus.  Look at our Father who adopted me.

There is more to tell...but that will have to wait until next time. :)

Blessings!

Jodi  

Torn

In just a couple of days, at 6 a.m. I will load up my three kiddos and drive 5 1/2 hours to meet my parents. We will eat lunch, transfer their things, and I will kiss them goodbye for eight days. Ugh! Hard! And yet, this opportunity has opened conversations to talk with our kids about God's love for orphans. Yes, I get weepy when I think about saying goodbye to my kids for a week...but I also get weepy when I think of the millions of boys and girls without parents or homes to call their own. So, if I could describe my emotional state right now in one word, that word would be TORN. I am leaving my kids with grandparents and family who love them unconditionally, where they will have the time of their lives being with their grandparents in a way they've never been before...and yet somehow I feel like I'm leaving my post, my job, my responsibility. On the other hand, I am going to a place of extreme poverty for one week to build a home...a permanent home for orphans. This is not just another orphanage we are building...but family homes where house parents will actually provide homes for 6-10 children with HIV/AIDs who have no hope of being adopted or cared for by anyone else. My part is so small...and yet God is so big. And then, there is the look on Culley's face when we talk about boys and girls who don't have moms and dads who love them...who take care of them...who are alone. My heart breaks as she tries to understand the consequence of sin in the world and the impact it has on beautiful children...children my little girl would befriend in a heartbeat. I hate having to share that reality with her. BUT, my prayer is she will see a need to love the orphan as God has called us to love them...and she in turn will serve as hopefully she sees her mom and dad serving...and that she will give all of her resources and gifts and life to the service of Jesus Christ. So, while this is hard I know that it is also one more example to my children of giving of ourselves to further the cause of Christ. Would you please pray for our team...for the seven football players who are going (not all would claim to be Christians...pray for their salvation), for the four coaches and three wives who will accompany us on this trip. Please pray for our children we leave behind...for the moms and dads who are worried about their boys leaving the country for the first time...for the beautiful orphans we will meet...for the missionaries we will bless...for our travel...for our spiritual growth...for God's glory to radiate through us...and for seeds to be planted. I pray that those who read this would look for ways in their own lives to sacrificially give of their time and resources to further serve our Lord...our Savior...our King. It is why we were saved...it is why we are here...it is our life's calling. Blessings, Jodi

One of Those Days

Even if you don't have children, I think many of you will be able to relate to this post. Yesterday was just one of those days. I knew...as soon as I woke up...I knew deep in my spirit that it was going to be a battle for joy, patience, and right thinking. Why? Nothing happened that I can think of...and definitely nothing that stood out in my memory, but I've had enough of these days to identify them...and I knew that if I was going to get through this day parenting without regret, I'd better get on my knees! I sent the kids to the basement to watch a little PBS...got on my knees and prayed. Now, I'd like to say I felt instant ease and peace and joy, that I made it through the day without mistakes in being a mother and wife, but that's not the reality. But at the end of the day, I realized that I made it leaning on the Holy Spirit more than before. Yesterday was such a good reminder to me that God doesn't always change our circumstances or our moods...but He gives us the strength to battle through and respond the right way when faced with different feelings and situations on "one of those days." I'm so grateful to God for providing the strength yesterday. And really...when I look at my children I couldn't be more grateful for the job He has called me to! Wow...I'm grateful for another day today...because His mercies are new every morning. But I don't want to discount His mercies to me yesterday as He helped me battle my emotions and my flesh and I pray that yesterday, although not perfect, was a step closer to becoming like Christ. Blessings as you battle as well... Jodi

Update

I finally feel like I'm back on my feet. Today, anyway. Ask me tomorrow and I might have just fallen flat on my face. But for now, we'll pretend like I'm up and running. I figured it was time for an update on the Fish family...or else I might just need to shut this blog down. It seems that this third baby-thing has been a challenge. Not so much in maintaining my home (I always struggle with that) but in doing anything other than maintaining my duties as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Culley will be four in May and I just can't get over how much she has grown. I feel as though she has finally made some friends her own age and she is quite the social butterfly. She informed her daddy this morning that she will be a cheerleader, basketball player, gymnast, AND a ballerina when she gets bigger. How we will afford all those lessons and classes I'm not quite sure...but we won't spoil those dreams just yet. She LOVES to do all things school related and through the year we've been doing some preschool at home. I had high aspirations of teaching her the alphabet and all things language related...on week two of a 26-week program I purchased and bought her The Letter Factory video...and after two afternoons she knew her letters and the sounds that go with each. Who needs a 26-week program? Levi is pretty much in heaven if he has a ball in his hand. Each day he gets dressed if he doesn't have a ball on his shirt, I really have to "play it up" how cool the dinosaur/truck/etc is instead of the ball. He is pretty much his Grandpa Lambert...even his mannerisms remind me of my dad. He adores his older sister, copying her every move...and finally after seven months he has given acknowledgement to his younger brother. Isaac...well...his name says it all. Isaac means "laughter" and for some reason, this smiling boy fits his name perfectly. Within a month he rolled over and started crawling all over our house. I thought that maybe I would get one child who was an introvert and laid back...nope...not a one. I will give more details as the days/weeks go by, but we have a tremendous opportunity in the Fish family. In May, Brian and I (along with some other coaches and their wives) will be taking six or seven ONU football players to Guatemala to help build an orphanage. We covet your prayers and I will be keeping my friends and family updated here on my blog as the trip takes shape. Please pray right now for the players that are going and that the money for each of them would come in... Pictures and details on that will follow...along with so many more ramblings of life lessons and random thoughts (I couldn't leave those random thoughts out...now could I?) Blessings!

YIKES!

Yikes! It's been so long since I've been to this page I haven't seen all the new stuff going on...oh boy...it may take me a while to get the hang of the new and updated blogger! I'm not going to go on and on about how I've been MIA, how long it's been and why. Many of you already know and hopefully understand. I have, however, had plenty of blog posts written in my head and even in my journal, but I just haven't made it to my desk to get them typed up. So...we start new, fresh, and hopefully with a commitment to keep going. We are smack in the middle of football season here at the Fish home. After four home games, we are on the road four weeks in a row and all four games are overnight trips. Many people ask if I make the trip with my kids and I always say that I expect to...barring sickness or any unseen obstacle. Honestly, it's just as easy to go than to be at home without Brian. At least this way he can see the kids on Friday night and not go from Friday morning until Sunday with the family being together. It's not easy...I won't lie. I got home on Saturday night and I still have suitcases and bags around the house because honestly I'm not going to put away on Monday what I will have to pack on Thursday. So...for the next four weeks I will be living in transition and chaos. For those who know me, you know this is a growing experience for me. Things aren't in their place...currently there is a pile of clothes on the kitchen counter that goes into the kids' suitcase (which is currently in the bathroom), two clothes hampers in the kitchen with a load in the dryer that needs to be added...all of which need to be put away. My suitcase is on the floor in my room, a bag of diapers and winter coats in the laundry room with the pack and play, sleeping bag, and blankets. The diaper bag with my football bag are in the living room...all of these different bags will be moved to the van on Thursday evening as we head to Michigan for Saturday's game. And this is how the next three of my weeks and weekends will be spent. The thing is...I know this is nothing unusual for most people. Everyone is busy these days...everyone is stressed these days...and everyone seems to be on a faster track than anyone else. I don't write these things in order to complain or to try to seem busier than anyone else. I'm writing because God has done an amazing thing in my life. Truly. Normally this kind of chaos and activity would drive me nuts...and there are times I think I am going nuts (like when I put Levi's glasses on Culley), but God calms my spirit and I think, really...in the whole scheme of life and eternity, how important is a messy house for a few weeks, or how important is this thing that is stressing me out? It is infinitely more important to be a family and support my husband during this time of year. Having three kids has also been a life-changer for me. You know the cloud of chaos that seems to encircle some people. Yes...I am that mother. It seems wherever I go there is chaos and at times I get home and don't remember a thing except that Culley and Levi were hard to keep corralled that day...but amazingly enough I still have a calm inside that stays calm even when all else is not. God is good. I have much more to write on this matter...but that's it for today. Maybe I can actually get another post in before we leave on Friday morning. Until then...blessings to my readers and may you strive to know our amazing God who is the creator of all things...He is the only God and the only thing that calms in the middle of the storm.

Update

Someday I will get the hang of this "regular" blog thing. It seems that every time I make the promise or commitment to keep at it, there is something in the life of our family that take priority over the computer. This time...we were smacked with so much illness for weeks at a time and I was so tired and stressed I had convinced myself this little baby boy was coming early...again! Unfounded fears, I assure you.

Levi was diagnosed with RSV in late March. For two weeks we were isolated at home (I shared some of this earlier). This was a concern for me because Levi was scheduled for his final urology surgery on April 18 and I knew they would never put him under anesthesia with respiratory infections. So when he was cleared exactly two weeks before surgery I was relieved! Mostly for selfish reasons...the later we waited, the more pregnant I got and the less of a chance for a trip to Kansas. BUT...we were cleared. The week before his surgery, Culley came down with a high fever...with no other apparent symptoms...so I wasn't too concerned. Saturday rolled along and Levi came down with the same fever...the difference was that he would not eat and was drooling like crazy. So...in my "expert" diagnosis I thought he was teething. Monday we went in for his pre-surgery physical and when I described to the doctor what was all going on, she looked at me with a frown. Temp...fine. Ears...clear. Throat...inflamed with sores at the back. She called it some funny name, which I looked up at home and found he had a similar virus as hand, foot, and mouth disease. WHAT???? Surgery was cancelled and because it was a virus, we just had to wait it out. Two days later, he got the stomach flu. I figured that for five weeks we were dealing with some kind of weird yuckiness.

One ray of sunshine through all of this was that my mom came for a week. WHAT A BLESSING! Once she left I felt refreshed and ready to tackle all of my tasks at hand. Levi's surgery was rescheduled for May 2. He did great...and although I cry when they take him away...and I cry when I see him in the recovery room coming out of anesthesia...he is the toughest and most courageous little guy I've ever seen.

In all of this, Brian had his 37th birthday and Culley celebrated turning 3. We made it through four weeks of spring ball and the spring football scrimmage ending with a pig roast in celebration. From the end of March to the first week in May we were able to fit in five weeks of illness along with many fun celebrations too. I am so incredibly grateful for God's provision and stretching of my strength and patience during this time. At 29 weeks, however, I am looking forward to a slow, hot, and refreshing summer before Isaac arrives to bless this chaotic home with more laughter and joy! :)

Parenting

It's interesting...this parenting thing. It seems that whenever we have a particularly difficult day or even week, I fall exasperated at the feet of my Lord only to find that often the problem is not only with my children...but me as well.

We are on the back end of being home bound for two weeks. Levi contacted RSV a little over two weeks ago and because it is extremely contagious we were home for at least a week. When we returned last week to the pediatrician he had developed a double ear infection as well so we were home for another week because his symptoms of RSV were still evident...and let's face it...I wouldn't want someone else traipsing about in public with a kid who had RSV. Regardless, you can imagine after two weeks of barely seeing the faces of outsiders all three of us were at our wits end.

As we emerged out of hiding and into society once again, I was ecstatic. I mean...adult faces! Complete sentences! Who wouldn't be thrilled? Except...as light dawned on my solitary life so did a few other things. One word...tantrums. Two more words...in public. I know this is normal...the flesh and sin of my children acting out...but mix that with being 24 weeks pregnant, bigger than either of my other pregnancies, more emotional than either of my other pregnancies, and well...I will leave the rest to your imagination which will not be far from truth.

You ask what this has to do with me? Not only have the tantrums (in both of my children at the same time) emerged, but blatant disobedience and disregard for authority has been a constant battle in our home the past two days...and you ask why this is a problem with me? Well, as I was praying for a good day today, I was struck by the realization that my heart was numb. I had no fervent plea or heart-felt passion for living in a Christ-like manner for myself. I have been so caught up in the tasks and the circumstances of my days that, for weeks and probably months, I have been mindlessly starting my day in reading and in prayer...but see the key word? Mindlessly...heartlessly. If Christ is not my all in all...my passion...my Lord of Lords in the minutes of my day how can I expect my children to see His beauty? How can I expect to train them and guide them and instruct them when I myself am aimlessly going about my day? What a revelation...that I've had more than once in my life...but what a HUGE revelation!

Has today been better? I wish I could say that it's magic like that...that repentance would bring ease and perfect children...however, it hasn't necessarily been better with the tantrums and disobedience, but my heart is different. I am determined to be obedient to my Lord in parenting and that means discipline and consistency and love and instruction and training...without getting weary of it. I have a new resolve today...and I'll need this revelation again, I am sure...but today it is fresh and beautiful and exciting to wait in expectation for what God will do.

Each day is a battle for my kids' souls. Satan wants nothing more than to claim them...and I resolve to try not to get bogged down in the unimportant chaos of circumstances. If parenting is a battle for my kids' souls, then even my own spiritual health is, in many ways, a battle for the souls of my children.

Stay strong, fellow mommas!