On my own

Place of Contentment

You know. Not having an obligation to another human being inside of an intimate relationship is a blessing if you are a loner and introvert.

I suppose being an outgoing introvert certainly causes me a lot of trouble. I appear to be outgoing BUT I'm really draining my batteries.

*Sigh* dating in this world is always available but rarely if ever what I want.

I found someone who is completely right for me over the summer only to (Well this is absolute) know that I'm not attracted to this person enough.

I'm shallow. At least that is my spin on the matter. I know I'm not shallow but when it comes to having a mate I would like to be wildly attracted to them and unfortunately I am not....

Crap! So I let her go and took the blame on myself for not being ready.

On to the next.....

Peace be with you,

Bobby

Peace

All is quiet.

I'm pretty sure I'm not destined to be in a relationship at the moment.

Strangely there is a sort of peace that comes over a person when you can do pretty much what you wish...

I've been traveling, playing music, hitting the gym and enjoying life.

Don't let anyone tell you differently; we all seek peace.

I'm grateful for it....

Peace be with you,

Bobby

Year of the boomerang

So...

I got another therapist.

I'm a bit of a softy when it comes to ending cancerous relationships. *See being in the wrong relationship for 32 years of which 26 were of the married type*. I'm stubborn and my best trait is that I do not quit.  This trait isn't good when it comes to self preservation however.

I'm three years into this relationship and should have been out on the second month.

In all relationships we have our 50%. I'm certainly not perfect. I'm just tired of the following:

1) Lying. I have a whole notebook on this one. I am not offended mind you so I simply grade it. 

2) Cheating - Yep....I know. Awful

3) Different family values. Um, yes....Very

4) I actually got a restraining order on her in April of last year. This is unacceptable.

So why has it gone on for so long? I'm a smart guy. I have worked hard and certainly don't deserve this yet somewhere in the far corners of my mind I feel as thought I do.

This is changing. I am holding myself accountable and have sought coaching for one thing.

To assist me in securing my own freedom.

Peace be with you,

Bobby

So here we are in the New Year.

I'm stressed out of my mind.

I haven't felt this lost ever in my life. I am surrounded by fools and it is taking a very bad toll on my mind.

Normally, I would want to start a project to build a house, plan vacations and set a course for the new year.

Instead, I just keep working and saving while I attempt to bypass the fools....

Oh, I failed to mention that my ex cleaned out most of my worldly possessions while I was out of town during February of 2014.

I could sue her for it but what is the point?

My mom would always tell me there is a special place for the greedy.

Lo and behold, my ex discovered she had multiple myleoma in October of 2015 Five months after she remarried. It is treatable but there is no cure. It is a death sentence....

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

My father passed in June of 2016. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months before he passed. My brother got kicked out of his home January of 2016. My daughter is mentally ill. The list is long and I am at the end of my emotional bank account.

I'm tired...I also despise this time of year.

Anyhow on the bright side. I have my health and my wits!

Peace be with you,

Bobby

2016 retrospective

Hmmm...Bullet points for me.


Well, what can I say. I'm writing from a place of anger as I have watched 2016 go by and it wasn't a pretty year.

I would say it ranks right up there with 1975 for me really....I lost my best friend and staunchest advocate when my father passed away last June.

I am a bit lost as to where these posts are headed. Perhaps we should pick up today and look back time and again? All we have is today and looking at the past will only serve as a pleasant reminder to focus on what we have left and not so much about what we have lost.

I'm filled with a bit of rage really. Anger left unchecked can be very unhealthy.

I'm *Totally* dating someone who is completely wrong for me and I am miserable. I plan on changing that in the course of this new year.

I want to travel more and have plans to do so.

I want my own space again. I'm an outgoing introvert really. I gather energy from people BUT it also drains me not to have my own private space and time.

So perhaps the best thing to do is to shed all of my toxic relationships.

They only weigh you down.

Only if you let them.....

Peace be with you,

Bobby

I'm back

"I think I should warn you. I think I think I should tell. What you've been doing; makes you go to hell."- Richard Patrick

That song rang over and over again in my head until my life changed. There is only so much a man can take and then you will gnaw your very limbs off to escape the trap you so much wish you never entered. 

It has been every bit of a 4 year hiatus for good old Fijufic. I'm back and ready to talk. 

Of course, I am still the same fun loving guy you've come to know and love. Things have changed. 

Life is still grand. 

I have a story to tell and it is going to take some time. Walk with me on this path for I am going to need your help. 

Let's begin...

Peace be with you, 

Bobby