Old blog

SO I found the old blog and thought. WOW I used to blog a lot and I thought I was funny...LOL
If you have never read the old blog check it out /http://iammek.blogspot.com/

My goal for the new year is to blog at least once a week! I tried to do a 30 day challenge. That didn't work out very well! BUT I am going to try and blog once a week!!!

Merry Christmas to you all

Don't tell me

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,

Unless you have lost your child too,

Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,

Because that is just not true,

Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,

Though it is true, I want him here with me,

Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,

Beyond today I cannot see,

Don?t tell me it is time to move on,

Because I cannot,

Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone,

Because denial is something I can't stop,

Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,

Because I wanted more,

Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,

I'll never be as I was before,

What you can tell me is you will be here for me,

That you will listen when I talk of my child,

You can share with me my precious memories,

You can even cry with me for a while,

And please don't hesitate to say his name,

Because it is something I long to hear everyday,

Friend please realize that I can never be the same,

But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.



by Judi Walker

Merry Christmas

Auction

Items will be donated by many people ( I hope)
If you know of anyone or even yourself that would
like to donate items to this auction please contact me
at Mek.is.ntm@gmail.com
Thank you

Where have I been???

SO I have not blogged in a bit, why you ask? Well dumb really.....I spilled on my laptop and they keys were really sticky, They are a lot better. Been doing some cleaning on them. Now they are just a bit sticky.

So I decorated for Christmas. Here is a cute picture Meli in front of the tree!

Merry Christmas!

Flatt Stanley day one

I got flat Stanley today! He came from Arizona. My nieces class is doing a project.They all mailed flat Stanley's out to people who live somewhere other then buckeye AZ. He is to have so very fun adventures. It suppose to be Educational. I am suppose to take pictures of him in places and then email them and tell them about the place he went too!  I am going to have so much fun! First thing flat Stanley wanted to do was play with Meli. Here is his first picture! Come back and see what GREAT adventures flat Stanley is having!!!

Happy 2nd Birthday

Happy Birthday Buddy,
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you! I miss you so much and wish every day that you were here with us. Running around, playing with meli. Doing what little boys do. Scraping your knee and needing your mommy to kiss you better. Taking you to the park and watching you on the slides. Watching you make sand castles on the beach in Oregon this past June. I am missing you grow up. I am missing you be a little 2 year old boy. I am missing everything about you. Just to touch you again. Hug you, love you, snuggle you. Mommy and Daddy love you so much! WE miss you every single day!
Love you forever and Ever
Mommy

Blogging

I missed a day in my 30 day challenge! This is my blog and I can say what I want RIGTH?! YEP!!!
I have been thinking a lot about blogging. The reason I started "really" blogging, was to deal with my grief. When I lost Kenner, I didn't know what to do. When I felt so so sad, I would blog and I would feel so much better. I would feel like I would have a weight lifted off my shoulders. Blogging, really helped me through the rough part of my life. I also didn't blog about certain things that maybe I felt like I needed too! I think that maybe blogging is not as popular as it was then last year. I have really really struggled with blogging this year. Well really in the last couple of months. I went from having 125 followers on the old blog to 16 that has been kind of rough. I like getting the comments. The people I follow, don't blog as much anymore. Maybe I need to find a new batch of people to follow. Only problem is I miss my "friends" I have been introduced to so many wonderful people in the last 2 years. It has been so nice to have people who know how I felt what I have been going through! But life happens, in fact most of the women I follow have had or will be having their Rainbow. I would love to have my rainbow come into my life, but it has to be difficult. I know it was difficult for most to have their rainbows. But what I hate is that people who don't want children, or who don't take care of their children can have them. They can just get pregnant when ever they want. Those who want them so so bad have to have a difficult time having them. They have to struggle, they have to pay thousands and thousand for dollars for a child. Such is life right! So maybe one day soon, I will get my rainbow! I know I will! Really, I am just rambling and if your read all this thank you for sticking with me. Have a great day everyone!! Miss you all :)

Play Date

Meli and I went to the park and played with a bunch of dogs! She had a BLAST! She was worn out by the end of the night! She was there for 2 hours and met and played with a bunch of dogs! Here are a few of her new friends!

Worst Day

Yesterday's post was the best day of my life. Today, the worst day. While when Kj was born it was the best day of my life. It was also the worst day. The day my son passed away. The day, I became a mother, was also the when my first born child died. I had to wonderful hours of his life with him. I would say that the day started off GREAT but it didn't. The week started off with problems. Monday I went to the hospital spent 10 hours there. Then went to the dr at 9:30 at night. Tuesday, had some cramping. Wed had some cramping, went to the dr, then went to the hospital. Spent 2 hours there. Thursday, woke up with contractions a 2:00 am went to the hospital. I had an ultrasound done at 1:30 pm and was told nothing good. 5pm our angel was born. Our sweet Kj came to us, he taught us many things. He was so so strong, he was a fighter. He taught us that no matter how small your are, how short your life it to fight for it. He lived and Amazing 2 hours and 10 min. I already said this on yesterdays post. I miss him everyday. I miss him more then anything. I have days where I think, this was all a dream. This could not have happened to me. But it did, I had a son. He lived and then he Died at 7:10pm. My son died in my arms that is the worst day of my life!

Best Day of my Life

Can I have 2 best days? Why yes I can because its my blog. The first best day of my life, Was the day that K and I got married. It was such a wonderful day. IT was January 7, 2000. It was a cold day, but not snowy. My uncle married us. The ceremony seemed to take FOREVER, we had I knew you before I met you by Savage Garden play. We planed to stay the night at K's grandparents house. Someone found out and bought us a hotel room. We stayed at the Ben Lomond hotel. Got up early and drove out to California.
The second best day was they day I became a mother. I have never been so Happy in my entire life! Kj, gave me something. He taught me unconditional love. He taught me that I am stronger then I thought I was. I can go through life, I can push through, I can do anything, make it through anything. He taught me that no matter how small your are, you can do big things in life and death. I miss him everyday, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him. And that kids is the best day of my life! Well the two best days of my life!

5 Songs, WHAT!

Ok so today is 5 Favorite songs, WHAT I only can pick 5. This will be hard, how about I pick 5 favorite Singer/Songwriters. Much Better Idea, Hey this is my blog and I can choose what to blog about right! LOL

Number One, I am in love love love Tim Mcgraw. Her is my Boyfriend! I love his Voice.
Number Two, would be Chicago, My FAVORITE BAND!!
Number Three, oh my I just LOVE Elton John
Number Four, would be Rascal Flats
Number Five, last but not least Journey


I would add pictures, but I am LAZY and tired. Need some sleep. You all have a good night love ya!!

Childhood Memory

I remember when we got our trampoline for Christmas. It was set up in our driveway. With snow all over the yards. It was SO cold but I as SO fun to have. The trampoline got moved to the backyard. We didn't have grass in the backyard, it was just dirt. We learned to do backflips front flips. We would play break the egg. My dad would get on the tramp and bounce us so so High. One time I got bounced so high I flew off the tramp and into the dirt and rocks. I didn't get hurt. We would sleep out on the tramp, we even had a wedding on the tramp. Our dogs got married. We had such a good time with the tramp.We also would put a sprinkler under the tramp and jump on it while wet. It was super slippery but SO SO fun. I wish we could go back in time and jump and play like kids again. Such a life when you are a child. Boy do you get a wake up call when you get older.

10 places I want to go

Who doesn't want to go see this beautiful building

Hawaii, what more could I say

I would just love to go listen to the people talk in this country.

I know this is not just one place, but it is somewhere I want to go.

The Tour De France!

This would be a cool place to see

Since I was a little girl I have always wanted to live in New Jersey

Well here I am an adult, and I have yet to go there. One day

I would get to see one of my good friends if I went here

Why not?

Italy, pure perfection

and Florida!

The City

I live in a city by the name of Roy. 5 miles south of Ogden, Utah. Roy was first settled in 1873. The first post office of the area was established on May 24, 1894. The former names of the city include Central City, The Basin, Sandridge, and Lakeview. Roy was incorporated as a city on March 10, 1937. It was renamed after the son of a local school teacher called David P. Peebles. The city developed rapidly in 1943 during World War II. It is located in Weber County, which was founded in 1852.  It has some great places to visit. Like food, ah ya food. There is this place call Burger Bar. It has been featured on Triple D. Diners, Drive-ins, Dives. When I was younger, when we first moved to Roy. I was 11ish. The hamburgers at  Burger Bar were Massive. HUGE, I think now they are just a bit bigger then a regular burger. Their buns are home made, soft goodness. There is just something about that place that I LOVE. It takes me back to being 11 and having nothing to worry about. Check out some pictures of  Buger Bar go here.

Something to blog about

12 Facts about me:

1- I have naturally curly hair.
2- I NEED to have everyone like me
3- I am Terrified to get pregnant again
4- I want to be pregnant
5- I am not sure what my natural hair color is
6-  Right now I love my puppy more then anything
7- I still trying to loose baby weight
8- I call it baby weight but I gained this weight after I lost Kenner
9- I tell everyone I have green eyes
10- My eyes are really Hazel in color
11- I miss my son more then anything I have ever missed ever ever ever
12- I Do love my husband


* P.s. I am doing a 30 day challenge, good luck to me

The economy is so bad that

. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

. African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!

. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

. My ATM gave me an IOU!

. A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

. I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

. I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

. If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

. A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.

. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

. A picture is now only worth 200 words.

. They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."

. When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

. The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

. Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 trillion disappear!

And, finally.... I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Photo shoot

I took some pictures the other day! I straightened my hair and put make~up on. I was wearing a sweeter I bought last year that I never wore because it didn't fit. I was going to take it back but my friend Hope said I should keep it because I was going to look like a hottie in it next winter. I tried it on Saturday and guess what I LOOKED GOOD!!! It fit so much better this year then it did last year. I was feeling good and cute, SO I took pictures and here they are!! ( Please excuse the luggage under my eyes )

I heart Her

                                        I am not sure what is up with the bottom of this picture!

Just for a little while

Just for a while you had a shining dream,
Then darkness fell.
All around you, sadness and despair.
No light to guide you; no laughter there.
Just for a while I was your hopes fulfilled.
Then hope was gone.
My soul released from where I did dwell,
Saw your tears and caught them as they fell.
I heard your voices, sweet and warm.
I felt you touch and stroke my tiny form,
Like a butterfly that lives and dies in just one day,
I left the world and gently flew away.
Just for a while I touched your lives with joy,
And then with pain.
But don't be sad, and grieve each coming year,
Just hold each other close and say
Just for a while you had a shining dream,
"Just for a while - our child was here".
                                                                                     ~Author Unkown



My Cousin emailed me this poem. Thank you so much Amy, I love it and just needed to share it!

Angel Food

This is very interesting.
No cheating.

If all of the eight desserts listed below were sitting in front of you, which would you choose (sorry, you can only pick one)! Pick your dessert, and then look to see what psychiatrists think about your pick as it relates to you.

REMEMBER - No Cheating. Make your choice before you check the meaning. After taking this dessert personality test, leave me a comment on what you choose and what you thought of what the dessert says about you.

Here are your choices:



1. Angel Food Cake

2. Brownies

3. Lemon Meringue Pie

4. Vanilla Cake with Chocolate Icing

5. Strawberry Short Cake

6. Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Icing

7. Ice Cream

8. Carrot Cake

No, you can't change your mind once you scroll down, so think carefully about what your choice will be.

OK -





Now that you've made your choice, this is what the researchers say about you..... SCROLL DOWN---No Cheating








1. ANGEL FOOD CAKE -- Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.



2. BROWNIES -- You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up you whip out your saber. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.



3. LEMON MERINGUE -- Smooth, fun, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent caregiver and a good teacher.... But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, you set your own style because you do your own thing. You shine when it comes to helping others and have many friends.



4. VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING -- Fun-loving, sassy, humorous, not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lacking motivation... Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad? However, you are a friend for life...



5. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE -- Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people, can be counted on in a pinch and expect the same in return. Intuitively keen. You can be very emotional at times but a true person in every way. You like to do things for yourself and help others learn about themselves.



6. CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING-- vivacious, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.





7. ICE CREAM -- You like sports, whether it is baseball, football, basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports... You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.



8. CARROT CAKE -- You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with... People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends. You were meant to lead and teach others. A wonderful role model.



TRY THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS.........INCLUDING ME!

Nothing Much and more

Well, I have to say I miss blogging. I have had nothing way too exciting happen in my life. In Fact, is really really boring. Just been working, which is nice. Because last year at this time I had been off for 17 weeks. This year its been 4 weeks off. Not all at one time 3 weeks then work and then 1 week and then work. I might be back to not working next week, we shall see. Yesterday, was Pregnancy and Infant loss awareness day. I had to work and could not lit a candle for. BUT I passed out some ribbons I made. I have 4 team Kenner Jackson shirt from the March of Dimes walk in 2009. I had some friends wear those.  So I could honer my son. I wish I would have thought about making kyle a ribbon, so he could have worn it to work.
We have less then one month to Kenner's second birthday. I am stealing borrowing this idea from another blogger friend. I would love if you guys could write Kenner's name for me. I am going to make a photo book of all the names that have been written. I would love to add more of them to this photo book. So please send me photos of my dear dear angel baby's name. Mek.is.ntm@gmail.com. His birthday is November 13th.  Thank you so so much. Nothing makes me more happy then to see his name in my inbox. It makes my day.

Freshly Squeezed

Let me say this first, I am fine. I don't want to get chewed out for scaring people.  2 months ago August 3rd, I found a lump in my right breast. I immediately went online and googled what I should do. It said if the lump is still there after your period to then have it checked out! Well I was going to start any day.  SO then a few weeks went by, I told no one. I finally told K about it. And the I proceeded to ignore it again. I finally made an appointment after a month of having it! I couldn't get into the dr for a month. Oct 1st I got in with my Mid-wife, she felt me up. Since I had already waited 2 months she said she wanted to get me in to have an ultra sound done. I was ok, that is fine. While I was  getting my appointment set up I was told that I would also need to have a mammogram done....UGH I have heard nothing good. I got an appointment set up for October 8th, That's today and I went and had a mammogram and an ultra sound and everything is fine. I have nothing to worry about and should not have to have another mammogram for 7 years!! It was a bit scary, but I knew I would be fine. It was way better then I thought it would be. didn't hurt just a bit uncomfortable.      SO what is with my title you say????

Freshly Squeezed ~ Mammograms save lives

Oct 15

Most of you know....My like 10 readers and all.....October is Pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. October 15th is Pregnancy and infant loss day. I make a special ribbon for that day. That you can use for whatever it is you would like. T-shirt, Mug, Bag, Banner, Cards....Whatever. You can purchase the Jpg  over at Angel Cards ~ Messages of love and support. for just 2 dollars.  Here is what it looks like, I really had fun making this and I am sorta proud of it! I don't have an artistic bone in my body, when it comes to drawing. Anyways hope you all like it enough to get it! :)

Pictures

I received a wonderful surprise in the mail yesterday! I guess its not much of a surprise if I ordered them!  Alicia over at That Which Heals Me does BEAUTIFUL art work! Here are the pictures I received...

They are Just wonderful aren't they!