.:12 days to go!:.

I feel bad for being so over carrying my little guy inside of me. But I just really need to meet him. Friday is October 1st. All I really wanted was an October baby. So Max, go ahead and make your appearance Friday. haha. Here is to hoping! Just please don't let me go over my due date. ugh.

Getting anxious. Feeling tired, achy, and sore. I want to hold my little guy in my arms.

.:my small pelvis:.

I've spent the last couple of days researching, reading, and seeking advice. I feel much better about the little seedlings of doubt I was starting to get regarding my ability to birth this baby. I had a meeting last night with my doula and she feels it isn't necessary to change practitioners at this point. Her advice was to file it, put it in the back of my mind, and keep preparing for the birth that I want. She made a good point in that Utah has a 95% epidural rate. This means its a very good possibility that the other women he encountered with a "narrow/small" pelvis had an epidural thus making it impossible to get up and off of their backs. Being on your back will put your pelvis in the most narrow position. Getting on all fours or squatting can open your pelvis by 30% making it a wider space to fit baby!
We also went over some findings that state there really is no way for a physician to say with any certainty how narrow my pelvis is. He would have to have had measurements and xrays prior to my becoming pregnant. He is just making a medical opinion based on his previous experiences. So I feel better. I have decided to take this news as more ammo to my resolve to decline an epidural. The longer I stay off of my back the better chances I have to do this my way and on my terms. Max is in anterior position so as long as he stays that way things are looking good.

19 days left!! We are in the teen numbers? WooooHoooo!

♥ 37 weeks ♥

Well. Max is full term.

I had my weekly visit today and it turned into quite the ordeal. I told the Dr. about the extreme fatigue that has really been bothering me all week. He of course said it could be just from normal stress on my body due to the pregnancy. He wanted to make sure I wasn't having issues with my thyroid or anemia though so he sent me in for blood work. Which all turned out normal thankfully.

During the appointment he also said that he was concerned with Max's heart rate today. So to be safe he wanted me to go in for a non stress test. His nurse scheduled the appointment for me at 1pm. I left to go pick up Seth and I got back to the hospital for the test. They checked the amniotic fluid and said in order to pass I needed between a 10-26. I got a 14. Then to pass the heart rate monitor I needed to be between 120-160 with a few spikes to show he was getting enough oxygen. Well, his heart rate was all over the place. He would drop to a 110 then shoot up over 180. It didn't stay at a consistent rate at all. So we failed the NST.

They did a biophysical test which consisted of more ultra sound images. It was nice to see my little guy but I was too stressed at this point to really enjoy it. He had the movement the tech was looking for but I guess the heart rate was still worrying them so they told me I was to go down to labor and delivery for continuous monitoring. By this point I was super hungry so Seth and I went to the cafeteria to grab a bite before checking in at L&D. When I got to the L&D unit they took us back to a delivery suite and set me up. This surprised Seth and I because usually they do the monitoring in the triage room. I think we both felt a little uneasy about being in that room.

Earlier in my Dr's office my Dr. decided to tell me that he thinks my pelvis is too small for a normal vaginal delivery. I have a massive eye rolling reaction to that news. It really bothered me because up until this week he has been so amazing when it comes to my natural birth plan. Now he is telling me that he thinks I can't do it?! So the whole ordeal today after hearing that news made Seth and I both feel worried that we were going to be told we had to get the baby out. Thankfully Max's heart rate finally settled into a normal pattern and we were released. I'm still sort of on edge about the whole situation and don't know how to feel. I really don't feel up to finding a new OB. I have an appointment tomorrow night with my lovely doula and hopefully she will have some insight for me.

Until then... happy full term baby day to me!

♥ 36 weeks ♥

My... time sure flies when you are miserable! I have been getting increasingly more uncomfortable as the days go by. But I'm trying to stay positive. Mind over matter right!?

I had an appointment yesterday and I am still dilated to a 3. I can't remember effacement. So a week and no progress, which I'm kind of excited about. I really want Max to be born in October. Next Monday I will be full term and I'll only have 2 more weeks to endure before October. I can do this.

I've been having a ton of pressure in my pelvis still but it does seem to be getting a little bit better. I hope it is!

The big news for the week... I got mine and Max's bag packed and ready for the hospital! I went and purchased the little travel size toiletries to pack in my bag. We are ready as soon as this baby decides to make his appearance.

As the pending day gets closer I am getting a little nervous and a little fear is creeping in. Last night I was telling Seth how terrified I am to change, feed, bath, my baby. I'm sure I'll pick it up... but it is a scary task.

That is pretty much it for this week. Just trying to make it through the last few weeks of work!

♥ 35 weeks ♥

So I know we have 2 weeks left of summer. But I am ready for the fall. I have fall fever and this wonderful crisp air has been amazing. So I decided to change my blog background early. I love the fall the most. It is my favorite season.

Today I had my 35 week appointment. It was my last biweekly appointment and I start going weekly next week! I wasn't supposed to have an internal until next week but I have been having a lot of cramping and have been so sore in my pelvis. The pressure has been pretty bad as well. So my Dr. decided to check me to make sure I am doing okay. Well turns out I'm dilated to a 3. He was quick to tell me that this doesn't mean I'm going to go into active labor anytime soon. I could walk around for weeks without any further progress. But it was exciting none the less because it makes it so real that I will be having Max soon. It also helps to know why I've had so much pain and pressure in my pelvic region. I've been put on pelvic rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.

Next week I'm getting my GBS test and that will be the last of the internals. I'm going to decline any further checks.

Yesterday Seth and I spent some time making iron ons for Max's onesies and are just trying to enjoy each other as a twosome before we become a threesome. We are both getting really excited and anxious. Happy times!

.:and we're done:.

with the nursery! I still have more organizing to do around the house. But it feels nice to know we are done with his room.

.:September 1st:.

Woah. I woke up this morning feeling like it should still be August. Then the realization hit me that today is September 1st. I will be full term on the 20th. One more month. In one month it will be October and we will be ready to have Max. or will we?

The stress and anxiety of getting everything ready... perfect... is starting to set in. I know that things don't have to be perfect for us to bring home a healthy happy baby. I just feel this sense of needing everything to be as close to it as possible. Max's nursery is pretty much complete and we've got the essential things we need to bring him home. I just feel like his room is unorganized and I need to get it there. The kitchen needs to be cleaned and organized. The study. The living room. Our room. All of it. All of it needs to be ready. The worst part is I don't even know what "ready" means.

I've just been stressed. Monday night I went into Labor and Delivery again at 1:30am for another non-stress test. Max passed. But why doesn't he move? Is it my stress? This is the second time I've gone in to get things checked out. I really hesitated on Monday because I feel like a crazy person who is worrying over nothing. The nurses are all really sweet and keep telling me it doesn't matter how many times I come in. If I feel like I should then I should. But I can't help feeling like a neurotic freak who is worrying over nothing. Nothing I read has been helpful. Everything says go on your gut instinct and err on the side of caution. So I might end up in L&D 12 more times before Max comes. I take comfort knowing some of my mama friends did the same thing. The one thing I noticed is that it was usually with their first child. Its hard not knowing what to expect and knowing what is normal or not.

I'm also not sleeping very well which I know is wearing on my mental stability. I don't sleep for longer then an hour at a time. I'm up every hour to pee, adjust, get water, and everything else. It makes it hard to wake up at 4:30am to go to work. I've been missing days because of it. Luckily I have FMLA that excuses me but I don't get paid for it.

Well. This has turned into my B*tch fest blog. I really am tired, achy, and worn out. But I still feel blessed by this little miracle growing inside of me. I'd do it again if it meant having Max. But I'm ready. At least mentally, physically, and emotionally. The rest of the preparations will just have to fall into place. or not.