Word of the Year and other ways to look backwards or forward

I had to smile to myself this week as I read this article by a very well known woman in the world of blogging, stating that coming up with a "Word of the Year" was a slightly cheesy and unoriginal recent trend, but one she loved anyway and was going to follow. 

Little did I know it was a recent trend. I've been doing it for years (although I only have internet proof as far back as 2009 and 2010), and I think others have been, too. Maybe the trend is that it's simply becoming more popular among famous bloggers and is getting more notice that way. 

Cheesy or not, it's always been a way for me to have a motto or mantra, a little something to hold on to and keep me focused when a long list of resolutions might get lost in the hustle and bustle of life. 

Like I've mentioned before, I like putting my word and the year at the top of a 3x5 card and keeping it in a place I see it frequently, like my scriptures or my journal.  Underneath I write some of the things that define that word for me personally-ways in which I want to grow this year. 

There is always a big debate about whether or not you should even make New Year's Resolutions each year.  People seem to have strong feelings on the subject.  I for one do believe in setting goals in life and always trying to improve myself.  I don't think these goals always have to be made on New Year's Day, but I do think the start of a new year is an easy way to take some time to reflect on the past year, and where you are in life.  If you don't like the idea of doing it on New Year's, do it on your birthday or the start of the school year, just pick a time that works for you.

I came up with a little "Family Year in Review" sheet this year that I want to fill out every year as an easy way to remember what events took place during what year.  My dad inspired me with the idea, but since I couldn't find the one he created I made up my own. 

The things I listed on it were:
2013 FAMILY YEAR IN REVIEW

Living in: (address)
Births: (included nieces and cousins etc.)
Deaths: (included important friends)
Weddings:
Missionaries: (siblings and nieces/nephews)
Trips:
Milestones: (lost teeth, learning skills like swimming, bike riding, graduations)
Book of scripture we were reading this year:
Challenges faced:
Triumphs:
Notable Events:
Memorable Date Nights:
Favorite Books: 
Goals accomplished:
People in our lives:

It was actually really amazing reflecting on last year and putting on one single sheet of paper all the things that happened in our lives. It made it much easier to see how much we had really done as a family.

While browsing around the blogosphere I also found this fun little activity to ponder on. I might just do it another day! Happy reflecting.

Oh, and PS in case you were wondering, my word of the year is a phrase this time: JUST DO IT!

So Sorry

For those three readers who were waiting to hear more in my "Being Beautiful" series, life threw me some twists and turns and I'm currently busy with some other projects that are taking my time and energy. I will return someday, but for a short while this blog is "on hold."

Don't forget me, I will return. 

Being Beautiful Part II

After I entered the BYU Women’s Services and Resources Essay contest on beauty (see previous post) I decided to teach a Young Women mutual activity on the topic of “Being Beautiful." The topic was of my own choosing. I wanted the girls to be able to feel good about themselves here and now. So I began studying the topic and thinking about it. I was talking to one of my brothers about it and the following came up.

I was telling my brother about the Beauty essay contest and how it was something I struggled with growing up etc. He proceeded to ask me why feeling beautiful is important for women in the first place. Why is feeling beautiful something we spend any time on at all instead of just saying looks don't matter and instead we should be worrying about our spiritual/emotional/intellectual development.

My brother's questions got me thinking. I realize that we're trying to fight against the world that says you have to look a certain way to feel happy or successful. But it made me curious...why are we trying to be beautiful, to redefine beauty, to say that feeling beautiful is a goal worth pursuing and accomplishing? Why do we as women want to be beautiful, why is it important to us, and is it a divine attribute to feel beautiful about ourselves?

Is our goal simply self-esteem/self-worth and self-acceptance? Are we really trying to say, accept yourself the way you are and be happy? Or are we really trying to say you need and have the right to feel beautiful-that feeling beautiful is for some reason important and even spiritually important.

I sent these questions out to a handful of friends who over facebook volunteered to participate in my beauty questions search. I received many wonderful insights from these friends who have now shaped my own answers and understanding of the topic of beauty. I researched for hours and learned a lot and had a very successful evening with my Young Women at church. I leave these questions for you to ponder and respond to if it is an interesting topic to you. I'm so grateful for everything I've learned. I have come to so much more peace regarding beauty than I've ever had in my life. I'm still writing up my thoughts and the things I've learned and hopefully will share some of them here in the future.

Being Beautiful Part I

The following is an essay I wrote for the BYU Women's Services Essay Contest on Recapturing Beauty. The topic was to write about your journey to discovering your own beauty. There is much more to my journey than written about right here, but we had a word limit! :)

This essay marked the beginning of quite a journey for me, which I will continue to write about in future blog posts. It took me quite a long time to be willing to post this essay on my blog, but I have finally decided it might be useful to someone, somewhere. If it speaks to you and you are willing to comment, I'd love to hear from you. In posting this I'm sharing a bigger part of my heart than I am normally willing to publicly, but I think it is worth it.


Recapturing Beauty Essay Contest-BYU Womenʼs Services

I am not beautiful. My hair is brown, my eyes are neither blue nor green, my complexion has never been clear, I wish my body were a different shape. I don’t often hear people tell me I am pretty, so I doubt it myself. Not that I consider myself ugly, but I just think I’m not the type of person you would see walking down the street and say: “Wow, that is a beautiful woman.” But I want to be beautiful. I want to be attractive. I am scared I won’t find someone to marry.

Those were the occasional thoughts from my teenage years. Now I take out a photo album and look back at my life so far. There is a picture from when I was 16. My eyes and smile reflect the good girl I was and the love I had for life. But I didn’t think my body was beautiful. I felt fat. I didn’t know I was wrong. I wasn’t fat at all. I was beautiful. I didn’t realize it then, but my body was changing and I was turning into a woman. 

I look back at my wedding pictures. I was worried about parts of my body. Would my husband accept me, my imperfections, the shape and size of ME? The things I always wished were different, but couldn’t change. I wasn’t sure if I was attractive enough....if I was beautiful, could be wanted. I look back at those pictures. My face radiates the joy of having found my eternal companion. I had fulfilled one of my greatest desires in life. I was truly beautiful.

As I contemplate my life now, I realize that I am blessed to be married to a man who for the last 11 years has told me, almost daily, that I am beautiful. There are times I believe him, and times when I think, “Are you kidding? You think I’m beautiful right now?” and sometimes I even ask him how he could possibly say that to me right then. But with a loving smile he replies, “But it’s true! You are!” He has told me how beautiful I am during each of my three “fifty pounds heavier” pregnancies. Where I just feel big and swollen he sees me as his Queen, who is sacrificing to bring our children to the world. He tells me I am beautiful when I wake up in the morning with messy hair and baggy eyes, knowing that I have been working hard on my church responsibilities and taking care of our home and children. Those things make me beautiful to him.

Having children also helped change my perspective on beauty. When you see your baby look up at your face with complete trust and love, or a toddler come running to your arms for comfort, you realize you are the most beautiful person in the world to them. What other opinions could possibly matter as much?

It was somewhere along the path of the last decade of my life, between my husband’s loving and sincere words and my children’s sweet glances that a change slowly grew inside me. I didn’t want to look back on today years from now and finally realize I was beautiful. I realized that if I didn’t accept myself NOW and love my unique beauty NOW I would forever be looking at pictures from the past, seeing how beautiful I was after the fact. I needed to recognize it now.

That’s when I realized that I am beautiful at every stage because I am fulfilling the measure of my creation. I am taking care of my body and my spirit as best I can and using my body the way it was meant to be. That means I’ve given birth to several children, permanently changing the shape of my body. It also means my body will get worn out with time and age. But knowing I am fulfilling my mission on earth using the divine gift of my body makes me appreciate what a truly beautiful creation I am.

I am beautiful. My hair is brown, with warm specks of gold and red that you can see when the sun shines. My eyes are blue-green, deep like the healing waves of the sea. My face radiates a calm confidence in who I am. My eyes shine with joy and gratitude for life, for love, for the woman I have become and will continue to grow into. My body represents strength, sacrifice, courage to fulfill my divine destiny and give loving warmth to my family when they need me. All these things make me beautiful from the inside out.

I AM beautiful. And I know it. It just took me awhile to let myself believe it.

My Red Sea

I am struck by how many times the parting of the Red Sea and the Israelites' subsequent passage to safety and to the promised land is mentioned in the Book of Mormon. It is mentioned in connection to having faith and remembering how if God saved our forefathers, shouldn't we have faith that he can and will do the same for us, too?

Nephi quotes this story to instill courage in his brothers who were afraid to try one more time to get the plates of Brass from Laban. He reminds them, if the Lord can destroy the Egyptians, He can surely destroy Laban. (1 Nephi 4:2-3, paraphrased) Nephi references this story again when his brothers doubt his ability to build a boat to take them to their own promised land. (1 Nephi 17)

The parting of the Red Sea is mentioned several more times in the Book of Mormon where faith is needed and courage must be had by remembering how God has saved his people in the past and will do so again.

At different times in our lives we are standing in front of the Red Sea, waiting for it to part. We know God is capable of providing the miracle we are waiting for, we just don't know the timing of it all. In the case of the Israelites, they could see the Egyptians coming from behind while the Red Sea was in front of them. It looked pretty hopeless.

I have dear friends whose Red Sea is finding their eternal companion. Others would love to welcome children into their home. Others struggle with long term health issues. And the list goes on.

Most of us experience more than one Red Sea in our lives. My husband and I have been waiting a year and a half for our current Red Sea to part. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes I have to dig deep for courage. Sometimes I have to turn my eyes away from the soldiers coming at me from behind and look toward the Red Sea, knowing that God will part it for me when the timing is right. Sometimes it takes even that extra bit of courage to be genuinely happy for others as you watch them walk through their Red Sea on dry ground while you are still waiting for your own to part.

I haven't been to the Red Sea, but I have experienced an amazing parting of nature on the island of Kauai. There is an outlook up high where weather conditions create a constant thick fog in the valley you are looking at.



If you wait long enough and if you are lucky all of the sudden the clouds part and for a few seconds you see the most beautiful view you have ever seen in your life. I don't think I had ever cried over nature before, but this experience did it to me.



(halfway there with the parting of the fog)

The clouds only part for a few seconds before covering up the magnificent view and you wonder if what you saw was really truly there. Some people that joined us at the lookout lost patience and left before seeing the view. We waited a long time and were blessed to see it part a couple of times.



(the pictures just don't do it justice)

We usually don't understand all the lessons God needs us to learn while we're in the middle of them. Patience is often one of them. Trust is another. The fog is certainly thick. The beautiful view is hidden. We don't know God's timing for our lives or how close the soldiers need to get before He will part our Red Sea and provide our miracle.

But as we think back to the Israelites and "lift up [our] heads, and rejoice, and put [our] trust in God, ..., that God who brought the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt, and caused that they should walk through the Red Sea on dry ground" (Mosiah 7:19) we can feel the assurance of the Spirit, that our day will come.

And all will be well.

You are Incredible

I think we don't give ourselves credit often enough for how incredible we are, as women, moms, daughters, friends, spouses etc. I admire so many women. I have so many absolutely incredible friends. If any of you are in need of a lift, just say the word and I could write up a storm on how wonderful you are and the things I admire in you and try to emulate in my own life.

But when it comes to ourselves I think we often just see the lack of perfection. Why is this? For example, others see in me a great pianist, but having achieved the level I have, instead of seeing my own greatness I feel like I have a better understanding of what kind of pianist I'm not. You see, I might be a big fish in a little pond when it comes to my piano skills around here, but I know how big the pond really is and that I'm really just a teeny tiny fish in a huge ocean.

When I look at my friends I admire their homemaking skills, their organizational skills, their humor, cooking/baking abilities, crafting talents, cheerful dispositions, optimism, faith, ability to relax, their ambition or drive, their kindness and on and on. Like I said, I know some incredible people. Why is it so much harder to appreciate the good things about ourselves? Maybe it's because we know where we want to be and that we're far from there. But the goal of our destination shouldn't take away from our ability to enjoy the scenery along the way.

One phrase my husband uses in conversation with me now and again is: "Be nice to yourself."

Today let's take the time to be nice to ourselves. Write down some things about yourself that are incredible. If it's hard for you then it's really time you did this.

You are incredible.

Believe it.

Overboard

A couple of weeks ago during Sacrament Meeting at church, Theo was facing backwards, entertaining all the people behind him with his cute grins and little antics. He tilts his head backwards and gives people a huge grin and it just melts them. Anyway, this Sunday there was no one directly in the row behind us, but he was still facing that direction looking around. He bent his head down to look at the floor and before I knew it, he was going overboard, head first over the pew. It was during the quietest time of the meeting, but you heard an audible gasp coming from the congregation. Luckily mommies have special reflexes and with lightning speed I grabbed him by the seat of his pants, literally, and saved him from impending doom. Theo sat in my lap for a few minutes, completely still and stunned. I was grateful I didn't have a screaming child with a huge bump on his head or worse. I received several comments about my "great catch." Well, one tries to impress, doesn't one.

February, March and April were extremely rough for me, for a whole host of reasons. I was going "overboard" emotionally in a way I haven't in a long, long time. One particularly bad night I sent an email to a few friends, just requesting that they pray for me. I also talked to family. Over the next little while peace was restored to my soul. Circumstances haven't majorly changed, but my friends and family held me tight, by the seat of my pants and kept me safe. Their prayers were an act of service and love and pulled me back to my seat. I'm sharing this because if anyone is struggling and is reading this, please believe in the power of prayer. I do. My problems aren't all solved, but my burdens have been lifted. I truly believe that this is because of the prayers that I have offered and others have offered on my behalf. I am so grateful I have friends and family that I can turn to, who were ready to hold on to me during a rough moment.

We need to have the struggles so we can understand the joy. But sometimes when the struggles get too hard to bear we can call for relief. And if you turn to the Savior and rely on him, relief WILL come.


(Image courtesy of google-I've never put pictures on before that I didn't take myself and just found doing an image search. How do I know which ones are copyrighted? Can someone help me understand?)