I love everybody!

I'm trying to brainwash him. So far it isn't going well. I still love him though.

"a loser for a few minutes..."

Have you ever sat in a dark chapel all by yourself listening to the words of an apostle of the Lord? I have. Tonight I was the only young adult from the two wards that meet in our building to attend the young adult broadcast. I must admit I felt like a loser for a few minutes. No one else was at the church, not even the bishop or a priesthood leader. It was just me. I'm glad I went though, and I'm glad I talked myself into staying there even though it meant I would feel like a dork. It was worth it. I was privileged to hear an apostle of the Lord speak.

He told me I was beautiful. He told me I was important and had a role here on earth. He told me next time I feel unhappy or discouraged I should remember where I came from and where I am going. He made me smile and laugh. I like him. I like him a lot.

for those having a bad day.

the office wedding = love

I'm a little bit in love with Jim Halpert.

I love to see the temple...

I've been thinking about temples a lot lately. 5 new temples were announced this past weekend at General Conference. There was a talk about temples and my primary lesson this week is on "Temples and Eternal Families."

So today.... I ordered a temple dress. This wasn't my first choice, but it is one of the few dresses that is carried in my size.



I'm probably crazy for ordering this right now, but I like it. It makes me excited for the future.

fairy tales <3

I feel sorry for people who will never know love like this. This is fairy tale love. Love so deep and so pure that words can not explain it. This is my fairy tale...

Here comes the sun...

Have you ever felt like there was a storm cloud following you around? Ever had days where life's storms were drenching you, and you felt like you couldn't deal with much more? Have you ever been so weak and alone that you wanted to give up?

I think most of us have. Me personally, I have been running from this inescapable storm for the last two months. Not any more though! I can see the promised rainbow from this storm. I can see the sun piercing through clouds reassuring me that everything is okay. And it is so amazing.



Things are looking up. I don't feel weak and weighed down. I feel good. Of course, there are those random unexpected rainy days still, but for the most part, it is now blue skies.

All of this positivity lately has made me reflect on the things in my life which I consider to be most important. One of those things being serving others. I want other people to know that they too can have sunshine in their life, that they can sail through life's storms. This is why I have decided to prepare myself to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

This has been a constant battle for me the past two months. To serve, or not to serve? Part of me is so scared to do this. Scared to put more time in between seeing Jakob. Scared of being inadequate. Scared of failing. But another part of me wants others to feel the joy in their lives that the gospel brings me.

My bishop told me a few months ago that I had no faith. That I was unwilling to put my trust in the Lord and submit to living my life the way he wanted me to. These were harsh words to me at the time. I have been reading my scriptures A LOT! And I feel closer to my Heavenly Father now, then I ever have before. So I am putting all of my trust in the Lord. Trusting that I am going to come home to my wonderful boyfriend. Trusting that I will be able to successfully bring others to the truthfulness of the gospel. Trusting that I will not fail. So come Januaryish, I will be submitting my mission papers again :)

An excerpt from my birthday card

"Every parent prays that their child will have the chance to fall in love with someone special. My prayers have been answered. Thank you for loving him."



It's ok... you can be jealous. Yes, I am going to have the most amazing in-laws ever! (I know. I look 12 in that picture. It was taken just a few hours before Jakob and I officially started dating).

"If you weren't so white, I'd think you were an Ethiopian child."

Lately, dozens of people have been commenting on my weight. "Ashley, are you eating? Why do you look so skinny? You know, if you don't eat, your body won't have any energy. Do you have an eating disorder? I bet you have to run around in the shower just to get wet." And my personal favorite, "If you weren't so white, I'd think you were an Ethiopian child."

Really people? This is what an Ethiopian child looks like...



And this is what I look like...



I'm pretty sure that Ethiopian kid weighs like 40 lbs. I weight 107 lbs. Kind of a big difference, don't you think?

gotta love north carolina

Only in the South. I swear you need a passport to come down here. We are certainly one of a kind.

dancing

I like to think about my wedding day A LOT! Probably to much. Lately I have been thinking about mine and Jakob's first dance together. Sometimes I think maybe we should do something like this. (Turn the music playlist on the side off before watching the video).



I can't decide if this screams "Hey, that is the coolest couple ever! I bet they are going to have a fun life together." OR "I can't believe they spent their first dance doing that."

Opinions please.

armageddon

I am officially a pansy. I think I cried three different times while watching Armageddon. Embarrassing? Yes. Thank goodness everyone else was sleeping.

my better half...

I love thinking about the day I get to see Jakob again. The day I can look into his eyes and tell him that I love him. The day I can hug him and cry in his arms because I am so happy we are together again. The day I will finally be able to see that look on his face that only he can make while he looks at me. The day my heart feels like the other half is there. The most wonderful day in the world. I imagine the day will be something like this.



Sometimes that day seems so far away. Sometimes I feel so weak without him here with me. But ALWAYS I know that this journey will be worth it in the end. ALWAYS he is in my heart and mind. And ALWAYS he will be my best friend.

in my free time i like to look at wedding stuff...

Maybe I will have flowers like these...

And hair like this....

Maybe this instead of a cake...

Or maybe we will have a cake....

And we will for sure do this...

My bridesmaids will probably wear modified chocolate colored dresses...

I will definitely have this...

to be or not to be...

When I am having a really bad day, I like to look at pictures to make me happy. Here is one of my favorites, if it doesn't make you laugh or put you in a better mood I'm not sure what will.



With how my week has been going, I probably should have looked at a thousand pictures. Lately things around me have been off. I have been off. I stress out so easily and my emotions are like that of a 13 year old girl who just started her period for the first time. It is so ridiculous, and so not me. Why can't I control getting angry, upset, frustrated, and worn out? Do I need to stop working as much? Do I need to suck it up and just deal.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Everyone has stresses in life. Everyone has someone who annoys them to no end. It's how we choose to climb those mountains in life that determine our character and who we are going to be.

Someone very important to me once said that they like stress. They like it because it makes them stronger. I had never thought about stress or frustrations in life this way until I met this person. What an amazing point of view huh? It is one we all should have, but many of us don't. Sometimes I let the world beat me down, and I feel like I can't get up. How pathetic.

The truth is though, "I am strong like bull." I can jump any hurdle, climb and mountain, and shrug off any problem. We all can. So when the world beats us up, lets fight right back. I know I will.

worst day of my life

A couple of months ago I stood in Tucson International Airport and left my heart with my best friend. I remember that day so perfectly. I cried most of the way to the airport, the entire time I was checking in and getting my ticket, and 20 feet from the security check point.



I was a complete and total mess. I remember Jakob holding on to me so tight, whispering over and over how much he loved me and how we would see each other again. I wanted so badly to be strong for him, but I just couldn't pull myself together. I just wanted to stay there with him forever. The time was flying by too fast, and I knew I needed to go through security still and get to my appropriate terminal, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't walk away from him.

We both knew I needed to go, but neither one of us wanted to say goodbye. I wanted Jakob to be the one to walk away. I didn't want to do it. We ended up trying to walk away from each other at the same time. I thought it would be easier, but the truth is... it sucked just as much. I remember walking up to the man at the security check point, not wondering if the man thought I was crazy for having a melt down in front of him, but wondering instead if my heart could handle turning around and looking to see if Jakob was still there. I probably shouldn't have, butI did. It made me cry a so much more, but I will forever have that image of Jakob blowing me a kiss and signing "I love you."



That day was the hardest day of my life, but I wouldn't take any of it back. None of the tears, feelings of being alone, or the aching of my heart. These things have all made me stronger.

I know someday Jakob and I will be together again. And I will never have to say goodbye to him. Until that day, I will continue to hold on to our many memories. I will dream of our future and our lives together. And I will be "strong like bull."

He is my best friend and forever will be. I love him with all of my heart, every fiber of my being, and so much more.

goals

I have never really understood why people set goals. Most people never achieve the things they set out to do. I'm not trying to sound negative here, but how many of you have ever made a News Year's resolution and actually kept it? I have never really understood why people set themselves up for failure.

Now I am sure there are many people who actually do accomplish goals. Me on the other hand, not so much. Do you know how many times I have told myself I am going to go running every morning, or how I am going to read 2 chapters of the Book of Mormon every night? Dozens. And how many times have I failed? Dozens!

Well, it all changes from here on out. I have many goals that I want to accomplish in my life. Marry my best friend, run a marathon, travel, be in two places at once, do something dramatic to my hair--these are all things I know I will do someday.

It's the smaller goals that get me. But I am determined to do it this time. I am going to exercise regularly. I am going to write my brother every other week. I am going to study my scriptures daily. And I am going to cook at least one new meal a week. I am going to develop some homemaking talent.



So world watch out. I am in the for real. I am going to do this. I am going to do this for me and for my future family.