Thankful

Well, it has been a very, very long time since I have posted any words to this little blog of mine.  I have thought of posting many times, but getting words on the page doesn't come naturally for me.  I tend to process inwardly, thinking through things quietly, mulling over them, settling them, then moving on.  I also have a hard time sharing things about my children in a public forum.  Facebook posts are easier, because I know the people reading those, and because they don't really require much thought.
That said, I had a little experience in a restaurant tonight that I really want to share.  I had taken the 2 oldest children to tae kwon do, then the youngest 4 kids and I went out for dinner.  The lady behind the counter kept looking at Joel, not in an ugly way, more in a curious way.  She waited until we were seated and I was finished passing out food, then she said, "How old is your youngest?"  I knew in my heart that she meant Joel, but he is actually 5 years older than Joshua (and he is the oldest of the 4 kids I had with me at the time), so I gestured to Joshua and replied, "He is my youngest and he will be 4 on Sunday."  Because I could tell what she was about to ask next, I thought I would save her some time, so I went on to tell the ages of the other kids, from youngest to oldest, ending with Joel who will be 9 in a couple of weeks.  "He is really small, isn't he?" the young lady asked.  I was thinking to myself how I really didn't want to get into his past right now, I just wanted to eat my sandwich.  He was behaving pretty well and I knew our time was limited.  "Yes, he is."  Bite.  Chew.  Hope we're done.  "Does he have, umm, what's the word?" she continued.  "He has Down Syndrome," I answered with a smile, and kept on eating, thinking we may be finished with the conversation.  "Well, I meant that other thing...What is it called?  Ausi...?"  Wow, at this point I was really shocked because I have never had a complete stranger ask if he has autism before, but I know that is where she is going with this.
Now, I have to say that we have not pursued an official autism diagnosis for Joel, because his pediatrician and I agree that there is no reason to do so at this time.  He does definitely exhibit behaviors that would point toward being on the spectrum, but that is no surprise considering the first 7 years of life experience (or lack of) that he experienced.  He continues to come out of his shell, more and more, and he has made so much progress that we aren't really focused on a diagnosis, just on helping him where he is.
So, back to the dinner conversation, I still didn't feel like getting into the whole back story, not because there is any shame (there is NONE - we are PROUD of our son, and we are thankful for adoption), just because it was 5 pm and I really just wanted to eat.  I said something along the lines that he probably does have some degree of autism, and he does have Down Syndrome, and she commented that he appears to be pretty clever.  I confirmed that he is very clever, and he figures things out well, then took a nice big bite of sandwich, sure that we were finished.
We weren't.
"Does he talk much?"
"No, he is not verbal."
"So, he doesn't say anything?"
"No, he is learning to sign and he is learning to show us things, but he doesn't talk."  Bite.  Chew.  No eye contact.
At this point, I am surveying my children's plates to see how much they have left (in other words, how much longer are we going to be here?).
I must tell you that the girl was not intending to be rude in any way.  She was polite in her tone, she kept smiling at Joel, and I could tell that she was thinking kind thoughts.  It was my own thoughts that were rude, or maybe selfish is a better word.  I just wanted an easy dinner out.  I just wanted to eat my food and not think of harder things, of sadder days.
She went on to tell me about other people she had met with autism who could talk and how she thought Joel would probably talk one day as well, while I was thinking in my head how we could have saved all the money and time spent on therapy if only we had met this lady first...  :)
It was at this point that I knew I was going to have to tell her more.  If I had listened to the Holy Spirit before, I would have known before this point in the conversation that I should have shared.
"Well, he actually spent 7 years in an orphanage, and we have only had him for 20 months.  He could not hear very well for a long time before we got him, maybe his whole life, we don't know.  His nutrition was very bad, and he was not in good health, so even though he can hear now, he has only been able to for about a year.  We don't know if he will talk, but he is learning to communicate, and he is really making progress."
She looked so surprised, and I am thinking that this will either end the conversation, or we are really going to be here a while because she is going to have many more questions.
"I think that is wonderful of you - what you did", she said.
Honestly, this is the statement that I am the LEAST comfortable with of any that people make to me regarding adoption.  It was not our idea to adopt Joel.  It was the Lord.  He put that clearly on our hearts, then HE provided all of the resources to bring Joel home, and He has provided what we have needed to parent Joel.
We love Joel.  He is our son.  He is not a charity case to us.  If any of my children were anywhere on the face of the earth and needed me, I would go get them.  I would do whatever it took to get to them.  That is not heroic.  That is parenting.  
I had to tell her this.  So, I shared that the Lord had really done this work of bringing Joel to us.  That we had known about Joel for 8 months before we committed to his adoption.  That we had prayed for him to have a family daily, and that the Holy Spirit had clearly told us after that 8 months of prayer that Joel was for us.  That we were his family.  I told her that God then provided the resources for us to adopt him, and that we are so thankful for Joel, so thankful that we are his parents, that we are the ones who are blessed by him.
Then she said the very last thing that I expected.
"I think that is so wonderful.  Because I am adopted."

Other customers came in to the restaurant and our conversation stopped there for a time.  When the customers left, I knew I had to say more, so I walked over to her and asked her a few questions about her story.  I will share that she was adopted from foster care in early childhood, but not before she had been through 70 foster homes.  She said that she had a hard time attaching to her adoptive mother for the first couple of years, but that she did eventually, and she was thankful that her parents had adopted her siblings as well, so they were able to be together.
Then, I was able to tell her that I know her adoptive mother is thankful for her, because adoption is one of the best things that has ever happened in my own life.  She smiled, and I left there so very glad to have shared a little of our story.
And I just wanted to share that with you, as well.
I know that adoption is born of loss.  I know that my son has hurts, deep hurts, that may never fully heal in this lifetime.  But, I also know the joy of being a family.  Joel knows the joy of having a family, of being loved in a family.
And I am thankful.
Thankful for adoption.

"After the Airport"

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/09/06/after-the-airport
This is a link to a post on another adoptive mother's blog.  If you have not read it, you should.  Particularly if you are adopting, have adopted, or love someone who is on this journey.

Not Happening

Obviously, my "31 for 21" challenge is not happening...
Let's just chalk that one up to good intentions, and I will not commit to blog every day ever again!  I don't even have time to wash my hair every day, so I am not sure where I thought I was going to add blogging daily in to my routine.
Plenty of things have been happening, though, not all of which have been good.  On Monday night, I made a little (ahem) trip to the ER with Joshua, who then had to drink the dreaded charcoal liquid.  Yes, he had an ingestion situation of something that was not meant for him to swallow, but he is all fine now.  I am so very thankful and wearing several new grey hairs that I did not have on Monday morning.  On Wednesday, Joshua had speech therapy at 8:15 am, then we headed out for a road trip to the Secretary of State's office to get our adoption post placement reports apostilled.  We also walked around downtown for a little while, visiting the Archives building and the White House of the Confederacy.  Today, we have a field trip to tour the post office with our homeschool co-op group.  Tomorrow is therapy for Joel (physical, feeding, occupational).  There are, of course, other things on the schedule, as well, but I won't bore you with the details...
Hope your day is GREAT!

Flashback

This picture of Joel and I was taken on December 8, 2010 on our first trip to Bulgaria.  I remember that outfit was a 6-9 month size.  That particular day, I remember that we were able to take him out of the orphanage (accompanied by a worker) to have the photo for his visa taken.  It was such a special day for me, holding him while walking through the city.  I was just so very thankful for that opportunity, and I continue to feel that way every day.  So thankful.  So blessed.

Press "Pause", Press "Play"

I took a little hiatus in my "31 for 21" blogging challenge.  I had 4 extra kids for 2 days.  People always say things like, "If you can handle 3, you can handle 5" or "4 is really no different than 3".  NOT TRUE!  10 is more than 6.  Now, I am sure that if you actually have 10 kids, you arrange your life for that, and it becomes your normal.  However, I don't have 10, and while I absolutely enjoyed the chaos that ensued, I certainly had no time for blogging!  The laundry, dishes, changing, dressing, feeding, park-going, wiping, Clue playing, and redirecting took all of my time and then some.  Now, I am back, and will hopefully have a new post up tomorrow!
As far as today, I am going to try to balance my husband's need for us to get some work done around this house with my need to run away from this house!!!  The roofers are coming (I think), and I am anticipating much noise above our heads for the better part of the day.  8 people + much added noise makes me want to go outside.  Going outside in our yard could mean being hit in the head with a flying shingle!  I really better come up with a plan that takes us elsewhere...
Happy weekend to you all!

Homeschooling & Socialization

We home school.  We always have.  It is a great fit for our family, and most of the time, I enjoy it very much.  There are challenges at times, but I am sure there are challenges in any educational setting.  We work through them and move on.
Throughout the years, people have made many comments (positive and negative) to me about home schooling.  Honestly, it does not bother me at all if someone does not agree with our choices.  I am not a very defensive person, in general.  Most of the time, parents make choices for their children that they believe to be best for those particular children.  With that in mind, I see absolutely no need for arguing about which school setting is right or wrong.  Every parent of every child has to decide that for themselves.  For our kids and our family, home schooling has been the right choice.
One thing that I have found interesting is how many people question whether or not my children will know how to act in "the real world."  I find that to be a very odd question since we live in "the real world" right now.  They aren't in a "pretend world" at home with me.  They go to the grocery store, the bank, the doctor's office, karate lessons, the park, and anywhere else life takes us.  One child has been to a real estate closing and a homeless shelter.  We did not necessarily seek out those experiences to fit our lesson plan - life just took us there!
Today, we went on a little excursion to the local science museum.  While there, we had the opportunity to be around students from a local public school's gifted class and with students from a local Muslim school.  There were also some adults with special needs on a trip with their class, and another group of younger students with special needs, also on a field trip.  We came home in time for my older kids to change into their karate clothes and be dropped off for class with more kids, some home schooled and others public schooled.  While the older kids had their lesson, I took the younger ones to a local park.  They played with several children there who happened to be bilingual Hispanic children.  This is just an example of one very typical day.  The places that we go may change from day to day, but we always have opportunities to interact with people from varying backgrounds and circumstances.  You know - in "the real world."

Sweet Dreams!