What's Good Wednesday

Welcome to the first “What’s Good Wednesday!” Each week I will post a few things I am loving, it’s as simple as that! So, what’s good this Wednesday? Lemme tell ya…

1. What’s good to wear? These joggers are 10000% worth the investment. They are the only pants I really want to wear and one of my dear friends already has them in multiple colors. Run don’t walk.

2. What’s good for your skin? You would think that oil would only add more oil to your face… false. This brightening oil has been the missing link to my skincare routine. It has helped balance my oil production, brightened my skin. I add a drop into my nighttime moisturizer and the next morning my face is SO SOFT. A few friends of mine use it as a primer and love how their makeup goes on after, so I’ll have to try that soon too!

3. What’s good for the home? This Fake Fiddle Leaf Plant. I was too scared to commit to a real one so I was on the hunt for a really good fake one. QVC, well done. This guy is perfection and has made the cutest addition to my place.

And that’s “What’s Good Wednesday.” See ya next week!

Lo's Gift Guide

Happy Holiday Season everyone! Though it may look different this year, I still think we can make it the most wonderful time of the year. I’m currently stuck home with Covid (a post for another time) and had a lot of requests on Instagram to make a gift guide! Here are a few things on my own list, and things I think others would love too!

1. The Countertime Minis- the perfect anti-aging skin care set. Looks good, feels good, and is good for you with only clean ingredients (pregnancy safe too!)

2. The Renewal Bath Set - complete with a dry brush, exfoliator and body oil. A total spa experience at the comfort of your own home.

3. Brightening Vitamin C Serum - has made such a difference with dark spots and skin tone, a fan fav.

4. The Make Up Bag - this is on my list! Have been eyeing it for a year and it organizes everything so nicely.

5. The Revlon Blow Dry Brush - it’s as good as they say it is. My sister, mom and I each own it and love it!

6. Non-Toxic Dry Shampoo- they have it for both light and dark locks! Use code: LAURENPOEY25 for 25% off your purchase!

1. Sunglasses - great quality for a low price!

2. The Sherpa - have worn this almost every day since I got it. So soft, and a really pretty color comes in more colors too! Gotta love this Target find.

3. The Marble Tumblr - perfect for wine, water, or your beverage of choice!

4. My Favorite Leggings - huge fan of these, love the pockets and I have them in multiple colors!

5. Air Pods - they live up to the hype. These are at a great price!

6. Hokas - I am obsessed. By far the most comfortable shoe I’ve ever worn. Worth the investment!

1. “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” by Lysa Terkeurst

2. “Get Out Of Your Head” by Jennie Allen

3. “The Bible Recap” by Tara Leigh Cobble

4. “Accidental Pharisees” by Larry Osborne

5. “Gentle and Lowly” by Dane C. Ortlund

The Bravery We Need

Wow. I am beyond excited to introduce you to Lilly. She is wise beyond her years, witty, fun and wrote an incredible book called “Are You My Person?” - A book for single people. It’s a play on the classic “Are You My Mother” and it’s a must-read! Without further ado, here is “The Bravery We Need” by Lilly.

If you know me well, you know that I LOVE a classic romantic comedy. One of my favorite weekend activities is curling up under a blanket with a glass of wine and watching my favorite romantic comedy “You’ve Got Mail”. I could write an entire essay on why “You’ve Got Mail” is one of the best romantic comedies in the history of film, but that’s not why Lauren asked me to write this blog. The point is, there is a specific kind of comfort that comes with watching these movies about love and romance. When we watch these movies, we put ourselves in the narrative. We watch with the great hope that one day we will also find ourselves in Riverside Park, head over heels in love with our best friend too. I wanted the epic love story, but I started to think, “What if I never got the epic love story? What would that mean for my life? What if all I’m destined to be is the boring supportive character that no one cares about?!?!?”

All these fears were only thoughts that I kept stuffed inside my brain for years, while I assured myself and my other single friends that one day we will find our “other halves”. The fear of being the "supportive character" has shown its face one too many times in my life as I’ve watched family and friends date, get engaged, and eventually get married. I felt like I was watching that rom-com again, hoping and longing for the story that everyone else was living. Over and over again, I started telling myself that my life wasn’t interesting or significant. When someone asked me if I had a boyfriend my response was always “no”. Unfortunately, I’d get the response “Oh don’t worry it’ll happen to you one day! You’ll find your person!” …not exactly the most helpful response you can give to someone so insecure. I walked away from these interactions with the idea that my singleness was something I should look forward to one day coming to an end. 

As I’ve thought over the last couple of years why I have found myself in a pit of insecurity about my lack of experience in the dating department, I couldn’t help but tell myself that it was because I wasn’t like everyone else. I wasn’t confident enough, or witty enough. Maybe guys just didn’t think I was interesting or even pretty. I would look at women in these romantic comedies and couldn’t relate to them at all. How could anyone just walk up to the guy they’re interested in and tell them exactly how they felt? I could never do that! At the end of the day, I came to the conclusion that I just wasn’t brave enough…

Although I wasn’t confident in my abilities to successfully date as a young woman in her twenties, that didn’t stop me from “following the crowd” and try online dating. Every time I would mention to a married friend that I was trying online dating, I would often get the response: 

“Oh wow, you’re so brave. I could never do that. I’m so glad I found my husband before that was an option.”

There’s that word again…brave. Every time I heard this comment, I almost always thought in my head, “Lady, I’m not brave. I’m desperate. This is what you do when you’re desperate and you have minimal dating experience.” That thought that came across my mind was dramatic and was ultimately a lie, but in the words of Brene Brown, it was “the story that I was telling myself”. When you tell yourself this story over and over again, it really affects you. Not only was I doubting my ability to successfully date (whatever that means?), but I also was doubting my ability to be successful in any of my relationships. From what started off as an insecurity about one small part of my life, grew, like a weed, and was taking over other parts. I became much more insecure about other things in my life that had nothing to do with dating - my friendships, my career, my abilities, etc.

As a woman who believes that God cares for me and wants a relationship with me, I was doing a horrible job taking these concerns to Him. I felt a lot of shame. There’s so much going on in the world, and I live a very privileged life, why should I take this concern to God? As a person living in shame, I didn’t pray about it. I was stubborn and cynical and I didn’t believe that God cared about my insecurities. I couldn’t see it at the time, but God was already making a way for me to see Him more and more. He gave me friends who encouraged me to seek out professional counseling. He gave me a family that never shamed me for my need to seek guidance. He gave me a job that introduced me to people who were able to see my gifts and foster them. He put women in my life via podcasts, books, and social media (that don’t even know me) to help change my unhealthy thought patterns. He gave me a community that gave me permission to be vulnerable. He gave me the bravery that I thought I never had. 

As this bravery started to grow, I found myself talking about this more and more. I talked to friends, family, co-workers, and even strangers that seemed to have similar struggles. As I continued to be empowered in this vulnerability, I saw that I was not alone. And even more than that, I saw that being who God created me to be was enough. I saw that every experience (or lack of experience) in my life was all for His glory, and because of that, my life has purpose.

Dating or not dating

Married or never married

Parent or never a parent

Fulfilling career or unfulfilling career

There is not a single person or thing on this Earth that can take away the inherent value that God has planted in me or in you. 

As I continued to reflect, learn, and grow, I saw my experiences and others around me to resemble the little chick in the popular children’s book Are You My Mother?. I saw how I daily have to fight against looking at other people or other things to validate me and give me security. It was in this reflection, that I came up with the idea to write my book, Are You My Person?. I knew that I would continue to struggle in my singleness and even if I wasn’t single, I would find something else in life to fill that void. I wanted and needed a small reminder that even in my striving, I am still a whole person, made in the image of the Divine. I am not incomplete, and I still have so much that I can bring to the table. 

I pray that if you are experiencing the same struggles, you first look to God. Even if you feel shame, or you feel anger, I encourage you to cast all your anxieties on Him. Philippians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” God does not promise that He is going to give us everything we want, but He does promise never-ending love, acceptance, peace, and reassurance.

I once believed that I wasn’t capable of being brave and vulnerable. I was scared of the rejection that would come my way if I was, but in His great mercy, He gave me the kind of brave that I didn’t know I needed! I may end up being single for the rest of my life, but time and time again God has shown me that I can still show up for His glory and for His divine purposes…and I hope you know that you can too. 

In God’s story, we are the "supporting character". You will see, however, that this story isn’t like any other love story you’ve seen on TV. God pursues the “supporting character” that has been cut off, pushed aside, and that has believed that she doesn’t matter. He invites her into His family, calls her beloved, and she spends eternity with the One who truly makes her whole.

“For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.”

Romans 8:14-17

- Lillian Beil

Doesn’t get much better than this. What a sweet reminder that NOTHING can take away the value God has planted in us. As always, I hope this encouraged you as much as it did me.

Recognize. Repent. Learn. Grow.

Recognize. Repent. Learn. Grow in love the way Christ has called us to. I pray I am convicted in ways I have not been and should be. I pray I see “any offensive way in me.” Racism and white supremacy have been tolerated and excused for far too long. Something has to change because black lives matter. ⁣

How To Single In Place

I’ve had quite a few requests on how to handle singleness during shelter in place….

First of all, I'm so humbled and don’t feel qualified to write about this because it's a hard and heavy time. But it is real, and it is something I’m walking through (and I’m guessing most of you who are reading this are too), and what’s the point of having this blog if I ignore that? So yeah for singles right now...it is hard. It’s daunting. Maybe it feels more hopeless than ever before. It’s lonely and it’s giving us much more time with our thoughts than normal.

 I don’t want to tell you what to do or what not to do. I’m not a doctor, I’m not a counselor, I’m not a professional single or even intentionally single for that matter, just single and writing from my experience. 

Many of you have asked me how I’m handling it.

To be honest - good and bad. It’s definitely been a tougher “season” lol. It’s been 4 weeks, but I’ve found myself wanting, wishing, daydreaming, missing, questioning more than usual, because I’ve had the time to. I’ve gone from being in denial about the desires of my heart, to really having to confess and surrender them to the Lord. I mean, He already knows my heart, He knows my desires, He wants to talk to us about them, so that’s what I’ve been doing and journaling my prayers daily.

I journal a lot, that's how I do my quiet times. Here’s an example of what that looks like for me. I made up “PTCOM” in college, a way for me to pray purposefully and somewhat align with the way the bible tells us to pray (Matthew 6:9-13)

P- Praise “God you are faithful”

T- Thanksgiving - I thank you for __C- Confession - I confess ___

O- Others - I pray for ___

M - Myself - I ask for ___ 

It’s important to recognize who God is, what He’s done for us, to acknowledge our sin, and go to Him with our thoughts/desires. (more on that a little later)

On one of the first pages of every journal, I write down characteristics of God “Who God Is”  as I come across them while reading the Bible. Here’s what I have so far in my current journal:

• Unchangeable (Hebrews 13:8) 

• Faithful (Deuteronomy 7:5) 

• Merciful  (Ephesians 2:4-5) 

• Good  (Romans 8:28)

• Patient (2 Peter 3:9) 

• Our Shield (Psalm 28:7) 

• Failproof ( Psalm 136) 

• Gracious (Isaiah 30:18)  

• Compassionate (Exodus 34:6) 

• Slow To Anger (Exodus 34:6) 

• Abounding In Steadfast Love (Psalm 36:5) 

• For us (Romans 8:31) 

• Good (Psalm 145:9) 

• Perfect in His Timing (Ecclesiastes 3:11) 

I have to choose to believe these things about Him. If I believe that, then I can believe and trust that who or what He has for me is good and better than my own plans, my own “what if’s.” I have to believe this all the time, even now when things feel so uncertain. 

Next to the list of Characteristics of God I write down Who God Says I am in Him: 

• Fully Loved

• Chosen

• Forgiven

• Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

• Fully Known

Do yourself a favor and read Psalm 139.

If I choose to believe who God is I also have to believe who He says I am in Him. (Easier said than done but writing it down really helps me!) I know this can be so hard, and if you are in a place where it feels hard to believe.. know I am praying for you, praying for belief in God’s truth!! 

I’m also still attending church virtually. My pastor the other Sunday touched on the word “hosanna” which means, “God save us, remember us.” Later this week I read in 1 Samuel, Hannah’s prayer where she cries out, “Lord remember me.” Sometimes it’s easy to let your head go to a place of believing that God has forgotten you and that He doesn’t have a plan for you, but that’s not true. He does. But it’s ok to still cry out, “Lord remember me.” I highly encourage you to read the above selections; Take your problems to God before anyone else, don’t be afraid to be close with Him. 

Now for some more “fun stuff!” 

Some of you want practical steps, so here are a few things I have found helpful: 

• Talk to someone, don’t keep these thoughts to yourself. You are not alone.

• Pray

• Be in the word daily, or more than daily. I’ve been doing the Bible Recap and 10/10 recommend you jump in! I also love New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp.

• Do a puzzle or some sort of activity that keeps you and your mind busy! 

• Cook and bake your favorite things and new things

• Work out and go on walks 

• Do a zoom/video happy hour or game night

Set a routine, here is mine: 

Wake up 

Wash face and brush teeth

Change out of PJ’s

Make coffee and breakfast 

Work

Lunch walk and call a friend (these have been my saving grace. Get outside and catch up with loved ones, it will make your day!) 

Work

Work out (I love OBE, Alex Scolarii’s sculpt/kickbox classes, Rachel Peterson’s Pilate classes, and Lauren Lyngstad’s daily leg work out on IG!) 

Cook with my roommate 

Work on puzzle, read, watch a movie, or have a zoom video hang out with friends

Quiet time (I’ve always been a night time quiet time girl, I love ending each day this way)

I’m beyond thankful for my roommate right now, and my heart goes out to those that are alone (but if you are, take advantage of technology and connect with your people!) Here is a great article I read by Cupcake and Cashmere’s marketing manager Kelly Johnson, ``What It’s Like to Live Alone While ‘Sheltering in Place’' it's definitely worth checking for those who do and don’t live alone! Anyways, here are some fun things my roommate and I have done to keep ourselves busy and look forward to: 

• Get take out on the weekend to support local restaurants and to feel normal (we usually eat out on the weekends in non-quarantine times too!) 

• Put together a list of recipes we want to make (so far Chrissy Teigan’s Banana Bread has been our favorite) 

• Puzzles and games (if you have 2- 3 people games you love, let me know!)

• Make a list of movies and tv shows to watch (we love the screen, so that’s fun for us)

• Make a list of books you want to read: (So far I’ve read Little Fires Everywhere, and am currently reading Get Out of Your Head and All the Light We Cannot See)

Some days are easy some days are harder. I’m sure you’ve felt that too. However, I have truly loved getting to slow down and enjoy things I normally don't have time for (don’t make time for). While I haven’t loved having more time to sit with my thoughts, I’m realizing how good it’s been for me to wrestle through them and surrender them to God instead of pushing them away. My ultimate prayer during this time has been to desire God and His word above anyone and anything else. I want him to be my main desire. I want to crave time with Him and His word because as my girl Tara Leigh Cobble from The Bible Recap would say, “He is where the joy is”, and isn’t that the sweetest truth. While I don’t have the perfect answer or fix on how to successfully manage singleness during self quarantining, I hope this was an encouragement to you in some small way.  We are in this together! 

When Something Blue Is You: A Single Girl's Thoughts on Wedding Season

While I was on one of my many flights this summer, I found this blog post that I had written July 3rd, 2018. You know, just casually over a year ago. I’m not quite sure why it was never posted, but I’m glad I found it to post now. I don’t want it to come off that I’m desperate to get married ASAP  - in some ways it’s the opposite, as you may have gathered from my posts so far… overall I’m very content and happy with where God has me in my life. But I hope other girls who find wedding season hard can relate to this and remember the truth God has given us. 

You know the saying “always a bridesmaid but never the bride?” Or maybe you’ve heard “You know that movie 27 Dresses? That girl is you!” … yes? no? well I have. This post has been a long time coming and something I’ve wanted to write since the beginning of creating this blog. But for some reason in my head it felt incomplete, because for a while here I had a good spurt of going to weddings with confidence, true and honest joy for my friends, and not much insecurity. Until about a few months ago.  

Wedding season can be the best of times and the worst of times.  A season that’s full of anticipation and excitement. A time to look forward to reuniting with friends you may not get to see often. A time to reflect on the sweetness of your friend getting married to a man you both prayed for. A time to look forward to fun parties, bachelorettes and excuses to buy fun dresses. But it’s also a season that can be full of great sadness, confusion, and insecurity.

 A few months ago, I was at a wedding as the 5th wheel for the 1,000 time (lol jk but I don’t even keep count anymore). Shout out to my married/engaged friends who never forget to include me, y’all are the best and I wouldn’t want to be an extra wheel for anyone else! Anyways, as I’m sitting at the end of the row with no one to hold hands with and reflect with on our own wedding or upcoming wedding, that particular sermon stuck a cord in me that caused more insecurity than I had felt in a while. The pastor kept talking about how a bride is “a great and precious gift, how  a wife is a good and beautiful thing.” I sat there thinking, “I’m not good enough to be someone’s gift”, I”m not good enough to be that blessing for someone else.” He continued to talk about the gift that is marriage and how marriage is “having someone who loves you despite your flaws, someone who no matter what - is on your team.” I sat there thinking, “I have too many flaws for someone to love me despite them, too many flaws for someone to want or desire to be on a team with me.” “There is something wrong with me. “

Well, THAT’S a downer way to enter into a reception to celebrate two people you really love isn’t it? But I know I'm not the only one who has thought like this, right? As I entered that reception I prayed I’d find another single friend there. I pride myself in being confident, being able to tear up the dance floor without a care in the world,  but I was less than confident in that moment. (Update: The wedding was a freakin blast, sans a date just as they always are!) At that moment, I needed to focus on these truths: 

God’s timing is good.

God does not withhold good things from me. - even if I think that a good thing for me is NOT a boyfriend, an upcoming wedding, a date for a wedding, etc. (Psalm 34:10, Psalm 84:11)

God is purposeful in his plan for me. (Proverbs 19:21, Romans 8:28, Ephesians 2:10, Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 39:7, Job 42:2) 

 THIS WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT ME!

Why is it so hard to remember these things in the depths of our sorrow of singleness? Why is it so hard to even believe in these truths? It’s a funny thing, to know something is true, but in your heart of hearts, you kinda don’t believe it.

 Here’s the other thing about weddings that I think is hard for girls. During a girlfriend’s wedding season it is all about celebrating the bride, because duh. And It’s the best! I cry at every rehearsal dinner hearing the words about some of my best friends and how wonderful they are and how their marriage is truly an answered prayer, and it’s so clear to see God’ s purpose in it! I love bachelorette parties because you get to meet the other besties of your besties and it’s SO FUN - friends meeting friends is my favorite. I love going to showers and celebrating. But sometimes - and I’m embarrassed writing this out - I wish it was me. Sometimes, I wish it was me having kind words of encouragement spoken over me; I wish it was me getting everything I wanted for my dream kitchen; I wish it was me getting lingerie and pretty pajamas I would never buy for myself.  Oh, hello selfishness, not so nice to see you… Sometimes I just wish it was me being celebrated, but at the same time, I’m scared to look forward to it, because I’m scared it will never be me. I’m scared about having to be okay with it if, that’s my reality, because again and again I need to know this truth: God does not withhold good things from me, and what he has is far better. And you know what, next time you’re buying pretty pajamas for a friend, get the dang white robe for yourself too! And you know what else? Sometimes I wish there was another reason besides marriage to get the fully stocked, bed bath beyond. Does a 24 yr old married girl need nice dishes and other home goods more than a 30 yr olds single girl? Watch out single friends! I may just be planning a “registry themed” birthday party for you in the near future… ok probably not but… hey, no shame in starting that Le Creuset collection game! (end rant). 

All these thoughts about wedding season and being a bridesmaid lead me to 2 things I think are key in a single girl’s guide to wedding season: 1. Being a bridesmaid is a blessing and not a burden. 2. Why don’t we celebrate singleness?!

Being a Bridesmaid Is A Blessing: ( I know, I know, this one seems obvious - but hear me out) 

1. Instead of wallowing in my singleness, I need to choose to be joyful ( I know I know, please don’t cringe at the basic Christianese lingo here) because it is a joyful thing to be chosen to be a bridesmaid. How lucky am I to be able to say I’ve been in 7+ (I’ve lost count) and been a guest at countless more weddings?! Those weddings prove God’s faithfulness with who he’s placed in my life. Girls who love me despite my flaws, 7 + girls who are GIFTS in my life. All the things I want in marriage I can also have in friendships -  sure, it’s different than a marriage of course, but God is still providing for me in those ways! And I know a lot of you can beat me in those numbers. 

2. Let’s celebrate more than marriage.  We are quick to throw engagement parties, bridal showers, couple showers, all the parties and showers to do with marriage - as we should, but what about a party for your friend who got a new job? A new apartment or house? Is moving to a new city? Finished grad school? Let’s be more thoughtful about celebrating those too! Get together and raise a glass to those incredible accomplishments - they are worth celebrating. 

 I don't really have a conclusion for this because I don’t think this conversation will ever be over for me. But I hope some people reading this are saying “me too” and that you’re encouraged to celebrate big life events in singleness, and viewing being a bridesmaid as a gift. I hope you don’t feel alone in the hard times the wedding season brings. Yes, marriage is beautiful and sanctifying (well I guess I don’t personally know that, but that’s what just about every pastor or anniversary instagram post says … am I right or am I right?) , but life in singleness can also be beautiful and sanctifying if you allow it to be. And I hope you also remind yourself of God’s truth that He does not withhold good things from us. Because He is always good, and our purpose is not in getting married. 

Worth The Risk

You are worth the risk. Dating is worth the risk. Being alone is worth the risk. “Worth the risk” is a phrase my friends and I have been talking about a lot lately.

Being secure and confident while feeling victorious in singleness has been where I’ve been at these past two years and for that, I’m so thankful. But earlier this summer I felt like I spiraled into insecurity. Like, really insecure. Lies and thoughts came into my head and I couldn’t get them out. It felt like I had taken 5 billion steps back. It was like I had forgotten about my answered prayer in what it meant to be confident, comfortable, CONTENT in where God had me.

Because I have been in a season of contentment and pursuing some dreams and passions of mine (more on that very soon!) You may have noticed I haven’t written much. I felt like I didn’t have much to say. I felt like by saying I’m comfortable in singleness people wouldn’t want to read that. I know it can be annoying when you’re struggling with something and someone else says they are so happy with that same struggle. I didn’t want to be that person. But I have always wanted to be transparent, so that’s what I”m doing now. For the past year or so being content is truly the best way I can describe how I’ve felt. What does this have to do with being “worth the risk?” Let me explain:

1. Praying for God’s Will Over Your Own Desires Is Worth The Risk: This is where it began. Through one of my tougher breakups, eventually, I came to a place where I prayed “Lord I want to desire what YOU desire for me. If this relationship is not it, then that is not what I want. Was that easy? 100% no! And I wasn’t ready to do that for a long time, but when I was ready to accept that His plans were probably different than my own in that, did he answer my prayer right away either? No, but eventually he did. And I don’t take that for granted. He didn’t answer the way I thought he would (married, few kids before 30 meeting that guy soon after graduation or whatever.. update I turn 29 this year so…lol) But how he did answer was more than I could have ever asked for. He answered with giving me the sweetest and MOST FUN community, girlfriends who are walking through singleness with me and that has helped immensely with being content where he has me! And I am grateful. These past few years have been the actual most fun full of friends, trips, and growing in faith in a way I could have never known. Praying for God’s will over your own desire is scary bc he probably has a different plan for you, I know that. But I promise it is worth the risk. Time and time again he reminds his ways are better than ours. (Read: Isaiah 55:8-9, Ephesians 3:20-21)

2. You’re Not Worth The Risk Is a Lie: “You’re not worth the risk” is the lie I had been believing for the past few weeks and something I’m still wrestling with if I’m being honest. Without going into too many details I’ve been presented with opportunities and been in situations that have made me realize the desire I do have to be married and be in a relationship. Like I mentioned before, the past year I was ok without (and sometimes wondering if I ever wanted it - it was spooky) Some of these opportunities I thought would happen, have not happened. There have been conversations that have caused me to think I’m not worth the risk. “I’m not worth the risk to date in Dallas because I want to end up in California” “I’m not worth the risk because I”m too confident”, I’m not worth the risk because I’m not currently working in ministry anymore and no I don’t think I want to go back in full-time ministry - I’m sorry that’s so hard to comprehend!( for real people have been shocked by this and I’m sorry but real-world jobs are ministry too!) “I'm not worth the risk because I see other girls getting more attention than me so of course, I’m not” , “I’m not worth the risk because I don’t look a certain way or act a certain way” I mean the list goes on. Have you believed these lies too? I bet I’m not alone. But if I believe these lies I don’t believe God’s plan is better than mine, that he didn’t make me, create me uniquely physically and mentally (what we dream about, what we want to do with our lives, and what we are passionate about is unique and beautiful too!) Believing “I”m not worth the risk” is not believing God made me in his image and the way he intended me to be. (Read Psalm 139 and Jeremiah 1:5)

3. Believing Dating Is not Worth The Risk is a Lie: This one is short but simple, dating often feels so daunting to me - “does he like me, do I like him?” The DRAMA, gosh I’d just rather not deal and be happy with my solo bedtime routine where I don’t have to share a bathroom or a bed lol. But unfortunately, in order to get married, we have to date. SO dating HAS to be worth the risk. Have you been too prideful to try a dating app? I encourage you to do it, have you stayed home instead of met friends for a happy hour with new people? I encourage you to go. Take a risk, get out of your comfort zone, put yourself out there. (I’m preaching to myself here too!) And on the same breath, dating is worth the risk in the sense that you do not need to know if you want to marry someone before you go on a date or after the first date (or first 10!) THAT’S WHY WE DATE! For more notes on dating, I actually BEG YOU to read this article, SO convicting for guys and girls.

While I”m still fighting these lies of being worth the risk, getting in God’s word and talking about it has helped immensely. I hope this related to someone. That I’m not alone. I”m sorry I’ve been so MIA I hope not to be. I will write soon about some of the reasons I have been. But I’ve been overall content, busy, happy and for that I am grateful. July took a toll on my confidence but I don’t doubt god’s goodness in my life. I refuse to dwell on lies because I have seen God answer my prayers. When remembering these answered prayers, I remember His goodness. What lies are you believing and what answered prayers in your life can you combat that with?

3 Non-Toxic Brands I Can’t Live Without

So here’s the deal. I try my best to live a non-toxic life, am I perfect at it? Absolutely not, but I do what works for me, what I can afford and what fits into my lifestyle the best I can. I’m constantly learning and growing in this area, and so far I can say it has made a positive impact for me! I have always had sensitive skin issues, and stomach issues and what I’ve been learning is not only is it important what you put IN your body but also ON your body and what your surrounding yourself with. I’ve gotten quite a few questions on instagram about my favorite products so I thought I’d dedicate a blog post about 3 favorite brands and products I use daily.  Among this list you will find: skin care, make up, deodorant, dry shampoo, cleaning products and more!

Beautycounter

 Y’all have probably realized I use and love this brand - so much that I have become a consultant for them. I love that they are more than a product but a MOVEMENT to get better beauty into the hands of everyone. They are the frontrunners of getting legislation changed to have better ingredients in our beauty products in the US. Any ways I use both their skin care and make up! Below are some of my fav daily products and you can find skin care and makeup tutorials on my Instagram highlights.

Countermatch Adaptive Lotion- I put this on daily before I put on my make up - treating i like a primer, t has adaptive technology to get the moisture your skin needs - since I’ve used it I’ve seen a noticeable difference in the oilily ness in my face! (also for you Riverdale fans - Cami Mendez also uses this) 

Charcoal Mask - I use this every Sunday night to get out all the gunk. I can most relate it to glam glow, it really pulls out the nasty and leaves you feeling fresh and ready to take on the week

Overnight Resurfacing Peel - I use this around every other night it’s one of their hero products and leaves your face feeling like a legit baby’s bottom in the morning. (don’t worry it’s not an actual PEEL) 

Brightening Vitamin C oil - Vitamin C is so important for your skin care routine, on the nights I’m not using the resurfacing peel I put a few drops in with my moisturizer and I also put a few on in the morning with my countermarch lotion

Flawless In Five - this is everything you need for a face in 5 mins (Foundation, blush, mascara, concealer pen, brow gel and lip gloss) I use all these products. 

Dew skin with SPF - Each Day I use a pump of this and a tiny squirt of Tint skin foundation and it’s the perfect amount of coverage for me it’s light! The dew sin is alike a cc cream!

Lip Stick - I’m  HUGE fan of it, it feels super moisturizing and doesn’t dry your lips out one bit. 

Primally Pure

****Use code: laurenpoey15 for 15% off all Primally Pure products!****

Deodorant - YOU GUYS. I found it. My favorite non-toxic deordarnt. So My mom and sister also love it! I’ve tried many many and this is by far the best. My personal favorite is the charcoal one - it smells like a spa and goes on so easily.

Cleansing oil - i switch between this and beautycounter’s cleansing balm to take off my make up! (Double cleansing has definitely helped my skin i do this and then a normal cleanser, right now I”m using beautycounter’s counter control) 

Chapstick - this stuff is too good, I cary in my purse at all times

Dry Shampoo - I swear by this stuff and it comes for blondes and brunettes! You shake it on and it doesn’t leave you feeling like you have build up, and it lasts for ever. 

Branch Basics

This is what I use for cleaning! It comes with one concentrate, and different bottles for bathroom, all purpose, mirror/glass, and hand soap! I also use their oxygen boost. I swear by this stuff for counters, your bathroom shower/bath and even dishes! The oxygen boost has also gotten out some pretty pesky stains out of my clothes 10/10 recommend this stuff and lasts forever. Use this link for $10 off! 

Honorable Mention: Cocokind

I use their sea moss exfoliator a few times a week for my skin to get dead skin off and their matcha stick to brighten up my under eyes and as chapstick! 

There you have it! If you’d like a more detailed blog posts on my skin care/make up routine, or more.. let me know! Hope this helps some of you looking to start a non-toxic journey! 

Another One Bites The Dust

Not to be biased….buuut this might be one of my favorite posts ever. Why? Bc IT’S MY LITTLE SISTER! Courtney and I are two and a half years apart and she is my best friend. We are different in many ways but also very similar. We constantly get asked if we are twins and we keep a tally on how often we get asked that on vacations. We knew exactly how to push each other’s buttons when we were little but it’s been so sweet to see our relationship grow stronger and stronger as we get older. I always tell people “Courtney’s really the older one” because that’s how I feel! She is wise beyond her years, wicked smart, witty and a go getter. She loves the Lord fiercely and is in His word daily. She’s fun, an adventurer and a loyal friend. She knows what to say and do to calm my anxious mind, always has the best advice. Anyways, I could go on and on about how amazing she is and all she’s accomplished (like how she casually just associate produced a feature film… like YES GIRL!) but I want you to read her story in singleness. But first, here are a few fun facts about her.

Age: 26 - as of yesterday!

Occupation: Grad Student at USC - Fight on!

Location: Los Angeles

Favorite thing about living in LA: The Palm Trees and Ocean Sunsets

Can’t Live Without: Coffee and Avocado Toast #basic but true (this chick eats it like every morning)

And now without further ado— my sister’s story in singleness, “Another One Bites The Dust”

When I first took a stab at this blog post, I was still living and working in Fort Worth, Texas. Last June, I moved out to Los Angeles for grad school. I’m always afraid of major change, but I occasionally force myself through it because I know the challenge will ultimately be good for me. In just 8 short months I’ve experienced shifts in perspective - particularly as it comes to singleness - that I never could have imagined.

I used to be constantly confronted with the reality that I was a 20-something Christian girl in Texas, and my single friend count could dwindle at any given moment. I was at a wedding recently that had a fun photo booth. One of the prop items I chose to sport in a photo is a sign reading "another one bites the dust." This phrase explains how I used to feel with each new engagement photo, relationship status, and wedding album I saw on Facebook... And there goes another one. If your newsfeed is as inundated with reminders of your singleness as mine is, it can be tricky to continue in confidence as a single 20-something. What's important to realize as you scroll is that for every engagement post, there are twice as many single girls out there seeing the same post, hiding behind their screens feeling just as discouraged as you. I would get panicked and desperate, my mind swimming with thoughts like "Should I get on a dating app too? Am I not putting myself out there enough? Are there ANY eligible bachelors left at my church?! Do I have to go ON The Bachelor now?!?!"

By no means am I endorsing a pity party. I’m just saying that you’re not the only one annoyed by yet another engagement announcement. But we also need to be careful of the pedestal we put the promise of marriage on. Marriage isn’t the ultimate goal in life. Our friends in relationships are not superior to us, and neither are we singles any better than them. Don’t idolize one status over the other. Let’s also keep in mind that the way we feel in singleness today may change tomorrow. It’s easy to get in a slump and think that things will never change. We often worry about whether a season we don’t like will ever end. We think that because something either hasn’t ever happened or has only ever happened a certain way that it will be like that forever. Friends, let’s all admit together that we know this isn’t really true. The only truly consistent thing in this world is Jesus. I don’t know about you, but as a single 20-something, Jesus has called me to a lot of change - including moving across the country last year.

Being single in LA is an absolutely different experience than being single in Fort Worth. In Fort Worth, it felt like everywhere I looked in my own demographic, there were couples. Everything felt so wedding-centric. Conversations centered around wedding planning, engagement parties, budgeting for bridesmaid dresses and bachelorette weekends, and navigating early years of marriage. Church sermons frequently called out married couples to love their single friends better. For all my CA friends reading this, I’m serious - this was what life as a single 20-something in Texas was like. Fast forward to life in LA… there’s hardly even a married couple in sight. Pretty much all of my friends are single; barely anyone is even dating. Churches have single dudes out the wazzoo and there are no surprise engagement photographers hopping out of bushes around every corner. The culture is wildly different and, frankly, it is much easier to be content in singleness here.

If you are familiar with the Enneagram, I should tell you that I am a proud type 5. If you are unfamiliar, READ UP ON IT because it’s a super great personality assessment that not only helps you feel understood but also helps you relate better to others. Anyway, type 5s are notorious for speculating, analyzing, researching, and diving into deep holes of information without ever doing anything practical about it. I chose my word for 2019 to be ACTION because I wanted to be better this year about actually DOING SOMETHING about what I want. Since moving, I’ve been frequently crippled by timidity and indecisiveness. I’ve watched opportunities come and go because I took too long to decide or I did not act quickly enough. You know the whole “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” thing? Yeah, I feel that on a v deep level. Every missed opportunity only sends me into a deeper spiral of insecurity and honestly, shame. I get so frustrated with myself and end up just wallowing in the fact that I’m a fraud who can’t actually do anything. At my best, however, I know I’m capable of learning and adapting quickly. When I’m put to the test, I can apparently pull off just about anything… including associate producing and managing a feature film production while in school without ever having worked on a film before, just as an example. ;) I’m worth more than my wallowing, and you are too.

I’ve been reading Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis and it’s been kicking me in the booty to really tackle this whole 2019 ACTION goal. She talks about taking risks and going for it without apologizing for being a little aggressive or intense about something you really want. Believe it or not, my advice to all my fellow single ladies (cue Queen Bey, plz) is to TAKE MORE RISKS. I don’t mean “put yourself out there more” like people always annoyingly say. (Seriously though, WHAT does that even mean?!) I mean do something EXCITING, DIFFERENT, CRAZY, SCARY. Sure, it would be nice to explore that city you’ve always wanted to go to with the love of your life, but why not just go see it for yourself? Sure, you might think that your Hallmark small-town-hunny is about to move to your city and find you in the produce aisle after you’ve been patiently waiting ALL THIS TIME. But I’m here to tell you that maybe it’s time you pick a new city, a new job, a new something and just GO. Pray about it, yes, but I do think that us 20-30-something singles are single for a reason. I think some people are meant to stay in the same city or state for their whole lives or marry early and that’s all fine and well. But I would challenge you to pray about whether God has called you to go, like in Matthew 28 and countless other passages in scripture. One of my favorite sermons from Pastor Jim Essian at The Paradox Church is about gospel goodbyes. I listened to this on one of my last days in Fort Worth while walking around TCU’s campus (and quietly sobbed from behind my sunnies). Pastor Jim talks about how bittersweet it is that we build community with people and then sometimes, those people leave, because God has a mission for them elsewhere. When I lived in Fort Worth, I prayed so earnestly for a heart for that city. Was God faithful or what, because leaving about tore me in half. I loved that city and those people like I would be there forever. I prayed for my coworkers, I served at my church, I volunteered in the community, and I enjoyed some of the finest patio happy hours in all of Texas. I freakin’ committed to Fort Worth and gave it all I had. If I hadn’t been single, who knows if I would have developed such a big heart for that city and those people in the way I did. When I got accepted to USC and chose to attend, I immediately started praying the same prayers for LA. I’ll say that LA is a little harder to grow such a big heart for and commit to in the way I did in Fort Worth, but I know God is faithful and has very special plans for me here.

Singleness can be hard. But remember that dating and marriage are hard, too. I’ve experienced discontentment in my singleness, but I’ve also experienced discontentment in my dating. Moving from Fort Worth to Los Angeles for school and work certainly affected my attitude on dating, from the shift in culture to the shift in my own priorities. Life ebbs and flows and if you’re still single out there, keep your chin up. Take that risk you’ve been thinking about for forever. I promise, you’ll only regret what you didn’t take advantage of during your time in singleness. God only knows what is in store for me in LA, but I know my singleness in Fort Worth prepared me well for it, and I know God wants to purpose you well in your singleness too. - Courtney Poey

Resting In Singleness

Rest in my identity as his child. I AM WORTHY

Rest in his eternal love. I AM LOVED

Rest in his nearness. I AM NOT ALONE

Rest in his faithful provisions. I AM ENOUGH

Rest in his patience. I AM STRONG

Rest in his forgiveness. I AM HUMBLE

Rest in his mercy and compassion. I AM KNOWN 

Rest in his sovereignty. I AM WISE

Rest in his protection. I AM RESILIENT

Rest in his pursuit. I AM MISSED 

Rest in his comfort. I AM PEACEFUL

Rest in his loyalty. I AM JOYFUL

As soon as Sammy read this to us in Bible I knew immediately this is what needed to be shared in this space as the first post of the year. Sammy is a dear friend of mine, she has the coolest clothes of all time, is the one of the cutest humans ever, (like for real look at her instagram is she not the coolest/cutest ever?!)  but also has this calming presence, confidence and peace about her that I admire greatly. Sammy is a “yes friend” and someone who isn’t afraid to speak bodly or share the gospel. She can make any dessert gluten free n fabulous and makes an insanely chip good dip. I could go on and on about how cool she is, but you’ll see that for yourself by reading what she has to say about rest, and specifically resting in singleness. I was so honored she said yes to writing this and I hope and pray this impacts, challenges and blesses you as much as it did me. 

I will be turning 29 this year and for some reason that number that is deathly close to 30 is making me panic. There are a lot of areas in my life that I feel like I have not achieved what I was “supposed” to have achieved by now. Life just hasn’t gone the way I planned or hoped that it would but this year I wanted to make an extra effort to be content in that, being content has been and probably always will be a battle for me. I am always ready for the next thing before I am even able to enjoy where I am and singleness is especially hard for me to admit any gratitude for.

I was so honored when Lauren asked me and my word choice for the year to be featured on her blog but in all honesty it was also kind of convicting at the same time because we are one month into the year and I am already failing miserably at RESTING in my singleness.

I choose a word each year to strive to live by and for 2019 the word is REST. I recently went through a break.. off? I don’t know, what do you call it when you part ways after seriously pursuing one another for three months but never made it official? Anyway, it was yet another heartbreak for me and I have been feeling very frustrated, why does God continue to bring me to this place? And instead of reminding myself to rest in Gods sovereignty I completely ignore my word of the year and go into hyper drive of how can I fix this my way. Just in this one month it is almost laughable how many times God has shown me that I am not in control, every single day God is graciously reminding me… hey, you said you wanted to work on resting in me, remember? Everything in me wants to roll my eyes at God and groan and complain and justify my actions but God loves me too much to let me stay there long.  He put REST on my heart for the year for a reason, he gave me these hardships for a reason, and he has me in this place for a purpose.

So, when my mind wants to completely tweak out and worry myself sick about all the things that aren’t going my way, what does it look like to rest instead? To me that means trusting and surrendering, ironically, those were my words the past two years and that is also convicting. I say that I trust God, I say I have surrendered my life to him so why is this resting thing deeming to be so hard? The reality is that I do desire to trust God but when God is not moving at the pace I would like him to move I unconsciously decide he needs my help. I know that sounds ridiculous, God doesn’t need my help but when I step in and try to fix (or a truer word is manipulate—I hate that word) the people or situations of my circumstances my actions are saying “God you’re not doing what I think needs to be done so I’ll help you out.”  And all though that seems like pure motives and good intentions, that “helping out” is what causes my inability to rest, it gives me an anxious heart because when I try to take over and take control I loose focus on the one who is actually in control and put it on my circumstance. Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

I have recently been obsessed with the enneagram personality assessment and found out that I am a 2 which is also called the helper so this act of “helping out” is a natural reaction for me and I am definitely being humbled in the realization that it is often times manipulating. Focusing on resting this year is God’s way of continuing to mold and shape me into the woman he designed me to be and for that I am so thankful.

Gratitude is the key to contentment if you ask me. You always have a choice in how you look at situations and choosing to be positive about your circumstance will always leave you more content than when negative. Trust me when I say I am soooo human and choosing gratitude is not always fun and it is definitely easier said then done but through a million other hardships I have been faced with I have learned that practicing gratitude is the key ingredient. There is always something to be thankful for, even if it as small as the smell of fresh cut grass there is always something you can say thank you for.

For me in the last two months when I have felt forgotten, not chosen, unwanted and/or unheard and just want to question God and say “I don’t think you heard me right, I said I don’t want to be single anymore” I have to be able to choose gratitude, I have to trust him and his timing, I have to surrender to him and I have to rest in him. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. It is a truth I have to remind myself literally every ten minutes.

One example of finding gratitude in my situation was a few weeks ago, I was having a rough day just letting this heart break win in making me feel rejected and just straight sad, I work as an associate manager at a clothing boutique and on that rough day I had two separate customers come in and tell me how great of sales person I was, one even gave me a high five! Then two other girls at different times of that day came in and complemented me and told me how pretty they thought I was. I know maybe that sounds dumb but I said “thank you God for knowing I was having a rough day and sending people in here to reassure me and make me smile.” I think that was God being so sweet to me. I chose to be thankful for those small moments rather then focus on the one thing that was making me sad. I chose to see God on that day rather then stay in place that feels like he isn’t answering my prayers. He is present.

At the same time I think it is so important to be raw with God and tell him every time you are frustrated, be real with him and your feelings in the moment but let him remind you of the truth… that he is using every single second of your suffering for good, that he isn’t ignoring you but drawing you in closer. James 1:2-4 dear brothers and sisters when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  

The way I chose my verse that goes along with my word of the year was that I was reading Psalm 22 in the midst of this heart break and I related so hard to a few verses in that moment that were about being unsure if God was there…

Psalm 22:1-2 My God, My God why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Everyday I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night I lift my voice but I find no relief. Then verse 11 Do not stay far from me, for the trouble is near and no one else can help me. And verse 19 O Lord do not stay far away! You are my strength: come quickly to my aid.

Man, that was speaking to my soul and that was so comforting to me that in Gods word, in truth, my feelings were being validated but then I kept reading and there it was, the very next chapter the rescuing message I needed.

Psalm 23:1-4 The Lord is my shepherd. I HAVE ALL THAT I NEED. He lets me REST in the green meadows, he leads me beside peaceful streams, he renews my strength, he guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and staff protect and comfort me.

That was the moment I decided that God was clearly telling me its time to REST. God knows me and where my affection for the Lord is stirred the most is in nature, amongst a landscape that is so beautiful that only God could be responsible for creating it and that verse just captured it all, I have all that I need, he gives me green meadows and peaceful streams to point me back to his glory, he is with me and he reminds me everyday with the sky and the sun and the moon and the meadows and the mountains and ultimately that is what is most important, glorifying our creator. Living for his kingdom not my kingdom was a real truth that I needed to be reminded of. God is so good and even in my hardships I have to look through that lens of his love not of a lens of disappointment.

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Remembering these key points I have tried to change my prayers to look like this, “Lord, you know the weight of anxiety on my heart. I cannot bear being heart broken and rejected again. My heart is physically in pain, I am hurting so bad, but I will choose not to worry, your will, will be done and I know you are protecting me from something that is beyond my understanding. I lift up this situation to you, please be in the midst of it, please be in control of it, please give me peace in it but I also thank you, I thank you for loving me, I thank you for the small moments that have brought smiles to my face, I thank you for the warmth of the sun, I thank you for the amazing friends you have placed in my life, I thank you from the character you are building in both of us, I thank you for my family who loves me, I thank you for all the resources I have access to that have helped me in the midst of this, I thank you for your word and that it is truth and I thank you for helping me rest in you. I trust you.”

As I said before, singleness is the area of my life that is hardest for me to admit any gratitude for and finding my worth in the Lord, really believing that God is all I need to be completely satisfied is a daily struggle that I face to. I don’t want to desire worldly love more than Gods love, but often times I do. I don’t want to let this world conform me. I want my honest, deepest desire to be that God will continue to transform me into a person that looks more like him. Romans 12:2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know Gods will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

So, as an exercise and a daily reminder for myself to trust that God knows the desires of my heart and he has a greater plan for me than I can ever imagine, a reminder to rest in him and not in what I think that I want, I wrote out some of his truths and promises that I am striving to rest in this year and then right beside it I wrote out what resting in that truth will say about me and my character as God shapes me and sanctifies me into the woman he designed me to be.

Rest in my identity as his child. I AM WORTHY

Rest in his eternal love. I AM LOVED

Rest in his nearness. I AM NOT ALONE

Rest in his faithful provisions. I AM ENOUGH

Rest in his patience. I AM STRONG

Rest in his forgiveness. I AM HUMBLE

Rest in his mercy and compassion. I AM KNOWN

Rest in his sovereignty. I AM WISE

Rest in his protection. I AM RESILIENT

Rest in his pursuit. I AM MISSED

Rest in his comfort. I AM PEACEFUL

Rest in his loyalty. I AM JOYFUL

I am done asking situations, locations and relationships of everyday life to be my savior. I will enter in Gods rest for the rest of my life. Knowing Jesus is my savior and the only thing that will completely satisfy my heart.   

Thank you Lauren for this opportunity to catch me in my tracks and help me live true to my word choice, I think this is just another sweet example of Gods timing. I hope this can encourage y’all to join in with me and REST in our awesome Lord, rejoice in his divine romance and be thankful for the way we are all sweetly broken.

Xo Sammy

SO.DANG.GOOD. I literally have nothing else to say except I hope we all strive to REST more in who God is and who He says we are. He is so good. And so sweet to give me friends with wisdom like this.

Hope vs. Expectation

Hope vs. Expectation. A common conversation among my friends right now. How do you hope for a future spouse, new job, new opportunity, or any “hope/dream” in a healthy way without a specific expectation?

 Often I’m scared to pray about something without ceasing bc I fear it won’t be answered therefore it’s a stupid waste of time hope and expectation.  Sometimes I admit it feels silly and honestly useless to pray for the same thing every day and yet it doesn’t seem like God has answered my prayer. But maybe it’s just because he hasn’t answered yet or he has and it’s just not what I expected his answer to be. Can anyone else relate? 

Last night my devotional asked the question: “How in the world should I respond to what God is doing?” -Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies. Well that was a kick in the butt bc yesterday I did not respond well to a few things. Hebrews 12:11 says “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. 

If I look back on my life and think about trying moments and seasons, while they were hard I can also confidently say they helped shape who I am today. They absolutely had purpose and I see God’s hand in it. “How in the world should I respond?” - for me - that’s remembering God’s hand IS in everything. To let go of fear, control and anxiety and acknowledging that God IS doing something even if I don’t know what it is. My hope is not reliant on what I think should happen but expectant that God is always good. 

In other news: I’m hopeful for some sunshine in what has felt like a month of rain, but have low expectations and am kinda glad for an excuse to binge watch Hallmark and Harry Potter. 

Outfit details: tank, jeans, neck scarf, shoes, purse

Contentment: The Single's Dilemma

I am THRILLED to introduce you to Thane, the first BOY to be featured on The Single Society Collective. Thane is a go-getter, mover and shaker, has an incredible work ethic and is honestly just an overall incredible person. Thane lives in LA and as my sister says, "has about 1,000 things going on but in the best way." You can see for yourself what he's all about on his website: www.thanemarcus.com . But first, get to know him a little more by reading these fun facts below! 

Age: 26

Occupation: Collaborator, Podcaster, Entrepreneur, and Author

Can't Live Without: Coffee! (Which is why I’m starting a side coffee business ;))

Loves: Jesus, People, all things fitness + health + wellness, dancing, snowboarding, reading, riding motorcycles, and of course GOLF - the sport that teaches you most about life. 

Fun Fact: Growing up I claimed to have African roots b/c my mom was born in Ethiopia - which has no bearing on my ethnicity, but it seemed to work in high school at least!

Obsessed with: Optimizing all facets of life - from sleep, to habits, to focus, etc. - professional golf showed me the fruit of living optimally, and now that I’ve tasted and seen that it is good, I can never go back. 

Favorite Thing About LA: It is the “land of opportunity” filled with a culture of ambitious and striving people. I love being the atmosphere and energy it brings, and am excited for how God will use me in this city.

OK GUYS. Here's the good stuff, Thanes words on singleness are so powerful and I can't wait for you to read it yourself. 

Singleness is an interesting stage of life to navigate. Whether you’re a Christian or not, it is topic that's been hotly debated on multiple fronts, probably since the beginning of time (or at least the last few hundred years).

The Single’s dilemma is one that strives to marry two sides that can’t be perfectly meshed together. It is the tension that rests between contentment and pursuit, being thankful for where you are at, but also pushing to what lies beyond your current state. This is a tension that is especially felt with each additional year you spend as a single individual in a world dominated by couples.
 

CLARIFYING MY STANCE

I want to clarify something right away. I believe God has created man and woman for each other (Genesis 2), and that God has designed us to be relational-beings. Thus, it would be safe to say that the majority of humans will be married, and I would go so far as to say - should be married.

With that being said, marriage is never guaranteed for everyone. The point is, a majority will be married, but a minority of singles will remain single. And, most importantly, neither is better than the other.

The funny thing with the culture present today (especially within the church), is that the prior statement I just made could come across as “controversial”, despite the several explicit statements made by Paul (1 Cor. 7), and the implicit statements made by Jesus (Matt 19:11).

In thinking through this cultural bias, there are several observations I believe are helpful in understanding how this has developed and how it affects both singles and marrieds today.
 

OBSERVATION #1: SINGLENESS IS A SEASON OF LIFE, LASTING AN UNKNOWN LENGTH OF TIME.

Just because you are single now doesn’t mean you “have the gift of singleness”, destined to be single forever. In fact, chances are you don’t have that calling and you won’t be single forever or even much longer than another year.

Viewing and thinking about singleness as a season instead of an identity is both liberating and invigorating. Liberating because we no longer have to resign ourselves to the depressive state of an "unworthiness to be married” or an inferior position below the marital status held by most of our friends, family, and peers. Invigorating because it allows us to see this season as one that is likely passing by, and thus, we must do all that we can - NOW - in order to make the most of this season before it is forever gone.
 

OBSERVATION #2: MARRIAGE CHANGES YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

This statement seems like an obvious and trivial point to be made, but discarding it due to simplicity is a mistake.

From the people I’ve interacted with and heard perspectives from, after being married for six months (or even as few as four weeks) they can’t imagine life before marriage. Living in matrimony with another human quickly becomes the “new norm” once you step into marriage. This means, you no longer have the ability to fully relate to your single brothers and sisters. Of course you can always reflect back on your time as a single person, but even in your reflection, as commonly understood from psychology and sociology, your memories will always be impacted by the present reality of your life and the amount of time that has transpired between the particular event and your current reality. More times than not, our memories are morphed into a jumble of real and imaginative realities.

All this to say, for married people to believe they have a clear grasp of the benefits and challenges of singleness is as much naive as it is ignorant, almost to the level of a single person giving marriage advice (key word: almost).
 

OBSERVATION #3: BEING SINGLE AT 19 IS DIFFERENT THAN 25, OR 40.

Singleness cannot be contained or depicted as a unilateral experience. Just as writing a paper or article as a 19-year-old is different than writing as a 25-year-old, so too is singleness and the experience of this season. There are so many external and internal differences that they are almost not even the same category. There is also some truth in saying that your experience as a 25-year-old single may be drastically different than my experience as a 25-year-old single.

This is something I still have to remind myself of, and this is why it is so important to abstain from too many dogmatic generalizations - statements applying to such a broad spectrum of realities. Just because you weren’t successful at using singleness well at 19 (who was?), doesn’t mean I can’t be successful at using this season well at 25.
 

OBSERVATION #4: DIFFERENT, BUT EQUAL.

The biblical reality of singleness is that: it is different, but equal to marriage. This is the same perspective that’s needed in the sphere of male vs. female - distinctly different, but equal.

This is a challenge facing the church today and there is much to be said for the impact it can have. On one side of the coin, marriage could hardly be more exalted and extolled within the local church. It is universally preached on, encouraged and prescribed for, expounded upon, and pressured into (but really though). While marriage is an important topic to extensively convey, the excess can lead to added pressure on singles when combined with an absence of the biblical perspective on singleness.

This is obviously not done explicitly, but rather implicitly. What happens when something, biblically, is shown to have value but is never publicly or verbally taught on by a pastor or other leaders in the church? It becomes devalued. It’s not that there are explicit statements made against singleness, but by the very nature of not discussing its benefit, you undermine its worth, communicating just as much by what you don’t say as by what you do say.
 

STEP INTO THE SINGLE’S SHOES

There are many effects of these implicit and explicit messages sent by churches, but one of the most powerful (and most sinister) is what happens beneath the surface - on the subconscious level. If the message you constantly hear is: “Nike shoes are the best. They look the coolest, they have the most comfort, they are the most dependable, they produce the best performance, and they lead to a greater life.”; what will happen when you don’t own a pair of Nike’s? You will feel like your missing out. You will feel lesser than all those who do own a pair of Nike’s. While you never hear those words, that is the message that often gets translated to your subconscious.

The point in this illustration is to say: a direct effect of only hearing one side of the story (marriage being good) is that singles subconsciously feel devalued. The reason this is sinister is because we are almost entirely unaware of how our subconscious effects our thoughts and behavior (Strangers to Ourselves) - meaning this is an invisible enemy that often leaves us defenseless, at the mercy of it’s power and will.

While this sounds harsh and dogmatic, the point I’m trying to make is: this is an issue that needs to be brought to light, creating awareness among singles and marrieds alike.
 

BALANCING THOUGHTS

There are several distinctions I want to leave you with to balance out this singleness-heavy post.

1. The goal is NOT to glorify singleness above its rightful place - I want to encourage singleness to be returned to an even ground with marriage, and nothing beyond that.
2. The last thing I want to do is to deify singleness - it is simply a season of life that God has given us, just as much as living in a certain location can be seen as a season.
3. I simply don’t know if singleness is my life-long calling or not - and that’s okay. The point isn’t about knowing the future, it’s about recognizing your reality, now. 
4. This post is not meant to engender sympathy for being single - singleness is a blessing! The last thing I want people to feel is sorry for me or other singles thriving during this season God’s given us. (Empathy is much different than sympathy.)
    

IN CONCLUSION

Enough has been said for today, but more can and should be said in the future. I don’t want to simply encourage marrieds (and singles) to value the season of singleness, I want to help both sides know how we can thrive during this time. God has called us to redeem the time He's given us, no matter the season. It is my belief and conviction (which I stole from the apostle Paul) that singleness can and should lead to the deepest possible relationship with God. But, even that statement is ignorant of the fact that God has called each of us to different giftings, equippings, and callings as His children.

At the end of the day, contentment has to be fought for. The human condition we all face - amplified by both culture at large, and the church culture in a smaller capacity - is that: “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” My purpose in writing this post is to show that: “the grass is greener on the side of the fence that you water.”

... So the question is: why are we watering the other side?

-Thane

SO  good, right?  I encourage you to ask his last question;  "Why are we watering on the other side?" And also the question of WHAT are you watering on the other side.  I hope it was refreshing to hear about singleness from a guy's perspective and that you're reminded that not all the good guys are gone! (lol well at least my friends and I joke about that sometimes..) ANYWAYS I pray his blog post has encouraged you as much as it did me. Until next time.. 

I Sold Myself to the #NSale

Ok people. We are just going to get into it. And let me start with this. This blog post is by no means purposefully judging how much people spent on the sale or whatever, this is just my honest thoughts. If you've been on Instagram, there's a 99.9% chance you know about one of the biggest sales of the year, The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. And let me start with this: I LOVE Nordstrom and I really do love this sale! But something about it this year, with all the hype on Instagram and being in the "blogger" world really caused me to stumble. I truly don't know how else to describe it. Let me give you a play by play: 

The weeks leading up to the #nsale I knew I wanted to shop early since I’m a card member (Nordstrom card members get the perk of shopping the sale before the public). I knew exactly what I wanted to get. I had a mission. I wanted to go in with an organized game plan, and stick to my budget. But as the start of the sale approached, I found myself obsessing over it, planning out my week so I could get up early to get online to shop the freaking sale. I FREAKING PLANNED MY WEEK AROUND IT. SOS. (ok those who are full time bloggers and this is their job and way to support themselves that is great, but that’s not me). Anyways, I planned my week around it and was supper anxious I wouldn’t get my picks. I found myself comparing what my friends and other ppl online were getting with what I wanted. I heard a range of spending totals and I kept thinking, “Am I too frugal? OMG will I spend WAY too much?  Wait; am I crazy for not getting more? How are people willing to drop TONS and TONS of money on this sale, is that normal? Is that how much I need to be spending?” 

So, on the day of the sale, I woke up early, got all my items online and decided to be done. I told myself “ok, you can be on Instagram and talk to people about what they got but be “done.” Well at about 12pm (mind you I got up at 5am - yes I was one of the crazies) I started feeling just sick to my stomach. If I saw one more try on haul, texted one more time about it or spent any more time on it I thought I was going to explode. For two weeks leading up to the sale and the actual day of the sale it was literally the only thing I saw people talking about and posting about on Instagram. Normally, I would say I do pretty well with Instagram. I’ve been intentional about not getting swept up in my follower count or the “keeping up with the jones’” Instagram style mostly due to a community that keeps me in check. But this sale. It was everywhere; it consumed my phone, day, my week, my mind. And I hated it. 

That afternoon I decided to get off Instagram until I felt ready. I was sick with my own consumerism and the consumerism of this world. I wish I was as excited to buy new books to learn more about God, or books to better myself as I was for this sale. I wish I was this on top of my game to plan ways on where I can be of good use of my time and gifts. But no, this week was spent obsessing over clothes and a sale. 

A few days before I read in my devotional about where we are placing our priorities, are we focused on our life here on earth or above? The devo asked these questions: 

“What set of values determines your schedule?” 

“What perspective about the nature of and purpose for your existence forms your every-day street level priorities? 

“What view of life determines how you make decisions?” 

“How does your thinking shape what you do and say every day?” 

Wow. Well if I were to have answered them that day and week, here’s what my answers would look like: 

“What set of values determines your schedule?” - My values this week were the value I saw in my closet and it determined how I spent my time. I am ashamed to admit this but I actually planned to not be too social Wednesday night so I could be up early, ready to shop online Thursday morning. I even canceled my workout class for that morning. yikes

“What perspective about the nature of and purpose for your existence forms your every-day street level priorities? - Well lol it seemed my sole purpose for existence was this sale so that’s good. 

“What view of life determines how you make decisions?” - My view of life was completely materialistic. I was at risk of making unwise decisions with my money.

“How does your thinking shape what you do and say every day?” - My thinking was selfish and also self-deprecating by comparing myself to others. There was a lot of negative talk in my head. 

None of those answers included my walk with the Lord, my job, my community or things that matter or bring true value and joy to my life. 

During trials (like hi a freaking shopping sale became a trial for me, yikes) I am always brought back to this truth: The only thing on this earth and eternity that can fully satisfy us is the Lord and our relationship with Him. Not clothes, not a sale, not social media, not the amount of likes on social media. He has already given us everything we need through the gift of eternal life. Time and time again we read in scripture “I am the bread of life”.

In Colossians 3:1-2 it says, 

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not things that are on earth.”  

If were to look at how I spent my time this week, I was not doing that. And I want to be in a place where that is my priority and where I’m asking myself the questions I listed above constantly to keep me in check. 

Now, I’m not saying don’t shop the sale, there really are great deals! I wrestled with wanting to post about it on my Instagram too much bc it’s already out there. And I truly feel like my blog is more of a lifestyle place so I want to keep it that way. I hope by you reading this you aren’t offended but can maybe relate, whether it’s the #nsale or something else that’s consuming you right now. What is it? What are you letting “rule” your life right now? 

31 Day Challenge

IT’S HERE PEOPLE! Two weeks ago I wrote about how the 31 Day Challenge changed my life and quiet times. The 31 Day Challenge is an easy way to get back into a routine quiet time.  This was given to me during my sophomore year of college, when life was pretty crazy and causing me a lot of anxiety. There were some scary and serious things happening to people I loved around me and I found myself asking "Why God?" almost daily. I grew up a Christian basically my whole life, but my freshman year I wouldn't say I was the most dedicated to my faith and growth in my walk with God. I was not going to church, was not in a routine small group and definitely not reading the Bible daily.

When "sophomore slump" happened (I truly believe this is a thing! freshman year high is over and reality sets in) I was given this challenge through a campus ministry I had been starting to get involved in. I decided I would do this each night before I went to bed (yeah, I know it's weird I'm a night time quiet person -- but hey it works for me!) I got a new journal - which I highly encourage bc who doesn't want an excuse to buy a cute new journal?! And went to work. 

While doing this I was able to find more peace and assurance with what was happening around me. I couldn't control anything, but I knew that God was in control, I knew he was hearing my prayers, I knew I was growing closer to Him. With time, I found myself eager to do the challenge each day - instead of feeling like reading the word was a chore in the past. Those 31 days drastically changed my faith that year, and because of that I still love to do it 1-2 times a year, as a good "re-set" button. While being in the word hasn't been a breeze all the time since then, as believers we are called to be in it daily. (Joshua 1:8) 

So, starting  TOMORROW, I want to challenge YOU to do it with me! Below is the explanation of how to do it, and the passage of scripture for each day. I will also be posting the scripture daily on my stories on Instagram, so be sure to follow along! Drop me a message or engage with me on Instagram if you choose to do it, I would love to engage and talk about it with you all!

Guide For Each Day:

Write In A Notebook: 

• Date: 
• Scripture: 

Key Thought:

• Read the passage for the day a couple of times
• Pray and ask God to give you insight as you think about (meditate) about what the passage says
• In one or two sentences, write out the Key Thought of the passage or how God spoke to you the most (what stuck out to you the most).

Key Verse: 

• Write out word for word the Key Verse of the passage in which God spoke to you (include the scripture reference, example: John 3:16)
• Since some of the days are only one or two verses, you don’t necessarily need to write it out again—just include what God revealed to you in the Key Thought section.

Key Application: (So Important!) 

• In one or two sentences write out a Key Application: What will you do differently in your life because of the passage?
• Write out how you are going to put into action what God has shown you

Prayer: 

• Pray that during the day through the power of the Holy Spirit (who now lives in you because you are a believer in Christ) you will apply these principles from God’s Word to your life.
• Hint: do not forget to spend some time talking to God…writing or typing your prayers to Him might help! *Lo’s tip: I LOVE writing out my prayers, I find myself not getting so distracted and it’s so cool going back and looking at them and seeing how I’ve changed and what God has answered.*

Day and Reading: 

•  
  • 1. 2 Corinthians 5:14-17
  • 2. Psalm 19:7-14
  • 3. Joshua 1:8-9
  • 4. Romans 12:1-2
  • 5. Psalm 119:9-11
  • 6. Matthew 7:24-27
  • 7. Ephesians 5:3-5
  • 8. 1 John 5:3-5
  • 9. Psalm 63:6-8
  • 10. Galatians 2:20-21
  • 11. Colossians 1:9-13
  • 12. Psalm 37:3-5
  • 13. Isaiah 40:28-31
  • 14. James 1:2-8
  • 15. Philippians 4:6-7
  • 16. 2 Timothy 2:1-4
  • 17. Hebrews 12:1-3
  • 18. John 14:12-15
  • 19. Jeremiah 1:4-8
  • 20. Acts 4:24-31
  • 21. Philippians 3:7-11
  • 22. Matthew 6:31-33
  • 23. Proverbs 3:5-7
  • 24. 2 Peter 1:4-8
  • 25. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
  • 26. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8
  • 27. Romans 12:9-14
  • 28. Titus 2:11-14
  • 29. Ephesians 6:13-20
  • 30. 1 Samuel 15:22-23
  • 31. 1 John 2:11-17

I truly can't wait to start this with you guys. Know that I will be praying daily that you will find a new joy in reading God's Word. 

Wrestle With Singleness

Hi everyone! My name is Hillary Unruh, I am 28 years old, and I am currently living in Belgium with my sweet husband Tate.  My husband plays professional basketball overseas, so we are in Belgium during the season, and Kansas City during the summers! I just recently started blogging, to fill a lot of my time over here, and it has been such a fun and creative outlet for me. If you love fashion, style, shopping on a budget, and talking about real things, then hop on over to www.hillarymichelleblog.com and let’s be friends! Also, if you have a thing for rap music, specifically the 2000’s, then we will be best friends. 

When Lauren asked me to guest write for her blog, I was so excited.  Some of you might be a little hesitant reading this, because I am married, but don’t roll your eyes at me yet- your girls got some street cred! ;) I got married just this past summer, August 2017, after dating and being engaged to Tate for a little under a year. Before Tate walked into my life, I was single for eight years. Yes, I didn’t misspell, eight years! Not only was I single, I was never asked out on a date. Tate was my first date at the ripe age of 27.

For eight years singleness was something I really struggled with. I felt like I was ready to marry at age 22, and I am not kidding. My hearts desire was to be a wife, and eventually a mother. I wrestled with God all the time. I didn’t understand why I had to wait so long when I felt like I was ready.  I didn’t understand why no one was taking an interest in me. I didn’t understand why other people were being asked out and pursued, and not me. I wanted to be married so badly, my heart ached. I longed to love someone, to serve someone, and to stand beside someone.

God always uses our biggest weaknesses and struggles for His glory doesn’t He? He turns them into our passions.  So for eight years singleness was my platform that He used to speak to other single women! I loved ministering to other single women. I loved being used by God to encourage others in singleness, even in the moments of doubt and fear. 

When I became married, I realized that my platform had shifted. I was no longer married. I couldn’t speak into singleness the same way I used to be able to. When Lauren asked me to write for her blog, I was so excited because I got to talk about singleness again! It sounds weird, but it was huge part of my life and my walk with the Lord. Even though I am married now, those feelings of loneliness, doubt, impatience, fear, feeling not good enough, are all still so real to me. So I get it, sister!

I want to encourage you in your singleness today. Looking back on my eight years of singleness, I learned a lot and grew a lot. I now see many different ways the Lord used my singleness, and I would love to share them with you!  There are also myths and misconceptions about marriage that I want to address as well.

So let’s get to it!

First, wrestle with your singleness. Wrestling with my singleness was one of the best things I did to prepare for marriage. Sounds weird, huh? Let me explain.  When I say I wrestled with my singleness, I mean I asked God a lot of questions, I asked myself a lot of questions, and I fought through the ugly hard times. There are going to be days when singleness is fun, maybe you would prefer it, and you see it truly as a gift.  Then there are going to be days when you sob in a quiet place alone because you feel left out, lonely, and unwanted. I know that wasn’t just me! I would sometimes get mad at God (not rightfully so) but I was honest with Him. I was mad that it was taking so long, I was mad no one was pursuing me, I was mad other girls were getting pursued. When I got real with myself, and with God, He taught me a lot about myself, Himself, and singleness. He taught me to be strong, He tested my faith, He reminded me of His faithfulness, and He taught me to find my identity in Him. THAT IS HUGE. I didn’t have a boyfriend to be tempted to place my identity in.  If anything, being single always pushed me back to the Lord because the Lord was all I had. 

Singleness taught me a lot about independence, yet dependance on the Lord, and finding my whole identity in Him. I learned who I was a person, before adding someone else to my life. My strengths, my weaknesses, my fear buttons, my ugly side, what made me mad, what made me happy, how to communicate. Now I am married (finally), ten months in, and I rarely struggle with placing my identity in Tate. And I rarely struggle with looking to him to fulfill things I know he can’t fulfill. I know how to handle a lot of my emotions. I am not saying married people don’t struggle with those things, but singleness prepared me for those temptations! So allow this time of singleness to be used for your sanctification and growth! Wrestle with God. Allow Him to teach you about dependence on Him, and finding your identity solely in Him. Heck, I am still being taught those things even after getting married, and will always continue to be! 

Secondly, view your singleness as a ministry. This is big. When you are single, you have an opportunity. When you’re married, you have an opportunity.  But we are talking about the opportunities you have as a single person. Incase you didn’t know this, people are watching you! People are looking at you, people notice how you handle yourself, and people look up to you. You may be thinking, “uhh who??”. You may not know it, but they are. You have the opportunity to witness to people through your singleness. Through acts of faith, trust, obedience, and simply having a joyful heart. You are able to encourage those around you who are also walking in singleness. 

How are you handling your singleness? Trust me, I didn’t handle singleness well all the time. I had my moments. But when you stop thinking about yourself and what you “deserve”, and shift your focus to being USED by God, your attitude shifts too! God will use you if you allow Him to.  There were girls that would tell me they were encouraged by my singleness. “Well Hillary is 26 and still single, so I can do it too, it’s ok”.  Sure it is veeery humbling, but it is encouraging! You can be an example to people, even in your walk through singleness. Dive into that. Encourage girls. Challenge girls who might be walking in doubt and fear, causing them to lower their standards. Ya’ll it can be an incredible ministry if you choose to view it as such. Lauren is the perfect example of that, by starting this blog. Seriously, go Lauren!

Third, married people still need friends too. There’s a transition that occurs when you go from being single to married. You go from living with your friends and hanging out with them all the time, to living with a man and I wanting to spend time with him, but also your friends. And as a friend of a person who just gets married, you always feel funny about when to hang out and when to not hang out. Like do they want to be with their husband tonight? Am I hanging around too much? Would they rather hang out with married couples? I remember thinking that with my married friends. I didn’t want to overstep. Friendships will look a little different, and that’s ok, but they are still your friend!! Married people need their friends. Relationship status has nothing to do with a friendship, or at least it shouldn’t. I love hanging with Tate, and spending time with him, but I also want to hang with my girls! Maintaining friendships is so important. Community is needed.  We are called to have community! So don’t feel self conscious, don’t back away from friendships, and don’t feel less than. You are needed!

Fourth, getting married will not complete you or your life, and it won’t solve your problems. I remember praying to God, “alright God, I love my job, my friends, my community, my life, I just would love to have that missing piece, I would love to have a husband.”  Do you relate? You just need that onnnnneee thing checked off your list and you’re good to go. You will be happy.  Life will be GOOD. Marriage is not the one missing puzzle piece. It will never fully complete your life or satisfy that one itch.  It’s funny, once we moved to Belgium and I realized I no longer had my friends, job, community, and family, I found myself praying desperately, “God I just need one friend. Could you please send me a friend. I will be ok if I have one friend.”  God had given me a husband and I was praying for more! We always want more, we always want something else! Don’t get me wrong, God blessed me with the most amazing husband, and he fulfilled that desire of my heart. It is the greatest gift I have received. But that is just it, marriage is a gift! The gift of marriage is not intended to satisfy your deepest longings, to complete your life, fix your problems, or make you happy. It is a gift that is meant to bless you, and it does, very deeply. 

Marriage does not fix problems. Marriage does not fix deeply rooted insecurities and fears. If anything, it exposes them.  It is the most sanctifying relationship you can be in! So don’t think that by getting married those will suddenly vanish, because they won’t. I have never been more aware of my selfishness, than I have been the past 10 months! Use this time just you and God to work things you need to work through. Only the Lord is able to fix, heal, and patch up.  Don’t look to marriage for that! 

I actually feel like I could go on and on, but I will spare you all! ;) But I do want to leave you with two things.

Marriage is beautiful, messy, fun, hilarious, and the most incredible experience. It is worth waiting for. I waited eight long years to meet Tate, and if I would’ve known then what I know now, I would’ve waited eight more years. Well maybe not eight more….haha just kidding. ;) But that’s the thing, God doesn’t always reveal to you His plan and His reasons.  Sometimes it really sucks, but it’s always for your good! I still don't know why Tate and I had to meet at age 27, but that is ok. I am so thankful I was faithful in my singleness, even when I didn’t want to be, because he was worth it. Marriage is worth it.

Lastly, don’t let “single” define you or become your identity. Because you are so much more than that! And when it does define you or become your identity, it will blur your vision. You doubt, you question, you fear, you feel less than, not good enough, lonely, behind, unwanted, self conscious. You are not those things! You are loved. You are taken care of. You are cared for. You have a plan already made for you that is without mistake. You are strong. You are enough. You are worthy. You are not behind. You are right where you need to be, because God has placed you there. So choose to believe that every single morning and walk confidently in your singleness!  - Hillary 

SO excited to have the Collective up and running this year! I loved what Hillary had to say because it's SO good to be reminded of these things even from married friends. 

Back In The Swing Of Things

Hi Guys! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written over here. There isn’t a particular reason, except that I have just been busy doing LIFE, which has been pretty sweet lately.

Recently I have found myself feeling pretty content in a lot of aspects, including my job, my friends, and even singleness! And I am so thankful for that.  Well, because I had been in a sweet spot of contentment, it caused a quite un-sweet spot in my time with God. I hadn't been desiring or wanting anything I didn't have, so I hadn't felt a need for God. Isn’t it funny how it’s in our biggest moments of desperation that we have our most intimate moments with the Lord? When things are good, it’s so easy for me to put Him on the side. I always pray all throughout the day every day, but I hadn't been intentional or in in the Word. There is no excuse for this; I know I always need to be spending intentional time seeking Him. But after I had finished a few studies, I didn’t have anything else planned. Between feeling content and having nothing lined up, I ended up just not doing anything. I knew I had to get back in it, so I said okay, I’ll start again on April 1st. So on April 1st, I picked up my journal, my bible and something called the 31 day challenge, and hopped back into it. 

The 31 Day Challenge is something I have done twice a year for about 6 years, and it really helps me get into a routine. I WILL be sharing the 31 Day Challenge with you soon, and have a special project planned around it, so stay tuned.

In the meantime, I wanted to share some tips that help me get back into the quiet-time swing of things. Alan Lakein said “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” This quote could not be more true for my life, especially with quiet times. Looking back, every time I've hit a dry spell with getting in the Word, two things were always involved: 1) My lack of a "need for God," and 2) No plan in sight. Any time I’ve seen success in maintaining time with God, these 3 steps led the way:

1. PLAN ahead. While you’re in your current routine of a quiet time, look into what you want to do next. Do some research into studies, topics, or even books of the bible you’d like to learn about. Always have what’s next ready for when you're done with your current routine.
2. Be held ACCOUNTABLE. Grab a pal who also wants to be checked in on, even if you're not in the same study routine. Set expectations with each other for how you'll check in. With my gals, we've said that by 10:00pm we'll text the other, “Have you done your quiet time yet today?” 
3. WRITE your prayers. Writing out my prayers or general thoughts from my time in the Word really connects me with God on a more intimate level. A few years ago, I came up with a little acronym to help me pray with intention. I use P.T.C.O.M:

P - Praise: Praise God for His character and Who he is. 

T- Thanksgiving: Thank God and take time to let Him know before you go into the rest of your prayer. 

C- Confession: It’s pretty convicting to write this out everyday. 

O- Others: Take time to pray for your family, friends, and community. Be specific! 

M-Myself: Write out your prayer requests you have for yourself. 

I know this post wasn’t super focused on singleness, but I wanted to be honest with where I was and what I’ve been up to. It is such a sweet reminder that God still loves us even when we ignore him for a little while. To see more on what scripture says on how we should pray,read: Matthew 6:5-15 this helped me organize my prayer routine and I hope it helps you too! Until next week! 

There's No Place Like Alone For The Holidays

Why is it that the Holiday season makes being single extra hard? I know I’m not the only one that feels this way.  The other night a few friends and I were at the Dallas Arboretum's 12 Days of Christmas Display, and the whole time we kept saying "this would be the funnest date". Well, it seems like everything at Christmas would make a great date. Why is that? The Holiday season is festive, colorful, lovely, warm, all things fun and all things you want to share with a significant other.  Company Christmas party? Bring your plus one! … oh wait I DON’T HAVE ONE. Bringing home someone special for Christmas to meet the fam? Nope never have, probs never will (sorry ok that’s dramatic). NYE kiss? Um no, and I don’t kiss on first dates so BYEEE. Basically you get the picture. And I know I’m not the only single girl that goes through this thought process. 

Earlier this week I wrote a letter to my 22 year old self. That same Christmas I specifically remember getting some Christmas Eve drinks at the Four Seasons with my fam. We were talking about all sorts of things, including upcoming weddings, and well, I started bawling. At the Four Seasons. On Christmas Eve. I felt so alone and desperate in my singleness and it all came crumbling down through my tears at our fancy happy hour… nice. Anyone else have a moment like that? Up to that point on Christmas break I had many people ask or say “So no one special?” - no, “What’s a pretty girl like you doing single” - thanks for calling me pretty, but idk so… and my favorite, “You’re the last person I expected to be single..” like how do you respond that? Yes, I’m aware I’m one of the only ones left from my high school group single, and thanks? It felt like everyone around me was engaged or close to it, and I definitely was not. 

Moral of the story: being single during the holidays is hard. You want to share this special season with someone. You want someone to watch all the Christmas movies with (you know the good ones, Home Alone 1 and 2… if you watch the rest, bye. Elf, The Holiday, Miracle on 34th Street, White Christmas, and for me personally, I read and watch all the Harry Potters this time of year. You want to go on a cozy carriage ride together looking at Christmas lights, or even just a festive Christmas dinner date. Then you go home where you’re faced with tough questions, which come from love, but kind of hurt you in the end. Your normal single longings of being wanted, pursued, and loved are heightened during the Holiday season. Longing. A friend was telling me about a book she was reading and how all our “longings are rooted in our longing for Christ.” I couldn’t agree more. The reason we are celebrating Christmas is to rejoice over the birth of Christ our Savior! You know, the one who was born of a virgin, to save us from our sins and give us eternal life with him forever? Our longings all come back to things HE already provides for us. He has already pursued us fully, loves us completely despite our ugli-ness (and ugly cries of pity on Christmas Eve), and wants to be in a relationship with us - sin and all. In the past, it has been so hard to focus on these things. But this year, this season of Christmas and advent has been so much better than in years past. 

My small group and I have been doing the She Reads Truth advent study and it’s been the sweetest thing. Each day I am reminded why we are celebrating this season and where specifically in the Bible the promises I believe to be true are said, and of the stories and strong people behind them. Mary’s story is one that really stands out to me in this season. Reading about the angel coming to tell her she will be pregnant was probably 1) The most absurd thing she’s ever heard, because hello, she was a virgin! 2) Incredibly scary - what would life look like for her, what would people think? Is she capable of raising the king of the world? And 3) Unreal, how could this be happening to her? But after all the thoughts and fears she had, we see Mary respond in incredible and overwhelming obedience to the Lord. She finds her identity in the Lord through it all. Luke 1:38 says that she responded to Gabriel the Angel as “the servant of the Lord”. And we see this theme throughout her entire life. Mary is able to be so faithful, so obedient to the Lord, and eventually her own son Jesus - what an incredible example to dwell on. Reading advent this season has reminded me where my identity lies, and while this trial of singleness can be hard at times (which now looking at what Mary went through, I’m like there is NO room for complaining), I am called to be obedient and faithful to where God has me. 

This Holiday season has been much easier than others. I quite confidently believe a lot of that is to do with the community I am surrounded by. They encourage me when it’s hard and point me back to the truths I spoke about above. We have also made sure to make the most of it! You don’t need a boy to do fun Christmas activities. Grab your girls, go look at Christmas lights, go to a fun dinner, go do all the cheesy holiday things in your city, and watch the Hallmark Christmas movies (which I AM HERE FOR). 

Even through Christmas is a few days away, I hope this encourages you to rethink what this season as a single can look like for you, and even challenge you to make it better next year! Below is some scripture that I have really held on to and loved during this Christmas, I hope they bring you as much comfort and joy as they do me. Until next year ppl!

Romans 15:13

“May the God of HOPE fill you with all JOY and PEACE in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in HOPE.” 

Psalm 98:1-3

“O sing to the Lord a new song,

For He has done wonderful things,

His right hand and His holy arm have gained the victory [or, “accomplished salvation”] for Him.

The Lord has made known His salvation;

He has revealed His righteousness in the sight of the nations.

He has remembered His lovingkindness and His faithfulness to the house of Israel;

All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.

John 16:33

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” 

Joel 2:12

“Turn to me with all your heart.”

Luke 2:14

“GLORY to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” 

Dear 22 Year Old Me - 27 Things I Wish You knew

My 22 year old self was a recent TCU grad, and had just finished the best 4 years of my life (or so I thought.) I truly couldn’t have asked for a better college experience, from my sorority, to campus leadership opportunities, to Frog Football victories... the memories are truly the sweetest. Little did I know I was walking into the loneliest year of my life. I had a job where I worked from home when not traveling, and unfortunately all my friends had left Fort Worth. I was desperate for community, friends, and to be loved and known. I constantly cried out to the Lord wondering why he wasn’t giving me these things. Weren’t these good things to ask for? At the time I couldn't have predicted how much better the next four years would get. I now look back and see how intimate my relationship with the Lord was that year, because He was all I could hold onto. I see how he answered my prayers above and beyond. He mapped out a life that I could not even imagine.

Reflecting on all this, I wanted to write this letter to myself. Rewinding 4 years ago, I picture 22 yr old Lo sitting on my bed, reading the bible, and journaling my prayers with tears down my face. Praying for friends, a dog (a story for another time), and wondering if or when I would get married. It seemed like everyone around me was getting engaged, married or in a new relationship and I felt like I was running a race I just couldn't catch up to. I think if I read this letter then I would have laughed, cried and been in disbelief at what was to come. 

I’m writing this letter to remind myself how faithful the Lord is and who he promises to be. To look at all that has happened, and what He has done. To celebrate entering my upper 20's as a single girl instead of being ashamed and disappointed. Here goes a letter to myself. 

Dear Lo, 

It’s me. (you.) I know you’re lonely, so lonely, and feel like community is so far away, a husband is so far away and everyone seems to be getting engaged. You really don’t like your job, and you’re wondering: Lord what is next?! Well, you’re 27 now, and doing things you never dreamed of. I’m here to give you hope and encouragement. I'm here to tell you all these things get so much better, easier, and God guides you through it all. Here are 27 things I wish you knew, so you would have a few less tearless nights, and more excitement for what's to come. 

1. You’re still very single. Yup. Not even close to being married, BUT you are happy and so content (most days) and I promise you it gets better, so much better! 
2. This year is tough, but so are you. 
3. God has bigger and better plans than you can dream of. These next four years look 0% like what you expect - they're even better. 
4. Trust God when he says, " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
5. You live in Dallas, Texas now! Ya, that place down the road where your friends are begging you to move to right now. But we made it! 
6.  In Dallas, you have the BEST community. You are surrounded by friends who love and know you. Friends who are single, married, dating, and all invest in you and are so life-giving. 
7. You like red wine now. 
8. You will be in 6 - yes, 6 - weddings, and not have a date for a single one. But I promise being a bridesmaid is the sweetest gift, and 2 of those weddings... you don’t even know the brides yet!
9. You still love Harry Potter and re-read and re-watch the series each year. The love only grows stronger. 
10. You should look up the mid-west (I know it’s irrelevant to us California girls, no offense mid-western friends),  because you’re about to live in Branson, Missouri for 2 years. There, thanks to Kanakuk Kamps Ministries, you'll grow more in your faith than you can imagine. (Yeah, you think you know a lot, but you don't. So buckle up - it's a humbling 2 years! )
11. This challenging and lonely (yes it does get hard) year leads you to doing a biblical studies program called the Kanakuk Institute and it’s the best thing you’ve ever done.
12. You can give an overview of the bible in 30 mins. (believe me, lol I'm still shocked too)
13. You know how to defend your faith and why. 
14. Eight is the number of countries you have traveled to in the last 5 years (Greece, Turkey, Ireland, England, France, Italy, Spain, Bahamas). 
15. You get to live in Belfast, Ireland for 6 weeks because your job (yeah, UNREAL) is to mentor girls in a gap year program and go abroad. It’s the best job ever. These girls teach you more than you can imagine and they are the most precious God fearing-girls in the world. Working at Link Year is an incredible blessing and year of growth for you. 
16. You won’t go on another date until you’re 26.
17. You go on three dates (all set ups) and none work out. But it’s ok! 
18. You have traveled to NYC four times, Chicago twice, Colorado three times, Nashville, Kansas City, San Fransisco, Oregon, Maui, and more. 
19. Clearly, you love to travel. 
20. The Gilmore Girls are great "fake friends" - I wish you would have met them this year. Lorelei and Rory get you through some lonely nights! 
21. You have an obsession with NYC and constantly wonder if you should move there.
22. You are very relationally driven, so no wonder this year is so hard for you. 
23. Sorry, but you still don't have a dog.
24. Remember to thank Mom, Dad and your incredible more mature than you little sister Courtney more often. For putting up with you, praying for you, and guiding you through some anxiety attacks and many tears. 
25. You learn that God IS good enough, and He always will be. 
26. Right now you want to be pursued, chosen, and loved. But you already are. Read Psalm 139.  
27. You're going to be ok. I promise you. 

Single In The City: Emily Ann Domke

YOU GUYS. I am beyond thrilled to introduce you to Emily. We met through Kanakuk Kamps (a summer camp and ministry) , a few years ago and she has blown me away with her lack of fear and faith ever since. Emily is someone who isn't afraid to take a risk, is full of boldness,  and bravery. She is loyal, and incredibly sweet, and I'm so thankful to know and be friends with her. She can talk all things Broadway (which I SO appreciate) and probably knows more about Taylor Swift than you do.  She is full of passion, and a dream chaser. Anyways,  I don't want to spoil her story because she tells it so well. Here is the first post in the mini series of the collective, "Single In The City". 

Name: Emily Ann Domke

CITY: New York City

Age: 24

Can’t live without: My family, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and Taylor Swift

Favorite thing about New York: Each neighborhood has its own unique vibe so I never get tired of exploring.

"On May 17th, 2016 I landed in New York City with two bags, a near empty bank account, and no return ticket. For weeks I had feelings of adventure and excitement run through me, followed by dread and anxiety. Thoughts like “I’m going to live in New York!” were quickly replaced with “I am making a huge mistake!” Would a sane person move halfway across the country with no job, no money, and no idea what they want to do in life?

Two months before, I was wearing a stunning rose gold engagement ring and wedding planning was in full swing. Five months later I would be married. I had chosen a venue, found the gown, and had the guy. But I was beginning to have second thoughts...

Jeff and I had met while working at a Christian summer camp the previous year. He was charming, kind, chivalrous, goofy, and I was immediately drawn to him. We had an instant connection that gave me butterflies and made me blush. We would talk for hours without running out of things to say. Once word got around camp that Jeff and I had hit it off, it seemed that everyone was on board. That summer turned into a whirlwind romance that swept me off my feet and left me floating in the clouds.

There wasn’t a specific day, or argument, or reason that things changed, but I began to question whether I was ready to get married. After Jeff and I got engaged and we started talking about plans for the future and expectations for marriage, I had a feeling in my heart that something was off. For months I pushed those feelings away and chalked them up to cold feet or nerves, but as the wedding date drew closer the more stressed I became. I thought I did everything I was supposed to do. I met a guy at summer camp who loves Jesus and loves me, so now we ride off into the sunset like in an old school Taylor Swift music video right? I prayed for months and asked God to take these nerves away. I tried pushing the feelings down and telling myself to just be happy. Finally, after things didn’t improve, I decided I needed to honor my feelings and be sure that getting married was what I really wanted.

Calling off the wedding was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. Breakups are never easy, but it is much easier to justify a breakup with a jerk than with a sweet guy like Jeff. I didn’t think I could do it. Jeff wanted to fix it, wanted to know what he did wrong, how he pushed me away, and what he could do to change. I couldn’t answer his questions. The classic cliché “It’s not you, it’s me” summed up the situation perfectly. BUT REALLY IT’S ME! I wanted to make it so clear that he didn’t push me away, or do anything that made me change my mind. Cliché or not, it didn’t make the breakup any less painful.

After sending out uninvitations to make it official (yes those are real things), I did feel a sense of relief. It was as though God lifted a weight off my chest. To be clear, Jeff was not the weight, and neither was the idea of marriage: It was the stress of trying to live up to other people’s expectations and live the life I thought I was “supposed” to be living. I knew I had made the right decision even though it was hard.

What does all this have to do with being Single in the City you ask? Well, calling off the wedding freed up my schedule, so to speak. I didn’t have a job, I was finished with school, and I was not tied to any place or person. My sister and her husband suggested I move to NYC, and at first I laughed it off as a joke. But eventually I began to like the idea of living somewhere new, and what better time than now?

Fast forward to the present. I have lived in New York City for a year and a half now and let me tell you, there are many more frogs than prince charmings (but shout out to Bumble for trying to convince me otherwise). For the most part, I’ve been rocking the single life and have come to enjoy the freedom it brings.

Living in a new city, not knowing anyone aside from my sister and her husband, has taught me a lot about being single. A huge piece of advice I can give is: don’t be afraid of doing things alone. Go to a restaurant and confidently ask for a table for one. Find a park bench and reread Harry Potter. Go to a museum and get lost in the exhibits. Sign up for that kick boxing class. Sip hot chocolate at a cafe and watch people walk by. These are all things I’ve done in the city that I’ve absolutely loved. But my favorite thing is going to the movies. I’m a huge movie person and going alone feels like my own personal date night.

Being single in the city has also taught me to be more independent. There are a lot of things that would have been nice to have a guy around to help with, but I’m glad I had the opportunity to figure it out for myself. I wouldn’t recommend driving a U-Haul truck through the streets of Brooklyn on a Saturday, but now I can tell you that I am capable of doing that. It might take me 8 ½ hours, but I can put together an Ikea trundle bed without any help. If you have a leaky sink, a mice infestation, or a clogged toilet, I’m your gal! My point is, there are times where it feels easy to just throw your hands up and think “If only I had a boyfriend for this!” when really you are strong and capable. Don’t sell yourself short.

Lastly, and very importantly, I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be okay. Some days I’m sad and lonely and all I want is someone to watch Dexter with me. Some days I open instagram and think there is no possible way that THAT many people got married last Saturday. There are days when I go to brunch with my sister Holly and her husband Jackson and I think “I will never have what they do”. Not all days or weeks are going to be overflowing with confidence and security in my singleness, and that’s okay.

Currently I am happy that I am single. All the lessons I have learned this year and experiences I’ve had would have been vastly different if I’d had a boyfriend. I have to remind myself (often) that there is nothing wrong with me for not wanting a relationship at the moment and not desiring to get married anytime soon. Being single in the city might sound intimidating, but it's truly a crazy adventure that I wouldn’t trade for anything! (Even a penthouse apartment on Park Avenue)"

Love, 
Emily

Single In The City

I am SO excited to announce the start of a new mini-series in the Collective: "Single In The City". Every time I visit New York I leave wanting more - more sights, more food, more of everything the city has to offer. I also come back feeling very refreshed in singleness. In cities like New York,it’s normal to be single in your mid-late 20’s or 30’s, chasing after your dreams and career. There’s less pressure to find that person and get married within months. Instead, I find myself in less conversations about boys, and more conversations about our passions and what we’d like to accomplish in life. It’s so different than Texas, and even the Christian bubble I’m surrounded in. It’s just nice to go somewhere and not be questioned about your singleness. I usually leave in an identity crisis: Did I miss my calling? Do I need to move to NYC? I have always loved performing.  I started dancing at the age of two 2 years, and went on to dabble in broadcast journalism, singing, and acting. But I’ve never been the one to want to be the “star” necessarily- never tried out for the main role, and didn’t decide to do broadcasting in college because I struggled with insecurity and became content in being in the background. I never thought I was good enough so I didn’t pursue it. To this day, I miss it so much. I so respect and admire those who did say I CAN.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have LOVED the life I have. I’ve had incredible adventures around the world, and amazing jobs. But I wanted to feature some girls who said, “I can, and I will”, and moved to the big city to chase their dreams. Not all of them are performers or in the entertainment industry (that’s just what I related to), but they all had dreams and said “let’s do this thing.” 

These girls in the next few collective stories all have their different reasons for moving to NYC, Boston and Chicago. But it’s the big city’s culture on singleness that I wanted to share with you that I hope you find as refreshing and motivating as I do. I hope that a girl reading this has dreamed of taking a risk to do something she loves, and is encouraged to do it by these stories. These are stories of girls who really went in open handed and said “God, I trust you.” This week you will hear from a girl who went from engaged in the mid-west to single in NYC, and what that has looked like for her. And it’s so dang good. Check back in Wednesday to read the first “Single In the City” story.