| NEW LJ!!!!! |
[Monday,
April 11th, 2005] |
i have a new journal!!!! ----> jazzbabie
COMMENT HERE AND ADD ME IF YOU WANT ME TO ADD YOU ONTO THAT JOURNAL TOO
if you don't comment here i will assume that you don't want to be added to that journal.
okay i love you guys!!!!!! MWAH!!
XoX~Jazzy
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[Monday,
April 11th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 HUNGRY |
] |
OKAY. ME AND ROBERT ARE BACK TOGETHER.
I SWEAR. THAT BOY IS AN IDIOT.
BUT I STILL LOVE HIM...SADLY ENOUGH.
P.S. I GOT MY LICENSE TODAY.....
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| FDLFFUCKMEJSNL |
[Thursday,
April 7th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 HEARTBROKEN |
] |
ME AND ROBERT ARE ON A "BREAK"
UGH. FUCK ME.
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| MY LIFE IS AT THE LOWEST POINT POSSIBLE |
[Tuesday,
April 5th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 VERY CONFUSED |
] |
YOU KNOW HOW I WAS GROUNDED BEFORE? WELL NOW I HAVE A NEW PUNISHMENT FOR FAILING MY CLASSES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE NEW PUNISHMENT IS, BUT TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY LAST DAY OF GROUNDATION. AND YOU'D THINK THAT HAVING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOR ANOTHER SEMSTER WOULD BE PUNISHMENT ENOUGH.
SO YESTERDAY MY MOM IS ALL YELLING AT ME. REALLY BAD. TO SUM IT ALL UP (AND I'M NOT EXAGGERRATING) SHE TOLD ME THAT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT AND THAT I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON AND I WOULD BE THE WORST MOTHER BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO TEACH CHILDREN AND EVERYONE WILL EVENTUALLY HATE ME AND I'LL END UP ALONE BECAUSE OF THE WAY I AM. REALLY A VERY LOVELY THING TO SAY TO YOUR ALREADY FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD DAUGHTER.
SO I FELT LIKE SHIT. BEYOND SHIT. I WANTED TO DIE. I EVEN WROTE A SUICIDE NOTE. LEFT IT ON MY BED. AND TOOK A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND ALMOST SHOVED THEM THROUGH MY NECK. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T JUST DO IT. HMPHT. OH WELL.
OH YES. AND THE BIGGEST THING, MY MOTHER ALSO TOLD ME TO GET OUT OF HER HOUSE BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE HERE AND IF I CAN'T FOLLOW THE RULES I CAN'T LIVE HERE. SHE SAID FOR ME TO GO LIVE WITH ROBERT. OBVIOUSLY I WOULDN'T JUST PACK UP AND LEAVE WITHOUT TALKING TO HIM. SO I STAYED. THEN I WENT TO WORK AND WHEN I CAME HOME I CALLED ROBERT.
THE NIGHT BEFORE LAST NIGHT I HAD BEEN ON THE PHONE CRYING TO HIM BECAUSE I FELT LIKE SHIT. I'VE JUST BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED LATELY. THE FACT THAT I CAN'T SEE HIM, AND MY LIFE IS GOING TO SHIT FASTER THAN I CAN STOP IT, HASN'T LEFT ME FEELING TOO GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. AND WE GOT INTO A FIGHT BECAUSE I CUT MYSELF AGAIN. SO I WAS TELLING HIM EVERYTHING MY MOM HAD SAID, EVEN THE PART ABOUT ME GOING TO LIVE WITH HIM. AND HE WAS ALL FOR IT! HE REALLY DID WANT ME TO GO LIVE WITH HIM. I PRACTICALLY HAD TO BEG HIM TO NOT COME AND PICK ME UP RIGHT THEN! SO RIGHT NOW, HE'S ALL FOR ME MOVING IN WITH HIM.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. MY MOM IS NOW ACTING LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. SHE'S ALL JOKING AROUND AND SHIT. I HATE WHEN SHE DOES THAT SHIT. AND ROBERT IS PRACTICALLY BEGGING ME TO GO MOVE IN WITH HIM. I JUST DON'T WANT TO MAKE A WRONG DECISION. I DON'T WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE. AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO HATE ME. I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. WELL......
¤ YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME ¤
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[Tuesday,
April 5th, 2005] |
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IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY. IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY HARD. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK AT THIS EVERY DAY, BUT I WANT TO DO THAT BECAUSE I WANT YOU, I WANT ALL OF YOU, FOREVER, YOU AND ME, EVERY DAY.
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| OH DAMN |
[Wednesday,
March 30th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
DEPRESSED |
] |
FUCK ME MAN. I HAD A MEETING WITH MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR TODAY. UGH. I KNEW IT WOULD BE BAD NEWS.
I FAILED TWO OF MY CLASSES. TWO CLASSES THAT I NEEDED TO GRADUATE ON TIME.
SO I HAVE THOSE AND PLUS I HAVE THAT ALGEBRA CLASS THAT I STILL NEED TO TAKE. SO I NEED TWO AND A HALF CREDITS TO GRADUATE ON TIME. AND I HAVE ALREADY TAKEN ONE CREDIT IN NIGHT SCHOOL. DURING HIGH SCHOOL YOU ARE ONLY ALLOWED TO TAKE TWO CREDITS IN NIGHT SCHOOL. SO EVEN IF I WERE TO TAKE THE SUMMER PROGRAM FOR AN AUGUST GRADUATION I WOULD STILL FALL A HALF CREDITS SHORT.
SO WHAT I HAVE TO DO NOW IS GO BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL FOR A SEMESTER. I WOULD GRADUATE IN DECEMBER WITH OTHER EARLY GRADUATES. DOESN'T SOUND TOO BAD RIGHT. EXCEPT I HAVE TO ENDURE ANOTHER 4 MONTHS OF SCHOOL!!!!
AND PLUS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH STUPID KIDS. AND MY STEPSISTER. SHE'S NOT STUPID. BUT YOU KNOW. I'LL BE LIKE THE OLDEST PERSON IN SCHOOL. AT LEAST I HAVE A LOT OF JUNIOR FRIENDS. I GUESS. BUT IT STILL SUCKS BALLS. BIG ONES.
I HOPE I AT LEAST CAN STILL GO TO THIS YEAR'S PROM. I ALREADY HAVE MY PROM DRESS. AND I ALREADY MADE PLANS.
DAMMIT THIS FREAKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!
SORRY. I GOT MAD. AGAIN. I AM SO SAD. AND DEPRESSED. AND ANGRY. AND I KNOW THIS IS ALL MY OWN FAULT.
I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER. I AM AN IDIOT.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME (even if i do not)
♥ JAZZY ♥
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[Monday,
March 21st, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 A LITTLE TIRED |
] |
WHERE OH WHERE SHALL I BEGIN?
OKAY. SO MY MOM FOUND OUT THAT ME AND ROBERT HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX. TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, I HAD A NOTEBOOK JOURNAL AND "MY LITTLE BROTHER FOUND IT AND BROUGHT IT TO HER". THAT'S WHAT SHE SAYS. BLAH BLAH BLAH. SHE READ IT. SHE KNOWS. SHE'S ACTUALLY OKAY WITH IT. SHE WAS ONLY MAD THAT I WAS LYING ABOUT IT, NOT THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE SEX. EH. GO FIGURE.
BUT THEN I'M GROUNDED BECAUSE EVEN BEFORE THAT LITTLE INCIDENT I WAS TRYING TO SNEAK OUT AND I GOT CAUGHT. SO I'M GROUNDED FOR A MONTH. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I'M NOT GETTING ANY.
AND I SAW ROBERT TONIGHT. ( WAAAAY TOO MUCH TEASING GOING ONCollapse )
SO THAT'S THE END OF THAT. AND NOW I'M WAITING FOR MY FRIEND MAR MAR TO GET HOME SO I CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT ROBERT. HOME BEING MY HOUSE. I KIDNAPPED HER FOR THE WEEK. HEH. SHE WENT TO WORK AND TOOK MY CAR AND NOW I'M WAITING FOR HER TO COME BACK HERE. UMMM. YESH. I HOPE SHE GETS HERE SOON.
I'M TIRED. AND I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW FROM 12:00 TO 8:00. IT SUCKS. I'M ON SPRING BREAK!! I WANT TO JUST SLEEP ALL DAY UNTIL I HAVE TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. BUT NOO...I HAVE TO WORK. BLEH! AT LEAST I'LL BE GETTING A NICE LITTLE PAYCHECK AT THE END OF THE WEEK. ABOUT $500 FOR THIS AND LAST WEEK. THAT WILL BE NICE. OH YEA. I WORK AT GROUP USA. I DON'T KNOW IF ITS ANYWHERE ELSE BUT IT'S A STORE HERE IN FLORIDA. THEY HAVE PROM DRESSES AND STUFF LIKE, ALL YEAR ROUND. IT'S CUTE. I WORK AT THE ONE IN SAWGRASS MALL IF ANYONE KNOWS ABOUT IT....YUP.
OKAY WELL. I GUESS THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. THAT'S IT. THE END. I GUESS. FOR NOW. ♥
¤ YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME ¤
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| NEW LAYOUT |
[Friday,
March 18th, 2005] |
♥♥♥
Wait for the boy who pursues you,
the one who will make n ordinary moment seem magical,
the kinda boy who brings out the best in you
and makes you want to be a better person.
♥♥♥
Wait for the boy who will be your best friend
the only person who will drop everything to be with you
at anytime no matter what the circumstances. .
♥♥♥
Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else
and when he smiles you know he needs you.
♥♥♥
Wait for the boy that has those eyes,
those eyes that are so hard to stare right into without melting.
♥♥♥
Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world
when you are in sweats and have no makeup on,
but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him
and most of all
♥♥♥
wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe
because that's where you belong
¤ I LOVE MY BABY ¤
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| bleeeeeeehhhhh...... |
[Wednesday,
March 9th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
i feel very sick.
i have a headache.
my head feels like it weighs 489274302 pounds.
i feel light-headed.
i feel nauseous.
i'm hungry.
my nose is stuffed.
my throat hurts.
i'm tired.
it just took me 12 minutes to figure out how to spell "nauseous"
how the hell can you feel nauseous and be hungry at the same time. i don't know. i want to go home and sleep.
i think i'm dying
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| Blah |
[Tuesday,
March 8th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Blah |
] |
Blah.
Blah Blah Blah.
Blah Blah Blah. Blah Blah Blah Blah. Blah Blah. Blah.
Blah.
Blah Blah.
( Blah Blah BlahCollapse )
Blah.
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| Uggh... |
[Monday,
March 7th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
Hmm...I love Robert!! I slept over his house last night. I ♥ him!
I snuck out after my mom went to sleep and I drove over there. Then I slept over. Except I didn't actually sleep...If you know what I mean. LoL! So then I stayed over and left around 5 am. I got home just in time to lay down for like 30 minutes before I had to get up and get ready for school. So I am dead on my feet now. HeH. YyYyYeEeEeAaAa....ANYWAYS
There's nothing like spending the night in the arms of the one you love
So Friday night me and Robert went to the mall, he wanted new shoes. So he got some and a pair of shorts and a shirt. He looked pretty damn cute in them.
Then we were walking around and we were going to go to Ruby Tuesdays but MaR~MaR wasn't working so it wasn't worth it! LoL.
Then we went to the pizza place there and saw Robert's friend, Brian with his wife and daughter. I had just met them the weekend before when we were all at the lake. So we all ended up eating together. It was fun.
Brian is old. Well, not really old...Just older. You know?! He's like, 34 or something. But he's cool. Like Mike. It's funny how I'm hanging around with these guys that are only a couple years younger than my mom but they're fun!! Eh. I dunno.
Umn. So then on Saturday we went bowling with Hilary and Justin. It was sooo fun. Robert said he hates bowling with a passion, but then he had like, the highest score. No, I think Hilary won. At the end we weren't really paying attention to the numbers! LoL.
OMG. I suck at bowling!! So bad. Everytime it was my turn I would get the ball stuck in the gutter. EVERYTIME! It was funny as hell though. So yea. We had lots of fun. Just hanging out and being weird. *Twitch Twitch*
And after the game we were going to play some pool but Robert wanted to go home. HeH. Betcha can't guess what he wanted to do....
So yea. We hung out at his house and *ahem* watched TV...But then we both fell asleep and when I woke up it was 12:30. That's the time I'm supposed to be home! So I freaked out. We rushed to get dressed and leave but Robert wasn't cooperating. He didn't wanna wake up! LoL.
So when I finally got home all the lights were off, so I tried to be as quiet as possible so that I wouldn't wake up my mom and get in trouble...But then as I was getting close to my room I saw all the lights were on. I freaked out. I though it was my mom waiting for me in my room and then I would get in trouble. So I'm bracing myself to get yelled at and I open the door.....And MAR~MAR pops out on me!!! I was soo shocked...But it was great.
So we hung out and she stayed over.
Yea. We had fun. And she gave me a Cosmo magazine that's soo funny!! TeeHee....Nice LiL tips in there...HeH. YesH.
Ahh....I wrote a lot. And I was kinda backwards. Oh well. I LoVe YoU GuYs!!
XoXo ~ Jaz
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| I LoVe RoBeRT |
[Friday,
March 4th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Lovey |
] |
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
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| HmPhT |
[Thursday,
March 3rd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 NoT SuRe |
] |
I'm really confused.
So a couple weeks ago Robert got really mad at me for logging onto this website, FaceTheJury.com. I had a profile on there and it was actualy the website that I met Robert on, so I only went on to show Ashley some pictures of me and some pictures of Robert anyways. Well, somehow I end up talking to Robert's friend, Mike, about the website and whatever. I don't even know. Then Robert calls me all pissed off because I guess he saw that I had logged onto this website. He was all like, Why are you going on there? You don't need to. You only go on that website to meet people. Blah Blah Blah. He thought I was making new friends behind his back. *Gasp* Heaven Forbid!
So today Ashley wanted to see the pictures again. So I go on, and then I see there's a way to look at the pictures without logging on. So I don't log on, but then when I get to Robert's profile I see that he had logged in recently. FIVE DAYS AGO. He got mad at me for logging in like on February 6th, when he just logged in February 26th!!! How is that justified?!
I can imagine that he only logged in to get back at me or something. I can only imagine. I don't even know what's going on. Maybe I'm pissed off for nothing. Who knows. I'll figure it all out when I talk to him. I told him to call me as soon as he got off work. Which should be in about....10 minutes. We'll see what's going on.
Later
♥
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| Borrrrrrred |
[Wednesday,
March 2nd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 moody |
] |
I just made an extremely long and pointless email to my ex boyfriend.
I'm not sure if me and Robert have been together for 5 months. Our "anniversary" was supposed to be on the 29th but there's no 29 in February!! LoL.
I really miss him. I love him so much. Bleh. It sucks to be alone.
I can't wait to see him on Friday.
I love my friends soooo much!! *you know who you are*
I ♥ U
XoXo~Jaz
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| I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF |
[Friday,
February 25th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 PISSED |
] |
I'M REALLY FUCKING PISSED. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I'M JUST SO MAD AND DISAPPOINTED AND DEPRESSED. I CAN'T EVEN TAKE IT. I CRIED. I SCREAMED. I THREW THINGS. I BROKE THINGS. I DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER.
I REALLY WANTED TO SEE ROBERT TONIGHT. NO, I NEEDED TO SEE ROBERT TONIGHT! PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT ALL WEEK AND I NEEDED HIM TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. I MISS HIM SOOO MUCH AND I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING HIM TONIGHT ALL WEEK. I HATE BEING DISAPPOINTED.
ALL BECAUSE OF MY FUCKING MOM. SHE SAYS I'M AWAY FROM THE HOUSE TOO MUCH AND I DON'T GET THINGS DONE LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO. FIRST OF ALL, I'M HERE MORE THAN THEY ARE AND I DO EVERYTHING THEY TELL ME TO! AND SECOND, OF COURSE I WANT TO BE HERE AS LITTLE AS I CAN...THEY TREAT ME LIKE SHIT! I'M NOT HAPPY HERE. I'M HAPPY WITH ROBERT. OR MY FRIENDS. OR ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT HERE WITH THEM.
THEY CAN FUCK THEMSELVES. I DON'T CARE. I WILL NOT BE SPEAKING TO THEM TONIGHT. MAYBE TOMORROW IF I FEEL BETTER. BUT NOT TONIGHT. I'M TOO FUCKING HEATED UP. FUCK EVERYONE
I'M GOING TO GO CRY AND SCREAM AND THROW THINGS SOME MORE
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BLAH