1 - as always, tyrion and sansa please report to the shipping dept.
2 - Daenerys after losing her dothraki and Jorah, starts to become paranoid and bloodthirsty
3 - euron sails the iron fleet and the golden company to White Harbour and as far up the river towards winterfell as they can get and attack winterfell.
4 - Somehow all the major players get to king's landing my preferred theory is Cersei's forces capture sansa, tyrion, and jamie, arya either gets fake captured or sneaks off planning to rescue sansa, the hound follows for Arya, as does possibly Gendry, breanne follows for jamie.
5 - Danaerys and Jon torch a lot of sailors and mercenaries
6 - Jon finds out about the kidnappings which Cersei plans to use to drive a wedge between Jon and Danaerys, Cersei's plan works and Jon makes sad faces and sits at winterfell by himself with the armies of the north.
7 - Tormund finds out Breanne has gone to king's landing and joins up with the unsullied.. or maybe he joined the earlier rescue mission
8 - yara shows up, just missing her uncle but gives the unsullied a ride to king's landing while danearys flies alongside.
9 - Cersei plans a lovely picnic where she will kill everyone she hates while she watches the iron fleet and the golden company kill the unsullied and yara grejoy's fleet. Jamie must stay in the dungeon because Cersei wants their baby to have a daddy.
10 - the rescue team makes their move: the hound and mountain fight a lot. Cersei tells euron to kill sansa but she's pretty so he doesn't move fast enough. gendry and breanne free sansa and tyrion. tyrion's allegiance shifts from danearys since she didn't rescue him and he still likes sansa.
11 - arya appears out of nowhere and stabs Cersei through the belly, she is attacked by euron and the injured mountain and retreats briefly, knocking the mountain off a cliff. euron flees.
12 - Tyrion chokes Cersei to death. Arya ascends the Iron throne. breanne leaves to find jamie
13 - meanwhile Bron shoots drogon with the super ballista mortally wounding him. the other dragon stayed with Jon and goes and gets him, they fly off
14 - someone kills translator girl danearys and grey worm in a rage burst into the throne room to find arya, sansa, a mostly dead Hound, tyrion, and gendry. (the heirs of all the houses in the same room at last!).
15 - danearys says get off my throne, arya says no. Arya fights grey worm and wins. danaerys loses all control and rushes Arya. arya kills her.
16 - jon arrives at the battle just as bron is finishing off drogon. jon kills him. euron tries to slip away in the confusion but asha is waiting on his boat.
17 - jon arrives in the throne to find danearys dying and goes into a rage Arya reminds him he is a Stark and then I don't know. (edit ... and then Jon attacks Arya and she kills him. Arya claims the Iron throne and declares Sansa Queen in the North and the Hound has a beautiful funeral)
cue L7's Shitlist roll credits
