It's been an unproductive day today, sadly thats the norm now and I'm not too worried about it.
I still need to apply for voluntary jobs, I still need to meet more people.... Ho hum.
It sure is nice being able to connect with people on this website, lots of friendly faces here - well you know what I mean.
Thought I would post an image in here now
The photo is of a cute little australian marsupial just for you international folks to have something Aussie to check out.
Getting close to my bedtime guess i'd better go to bed soon its 12:00 midnight over here so i'll be signing off soon. See you folks tomorrow :)
- Current Mood:
calm - Current Location:home
What an amazing day! :)
I've been spending most of my time at Daily Strength (dailystrength.com) they have an ability to send people hugs with a short message which I think is a really cool idea - also they have support groups for depression, relationship breakups, you name it and its probably there. I've been journalling there too because I have been meeting a few people there to have a chat and stuff.
I'm doing ok today. Mums nagging me to get on with life and I agree its something I want to do (of course I wouldnt say that to her, I hate being nagged) and tomorrow will be a more successful day to do it.
I have only been back in Sydney for 2 days (I had a holiday for a few days with my cousin in Armidale, country nsw. They have two kids 2 & 5 a girl and boy and they were as cute as buttons I miss them so much) thats including today and I have been busy - maybe most people wouldnt call it busy but it was busy for me. So I havent had time. But yes mum, I will have time tomorrow.
I think my mood is stable enough to give it a go again. But it hasnt been stable for a few weeks, the downer I had upon getting back from holidays was awful (I miss them all, so nice to get away from mum for a while). Well, I dont know if I'm ready or not but I think I'll give it a go again. After all I'm not trying to be a rocket scientist, I just need to do some voluntary work to get back into life again - to see if I can handle getting up in the morning - going somewhere all day long and then getting home again. Sounds simple right? Well I really hope it will be, thats for sure.
There is no two ways about it - depression sucks! Finding meaning or a purpose to life seems to be the answer and I'm trying to find a group of people who are also on that journey so I can search and chat to people along the way - ok maybe I'm more interested in chatting right now, so what! thats not a crime!!
No its not a crime but it does mean I'm not very focused on finding meaning.... Hmmmmmm... If only I didnt feel so desperately lonely I might be able to face each day with a little bit of joy or hope, enough to get me through the day. As it is I feel like I have a gaping wound that just wont heal. Damn it all - I just need to get to get around people again. Give it a go. Maybe all this self talk means my social skills are improving a little bit, maybe I will be able to start to find connections with people again.
Ok heres todays promise for tomorrow - I will apply for more voluntary jobs tomorrow, I will go to the doctor tomorrow, I will get out of the house tomorrow.
And heres todays promise for today - I'm going to bed! Its almost 11pm and I need to start sleeping and waking regular hours again so thats it for today.
If you read all this, you are an amazing person!!! Thanks for your interest please post a comment to let me know you were here - it will make my day!
- Current Music:wish I had a stereo
- Current Location:At home, surprise surprise
- Current Mood:
cheerful
While I was together with Glen I was studying visual arts (media arts, film, video, sound - that sort of thing) at University and part way through I seriously injured my back. It took me a couple of years before I could leave the house and walk around again and I havent had a job since. I finished my studies at the end of 2005.
My back is pretty good these days (although I know I should be doing my special exercises more than I am doing them right now - guilty grimace) thank goodness and once my depression gets a bit better I'm going to look for work again and start to rebuild my independance again.
Right now I'm sort of stuck, my depression is getting in the way of living a normal daily life and I just cant seem to keep any commitments that I make to myself like getting up in the morning and really basic stuff that is embarrasing to admit. I dont think I could keep basic commitments like getting to work on time the way I am right now so I'm trying to survive on welfare until things improve.
So I'm back living with my Mum which is not a bundle of fun because we have a relationship normally filled with friction, and also because its so damn humiliating. I was doing so well in life when I was younger now everything seems like such a struggle.
Life is a bit of a struggle in many ways yet I'm very fortunate I can survive ok for the time being.
So my priorities are
1- Get better or at least to a point where I can function normally enough to get a job again along with financial independance.
2- Build a happy single life - something I've never had but something I want to achieve before I even think of dating again
3- Part of 1&2 is finding my purpose or searching for meaning. (when I was younger I was an evangelical fundamental christian and very passionate about my faith. Over time my vision of the world changed and even though I believe in God and value his commandments and ideals I know that the church scene is not something I want to get involved in again.)
4- Work on my physical health - this probably needs to have a higher priority but its my mental health which is holding me back right now so it has precedence.
5- If and when I can achieve all of the above in some sort of fairly consistent balance start thinking about finding a new love to share life with.
6- Contribute to life the universe and everything! I've got a feeling this will be part of the answer in finding meaning in my life because I really get a buzz out of helping people - anyway here it is again just as a reminder.
If you read this, you are an amazing person!!! Thanks for your interest please post a comment to let me know you were here - it will make my day!
ivillage has a singles life section - im not sure how good it is but its somewhere to start anyway.
Happy easter to you - please post something if you visited I'd love to know you were here.
- Current Music:what i would give for a stereo
- Current Location:home again
here are a couple of online communities which support others with depression
dailystrength.org
and
ivillage.com (see depression)
still need to investigate further - i will post here results - time for bed now - yawn!!
- Current Mood:
tired - Current Location:home again
- Current Mood:
irritated
Hi Again,
I've just found what looks like a promising online community of people who are fighting depression heres the link
www.experienceproject.com
and I fight depression is what I found the people under - I'll let you know later how I went
Bye for now!
- Current Location:home again
- Current Mood:
bouncy
Ive created a couple of communities after failing to find ones that seemed to suit exactly what I'm after,
its unmoderated so who knows what will end up there - I may change it to moderated if something goes wrong later.
Heres the links
please visit and post to them if you are interested - look forward to hearing from you!!
- Current Mood: excited
- Current Location:home again
- Current Music:wish i had a stereo
- Current Location:home again
- Current Mood:
hopeful
Hi again,
I've just been setting up my live journal, I like the look of this one a lot more than the myspace one and some of the features this one offers sounds cool. As at this point in time apparently there are over 12 million accounts on live journal so hopefully I can build a bit of community here find a few friends to be mutually supportive with and who knows maybe find some new interests and ways to live a happy single life.
I applied for a volunteering job today - it means I'll be paying transport costs and spending time in an office environment and be out of the house so this is a good thing. I may even meet some people into the bargain as the ad said that its a 'friendly office' lets hope so cause I could really do with some company right now.
I'm a bit concerned that I may not be able to handle it because I'm finding it so hard to get up out of bed everyday then again maybe it will give me a reason to get up and keep on living, not that I'm feeling suicidal or anything like that but if someone asked me why I keep on going I think I would struggle to answer.
Maybe my answer right now is to find a happy single life, I believe it is possible because I've heard of others who are single and happy so it must be an achieveable goal. Right now I have little to no control over the chance to meet someone else - and if I did meet someone who was looking for someone, I'm so lonely right now that they could be anything and I probably wouldnt notice. Rather than end up in a worse situation I have to conquer this happy single life bit.
So I'm committed to this course of action (building a happy single life) - and committed to finding others who may be on the same journey - please post me a comment if you are depressed or single or seperated or widowed or trying to rebuild your life or just feel like a chat or you have some advice to offer - I'd love to hear from you.
I'm not too sure how to build a community (or find and join a community) that will achieve what I'm setting up to do but I'm ready and willing to learn through action so if you are interested in this journey please feel free to visit my blog anytime and post any comments you feel could be of interest - again I'd love to hear from you.
Today I'm focusing on community.
Its important to remember that a community face to face with real people will always be better for me than an online community so I need to keep searching for a real life community. Also important is the fact that I am practically broke, I have no car and I'm in a location where I dont like to be out after dark so building an internet community makes a lot of sense too - as long as I keep looking for real opportunities its ok I think.
(Summary real community is better, an online community is ok.)
When ever I look for single life I keep finding dating sites and ways to 'find your perfect match' doesnt anyone want to try and lead a happy single life? Maybe I'm just not searching the right way. I've got to be honest with myself here - I would like to be with someone - or share my life with someone - but I want it to be on a mutually beneficial standing not some sort of craving dependance like I've been in the past. Being happily single is a step on the road.
Rebuilding my life also means fighting my depression using any technique I can find, any thoughts or advice here is welcome please post a comment even if its only to say you were here - I'm grateful for any sign that I may be touching other lives and even more grateful for a sign that someone may have had the patience to read through my ramblings.
It would be wonderful to think that I'm not alone.
If you are lonely or otherwise please post a comment - I'd love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, best wishes on your journey.
- Current Location:home again
- Current Mood: calm
- Current Music:one day I'll get a stereo again
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