There's No Action

3:16pm: Mostly reviving my lj to use parenting communities. Don't expect much action.

10:29pm:  Pregnant! Again!

11:33pm:

Don't expect too much out of me.
I prefer myspace.
username: golden_heart_rebel_fist

5:02am: One last thing before I go...

You are Nyssa!


Which GEEK OUT Comic Character are YOU?
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I really need to stop sleeping in the day time. Because I stay up all night.

1:04am:

New Journal.

Please add riverslove .

Thanks.

12:53am: Obsolete.

2:33am: ESCAPE!!
Had a little time off from the baby tonight.
Went to get a coffee with Jennifer, then went to pick up the "nice (former-)stripper," because she was hanging out with a bunch of guys rolling on x, and she didn't want to get hit on.
Then, went to Gallery to shoot some pool with the newlyweds, Michelle and Terry, Jennifer, the ex-stripper, and Jennifer's brother, God knows which one, they all look so much alike (I think it was Jonathan?).
< maniacal laugh here >
Then the ex-stripper and Jennifer's brother left, to get something to eat, I guess, and I drank a lot of beer and danced around.
And, surprisingly enough, I kicked everyone's ass at pool. (This is surprising because I haven't played in forever, and I was DRUNK.)
Then, Michelle and Terry left, and Jennifer and I kept drinking and playing pool. I don't remember who won, or even if we finished the game, but I DO know I cheated a LOT.
Neither one of us fit to drive home, we went to Shell station to get water and snacks. Then we had a really deep conversation. And it was good.
Then I drove home with the cruise control on, so I could concentrate on steering.
(But I wasn't really drunk anymore by that time.)
And when I got home, Jake and I had a fight, and then a really good talk.
And here I am. Going to sleep now.
Tomorrow, Jennifer and I are going to St. Armand's Circle so I can work off some of these extra (30 or so) pounds, and to get the babe out of the house, too.
Good night, Seattle. We love you!

12:20am: I want, I want, I want to see Elvis Costello in concert. Jennifer told me about it. I wonder when it is. It would be SUPER cool if it was when Emily was down for spring break.

Who the hell did I talk to about "one handed fast type?"

11:02pm: No Adult Swim makes me sad. I hate Friday nights.
The pink in my hair is all but gone.
I love my short hair, though.
I think, someday, I might get my tongue re-pierced. Jake's parents wouldn't be able to see it. SO many things I want to pierce. So little money.

6:56pm:

The new phonebooks are here! The new phonebooks are here!

I mean, new pictures!

5:51pm: stolen from ann

I am a hybrid of: Indie Girl Girl Next Door Click on the pictures below to read more: Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

4:43pm: New pictures of the Riz!
Unfortunately, my computer is being a BITCH and not letting me GET them off the cd, so I'm going to my parents' house tonight to get them onto my fotki. I have made the cutest baby, I swear. I guess every mother thinks so, but... I don't understand how he can be so cute, he has half of MY genes. He's been starting to laugh, a little. And today he said a whole string of syllables. "Aaahgahbaagahdah."
God. I love him so much. He sleeps through the night, now. And that almost makes me sad. I miss him when he's sleeping. Every half an hour, I'm creeping into his room just to look at him. I never knew love could be like THIS.
More tonight (and, hopefully PICTURES, too), Rizzo just woke up from his nap.

7:08am: 1. What is the geekiest part of your music collection?
Good Charlotte.

2. What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
Chocolate milk.

3. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
Believe it or not, Signs.

4. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
Boob job. New face.

5. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
Yes. Lots of them. So many that I can't actually think of any right now.

6. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
I tend not to look anyone in the eyes, because I'm almost always insecure.

7. Are you a pyromaniac?
Used to be.

8. Do you have too many love interests?
Nope.

9. Do you know anyone famous?
Not like, celebrity status, or anything.

10. Describe your bed:
A cozy place, big enough for two, cuddly with three.

11. Are you spontaneous or planned?
A little of both?

12. Who would play you in a movie?
Jack Black.

13. Do you know how to play poker?
Kind of? Jeff taught me, at Subway, and I always won. But, I wouldn't play for money, because it was all dumb luck.

14. What do you carry with you at all times?
Rivers.

15. What do you miss most about being a kid?
New Jersey.
16. Are you happy with your given name?
Yes. Kind of.

17. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
No money. I can give it up any time I want. Really.

18. What color is your bedroom?
White.
19. What was the last song you were listening to?
Phantom Planet's "Recently Distressed."

20. Have you ever been in a play?
Kind of. If you consider TCS's ... eh, NO.

21. Have you ever been in love?
Of course.

22. Do you talk a lot?
.Yes.

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
More so now then ever.

24. Do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
No. I give them money whenever I see them.

25. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
Not really, no. I'm a total bitch.

26. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
Definately Jake. I mean, we DO live together.

27. What is your ideal marriage location?
Someplace beautiful. In the autumn.

28. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
The piano and the guitar.

29. Favorite fabric?
sweatshirt!

30. Something you love and hate?
"i love everyone and i hate everyone." I'm going with Ann on this one. Also, I love Rivers and hate poopy diapers.

31. What kind of bedding do you use?
Sheets.

32. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?
If I don't, Jake will, so yeah.

33. What's the one language you want to learn?
Arabic.

34. How do you eat an apple?
Very rarely.

35. What do you order at a bar?
One more year, and I'll tell you.

36. Have you ever pierced your body parts?
Yes, ears. Love to have lip done.

37. Do you have tattoos?
3. Stupid butterfly, pretty moon, and Rivers' name.

39. Do you drive a stick?
no.

40. What's one trait you hate in a person?
snobbery.

41. What kind of watch do you wear?
none.

43. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
yes.

44. What do you cook the best?
Baked chicken.
45. Favorite writing instrument?
my special pen.

46. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
a little of both, I suppose.

47. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Sha!

48. What's one car you will never buy?
I'd say anything Ford, except, that's what we drive now.

49. What kind of books do you like to read?
Any kinds.

50. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
Buy a house, pay for Rivers' college education, buy Jennifer a car.

51. Burial or cremation?
I'll be dead, so... yeah. I really don't care.

52. How many online journals do you read regularly?
Until today, none. But now, I'm up all night doing just that!

53. What's one thing you're a loser at?
Everything.

54. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I give them dirty looks and talk mad shit.

56. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?
I don't know, but I don't think a very good one.

57. What's one thing you like to do alone?
Masturbate. Duh.

58. Are you a giver or a taker?
Sexual, a giver. All of things, taker.

59. When's the last time you cried?
When I saw that Saturn commercial.

60. Favorite communication method?
writing, be it online or otherwise.

61. How many drinks before you're tipsy?
Like, 2 now. 5 to be puking.

62. Do you think you're cute?
No. I'm fat.

Does anyone really READ these things, or do they only delete YOUR answers to fill in their own?

4:32am: The house is freezing. I'm drinking chocolate milk. Rivers is sleeping in his crib. Adult swim is almost over. I slept from 7pm to 2 am. Now I'm just awake. I think that's the most hours I've consecutively slept since the baby was born. He's sleeping through the night now, and it's great. I need to wash his bottles. And boil more water. I'm so cold. I need slippers. The tile floors are chilly. I missed the internet. I think I'm going to use "Nyss" instead of "Nys." I'm older now, I can use the extra "s."
"'Nyssa,' is that short for something?"
Yes, it's short for VANyssa. I have a weird name. Thus, I gave my son a weird name.
I love that baby, I can't even tell you how much.

5:52pm: So. We're all moved into our condo. Have been since Feb. 22nd. It's nice. We have no heat, for some reason, and it's been cold. So cold that I can't leave Rivers in his crib alone. We all sleep together, safe and warm. Rivers is over 2 months now. He smiles. He's 13lbs, 10 ounces. He's a giant.
We have the internet now. (duh.)
I'm getting a new screen name for AIM because there are certain people I am "not allowed to talk to." (Jake is yelling at me now for putting it that way.)
Make dinner, do laundry, run the dishwasher, clean the house, feed the baby, wash the baby, this is my life now.
I regret nothing.
It's comfortable. House work is productive. Sometimes I don't leave the house for days. Sometimes I'm a little crazy. Sometimes, I even get to SHOWER.
Jennifer's dad works as a security guard on my block. I brought him dinner last night.
I'm learning to cook. I have The Joy of Cooking. I can bake chicken. I made tuna casserole. We got tired of macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles pretty quick.
I'm not able to breastfeed exclusively. I don't have "sufficient breast tissue" (and no, that has nothing to do with the size of them...).
Now Rivers and I do that in the morning, when I'm too tired to get up and make a bottle. But I'm still sad.
Rivers is big and strong. It's great when he smiles.
All for now. More later.

4:13pm: More pics!

6:23pm: Turning twenty is nothing compared to becoming a mother.
(But next year, when I'm not breastfeeding anymore, LOOK OUT!)

4:30pm:

Baby Pictures (Finally!)

He's already grown so much! These pictures are almost a month old. Hopefully I will be able to get some more recent pictures up tonight.

5:03pm: My baby is still in the NICU. I'm not eating very well, which is bad for both of us.
His bilirubin count needs to drop below 11, and stay below 11, and then he can come home. This morning his count was 13.7. I'm not sure what it was this evening because they haven't gotten the results back yet. I won't know until his 9pm feeding. He's been under the lights all day, so hopefully, it will go down a lot. He'll be under the lights all night, too. If, by morning, his count is below 11, they'll take him off the lights. And if it doesn't sky-rocket back up, as it has been doing, he should be free to go home. But I'm not really seeing this happen tomorrow.
It sucks. I need my baby. 30 minutes of snuggling and feeding just isn't enough. It's breaking my heart to have to leave him behind every day.
I miss him so much. I need to touch him and hold him and smell him. This isn't right. I need TIME to bond with my baby. The first two nights, he never left my arms (except for bathroom breaks, and when I had to eat.) I hate that he has to be in the care of these strangers. I should be the one with him 24 hours. But I can't stay at the hospital. I'm lucky my parents live so close, and that they're letting me stay with him.
I've hardly seen Jake. He's back to work, and sleeping at our house, because he's got to go to work in the morning. He hardly gets to see Rivers, either. It sucks. I know it's tearing him apart. I wish Rivers was home, so we could all be together.

9:56pm: I love motherhood.
The second night in the hospital, I just held him and cried, I was so happy.
Just looking into his face, I can't imagine my life without him.
He's my everything. I don't care about me anymore. I barely slept, those first two sweet nights with my baby, because I couldn't stop staring at him.
The first time he latched onto my breast was exhilirating. We were laying next to each other on the bed, and then we were joined together, once again.
I hate being seperated from him. I hate not being in the same building with him.
He's maybe 5 blocks away, as I am sleeping at my parents' house until he comes home.
My breasts are full and hard with missing him. I need to pump and relieve some of this pressure.
I miss my baby. When he gets home, we are going to cuddle like crazy. We are going to sleep together and I am going to feed him whenever he wants it. Not like in the hospital, where I am only allowed 30 minutes of holding and suckling. We are not going to leave the bed all day, when he gets home. Just sleeping and feeding and loving.
I miss my baby.

4:59pm: Rivers Kugler Hilweh was born December 28th, 12:49 am.
8 pounds, 8 ounces. 21 1/2 inches long.

I am home now, but unfortunately, he has jaundice, and has to stay in the NICU until his bilirubin levels drop below 12 (whatever that means.)


He is beautiful and sweet and I hate leaving him, but it's for his own good.
Breastfeeding is going well, but because he's not pooping out the bilirubin as he should be, I am also giving him some formula after he finishes on the breast.

I will post some pictures as soon as I get them off the digital camera.
Keep him in your prayers.

x-posted.

12:09am:

40 week pregnant pose (taken on my due date)

40 week ultrasound (taken the day AFTER my due date.)

(you can just barely make out his profile, forehead, nose, and hand to his mouth. The ultrasound technician was surprised at how low his head was.)

My cervix is ripe. I'm ready whenever he is.

Sorry this isn't under a cut, but it's just a link, so... I don't think it should bother anyone too too much.

x-posted.

2:12pm: Today is my due date.

9:07pm: I went to the doctor the other day.
2 cm dilated. Woohoo.
Doctor said the baby is probably about 8 pounds, right NOW.
If he's putting on an ounce a day.. I don't know that I'll be able to squeeze him out. heh.
My due date is coming up rapidly. On the 22nd, I go for my final doctor's appointment. I get my last sonogram, too.
If I haven't had the baby by the 28th, I'm getting induced.
I fear a c-section. If my baby really is over 8 pounds, and if the induction doesn't take...
I'm going to be a mommy soon!!
Going to see Spanglish now.

8:33pm: Aww..

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two are	Soulmates
Your meeting was by	Luck
They are your	Sweetheart
You are their	One and only
Your love will	Stay alive
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