romulan890

I was in the dark suddenly  Artem appears out of nowhere.  I am shocked.  Then he sits down near me and we sit like that for awhile. The he said he will bring some pictures and lest and I am waiting. After some time he appears with pictures some of his and some that was sent by  my mom. weird but that is how it is. and we both looking at the pictures. and after awhile the dream ended.

When my family moved to Texas I first  went to the couple of neurologists.  They tried to help me but with no use.  The last one recommended the epileptologist.  I went to the epileptologist and he switched meds. I began taking  carbatrol. After a short while he switched meds again because the med did not work. and like that  I tried every med  out there and so far no control yet. I tried keppra and keppra xr, topamax, lyrica, dilantin. Right now I am taking zonagran, vimpat and trileptal.  It does not help me but what can I do. Just survive and find the best solution.

I was diagnosed in Usa with Epilepsy in 1997. It was a shock to me because I completely forgot by that time that I have epilepsy. in childhood I was treated like I was one equal and I could not wish for more. I began suspecting that I was different  when I was in school over here but it was not completely so.  It was not realised until I has a car accident and went to the hospital and was treated somehow different then everyone. I realized. Back then that Something was wrong with me. But what? I did not know yet.  In couple of days I went to the doctor and I described what I experienced. he could not understand what I was talking about still but prescribed analog of finlepsin to me.  It took time to work but I began having seizures that I never had in my whole life.  I went to home again in a month and a half and we told him that the med does not work and it need changing he put me on tegretol xr. It worked until I went to texas.  Also we done some tests and he told me that have epilepsy right in front of me. I was in complete shock. I could not come down for cor couple of month after the diagnosis.

At 7-year-old I went to the 1 st grade. Before the first lesson we had to get inline all of the first graders. We were dressed in brown dress and a white look-alike apron. this was for celebration days. for regular days was a black one. in the hair we had something too.  So as we were standing in front of the school with big bouquet of flowers to give to the  head of the school. As the flowers were collected we followed head of the school to the first class that we are going to have. As so out 8 years have begun. Back then it was 8 years and you finish school and go to university. you sit in class hand on hand and raise the hand if only on the table so you would not disturb others.  You were not allowed to be late or you were standing the whole class  near the entrance.  you are not  allowed to refuse the teacher back then if he or she calls you to the board you will do it without a question.But children in school are another matter.  During the breaks they walked on my feet and that was everyday 6 days a week. In class they hide my backpack and most of all put a paper in the mouth and then shot right into my face. and it continued regularly. It was like that for 4 years. From 4-8 grade.  Then I moved to the USA. And it was easy school for me.  It was a relaxed school.  It was the same as the teacher calls go the board but the students were all the same. as the teacher turns to the board students start to talk and write notes to each other. I could not sit at the back  because everything that I experienced back then were repeated again. teachers are supposed to be respected but they are not. But because of teachers we have our future.

This was my first visit back to my hometown of St.Petersburg, Russia.  While I was here I recieved letters and a book from my friends.  When it was time to visit summerhouse I could not wait to see my friends. When  I came there  I came over  to the friends house and his mom has gone to call him that I came over. When he came out he just stood there like he was in shock.  when the shock was over he hugged me. then we  sit down on the bench  and began talking. I talked what I was up to or has been doing and he has been asking questions.But soon it became weird. when I was telling about my travels he began toching my hair,my shoulder or leg.  When he joked  I just got angry at him and he did not understood why. when I looked at him he looked away  or put his head  down.  But once he put a hand on my leg and would not get it off. I decided to take a chance too. And done the same. the connection was made. The one of peace a quiet. After that he said he likes me and the other girl too.  But I thought what a stupid lady I am. but I told him that I like him too. the minute I told him everything changed.   He asked me out on the date but I said that I could not do that because I was leaving for USA and a week left.  Then I got up and began walking away.  Suddenly he caught me turned me around and hugged me and put his head on his shoulder. I did the same. For me it was new  so it took longer to recover but he was patient with me.  I continued walking away. he caught me again by the hand and was talking slang that I barely understand. I after awile I released the hand.

I had the best childhood friends the girl could ask for.  They treated me as equal. I was an only girl most of the time in the group.   I once asked them if one of them could be a leader besides me and they chose me again.  We were connected at the level that only three of us knew.  Before I knew my second friend by the name of Petya Laptev I became friends with  another friend and his name is Artem Zaidze. We  fought together as boys do.  But once when I was 7 years old and we were fighting and it began involving my head I told him that I could not do that because I have epilepsy.  He still after that had me as a friend.  At the age of 8 Petya joined us and we rode bikes together, played cards together and talked together.   At the age of 9 I defended Artem from local bad boys buy stepping in front of artem and not letting bad boys near him. Artem wanted to do the same but I would not  allow that to happen.  At the age of 10 while  three of us were playing cards I realized that I communicate with Artem without words. That scared me alot but I think it scared him more. The next year he spent less and less time with me and the year after that. The 2 years after that he completely ignored me. My granny said that I should have my own pride and do not go to his house anymore and I did not go there. The two years passed and Was moving to america and I came to let him know. and the strange thing happened. He spent the next month and half with me almost not leaving me alone. We made pictures to remember us by.  If you can hear me my friends I still want to talk and keep in touch.