i began to realize how i haven't been thinking lately. i'm just doing what gives me the most happiness. i vowed to start thinking again. the way i did before dave. where i didn't always think of boys and money and material possessions.
this weekend is possibly a blessing in disguise.
i dont necessarily like the iv in my arm for the next 3 days, the middle of the night check ups and an all liquid diet, but i am not bothering with anything thats stressing me out anymore. i dont really talk to anyone and the only people i see have to wear big yellow gowns and gloves. hah and who would've thought there'd be wireless internet in the hospital.
i can't wait to read actual books again
i dont want to be like the people in Brave New World who only cared about their own benefit.

last night when my dad came to the hospital he brought flowers and i would've been happier to hear that he brought them, not that dave dropped them off.
i don't want anything to do with him anymore.
i can't stand him
i feel so fake in front of him. almost as if i want him to think im so much better off without him.
im not even sure if i am or not